Comments | mach1n3: Fic: Playing With Fire [R]

mach1n3

Fic: Playing With Fire [R]

Sep 17, 2009 19:42

As the elevator doors opened John was assaulted by both the light of two flood lamps and the sound of multiple soldiers standing at the ready; ready to shoot at the two passengers had they made any wrong move. He instinctively turned his head from the now too-bright light, shutting his eyes momentarily to help him better adjust before ( Read more... )

doom, crossover, star trek, kirk/mccoy

Comments 11

pixelmayhem September 18 2009, 05:48:12 UTC

*sighs* Yeah, like that. Mmm I'm so loving the John/Jim interactions.

A few typos/problems I noticed:
Spoken in an absolute, [Spoken as an absolute]?
about aftershocks or sensitively [sensitivity]?
“Tell me,” he more asked quietly than stated, searching.[a bit awkward, maybe get rid of "more" and "than stated" it would still make sense without them]?

mach1n3 September 18 2009, 10:01:59 UTC

Many thanks on that. I'll have to look at those parts again, they did feel a little awkward when I wrote them. It being 6 in the morning and I haven't done coffee yet I think it would be best to wait.

asakochan September 18 2009, 05:54:59 UTC

Yet another great chapter. x3
Jim hummed happily in thought with that. “So what you’re saying is that I’ve turned you into the sex addict you occasionally claim me to be?” The man’s voice was very pleasant when he smiled.
That was a great line because it's so true! (Just took a 2 hour test and brain is like ... -die-)

mach1n3 September 18 2009, 10:04:45 UTC

Thank you. It feels short to me, but then again I did try to attach a break with more storyline...thought against it in the end. Two hour test? At 1:54a (local)? Odd folk and their weird timezones...

asakochan September 18 2009, 19:22:22 UTC

I don't remember writing anything that early in the morning. xD No, I took my test from 7:30pm (local) till 9:30pm. x3

kilala10 September 18 2009, 17:05:28 UTC

hee~~~ luv luv luv it, and John, yes you are a teddy bear, deal. XD

mach1n3 September 21 2009, 00:00:59 UTC

Hehe, many thanks! Man, I'd love to have him as my teddy...

tiki_92090 October 6 2009, 16:05:13 UTC

This is awesome, I love their characterizations and the awesomeness that is Reaper/Bones/Leonard/John and the cuteness/cockyness of Jim.

Thanks for writing and I can't wait for more!

mach1n3 October 6 2009, 20:38:48 UTC

No, thank you for taking the time to read and comment! Seriously, it's the readers that keep me pumped and wanting to work harder to do better.

Reaper!Bones is easier to pull off than writing Jim...but I think I'm slowly getting a hang of the boy.

deepsorskies October 11 2009, 08:27:47 UTC

Again a very wonderful chapter! I liked the glimps into John's past very much, especially his reflecting about Sarge/Tom.

>The man would probably never be able to wield his Weapon but at least he would have some amount of control over it now.<

Very good metaphor!

mach1n3 October 12 2009, 21:29:12 UTC

Thanks! I like trying to mix in glimpses and metaphors when/where I can.