Very short screenplay.
Waking up under a bad sign.
White text against black: “Sometimes, bad things happen to good
people.”
INT. HARRY’S LONDON FLAT, BEDROOM
A figure sleeps under a mound of white coverlet. An alarm goes
off in the background. The figure stirs with a groan as the
camera pans around the bed, revealing bachelor clutter--mostly
clothes. Slapping of the alarm clock can be heard off-camera.
The alarm finally shuts off; a beat later, it is thrown onto the
hardwood floor in the middle of the shot.
INT. BATHROOM
Harry has roused himself and stumbled into the bathroom. He
studies himself in the mirror.
White text against black: “Sometimes, a lot of bad things
happen.”
Harry goes to relieve himself. When he flushes, the toilet gives
a strange gurgle and begins to overflow.
In the shower, Harry is washing himself and drops a bar of soap,
which is white against a white tub. Not wearing his glasses,
Harry bends over, trying to see where the soap went. In the
process, he knocks over several things. He ends up slipping on
the soap and falling out of the shower.
Harry stands in front of the mirror, shaving with an
old-fashioned blade and brush. He gets about halfway through
when he drops his bowl of shaving cream on the floor.
Thankfullly, it lands right side up.
HARRY (as he picks it up)
Jesus. What else could possibly happen this morning?
The bowl slips out of his hands and lands upside down. Harry
stares down at it, unmoving. Half of his face is shaved.
INT. BEDROOM/CLOSET
POV closet: Harry opens his closet and rummages for a clean suit.
After a brief struggle with his tie, he manages to rescue it from
the closet, and closes the door.
INT. KITCHEN
Harry is hurriedly gathering up his newspaper, his briefcase, and
small essentials when he spills a cup of coffee down his clean
white shirt.
HARRY
Oh! Oh, Christ.
INT. BEDROOM/CLOSET
POV closet: Harry reaches in and grabs another white shirt and
closes the door.
EXT. LONDON STREET
Harry, thinking he’s going to be late for the train, is running
down the street. An elderly lady is walking her dog, and Harry
runs through a fresh, steaming pile of dog shit.
ELDERLY LADY
Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t even have a moment to stop when
you ran through.
HARRY (annoyed but polite to the old woman)
Don’t worry about it!
INT. TRAIN
By some miracle, Harry actually manages to catch the train on
time. The car is crowded, and Harry is wedged into a woman and
what is, by all appearances, her young son, who, by all
appearances, has a severe case of ADHD. He has a toy plane that
he keeps flying around, making obnoxious flying noises and
crashing it into anything that gets in his way. Harry is trying
to read the paper.
HARRY
Excuse me, son. Ex--Excuse me! (to the mother) Miss,
I’m sorry, but if it’s not too much trouble, d’you think
your son might sit down in his seat?
WOMAN
Well, I wish he would, but he’s not mine! So sorry.
Harry scrunches down in his seat and tries to wedge the paper
between himself and the kid.
INT. A BOARDROOM
Harry slides into a boardroom, fully fifteen minutes late to a
meeting that didn’t wait for him.
BOSS
Nice of you to show up, then.
HARRY
Sorry about that. The train, it was a bit late.
BOSS
Yes. Well, perhaps someone can fill you in later. I
was just getting ready to go on the rather unfortunate
business of the upcoming merger with Howard and Roberts.
Before we can really get this partnership up and going,
Edwards Enterprises is going to be downsizing. We’ll be
sending out review forms later in the week, and you can
expect to give a full description of what you do here
and how Howard, Roberts, and Edwards can benefit from your
experience. You should get them no later than Thursday, and
I expect them back by Friday at eight-thirty. (Pause) Or
eight-forty-five, for Mr Wolford. All right, so!
INT. HARRY’S DESK
Harry settles into his chair and picks up his phone to check his
voice mail.
VOICE MAIL 1:
Mr Wolford, this is Nancy Stanford from Visa calling
about your credit card payment. It’s five days overdue,
and I want to remind you that after seven days, you will
incur a late fee. (Beep)
VOICE MAIL 2:
Hey, Harry, I couldn’t get hold of you on your mobile. I
have to cancel our trip this weekend, my mum has the flu
and dad’s going on a business trip. I’ll catch up soon.
(BEEP)
VOICE MAIL 3:
Harry, this is your mom, please call me, it’s important.
Harry hangs up the phone, cracks his knuckles, and gets to work.
INT. WORK CAFETERIA
Harry goes through the line, slopping stuff onto his plate. He
keeps eyeing some pudding down at the end of the line. Right as
he gets to it, the heifer in front of him takes the last two.
Harry makes his way to a table and sits with a few of his mates.
EDDIE
Harry, didn’t you get any pudding? I thought you loved it.
Harry stares at his plate.
INT. THE LAV
Harry turns on the water too hard and it splashes all over his
suit.
HARRY
Fuck me.
INT. HARRY’S DESK
Harry is bent over his desk, talking quietly on the phone.
HARRY
Yes. Yes, Cynthia, I realize your mum is sick. Yes,
I know that. I just really wanted to see you. I haven’t
seen you in a week. I really miss you. (Pause) Awww.
Well, tell your mum I hope she feels better soon. Bye
then.
Harry hangs up and turns around to face his boss, who has been
standing over his shoulder.
HARRY
Oh!
BOSS
Try to limit the mushy talk on my time, Wolford. (Rifling
through some pages) There are fuck-ups on the Bradford
account. Some decimal points in the wrong places, it’s
screwed the file all to hell. Fix them before you go home,
Harry.
Harry looks at the clock. It’s five minutes before he was
supposed to leave.
INT. TRAIN
Harry is slumped on the train, completely worn out. As he leans
back and closes his eyes, the light’s flicker and the train comes
to a stop. There is a collective groan. The lights go all the
way out.
INT. HARRY’s APARTMENT
Harry staggers tiredly into his apartment, chucks his briefcase,
and slumps onto the sofa. His dog comes and curls up on the
couch with him. As he sits down, there is an audible crunch.
Harry leaps up and lifts the cushion and finds his mobile, the
antenna snapped off and the flip part broken in two.
HARRY
Oh, for fuck’s sake! (chucks the phone across the room)
This has to have been, without question, the most piss-poor
day that I’ve ever had in my entire life! What’s next?
Are you going to up and keel over, Pogo?
Pogo, the dog, looks at him, then whimpers and runs away.
HARRY
Oh, Pogo, I’m sorry! (phone rings) Jesus, what now? Hello?
HARRY’S MOM (thru phone)
Harry? Why didn’t you call me? I left you a message at the
office.
HARRY
Sorry, mum, I’ve just had a shit day.
HARRY’S MOM
This probably wouldn’t be the best time to tell you that
your great-aunt Mildred died, then, would it?
HARRY
That fat old bag? That’s quite possibly the best news
I’ve heard all day.
HARRY’S MOM
You shouldn’t say that about her, Harry.
HARRY (heading into the kitchen for a beer)
Why not? All she ever did was make my summers absolutely
horrific. I can’t imagine why you would ever send me off to
spend summers with a woman like her. I couldn’t touch
anything, I couldn’t sit anywhere. There was no ice cream!
HARRY’S MOM
Be that as it may, your aunt Mildred was a very wealthy
woman. And you happened to be her favourite relative.
Harry stops. His mom is speaking, but it’s muffled.
HARRY’S MOM (clearly)
Did you hear me, Harry?
HARRY
I’m sorry, mum, say it again?
HARRY’S MOM
I said she left you something like half a million pounds,
Harry! Harry?
HARRY
Sorry, mum. I’m waiting for the meteor to come out of the
sky and hit my flat. Did you say half a million pounds?
HARRY’s MOM
Yes. There’s only one condition.
HARRY
Oh. What’s that?
HARRY’S MOM
You can’t spend any of it until you’re married.
Shot of Harry’s reaction. Quick montage of photographs of
married life, with screaming children, arguments, carseats
covered in cereal, toys all over the living room. a la Run Lola
Run.
Cut to Harry, sitting on his couch, off the phone. He picks it
up and dials it.
HARRY
Cynthia. Yes. Hey, d’you want to get married?
FIN