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wow.... i'm a monster arn't I.....
"Only loving eyes can see"
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Well.... I doubt anyone will ever find this, but just incase...
lately i've just felt lost.... like adrift at see with no meaning.... It's like a lonely, hollow feeling.... there is a girl out there that I like too... a guidence of sorts as I aimlessly drift along... I know that i'd do anything for her, haha I always have, and always will.... there are very few that I trust, and listen to without question.... and yet i can't find it in me to place myself out there... again... because the last time I did... I got hurt... heh... Alex... how stupid of me.... I saw it coming.... and yet I did nothing about it because I didn't care about anything but her. Even to this day when ever I see her, or something reminds me of her, it still hurts. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but the pain is still there none the less. But then, when I think about it, I get angry at myself for being so arogent... Like there is no reason i should still care... but no matter how good my mood, just thinking about her hurts... I'm fully prepaired to carry the scars of that event for the rest of my life, because whall painful, there were still good times. But sence... I have found it impossable to place myself in such a vonerable position, to even allow the slightest glimps of my heart... like Rachal.... I loved her, I really did... but no matter how I tried... There was no way for me to open up to her.... and because of that.... I know it's my fault that our relationship failed... But in the ultimate end, i can't help but admit that no matter how great the pain i've gone thorugh, it was for the best. I say this because even though it hurt me, both times, the ashes of a broken love bore a great happyness for them. Both have gone on to find love. I remain scared deep below the flesh, but its ok, because all I ever wanted is for the ones I love to be happy, even if I must feel pain for them to do so. Like always, I shall just place a smile upon my face and continue as though nothing has happened. My expendable nature is defined by my tendoncy to sacrafice myself to make others happy... All I want is for them to be happy.... heh.... and now it sounds like i'm geing consited, and making myself out to be some great being, when infact i'm not. I didn't intend for it to sound as such... But yeah... anything for the ones I love... i can take it, it's what i'm used to... well yeah I think I should stop this now.... just even feeling like this makes me feel stupid.... because I know I shouldn't but... what ever... peace.... never forget.... ♥ you all...
Richard D Gibson.
Em Amor E Morte
"Only loving eyes can see"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Well.... I doubt anyone will ever find this, but just incase...
lately i've just felt lost.... like adrift at see with no meaning.... It's like a lonely, hollow feeling.... there is a girl out there that I like too... a guidence of sorts as I aimlessly drift along... I know that i'd do anything for her, haha I always have, and always will.... there are very few that I trust, and listen to without question.... and yet i can't find it in me to place myself out there... again... because the last time I did... I got hurt... heh... Alex... how stupid of me.... I saw it coming.... and yet I did nothing about it because I didn't care about anything but her. Even to this day when ever I see her, or something reminds me of her, it still hurts. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but the pain is still there none the less. But then, when I think about it, I get angry at myself for being so arogent... Like there is no reason i should still care... but no matter how good my mood, just thinking about her hurts... I'm fully prepaired to carry the scars of that event for the rest of my life, because whall painful, there were still good times. But sence... I have found it impossable to place myself in such a vonerable position, to even allow the slightest glimps of my heart... like Rachal.... I loved her, I really did... but no matter how I tried... There was no way for me to open up to her.... and because of that.... I know it's my fault that our relationship failed... But in the ultimate end, i can't help but admit that no matter how great the pain i've gone thorugh, it was for the best. I say this because even though it hurt me, both times, the ashes of a broken love bore a great happyness for them. Both have gone on to find love. I remain scared deep below the flesh, but its ok, because all I ever wanted is for the ones I love to be happy, even if I must feel pain for them to do so. Like always, I shall just place a smile upon my face and continue as though nothing has happened. My expendable nature is defined by my tendoncy to sacrafice myself to make others happy... All I want is for them to be happy.... heh.... and now it sounds like i'm geing consited, and making myself out to be some great being, when infact i'm not. I didn't intend for it to sound as such... But yeah... anything for the ones I love... i can take it, it's what i'm used to... well yeah I think I should stop this now.... just even feeling like this makes me feel stupid.... because I know I shouldn't but... what ever... peace.... never forget.... ♥ you all...
Richard D Gibson.
Em Amor E Morte