a confession

[maddyjune]

i would never act on this but....

sometimes i wonder if i have schizoaffective disorder at all or if it was just a hormone imbalance of some sort that i have treated by changing birth controls. and i think that perhaps i don't need my meds and life would be better without them.

it's not worth the risk, but sometimes i wonder.

Comments

[jdtnirvana]

is there any way you could safely do this? Like, talk to your doctor about it and follow a very set plan and trim back the drugs to see if there's any issue? The one problem I totally see is 1. you would need a really stable environment with safety and stability, and 2. you ummm, are moving across the US soon-ish (no?) and therefore your life will be a lil lacking in the safety/stability area

[maddyjune]

if i had complete stability in my life i might try it, but with the move coming up and that just being a temp move so there will be another move, i really can't risk the instability. plus with my meds working so well i have very little side effects so it's not like i have a pressing need to reduce side effects. my doc (that i have now, who knows once i move) would be hesitant but willing to try dose reduction if it was something i really wanted.

as far as doubting i have the illness at all... i don't know, without my meds as they are now i really was troubled by voices and catatonic episodes and depression, etc. i was really good at hiding it/ internalizing it, but it really was pretty bad