xtdawgxx: you put up with my shit too, baby, it's called love
this is from 3 years ago. december 2005 ...and if i ever have any doubt how much tony loves me... if ANYONE ever doubts it... they are so fucking wrong.
MadeDad (9:43:16 PM): i wouldn't mind crawling into your lap and crying my eyes out
xT Dawgxx (9:44:44 PM): i'm coming over
MadeDad (9:45:01 PM): thanks, tone
xT Dawgxx (9:46:12 PM): shh don't thank me, i'll be right there
xT Dawgxx (9:46:21 PM): *hangs up*
MadeDad (9:46:40 PM): *hangs up also*
xT Dawgxx (9:47:10 PM): *goes over to your house and lets myself in*
MadeDad (9:48:52 PM): *is laying on the couch*
xT Dawgxx (9:50:21 PM): *knows where you are and closes the door behind me, walking over to the couch* benj?
MadeDad (9:51:31 PM): in here... *says quietly*
xT Dawgxx (9:53:27 PM): *frowns when i see you on the couch and sits down, pulling you into my lap* c'mere baby
MadeDad (9:54:19 PM): *buries my head into your shoulder and starts to cry*
xT Dawgxx (9:55:51 PM): *wraps my arms around you and holds you to me, letting you cry as i rub your back* let it out, benj
MadeDad (9:57:03 PM): *just keeps crying, clinging to you*
xT Dawgxx (9:58:24 PM): *presses my lips to your temple and whispers that i love you as i continue to rub your back*
MadeDad (9:59:03 PM): *starts to cry more after hearing your words*
xT Dawgxx (10:02:21 PM): *keeps my lips against your skin and holds you tighter, whispering again* wanna talk, benj?
MadeDad (10:03:17 PM): *shakes my head, no*
xT Dawgxx (10:03:53 PM): *nods my head a little and runs my fingers through your hair*
MadeDad (10:04:12 PM): *lays my head on your shoulder*
xT Dawgxx (10:04:51 PM): *brushes your tears away gently and keeps holding you*
MadeDad (10:06:31 PM): *whispers* i want to die.
xT Dawgxx (10:07:23 PM): *shakes my head and combs through your hair with my fingers* don't say that
MadeDad (10:10:16 PM): *looks up at you* but i do...
xT Dawgxx (10:10:54 PM): i know, baby, but you're not going anywhere so we have to make the best of it
MadeDad (10:11:13 PM): i can't... i just fucking can't
xT Dawgxx (10:11:37 PM): yes you can
xT Dawgxx (10:12:10 PM): what's stopping you?
MadeDad (10:12:38 PM): i don't want to talk about it.
xT Dawgxx (10:12:59 PM): *nods my head* you know who to come to when you wanna
MadeDad (10:13:21 PM): *kisses your jaw* i know
xT Dawgxx (10:14:05 PM): let me help you, benj. whenever you feel weak or just feel like everythings too much, come to me and i'll get you through it
MadeDad (10:22:58 PM): i know you will. *nods against your chest*
xT Dawgxx (10:27:38 PM): *kisses the top of your head* good. if theres one thing i successfully make sure you know, i hope it's that. i'll ALWAYS be here for you
MadeDad (10:29:19 PM): you know i'll be here for you too. *whispers*
xT Dawgxx (10:29:33 PM): *nods my head* i know that
MadeDad (10:41:35 PM): just being with you makes me feel better
xT Dawgxx (10:44:28 PM): that's what i'm here for
MadeDad (10:47:01 PM): that's why i love you so much
MadeDad (11:36:57 PM): *whispers* i had a fight with joel.
xT Dawgxx (11:37:43 PM): about what?
MadeDad (11:38:40 PM): i can't say
xT Dawgxx (11:42:39 PM): you can't say? alright
MadeDad (11:44:23 PM): *buries my face in your neck again*
xT Dawgxx (11:45:24 PM): *rubs along your arm gently as i hold you* i wish there was something i could do to help more
MadeDad (11:49:25 PM): help me kill myself?
xT Dawgxx (11:49:58 PM): benji. no
MadeDad (11:53:30 PM): it's what i want.
xT Dawgxx (11:54:04 PM): i'm not letting you leave me. how could you want that?
MadeDad (11:56:02 PM): cause it hurts to be me right now
xT Dawgxx (11:57:19 PM): but why, benj? it doesn't have to
MadeDad (12:01:07 AM): then why does it hurt so much?
xT Dawgxx (12:02:17 AM): i dunno, benj, you have to tell me that
MadeDad (12:05:30 AM): *cries into your neck more*
xT Dawgxx (12:07:34 AM): *runs my fingers up and down your back and whispers* i know what it's like to feel this way. we're gonna stick it out, benj. you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but you have to promise me you'll be strong with me
MadeDad (12:10:26 AM): i'm tired of being strong
xT Dawgxx (12:11:06 AM): you can't give up, benj
xT Dawgxx (12:11:43 AM): you have to wanna be strong. and if you really just can't, let me be strong for you. but you need to want it
if you haven't figured out what was wrong with me that night, i wanted to be with tony again but still wasn't allowed to. i couldn't get out of that stupid moronic mistake of a marriage i was in. but do you see how kind and loving tony was to me? i know in my heart and soul that i don't deserve him.
i think i'm still pregnant. i have to go to the doctor but i'm afraid to go alone.
MadeDad (9:43:16 PM): i wouldn't mind crawling into your lap and crying my eyes out
xT Dawgxx (9:44:44 PM): i'm coming over
MadeDad (9:45:01 PM): thanks, tone
xT Dawgxx (9:46:12 PM): shh don't thank me, i'll be right there
xT Dawgxx (9:46:21 PM): *hangs up*
MadeDad (9:46:40 PM): *hangs up also*
xT Dawgxx (9:47:10 PM): *goes over to your house and lets myself in*
MadeDad (9:48:52 PM): *is laying on the couch*
xT Dawgxx (9:50:21 PM): *knows where you are and closes the door behind me, walking over to the couch* benj?
MadeDad (9:51:31 PM): in here... *says quietly*
xT Dawgxx (9:53:27 PM): *frowns when i see you on the couch and sits down, pulling you into my lap* c'mere baby
MadeDad (9:54:19 PM): *buries my head into your shoulder and starts to cry*
xT Dawgxx (9:55:51 PM): *wraps my arms around you and holds you to me, letting you cry as i rub your back* let it out, benj
MadeDad (9:57:03 PM): *just keeps crying, clinging to you*
xT Dawgxx (9:58:24 PM): *presses my lips to your temple and whispers that i love you as i continue to rub your back*
MadeDad (9:59:03 PM): *starts to cry more after hearing your words*
xT Dawgxx (10:02:21 PM): *keeps my lips against your skin and holds you tighter, whispering again* wanna talk, benj?
MadeDad (10:03:17 PM): *shakes my head, no*
xT Dawgxx (10:03:53 PM): *nods my head a little and runs my fingers through your hair*
MadeDad (10:04:12 PM): *lays my head on your shoulder*
xT Dawgxx (10:04:51 PM): *brushes your tears away gently and keeps holding you*
MadeDad (10:06:31 PM): *whispers* i want to die.
xT Dawgxx (10:07:23 PM): *shakes my head and combs through your hair with my fingers* don't say that
MadeDad (10:10:16 PM): *looks up at you* but i do...
xT Dawgxx (10:10:54 PM): i know, baby, but you're not going anywhere so we have to make the best of it
MadeDad (10:11:13 PM): i can't... i just fucking can't
xT Dawgxx (10:11:37 PM): yes you can
xT Dawgxx (10:12:10 PM): what's stopping you?
MadeDad (10:12:38 PM): i don't want to talk about it.
xT Dawgxx (10:12:59 PM): *nods my head* you know who to come to when you wanna
MadeDad (10:13:21 PM): *kisses your jaw* i know
xT Dawgxx (10:14:05 PM): let me help you, benj. whenever you feel weak or just feel like everythings too much, come to me and i'll get you through it
MadeDad (10:22:58 PM): i know you will. *nods against your chest*
xT Dawgxx (10:27:38 PM): *kisses the top of your head* good. if theres one thing i successfully make sure you know, i hope it's that. i'll ALWAYS be here for you
MadeDad (10:29:19 PM): you know i'll be here for you too. *whispers*
xT Dawgxx (10:29:33 PM): *nods my head* i know that
MadeDad (10:41:35 PM): just being with you makes me feel better
xT Dawgxx (10:44:28 PM): that's what i'm here for
MadeDad (10:47:01 PM): that's why i love you so much
MadeDad (11:36:57 PM): *whispers* i had a fight with joel.
xT Dawgxx (11:37:43 PM): about what?
MadeDad (11:38:40 PM): i can't say
xT Dawgxx (11:42:39 PM): you can't say? alright
MadeDad (11:44:23 PM): *buries my face in your neck again*
xT Dawgxx (11:45:24 PM): *rubs along your arm gently as i hold you* i wish there was something i could do to help more
MadeDad (11:49:25 PM): help me kill myself?
xT Dawgxx (11:49:58 PM): benji. no
MadeDad (11:53:30 PM): it's what i want.
xT Dawgxx (11:54:04 PM): i'm not letting you leave me. how could you want that?
MadeDad (11:56:02 PM): cause it hurts to be me right now
xT Dawgxx (11:57:19 PM): but why, benj? it doesn't have to
MadeDad (12:01:07 AM): then why does it hurt so much?
xT Dawgxx (12:02:17 AM): i dunno, benj, you have to tell me that
MadeDad (12:05:30 AM): *cries into your neck more*
xT Dawgxx (12:07:34 AM): *runs my fingers up and down your back and whispers* i know what it's like to feel this way. we're gonna stick it out, benj. you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but you have to promise me you'll be strong with me
MadeDad (12:10:26 AM): i'm tired of being strong
xT Dawgxx (12:11:06 AM): you can't give up, benj
xT Dawgxx (12:11:43 AM): you have to wanna be strong. and if you really just can't, let me be strong for you. but you need to want it
if you haven't figured out what was wrong with me that night, i wanted to be with tony again but still wasn't allowed to. i couldn't get out of that stupid moronic mistake of a marriage i was in. but do you see how kind and loving tony was to me? i know in my heart and soul that i don't deserve him.
i think i'm still pregnant. i have to go to the doctor but i'm afraid to go alone.