CROSS POSTING: New user, LDR and missing my other half
https://loversfaraway.
livejournal.com/3787641.html
LIVEJOURNAL ENTRY #1 FINAL REVISION
(Long Distance Love)
I just created a livejournal account, I’ve been looking for a writing platform where I can freely share the more personal writing that I do (social networks like facebook etc. just don’t seem to be appropriate for that sort of unadulterated/unfiltered content), a lot of it is deeply personal and this place seems to have just enough anonymity that I can actually share some of it without fear of being judged by people (that I actually know in real life lol, strangers can judge me all they want idgaf)
Anyways, my name is Dee and I found this in communities and it jumped out at me because as of this past September I and my love are separated by more than just distance, and there’s no end in sight right now and it feels like my other half has been amputated...
So I thought I’d fill in one of those little questionnaire/survey thingies I saw other people filling out in the list of entries.
Be nice to talk about him for a change, he’s pretty much persona non grata with my family so I don’t often get the chance to even talk about how much this sucks let alone actually mentioning him by name... which is fucking ridiculous but whatever it is what it is.
______
Question Thingy and Answers:
My name: Dee or some similar variation
His/Her name: Tim
I live: Virginia
He/She lives: Also Virginia at the moment somewhat ironically
My age: 27
His/Her age: 27
Distance: Just the next county over, but might as well be the moon thanks to the razor wire and corrections officers and the judicial system in this lovely state (if it was Maryland corrections he’d already be out by now). He go to locked up back in September and he’s being held at Rappahannock Regional at least until sentencing (they’ve continued his court date like 3 times, he’s already been convicted but at his last hearing they hadn’t even started the PREsentencing report...) and the prosecutions been dragging their heels for months and of course the state of VA doesn't allow normal visits they’ve switched it all from plate glass to computer screens so the only time I even get to be in the same room with him is court.
It sucks.
And we have two boys 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 and who knows if they’re even gonna remember their dad by the time he gets out.
Together since: August or September 2012
How we met: He used to sleep on the couch at our mutual friend Andys house (may he Rest In Peace). He set us up like “I want you to meet my friend Tim he’s shy but I think you guys might get along.” And he was absolutely right we’re like two crazy damaged peas in a pod. I’m not the kind of girl that’s believes in all that soulmate nonsense (I would first have to believe in souls), but Tim ended up not just being the love of my life and father of my children, but hands down the best fucking I’ve ever had. I miss him like crazy and there’s a big gaping hole in My life right now where he should be.
We get to see each other (approximately how often): We were inseparable, we lived together for the majority of the time until we got evicted from our last apartment though and I had to take the kids to stay with family because not having shelter is not an option with two little boys, so T was on the street for a couple months because like I mentioned, he and my family aren’t on good terms right now- but that’s not exactly his fault, my family is basically a big ol’ bag of cluster B’s and they are impossible to please/controlling/manipulative/narcissistic assholes... I mean I didn’t exactly fall far from that crazy tree but that’s neither here nor there- but even still, once the kids went down for their bedtime I’d go sleep outside in the tent with him because I’d rather be close to him regardless of where it is we happened to be... and it’s been a difficult adjustment coming to terms with the fact that we aren’t going to be able to be even physically near each other for who knows how long.
He’s doing time for sure, we just won’t know how long until they actually do sentence him.
Future plans: Taking the kids and getting the hell away from the DC/VA/MD metro area and finding a nice place for our kids to grow up and finally getting back to being together as a family under the same roof off somewhere peaceful (and probably rural) and living the good, stable lives of upstanding citizens who don’t have to worry about police or crazy family members or live in a constant state of worry/fear about whether we can even cover the bottom tier of Maslow hierarchy and not go hungry or be out on the streets
Share some photos: Hmm ok don’t mind if I do
[And his charges are all theft related, he’s got a problem with sticky fingers that he can’t get a handle on... he was badly neglected by his dad as a child after his mom left and he started stealing for survival and the habit stuck. It’s stupid, and if he’d just listened to me when I tried to get him to get some professional help for his issues maybe he wouldn’t be in jail again after making the same dumbass mistakes over and fucking over... but it’s not like I haven’t done similarly stupid shit or conducted myself in a less than upstanding citizen type manner (again, neither here nor there, if your interested in all that bad decision making and other degenerate type behavioral drama and misadventures then follow my journal lol that compiles the better part of that questionable content I mentioned in the first paragraph of this accidental essay I wrote while trying to just fill out a simple question thingie... yay for word vomit).
Back to what I was saying though. I know this little tangent probably seems pretty off topic, but I felt since I’d already mentioned the fact that he’s incarcerated I should probably share the nature of his charges so you don’t go picturing him as like someone worse than a thief. Nobody got hurt, no actual individuals were robbed or homes burglarized, he does dumb shit like steal copper from construction sites and shoplifts ... definitely not great, but also not violent crime or dealing drugs and ruining other people’s lives. And yeah I did just do a little rationalizing on his behalf, but I honestly only care about the whole clepto thing insofar as I would rather he not because I want him to avoid ruining his life, and wanted to help him get help so this current situation could have been prevented. My moral compass is kind of so-so, and my concern for my people will always outweigh my concern for the law.]
So.. this whole entry got to be a bit longer than I’d originally intended, and of course included a little bit of oversharing.
I’m used to just writing things on different comment thread/status post windows and then cutting/pasting the results into my phones notepad after I realize I’ve written a descriptive essay inside an autobiography with way too much information and the person I was responding to definitely did not need to be subjected to having to read it... but SINCE this literally is a writing /journaling/ sharing platform, you strangers get the essay vs, the condensed version