"For Every Fog In August, There Will Be A Snowfall In Winter" 1/1
Title: “For Every Fog In August, There Will Be A Snowfall In Winter"1/1
Author:
caramel_maddy @
maddys_slash
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 8,420
Summary: For nine months out of the year Jared belongs to Jensen and Jensen belongs to Jared. This is one year in their lives and how as the months change, so does the dynamics of their relationship, and just what defines it.
Disclaimer: This is all fiction! Not true, I swear it on all the Piccadilly rent boys!
Genre: Romance, schmoopish and a touch of angst
Rating: Strong R bordering along NC-17 for strong sexual situations.
AN: I LOVE who this story came out so I hope you enjoy it too. I blame this picture for boys being cute and in love for inspiration.
‘For Every Fog In August,
There Will Be A Snowfall In Winter’
August is when the earth seems to be peeled back from a sun burnt, bleached sky, the land is as dry as fractured bones even in Canada where eleven months out of the year it pours rain, cold and violent, almost as if Jesus in all of his mighty glory is looking down at the world in a crying shame. Jensen is beyond hot in his brown leather jacket blinking sweat away from his eyelashes as he stares into Jared’s catlike eyes trying his best to remember his lines. He’s supposed to say something about how ‘Sam’ needs to grow a pair and stop being afraid of clowns, but he keeps stuttering and screwing up because right now, all he can think about is feeling his tongue inside of Jared’s mouth.
They break for lunch an hour later and Jensen doesn’t even have to give Jared the look, thee look, the one that says I want you and I need to feel your fingers pressing into my spine.
It’s quick, the slamming of the trailer’s flimsy two-inch thick plywood door, the push and pull of articles of clothing until they’re both half-naked wearing only boxers and socks. Jared’s underwear is black like just before midnight while, Jensen’s is bright blue like the sky in July and Jared makes a joke that isn’t very funny, but Jensen laughs anyway, because to him, it‘s hilarious.
“Yeah, so what if I like ‘The Smurfs’,” he says, “It’s an awesome cartoon.”
“Best cartoon ever,” Jared agrees. Then he stops talking because his eyes lock with Jensen’s and almost as if he’s being pulled by a magnet his mouth is drawn to the slighter man’s soft, pink, full, parted lips.
And he kisses him. Just like that, Jared kisses him as he pushes him down on the couch.
His tongue knows all of the intimate parts of Jensen’s body. He knows what he likes, what makes him feel good and what places tickle most. Like behind the knees. Jensen is surprisingly ticklish behind his knees so Jared giggles almost devilishly as his fingers work the soft spots against Jensen’s calf.
“Come on, quit that!” He laughs trying to kick him away, but then he feels Jared’s palm all wide and long fingers rubbing him through the surface of his boxers and suddenly, Jensen forgets about the world and whispers something that Jared imagines is ‘Quit tease’n me and blow me’.
And so Jared does.
* * *
September has always been Jared’s favorite month of the year because as a kid, September meant the end to a boring summer and the start of a new school year. He knows that probably made him seem like that weird kid, but he liked school. He loved learning new things, craved knowledge and the excitement of knowing that he could be taught a million new things one day, but there would still always be something more waiting for him the next. He craved that constant element of surprise.
Jensen surprises him by what he’s wearing, or rather lack of wearing as he strolls into the living room in the suit of his birth, every inch of his smooth, lightly tanned freckled skin exposed except for his cock, which is ceremoniously covered in whipped cream.
“Wow, got some ice cream to go under that sundae?” Jared asks with a grin turning the television off.
“No, but I’ve got a banana and some nuts,” Jensen says lightly falling into Jared‘s lap like a snowfall, straddling him between firm thighs. Jared doesn’t care about the sticky icing that coats his favorite t-shirt. He can wash any stains away, but the taste of Jensen’s tongue inside of his mouth is something he wants to let linger.
“Hum, that’s nice,” he growls with a Texan cadence, “Sounds sweet.”
“So sweet it’ll give you cavities.” Jensen laughs rising slightly just enough so he can reach inside of Jared’s sweatpants. “I love how you never wear underwear. Makes this kind of thing easier.”
“I know,” Jared hisses holding his breath as Jensen’s fist tightens around the length and girth of his cock. “Why do you think I never do anymore?”
* * *
Jensen and Jared have this understanding, more along the lines of an arrangement than anything. For nine months out of the year they belong to each other. It sounds way more romantic than it actually is and if Jared didn’t make him laugh about any -and every- thing than Jensen’s quite sure he wouldn’t even bother with this whole mess of a situation that they‘ve gotten themselves into. The sex helps too…a lot, but it’s mostly because Jared makes him laugh that Jensen keeps things going, keeps cheating on her.
There is a her. She’s not famous, she’s ordinary and a small, petite woman with raven hair from his hometown whose laugh makes him smile. He’s known her for years, but they’ve only been dating for a handful of months. She’s sweet and kind and caring, the perfect southern woman and Jensen thinks that one day, he’ll probably marry her because Stephanie’s the kind of girl who’s gonna make some man a fine wife one day. She’s gonna be an amazing mother and yeah, Jensen knows that eventually he’ll want to start a family, have a gaggle of babies with brown hair and freckled noses and yeah, maybe she’s the right one to give him that.
Maybe.
* * *
“I like this. It’s new,” Jared nods tilting his head back trying to blink his red contacts into place.
“I look ridiculous! How come you’re not wearing a dress?” Jensen grunts flopping down on the couch crossing his arms.
“Because I’m Frankenstein. Frankenstein doesn’t wear dresses. He wears clogs and shoulder pads. His bride wears the skirts.” He smirks.
“Not funny,” Jensen mumbles, “I look stupid.”
“It’s Halloween, that’s kind of the point,” Jared laughs stepping into the bedroom. “Dude, why aren’t you wearing any makeup?”
“I couldn’t figure that stuff out,” he mutters, “I chucked it in the garbage.”
Jared laughs harder as he stomps into the bathroom, the clogs on his feet dragging his steps as he fishes tubes of eyeliner and white face paint out of the garbage.
“Get over here,” he says unscrewing a tube of rouge. “Hold still.”
“Your hands are cold!” Jensen grunts leaning his back against the sink not at all amused by Jared’s hand holding him in place as he applies the lipstick.
“You have a girls’ mouth.” Jared teases carefully coating his lips.
“Okay, so you want me to not go to Tom’s party then, right?” Jensen flinches away.
“Shit! Now I smudged the damn thing! Oh fuck, come here. Let me fix it.”
“I hate Halloween . . .”
“No you don’t,” Jared smiles eyes furrowed intently as he smears white stage makeup across the apples of Jensen’s cheeks giving him a drastically pale appearance. “It’s the best Holiday ever!”
“You just like it for all the free candy.”
“True.” Jared doesn’t even try to argue.
“This stuff stinks!”
“Makeup’s not supposed to smell good. Mine smells like tar.”
Jensen takes a moment to sniff the air, cringes and says, “Oh good lord! Did they actually kill Frankenstein to make that face paint?”
“Where’s your wig?” Jared ignores him.
“I’m not wearing that thing too!”
“Come on! I’m wearing one!”
“No! Bad enough I’m wearing this stupid ball gown, you’re not having me wear the wig too!”
“You’re totally gonna ruin the costume,” Jared laughs walking out of the bathroom leaving Jensen to sulk. “Then how are we gonna win first place for best couple?”
“You think people will like, look at us kind of weird?” Jensen asks, voice clipped with something dark that Jared recognizes because sometimes he speaks with the same weight heavy on his tongue.
“They’re our friends.” He shrugs his shoulders glancing away.
“That’s not a real answer,” Jensen mutters under his breath as he pulls his long black and gray streaked wig over his head. “What if they like, think it’s strange?”
“Relax,” Jared smiles leaning down wrapping one of his arms around Jensen’s waist pulling him in for a quick kiss. “Nobody knows and nobody will know. It’s our thing.”
“I’m your dirty little secret now, huh?” Jensen laughs.
“Ye’ah,” Jared drawls, “and I’m yours.”
“Well you better wash your filthy mouth out with soap cuz my lipstick’s all over it. Wouldn’t wanna be caught red handed. . . well, red mouthed. . .”
* * *
Jared is in love with Jensen. At first, he thought it was just lust because Jensen has the kind of mouth that could make a priest catch a chubby blindfolded in a confessional, but no, he’s quite sure that somehow over the last eight months desire has turned into love. That pure kind of love that makes your stomach cramp up when you think about that person’s face or hear their name being said in a crowded room, or even not so crowded ones. Really, he can’t pinpoint just how and when it happened, but he can tell you where. It was in the quickie-mart half a mile away from his apartment and Jared was making himself a blue slushie when all of a sudden he thought that he should make a red one for Jensen, because Jensen loves red slushies. That’s when it hit him: he must be in love with Jensen. Why else would he feel compelled to make him a slushie of all things?
His epiphany wasn’t grand by any means and for two days it freaked him out. You see Jared too has this girlfriend. A girlfriend that he knows for a fact that one day he will marry. He will have a family with her. He will spend forever and a day with her because she makes him smile. He’s so in love with Sandy that he can’t think straight, but there’s a part of him that she’ll never be able to reach. It’s not her fault, really, it’s not and Jared wishes that he could give that little bit to Sandy, but as cliché and trite as it sounds, that part belongs to. . .someone not her. Someone not even a woman, but a man. A man that claims to be straight and fuck, Jared knows that he’s as hetero as they come too, but hell, it’s Jensen who says sometimes you just gotta make an exception.
Jensen is Jared’s exception.
* * *
November is the kind of month that inspires love stories to be told over hot dinners in front of warm fires. Tonight there’s a snowfall and Jensen stares out of the van window watching as the tender white flakes break from the sky sleepily falling down to the ground where in only moments they melt away as if they never existed, invisible stains in the atmosphere.
“Hey, what’cha think’n bout?” Jared asks lazily shaking Jensen out of his thoughts.
“Nothing,” he lies.
“Yes you are. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing-”
“Jensen,” Jared interjects putting his hand on Jensen’s knee, no care of what the taxi driver may think. They don’t know him anyway. “Tell me.”
“No, you’ll just make fun.” Jensen sheepishly admits.
“Try me. Come on. I promise I won‘t.”
“I’m gonna miss you. There, happy now?” Jensen looks back out of the window, the tips of his ears staining a tender shade of cherry. He waits for Jared to laugh. He waits and he waits until instead of hearing him chuckle he feels Jared’s head rest on his shoulder, his long dark brown hair tickling the side of his neck.
“I know,” Jared breathes, “I’m gonna miss you too.”
“Good lord we sound like a bunch of little girls right now.” Jensen laughs and Jared smirks.
“You sure you can’t come up? Just for a few hours? I’ll let you eat all the candied yams! My folks would love to see you again -and Megan too.”
“Please tell me your kid sister doesn’t still have a crush on me?” Jensen groans sending Jared into a fit of laughter, his neck still cricked to the right so he can lean his head against Jensen’s shoulder.
“Not as bad as before, but I just got an email from her this morning. Said: ‘Try to get him to come down the weekend of Thanksgiving dot, dot, dot it would be really cool to see him again’ dot, dot, dot.
“You should tell her that I’m already ‘seeing’ a Padalecki.” Jensen smiles.
“I totally should,” Jared agrees. “I don’t really like her crushing on you.”
“Why?”
“Huh?” Jared asks sitting up.
“Why do you care if Meg likes me?” Jensen asks plaintively.
Jared takes a moment to gather his thoughts and once comfortable with the fact that he’s not very comfortable telling Jensen the true reason why, he just smirks and shrugs before leaning his head back down on the slighter man‘s shoulder.
* * *
It’s only been two weeks since they’ve last seen each other, but still Sandy flies to Vancouver on a Saturday in the middle of December on a night when the snow on the ground is so deep that some parts of the city have been evacuated. Jared lives in a high-rise apartment building so he’s fine, but he’s worried about Jensen who is staying at his hotel while Sandy’s in town. Jared doesn’t understand why Jensen doesn’t just rent an apartment too. They’re already well into their second season and he thinks a third is pretty much in the bag, yet, Jensen still lives in that same old hotel room on days when he’s not crashing at Jared’s.
Secretly, Jared teases him, calls Jensen cheap and says he’d rather live off the studio’s money than spend his own. He never really thinks that maybe Jensen is just waiting for a better opportunity to come along. Maybe he’s waiting for Jared to ask him to move in with him. After all, some things just seem logical: they work together, eat together and fuck…together. They should live together too, hell, they practically already do. Except for when real life gets in the way, or real life ‘things’ such as visiting girlfriends who probably wouldn’t understand their arrangement.
“Still busy?” Sandy asks throwing her arms around Jared’s waist burying her sweet face into his back.
“Why is his phone off?” Jared grunts slamming his phone shut.
“It’s all the snow. Probably making everything screw up. The cables not even on.”
“I hope he’s okay. Haven’t spoken to him all day.”
“I’m sure he is,” Sandy assures him, “Probably just hanging out at his place.”
“Still, what if he’s like not though? I should head over there-”
“What?” Sandy interjects. “Are you crazy? There’s like four feet of snow out there -Jared. You can’t go out in that!”
Jared closes his eyes and sighs, “I know. Fuck, let me try your phone.”
He uses Sandy’s phone, tries Jensen’s cell for a third time and still the phone line is busy. He tries calling his hotel and no one answers and in his frustration Jared slams Sandy’s phone shut and flops down to the couch.
Sandy stands an awkward nine feet away. She’s dressed in a tight red, lace nightie that shows off her ample cleavage and leaves little to the imagination. She’s kind of bothered by the fact that Jared hasn’t seemed to notice. Usually she sleeps in a baggy t-shirt and a pair of worn-in pajama bottoms, but tonight she wanted to do something different. Look sexy because she felt it.
She thinks Jared is growing bored of her. Sure, he still laughs at her jokes, still calls her every day and emails her silly little lyrics from cheesy songs that he hears on the radio, but there’s something different about the way that he looks at her, like he’s not really seeing her, like he doesn’t really want to see her. Of course, it hurts, but Sandy’s not going to let that show. No, she’s going to sit beside him on the couch, lay her head on his shoulder and try to calm him down.
“Jensen’s fine,” she says. “He’s a big boy Jared.”
“I know.” He replies shortly and turns the television set on.
Sandy frowns, but says nothing as Jared gets up walking into the kitchen and picking up the telephone once again punching in the digits to Jensen‘s cell.
* * *
Jensen’s doing that thing that Jared likes. That thing where he licks the tip of his nose before playfully nipping his bottom lip biting down on the soft flesh.
“Thanks dude, this is so awesome!” Jensen grins clutching the watch in his hand. Jared’s much too classy of a person to leave the price tag on, but Jensen knows this watch is expensive. He remembers Jared talking about how his accountant practically threatened to quit four months back when Jared splurged and bought himself the same brand for fifteen grand. This one resembles Jared’s, but it’s different, more professional with a thick black leather band and orange threaded trim.
Jensen loves it and slips it on his thin wrist with a grin.
“So you like it?” Jared smiles gleefully.
Jensen rolls his eyes something dizzy and turns on his side pressing his chest against Jared’s. In the smallest of voices he says, “Yeah. Best month-after-Christmas gift ever, but now I feel kind of bad. All I got you was a videogame.”
“Correction -videogame and gaming system.” Jared nods. “Most awesomest month-after-Christmas gift ever!”
They’ve started a new tradition: Christmas in January.
Jensen blinks slowly, his lids feeling heavy as he stares at Jared’s face. He takes in how soft Jared’s brown hair looks falling against his cheeks, long and brushing into his eyes, and how browned his skin is despite the cold. He smiles watching as Jared’s eyes become glittery, dark slits and the dimples on the sides of his cheeks deepen when he smirks.
Jensen knows he’s in love. He just is and he doesn‘t have to say it. Hell, he and Jared never say anything close to that, but he can feel it flow thick and heavy between them like a velvet curtain and really, that‘s enough. No verbal declarations required. He reaches down and pulls the bulky black comforter over their bodies cocooning he and Jared under the bulky layers of down and cotton.
“What are you doing?” Jared asks slithering his legs between Jensen’s, the fabric of their boxers suddenly feeling too tight against the burgeoning awareness of their warm, pressing bodies.
“Keeping you all to myself,” Jensen whispers with a grin.
The morning light bleeds in through the bedroom windows, but under the sanctity of the comforter the world is shut away, merely faded to a dim shade of ghost-purple and Jensen’s hands feel lake water cool against Jared’s spine. Slowly he peels back the waistband of his shorts, his palms gliding flat across Jared’s soft, round backside. Without another word their lips meet with an experts’ touch, careful yet hard, so rushed their teeth click and they both laugh into each other’s mouths as their tongues slide all saccharine sweet and poured honey slow.
It’s only when Jared’s fist pulls heavy against Jensen’s cock that he stops laughing and breathes like it‘s a chore. His body goes tense, tense like strained ropes as Jared’s hand explores, gripping and pulling, clenching and jerking, his thumb pressing down against the deep pink, heat flushed, bulbous head, fingertips tickling around the ringed circumference. A drop of semen expels from the tip a perfectly shaped pearl, glistening and shimmering against blushing skin.
It’s almost pathetic that Jensen cums so quickly, but he doesn’t feel embarrassed about his premature climax because he can see Jared smile, still feel his fist milking out the last remnants of semen until there‘s nothing left but a dry shudder.
It only takes a moment before Jensen is rolling on top of Jared melding their bodies into one like some liminal being, his mouth latched onto his neck like a baby to a mother’s tit. His teeth bite and pull at the tender skin of Jared’s collarbone and without any pretense or hesitation he slides his body down until his lips fasten around Jared’s cock in one, quick, well-timed movement.
He has a large penis, no other way to describe it because Jared Padalecki is hung like a horse and Jensen can’t fit the whole thing in his mouth. He’s not a porn star, he does have a gag reflex and can only get an inch or two down his throat before he pulls off, lest have him choke and ruin the moment. Nevertheless, he knows how Jared likes it. He knows that Jared loves it when he trails his tongue up the shaft slowly licking to the tip sliding his tongue into the slits and folds of his cock. And Jensen does just that as he wraps his fist around Jared stroking him in time with the flickers of his tongue and suckling of his full lips and warm, wet mouth.
Jared’s hands find a home in Jensen’s hair, his fingers pulling at the short strands of dark blonde tresses guiding Jensen up and down as he raises his hips off the bed. He’s fucking Jensen’s mouth and that animalistic part of him that only comes alive with fire right before he ejaculates explodes and with a growl he slams into Jensen’s mouth. With a strangled whine he cums down his throat, desperately trying to blink streaks of lightening from his eyes and will away the chills that prickle his skin like stardust.
* * *
This year Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday and Jensen remembers to call his girlfriend. Stephanie’s gotten this new job working part-time at a hospital. Jensen feels like an asshole because he didn’t know the address and instead of sending her flowers there, he sent them to her apartment. She tells him that it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t need three-dozen roses sent to her job all for the purposes of showing off to feel loved and really, she’s just happy that Jensen has remembered to call. He’s been forgetting to do that a lot lately. His schedule is on eight different levels of crazy, insane and just plain daunting so things like phone calls and emails have become rare occurrences, but today he remembers to only after Jared gives him a bottle of cologne.
Again, Jensen feels like an asshole because all he gave Jared was a stupid videogame. It’s this golf game that Jared was addicted to for months until he wore the cartridge thin and couldn’t find another one. It took Jensen two weeks to find a store in Toronto that still sold the discontinued game, but still, he thinks he should really try to change things up a bit. It seems like he’s always getting Jared the same kinds of gifts while Jared keeps on surprising him, from watches to Armani suits and too expensive French cologne. It’s just that Jared is easy to please. He likes videogames and candy-corn and those trucker hats that say silly things on the front like ‘Free Sex Show’ and ’Diamond Princess Diva’ in bold, capital letters.
Jensen thinks for Jared’s twenty-fifth birthday in a few months, he’s going to buy him something ridiculous like a zorse or a liger or a zonkey or some other interspecies hybrid, just to shake things up a bit.
* * *
March is when the weather finally begins to warm up. Gone are those frigid, artic temperatures replaced by slightly less frosty -but still chilly, weather. Make no mistakes it’s as cold a witch’s tit in December, just not as cold and Jared wants to blame the weather for making him so irritable. He wants to blame the ice that he’s just slipped on for his bad mood. He wants to blame Jensen and his stupid smiling face for his broken hand, but he doesn’t. It’s not Jensen’s fault that Jared has the worse balance known to man and fractured a bone in his hand yet again, despite having surgery that was supposed to make it more resilient -like he was the fucking bionic man. He should have been watching where he was going anyway instead of looking at Jensen and that come-suck-me grin he was teasing him with.
Jared takes painkillers to get through the shoot. Today he and Jensen are dressed in tangerine-orange jumpsuits and the old prison they’re shooting in smells like piss and dead things that Jared really hopes isn’t rats because he hates rats. He hates mice too, but he despises rats because they’re bigger and this one time when he was in first grade Rosario Gomez bought her pet rat Pepe in for ‘show and tell’ and when Jared asked to hold it, the stupid thing jumped into his lap, ran down his leg and bit him on his thigh scratching him with its claws as it scampered away. So yeah, Jared hates rats and as he says his lines looking straight into Jensen’s eyes he breaks character for a moment looking down at the ground.
“Whoa, a fucking rat! Did you see that?” He asks eyes wild staring at the thirty people standing around, only a handful are extras, the rest twenty or so are ‘very important’ people who hold the cameras and get coffee.
“What rat?” Jensen sighs rubbing his eyes. He’s tired, dead tired and wants to finish the last of his scenes so he can grab a two-hour nap in his trailer before the night shoots begin.
“There, that rat!” Jared yells jumping up on the table with a yelp. A few people laugh, but Jensen doesn’t. He’s too tired and irritable and Jared’s pissing him off because he’s acting silly being afraid of a goddamn rodent.
“Come on dude, let’s just get through this please.”
“There! Right there, by your foot!” Jared shrieks and Jensen looks down to see the biggest, fattest, dirties rat that he’s ever seen staring up at him with viscous, round, shiny black eyes. The sucker is huge, looks like a cross between a rat, a demon and a bear and Jensen screams climbing up on the table beside Jared.
The crew laughs at them, two full-grown men dressed in orange jumpsuits acting like a pair of scared little girls all because of a rat.
“Damn that thing is big!” Jensen yells watching as one of the production assistants shoo the rodent away with a broom.
“I hate rats,” Jared groans, “They’re fucking evil!”
* * *
Time is ticking by and Jensen tries to pretend that it’s not. He’s trying to pretend that he has a little more time left with Jared than he actually does. They’ve already filmed the first half of the season finale and after they shoot the last part in a week they wrap until the middle of July. They’ve already booked their flights back to California, heading back to their regular lives for three months. Just like the endless boxes of clothes they pack and seal away shipped Los Angeles bound, they do the same with this ‘thing’ they have going on.
It’s a rule. A very important rule that they silently follow. It’s cliché maxim of course only instead of ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’, it’s ‘What happens in Canada, stays in Canada…and only happens in Canada’.
The first time anything remotely close to ‘this is awkward’ happened in January of 06’, right after a network party. In true Jared fashion he wore a pair of corduroys and a sweater while Jensen dressed to impress, his suit was Italian made and more expensive than he cared to admit. They walked the red carpet smiling, posing for pictures and the more bored they grew, the looser they became. Soon Jared’s arm was slung over Jensen’s shoulders and this wasn’t anything new, but the feeling in Jensen’s stomach was. That tight, cramping and almost gassy tingle that made his neck flush was, but nothing happened then. No, that came in early March, ironically enough the day before Jensen’s birthday.
See, Jared’s a touchy-feely kind of guy and hell, Jensen never minded that because he can be that way too, sometimes. It stems from being his mother’s youngest son and he was a little more coddled than his older brother Josh had been, same goes for Jared; two mama‘s boys from Texas into country music and lazy afternoons sipping beer with no concept of personal space.
It was at night and the touch was accidental at first, just their fingers brushing against each other as they both reached down into a tub of popcorn. It was Jensen that flinched away flashing Jared a nervous smile before looking back at the screen. The movie theater was practically empty, but they still sat beside each other not bothering to do that polite thing normal friends do where they sit every odd seat so there would be an empty one between them. No, they sat side by side like ducklings in the dark staring up at the screen watching as a car crashed, the glass splintering in slow motion and as it exploded so did something between Jared and Jensen, and their hands touched again. Instead of drawing away their fingers lingered for a moment, each pretending to reach for a few kernels yet not grasping any, just allowing the slippery artificial butter to coat their fingers as their knuckles and forefingers touched. Something thick spilled in the air between them inky and dark smudging and blurring the very concept of fine lines and boundaries. That rising force known as tension had been building between them for months and in the span of a ninety-minute movie that tension had twisted and pulled into a combustible pressure.
Jensen made the second move during the ride home. It went something like this: a hand on Jared’s knee, a lean over the glove compartment and his tongue swiping something careful across Jared’s bottom lip. Funny thing was Jared didn’t freak out. No, the freaking out came later, but that night, he kissed Jensen back, had the valet park his car in the Wedgewood’s parking lot and spent the entire night and next morning in Jensen’s hotel room where he learned things that could make a choirboy sing.
Jensen used to be a choirboy. He sung alto.
* * *
The flowers begin to bloom the first week of April. Cherry blossoms hang from tree branches blowing in the wind tender, pink and soft. Jensen lays down on Jared’s bed staring up at the open window. In the distance, he can see the top of a tree and he blinks slowly, watching, almost as if waiting for something spectacular to happen. Only nothing ever does.
His body aches all over, but this ache is an emotional kind, the kind that makes him want to sleep. It’s hard to force yourself to cry and he’s just spent the last eight hours doing just that, forcing himself to the point of exhaustion as he watched over his supposed-to-be-dead fictional brother, which in turn was a dead Jared. It was hard to stay in character, but he did. Jensen Ackles is a goddamn professional, after all.
“Here,” Jared says handing Jensen a cup of coffee. “I’m out of cream, but it’s sweet.”
“No thanks.” Jensen whispers, his voice as light as a feather. He turns on his side, curling his legs up to his chest sighing. He longs for sleep, craves the rest, but it’s like his mind and body won’t allow him that luxury.
“You okay?”
“Yeah…I just…I’m just exhausted.” Jensen replies honestly and Jared sits his coffee on the nightstand and kicks off his sneakers. He climbs into the bed slinking his body close to Jensen’s so his chest presses against his back. Instinctively Jensen presses against him and they fit, like a lock and key they just ‘fit’ perfectly in place. Right. Jared’s arm curls across Jensen’s stomach and he buries his face in his soft, dark blonde hair inhaling the sweaty scent of day old shampoo. It’s still sweet, but a little sour, but he doesn‘t mind.
And they don’t speak, they barely move. They mostly just breathe and sigh and soon, they fall asleep.
Their flights leave just before dawn.
* * *
Jared gets the call from his agent the second week in April that he’s booked the movie. It’s a sweet deal, three pictures to be shot over the course of two years. He’s so busy for all of April and half of May that he barely has time to think about how much he misses Jensen, especially since Jared’s still living in Vancouver. They haven’t spoken much, they rarely do when on hiatus. That makes things easier, less tempting, but it’s in the first week of May when Sandy calls him excited, tells Jared that Jensen’s going to star in a play.
At first Jared is thrown by Sandy’s news. How does she know and he doesn’t? He at least had the courtesy to call Jensen and to tell him about the Kincade movie. Then he remembers how he’s been so busy he hasn’t spoken to him in two weeks and hell, hasn’t even emailed him and Sandy and Jensen are friends. . . sort of.
He makes the decision to call Jensen the next day and as he dials his number, he’s suddenly hit with a pang of nervousness. It’s like he’s twelve-years-old again and too afraid to ring Carolyn Chamber’s doorbell to return her notebook.
“Jared? Wassup man?” Jensen is cheerful on the line and Jared can hear a girl laughing in the background, and Jared can’t deny that he’s feeling a little bit. . . not jealous. . . no, just something. . . close to it.
“Did I call at a bad time?”
“What -no,” Jensen lowers his voice and continues in a more accusatory tone. “Glad you called me back. . . finally.”
“Yeah. . . sorry about that. I’ve just been-”
“Hey, it’s cool,” Jensen interjects. “I’m glad you’re calling now though. Did Sandy tell you the good news?”
“Yeah, she just called -man congrats! A play? Dude, you’re gonna have to learn so many lines!”
Just like that the tension is gone and they slip back into that same ease and comfort they’ve always had.
“You don’t even WANT to know. There’s seriously two hundred pages of dialogue. It’s a lot harder than I remembered.”
“It’s been how long?”
“High school,” Jensen laughs nervously. “I haven’t done a stage play since high school.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. I’m sure you’re gonna do great.”
“You think so?” Jensen asks and it’s almost as if Jared can hear his smile on the other end because when Jensen smiles, his tone becomes softer.
“Yeah. You’ll be awesome.”
“Thanks man…thanks.”
They talk for a few minutes before Jared’s called back on set and when he ends the call he feels kind of sad. He doesn’t know why, he just does and it’s a little harder to slip back into the character of Thomas Kincade because right now, Jared Padalecki just wants to be ‘Jared’ and sulk for a little while.
* * *
Jensen breaks up with Stephanie on the third day of rehearsals. Really, it’s been a long time coming and even though she’s not really expecting it she agrees that they are drifting apart and without a fuss she catches a flight back home to California. She’s been living out there for years even if she still considers Texas home and was being ‘supportive’, took two weeks off work to be beside her boyfriend.
Oh well, so is life. Where old things end something new begins.
On the tenth day of rehearsals where the end of May sun burns from the sky like a ball of hot-yellow fire, he gets a call from Jared. He’s in the middle of having lunch with one of his co-stars -this sweet little blonde girl who laughs like a horse, but looks like a bunny. Jensen’s kind of pissed at Jared because it feels like he’s been ignoring him. Yes, Jensen very much understands that for nine months out of the year they have this ‘thing’ where they’re practically inseparable, but that’s hard to let go of and he didn’t expect for Jared to completely cut him off, yet that’s what it seems like he’s been doing. Jared’s been dodging his calls and not answering his emails and before he picks up he decides that he’s going to give Jared shit, be cold to him, even a little cruel.
That is until he hears Jared’s voice and then Jensen smiles, laughs and forgoes his plan of vengeance.
* * *
The world doesn’t come crashing down on a Wednesday when the Texas June evening is hot and too humid. No, the universe seems to tilt, the earth spins reverse on its axis and things like 'breathing’ and ‘following rules’ gets tossed out of the window, discarded into the wind to scatter like ashes. It’s a night where things get confused and set lines smudge and blur like shadowy, obscured strokes of gray and black on a white canvas.
This is Jensen’s second performance and he’s not quite as nervous as he was on the first night, but he still has the jitters. All the shows have been sold out, his family sits in the front row all proud smiles and beaming grins. Even a few of his friends have come to see him, some he hasn‘t seen in years. His buddy Riley and his girlfriend Danneel sit out in the audience holding hands and from the corner of his eye he can see them waving to him. That Riley’s a kidder, always trying to make him laugh and Danneel’s a sweetheart, but to tell the truth, Jensen’s been pretty uncomfortable around her for a while. There’s this ridiculous rumor going around that they’re dating. He’s not sure how it started and from who, but it bothers him only because it pisses Riley off, but Jensen doesn’t have time to think about that because he’s halfway through the performance when he hears a loud cackle.
See, Jensen knows this laugh. Yeah, he knows this laugh better than he knows his own and his heart begins to pound in his chest. He flubs his lines for a moment and tries to peer into the crowd, but it’s dark and he can’t see anything except for a few smiling girls in the front row. Maybe he’s just imagining it he thinks. It’s been almost two months since he’s last seen Jared. No, actually it’s been seven weeks, which isn’t exactly two months, but close to it.
Just before intermission he hears that laugh again and as the curtains are drawn back and the lights flash on Jensen swears he sees Jared sitting right there in the audience. No, he’s probably just imagining things, but as soon as he goes into his dressing room his cell phone is ringing and it’s his sister on the other end.
“Hey, mom wants me to yell at you for not telling her Jared was coming,” Mackenzie says.
“What?” Jensen asks as a smile curls his face. “Jared’s here?”
“Yup, standing two feet away from me and dad, offering to buy the whole darn world bags of skittles.”
Jensen tells her that he has to go and as soon as she hangs up, he’s dialing Jared’s number.
“Dude, what are you doing here?” He asks excited and then he hears it, that goddamn gorgeous cackle on the other end.
“Damn it, I was gonna surprise you,” Jared laughs. “How’d you know I was here?”
“Well I can hear a million girls crying,” Jensen jokes. “Where’re you sitting?”
“We could only get back row -dude, the show is sold out!”
“I know! It’s pretty awesome -hey, ask my dad to move you up. My grandparents couldn’t make it tonight so there’s some empty seats.”
Jensen finds it hard to keep the smile off his face as he finishes the show and once it’s over he goes to his dressing room, waits for his family -and Jared. . . and Sandy to come. Only it seems like it takes them forever to come out so as he’s slipping out of his dress whites and his door flies open he’s surprised, and quickly pulls his pants back up.
“Hey,” Jared’s voice is low as he presses his back against the door.
“Dude,” Jensen smiles walking over to him, one hand holding his pants up. His dress shirt is thrown over a chair and the white wife beater he wears is clean, practically glows against his smooth, tanned freckled skin. “Thanks for coming.” Jensen says and they hug with Jensen throwing one arm over Jared’s shoulder while he holds up his dress whites with his free hand.
Jared pulls Jensen close with both arms, holds his hands at his waist in such an intimate fashion that if anyone with a set of working eyes could see that there is something more than casual friendship that flows between them. They touch like lovers, even while hugging, their contact is purely intimate.
“Of course I would,” Jared sighs against his neck with a laugh. “Kinda missed’cha idiot.”
“Maybe you should return a few phone calls.” Jensen says a little too harshly and tries to pull away, but Jared keeps holding him, keeps his hands wrapped around Jensen’s thin waist, his thumbs sliding across the skin above sharp hipbones.
“Fuck. . .” Jared sighs as he presses his lips to the side of Jensen’s neck, just below his ear where Jared’s tongue flickers as he cups Jensen’s backside.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” Jensen asks thrown off.
“Come on, real quick.” Jared growls kneading his fingers into the tender flesh of Jensen’s backside until Jared can feel Jensen’s cock twitching in his pants.
“Are you insane,” Jensen whispers defiantly, but the need and desire that drips from his tone gives him away. “My folks can come in here any minute!”
“No,” Jared hisses reaching behind him searching frantically for the lock before clicking it. “Your dad is showing,” he pauses to bring his lips to Jensen’s. “Sandy where he did his first play,” he pauses to swipe his tongue over Jensen’s upper lip, “Everybody else went to bring back food. . . got time Jensen, got time.”
Jared is a little rough as his hands snake inside of Jensen’s pants, his tongue licking lower and lower, his hands sliding eagerly down the sides of Jensen‘s body as Jared drops to his knees, his eyes dizzy with lust palming Jensen‘s cock through his pants.
“What are you doing?” Jensen moans as Jared eases down on his knees, his hair soft, tickling. He lifts up Jensen’s t-shirt, places a small kiss on his stomach and when Jensen feels Jared’s tongue all warm, slick and rough like velvet licking the tender threads of auburn hair that trails down to his cock, he loses it, stops thinking and closes his eyes. He threads his fingers through Jared's dark locks. His hair has grown out a bit, but it’s still longer in the back and Jensen grips two handfuls of it groaning as he feels Jared’s fingers reaching into his jockeys. When he feels that heavy hand wrap around his cock he moans even louder.
“Put it in your mouth Jared -FUCK- go on. . . put it in. . .” Jensen urges, eyes ripe with need as he stares down at him, their eyes locking as Jared parts his sweet, bowlike mouth gingerly licking his tongue along Jensen’s shaft. “Oh you fucking tease!” He laughs.
Jared cracks a smile and says, “Eager, aren’t cha?”
“You have no idea. . .”
Jared takes Jensen partway into his mouth, his fist wrapping around the base of Jensen’s cock pulling and jerking, twisting his wrist methodically so every time that he increases the pressure around the tip of Jensen’s cock his testicles rise tight to his body.
“Yeah. . .yeah. . .” Jensen moans guiding Jared's head. He’s so lost in his own dizzied spell of pleasure that he doesn’t hear Jared unzip his fly, doesn’t hear the way his fist fucks his cock. Doesn’t hear Jared moan, but he can feel the vibrations around his dick and when he opens his eyes and sees Jared’s eyes shining back, lips all askew and wrapped around him, Jensen loses it. He takes his cock out, frantically rubs the bulbous head between Jared lips and teeth until he feels that familiar tight, knotted pressure of muscles vigorously contracting inside of his stomach.
He shoots his load without care, sticky jets pulsating into Jared’s mouth, a bit splashing onto the collar of his black suit jacket and on Jensen’s white pants’ leg. It’s messy and Jensen grips his hands on Jared’s firm shoulders struggling to keep standing as he hears Jared groan through clenched teeth.
And Jared cums all over Jensen’s shiny, navy leather shoes.
Jensen laughs, calls Jared a freak and for a moment, they both laugh something insane as they try to blink without seeing stars.
* * *
So, Jensen had this plan, it was a perfect plan, but apparently owning a zorse is a lifetime commitment. A very expensive lifetime commitment so he had to nix that idea and who knew you couldn’t crossbreed a squirrel and mouse? Really, Jensen would have loved to see the look on Jared’s face if he saw one, but according to the three people he’s spoken to, you can’t do that.
It was a crying shame, really.
When the fourth of July comes around Jensen shows up to Jared’s house with his birthday present a little earlier than expected. Sandy opens the door, smiles politely, but the look in her eyes is accusatory, like she knows something that Jensen is quite sure that he doesn’t want her to, but she says nothing. She’s not a girl, she's a woman, doesn’t make scenes and lets Jensen in. He’s early and there’s only a handful of people around the grill, most are Jared’s friends that he knows casually by their first names, none actors and thank god. As a whole, actors are the most insane group of people that Jensen has ever met and he and Jared both share a mutual disdain for the lot of those in their chosen profession. So most of their everyday friends are, just that: everyday ordinary with everyday ordinary jobs. Nothing glamorous and thank god.
“What’cha got there?” Jared asks flipping burgers. He’s wearing a ridiculous apron that reads ‘Don’t kiss the cook, suck him off’ and he’s smiling, his skin a perfectly tanned shade of California-sun, white-boy brown.
“I’ll show it to you later,” Jensen grins and Jared eyes him skeptically for a moment trying to read his body language, the way his shoulders slump and the cock of his eyebrow almost as if he’s daring Jared to come and find out now and right now.
“Yo, Kyle, take over the grill. I gotta run out for a sec,” Jared says handing his apron and spatula to his buddy. He motions for Jensen to follow him in the house and once alone in the kitchen with the patio door closed Jensen hands him the gift.
“Open it,” he says and he watches with delighted amusement as Jared unwraps his gift. “Like it?”
Jared is stunned for a moment staring down at the photograph and certificate in his hands.
“No way,” Jared states astonished reading the print on the paper while simultaneously trying to look at the drawing. “You got me a customized guitar?”
“You like it?” Jensen smiles and without a moments pause Jared leans over the countertop and brushes his lips against Jensen’s. It's quick, but it means something.
“This is fucking awesome!”
“Dude, you seriously don’t know how glad I am that you like it! I was going crazy trying to figure out something to get you -yeah, apparently you can’t domesticate a zorse.”
“A what?” Jared laughs.
“A zorse -you know, half-zebra, half-horse.”
“What?” Jared asks puzzled scratching at his head.
“Oh, google the damn thing for Pete’s sake,” Jensen rolls his eyes. “The guitar should be here by your birthday and there’s a number on the back that you can call.” Jensen leans over the counter looking at the picture, Jared's hair brushing into his face because they stand so close, but neither man moves. When Sandy walks in, she looks at them and frowns. Jared and Jensen don’t really notice anything wrong with how they appear, don’t see anything ‘intimate’ or ‘foretelling’ about the touch of their shoulders, the lean of their heads and the ease that makes both of their bodies slouch, but Sandy does.
Sandy sees something that she doesn’t like, something that’s she’s known for a while. Jared does talks in his sleep after all.
But Sandy’s much too classy to make a scene, much too much of a woman with self-respect so she casually slips past them with a forced smile and heads back out into the backyard.
A week later she tells Jared that things ‘aren’t working out’ and Jared doesn’t argue with her, agrees that they have been drifting and they part ways amicably.
He doesn’t tell her that there’s someone else and she doesn’t tell him that she already knows.
* * *
August is when the earth seems to be peeled back from a sun burnt, bleached sky, the land is as dry as fractured bones even in Canada where eleven months out of the year it pours rain, cold and violent, almost as if Jesus in all of his mighty glory is looking down at the world in a crying shame. Jensen is beyond hot as Jared’s fingers dig into his hips, his face beet red pressed against the pillows of their king sized bed as he arches his back, pushes against the strain of muscles as Jared tries to enter him for the first time.
And as the sun rises up from the earth, Jared Padalecki settles inside of Jensen Ackles.
/FIN
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Entry tags: jared & jensen