Fic: The Squirrel Trials
Once upon a time (when it was still working) I was an avid member of dGeek.com there was much friendship and camaraderie during that time. Then the great insulting incident of 2008 took place and I as well as a few others were placed on "trial" for our 'non-squirrely ways'.
Please remember: I own none of the characters (well except for FRED, he was my idea. This was all written for fun and I make *zero* profit from it ;)
The Squirrel Trials
The stage was set as the players gathered on what was to be their battlefield. Kass, Quen and Kimbers huddled around their crack defense team with worried looks on their faces.
“Look FRED, it’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t think it’s appropriate for the courtroom.” Quen said, as she stared plaintively at the spade wielding tumbleweed.
“So this is the closing argument,” Nikki said, as she circulated a paper hastily scribbled out. Kass and Kimbers nodding as they read through it.
Before either could reply the door burst open and Bar stalked in. “They're ready for you now.” She smirked, turning and ambling out into the courtroom.
The accused all filed in taking seats as FRED rose to his full tumbleweed height and spoke. “If it pleases the honorable Judge Mirth, we’d like to move that all charges against our clients be dropped.”
“On what grounds?” Mirth spat the words down as she straightened her crimson robes high above him.
“On the grounds that none of our clients ever signed a paper stating full devotion and love to the squirrel king.” FRED replied rolling around the courtroom.
“Motion is denied, you little tumbleweed traitor.” Mirth growled as she scowled across her domain. At that moment the prosecutor rose and Mirth grinned, “Ah, yes counselor Jayne you may now present your evidence against the accused.”
Jayne moved to the center of the room a screen magically appearing as she spoke, “If it pleases the court, I bring you Exhibit A- a YouTube video, in which Kass INSULTS the Squirrel King.”
Nikki shot to her feet “I object! You never actually see the defendant on the video, you just hear a voice!”
Mirth studied Nikki for a moment, remembering the squirrel fiction the other woman had written, especially the one where she had snogged Rodney. “Objection, sustained, the prosecution will limit itself to facts in evidence.”
Jayne sighed as Nikki sat down triumphantly. “Fine, then we move on to Exhibit B- Quenderra’s Lorne Fics.” Again, Nikki sprung to her feet, objecting to the evidence.
It continued on this way for many hours, the prosecution presenting evidence, Nikki and FRED objecting to the validity of each item. Finally they were allowed to stand and give defense of the accused trio. Nikki spoke at great length of the reasons her friends were innocent of all crimes. “That your honor, is why we maintain that Kimbers, Kass, and Quen are innocent of all counts against them.”
Mirth looked out over the weary participants and sighed. “With this we will adjourn, until I return a ruling. Court is dismissed.”
Many days had passed, Kass slowly giving up hope that they would ever hear a ruling. “I hope the plot bunnies I hired haven’t gotten to her.” She said, as she paced the cell in which the three resided.
“Plot bunnies?!” Kimber exclaimed looking at Quen.
“Don’t you know how dangerous, plot bunnies are?” Quen asked, making Kass look horrified.
“No, I’ve only ever used a muse to write.” She replied softly.
At that moment, Nikki strode in followed by a meek looking FRED.
“So it’s bad news then?” Kimber asked somberly.
“Actually, Her Honor Judge Mirth has agreed to let you all stay on a probationary basis.” Nikki said as FRED skittered around their feet.
“YES!” the trio exclaimed, exchanging high fives.
“But! There are some conditions.” FRED said, as he skidded to a stop suddenly.
“Like what?” Quen asked, fear creeping into her voice.
“Well, for starters you will all have to attend a remedial Hewlettization, and Kass you have to write more fan fiction.”
Kimbers frowned deeply, “But I thought that they used that against her?!”
Nikki shook her head, “It’s a move unlike any I’ve ever seen. Apparently they like the Lorne fictions she writes.” Kass laughed and rubbed her hands together in glee.
“What about Kimber and I?” Quen piped up curiously.
“Well, you two lucked out no punishment beyond the remedial course and closer monitoring.” Nikki said as she grinned, before releasing the trio back into the tree house. “Have fun and behave yourselves!”
Please remember: I own none of the characters (well except for FRED, he was my idea. This was all written for fun and I make *zero* profit from it ;)
The Squirrel Trials
The stage was set as the players gathered on what was to be their battlefield. Kass, Quen and Kimbers huddled around their crack defense team with worried looks on their faces.
“Look FRED, it’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t think it’s appropriate for the courtroom.” Quen said, as she stared plaintively at the spade wielding tumbleweed.
“So this is the closing argument,” Nikki said, as she circulated a paper hastily scribbled out. Kass and Kimbers nodding as they read through it.
Before either could reply the door burst open and Bar stalked in. “They're ready for you now.” She smirked, turning and ambling out into the courtroom.
The accused all filed in taking seats as FRED rose to his full tumbleweed height and spoke. “If it pleases the honorable Judge Mirth, we’d like to move that all charges against our clients be dropped.”
“On what grounds?” Mirth spat the words down as she straightened her crimson robes high above him.
“On the grounds that none of our clients ever signed a paper stating full devotion and love to the squirrel king.” FRED replied rolling around the courtroom.
“Motion is denied, you little tumbleweed traitor.” Mirth growled as she scowled across her domain. At that moment the prosecutor rose and Mirth grinned, “Ah, yes counselor Jayne you may now present your evidence against the accused.”
Jayne moved to the center of the room a screen magically appearing as she spoke, “If it pleases the court, I bring you Exhibit A- a YouTube video, in which Kass INSULTS the Squirrel King.”
Nikki shot to her feet “I object! You never actually see the defendant on the video, you just hear a voice!”
Mirth studied Nikki for a moment, remembering the squirrel fiction the other woman had written, especially the one where she had snogged Rodney. “Objection, sustained, the prosecution will limit itself to facts in evidence.”
Jayne sighed as Nikki sat down triumphantly. “Fine, then we move on to Exhibit B- Quenderra’s Lorne Fics.” Again, Nikki sprung to her feet, objecting to the evidence.
It continued on this way for many hours, the prosecution presenting evidence, Nikki and FRED objecting to the validity of each item. Finally they were allowed to stand and give defense of the accused trio. Nikki spoke at great length of the reasons her friends were innocent of all crimes. “That your honor, is why we maintain that Kimbers, Kass, and Quen are innocent of all counts against them.”
Mirth looked out over the weary participants and sighed. “With this we will adjourn, until I return a ruling. Court is dismissed.”
Many days had passed, Kass slowly giving up hope that they would ever hear a ruling. “I hope the plot bunnies I hired haven’t gotten to her.” She said, as she paced the cell in which the three resided.
“Plot bunnies?!” Kimber exclaimed looking at Quen.
“Don’t you know how dangerous, plot bunnies are?” Quen asked, making Kass look horrified.
“No, I’ve only ever used a muse to write.” She replied softly.
At that moment, Nikki strode in followed by a meek looking FRED.
“So it’s bad news then?” Kimber asked somberly.
“Actually, Her Honor Judge Mirth has agreed to let you all stay on a probationary basis.” Nikki said as FRED skittered around their feet.
“YES!” the trio exclaimed, exchanging high fives.
“But! There are some conditions.” FRED said, as he skidded to a stop suddenly.
“Like what?” Quen asked, fear creeping into her voice.
“Well, for starters you will all have to attend a remedial Hewlettization, and Kass you have to write more fan fiction.”
Kimbers frowned deeply, “But I thought that they used that against her?!”
Nikki shook her head, “It’s a move unlike any I’ve ever seen. Apparently they like the Lorne fictions she writes.” Kass laughed and rubbed her hands together in glee.
“What about Kimber and I?” Quen piped up curiously.
“Well, you two lucked out no punishment beyond the remedial course and closer monitoring.” Nikki said as she grinned, before releasing the trio back into the tree house. “Have fun and behave yourselves!”