[one shot] FumaKen: Maybe I think you're cute and funny
title: Maybe I think you're cute and funny
pairing: fufu and kenken
rating: dolphins
notes: The JJ is 20! Bring out the auto-tune! Happy Birthday!!
They say Marius Yo is magical, well aside from those big eyes and bright smile that can cure cancer, no one expected that with one phrase, he will be able to conjure some magic fairy hocus pocus whatever that he brought from Germany. But really, it's the only explanation Kikuchi Fuma can think of right now without claiming the fact that maybe one, he is dreaming or two, he is going insane. He remembers that morning clearly when he arrives at their dressing room to find their pride leader trying to hide a choked sob while watching the latest installment of his favorite shoujo anime.
"You are such a--" Girl, he's about to say while nose diving for his 3DS but that's already a fact and pointing it out will just make him look Mr. Pointing Out the Obvious which to his 17 year old self book is not cool. "Baby." There, he settles for that which isn't that much of an insult but whatever.
"I think Kento-kun was an adorable baby." It was Sou who looks up from his math homework while trying to indulge Marius in a thumb wrestling battle. Marius agrees with this with a nod, his face calm, and after a pause he speaks up carefully.
"I would want to see Kento-kun as a baby."
And that brings him to this current situation when he finds Kento naked, only with puffier pink cheeks and fat fingers, sleeping in a heap of Kento's Sexy Summer costume and glitters and obviously very small. Fuma would have shrieked if not for the realization that he's believing that this kid is their leader. Of course he can be some staff kid who got lost so it's better if he just asked around before jumping to conclusions. He shrugs and puts Sou's extra shirt on him before carrying the sleeping toddler. Even if he's cool and shit, he won't let a child die of pneumonia.
He roams around the jimusho, asking if some kid's missing. When everyone shook their heads while pretending to listen to his story, Fuma decides his efforts are wasted so it's time to jump to conclusions and ask for help.
***
His instincts obviously brings him to where Tanaka Juri and the rest of Bakaleya6 minus Takaki are hanging out. It's Jesse who points it out while poking the baby's cheeks in an unnerving fashion that Fuma finally swats his hand away. "He's so cute and he definitely looks like him. Are you keeping him?"
"What, no, I never dreamed of running an orphanage!" He insists while rubbing his face with his hands. When Taiga stands up to empty a prop box and places it in front of him, he looks up at him like he's a crazy person. "I'm not putting him in a box! What the fuck?" Taiga shrugs and offers the shredded paper as a cushion and Fuma just grunts something along the lines of 'you should never be allowed to have children' to which Taiga replies with something like "If they were plenty we can make a sign that says 'come pick one'."
He realizes that his friends are idiots when Fuma hears Juri crooning 'Who's your Daddy' to the baby. He hits him on the head and carries Kento, err the baby to bring him back to their dressing room.
***
"You can't take him home like that." Shori, the third eldest muses.
"Why not? I can't take him home either." He looks at Marius who's now playing with the baby, alternately snuggling his cheeks with his own. "Maybe Mari can take him home and tell his mother that he's a junior. And that he's sort of training him the ways of a senpai."
"He's three, Fuma-kun." Shori shakes his head like he's some jaded adult. Fuma lets it go because his only arguing point is either 'Whatever' or 'What, he's cute, he can pass as a junior!'
***
The only perk of being the second eldest is when you can rebut with the leader's decision without being called for insubordination. But now that their eldest is in his three year old body, Fuma slowly realizes how much life sucks without him.
He calls his mother and manages to convince her that he's bringing a "friend" to stay over for a couple of days and luckily his mother is just a perfect well meaning mother and just tells him to not tear the house down. So after work, he goes to the nearest konbini to buy food that babies might like (and suprisingly, almost half of what he got in the basket is also his personal preference meaning they are junk so he makes a quick call to Koki-senpai and asks for pointers on what to get without directly implying that he doesn't want what Juri has been fed when he was a baby).
***
During their first three hours together, Fuma finds out that Kento can speak, his baby speech absolutely adora-- incoherent while his bunny teeth are still too big for his stupid face. "Oi, Nakajima!" He calls him that for a good five minutes until he gets tired and carries him under his arms and places him firmly on his bed. "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. UH. ME?" He wonders why he talks like that when he knows he's a baby and not deaf. Though maybe it helps because he finally got his attention. "ME? I. AM. FUMA." He gives him a tentative smile and when Kento smacks him on the nose with his adora-- fat hand, he stares at him in disbelief like when an 18-year old Kento suddenly hits him on the head. But then Baby Kento giggles and calls him Fuma-tan in the most sickeningly adorable way possible, he can't help but grin back.
Oh, the quickest way to get his attention is to call him Ken-chan in the highest pitch he can possibly make. He succeeds in doing this after contemplating writing a suicide note. Twice.
***
Feeding Baby Kento is one of the easiest tasks. Only because he's made this stupid airplane game that he once saw Kento play with Marius when Marius gets his 12 and half year old tantrums. His only parental (oh my fucking god) mistake is when he looks away for approximately 40 fucking seconds to get baby wipes and when he turns around, Baby Kento is trying to swim through baby food while making gurgling happy sounds that can only mean 'Fuma-tan come join me!'
Fuma tries not to curse out loud (he does it in his head, the whole plethora of the curse dictionary until his throat feels dry) and cleans him up with all gentleness.
***
Fuma discovers that his other skills can be utilized at this point. Who knew that he will be literally toeing the tub faucet while trying to peel Baby Kento's sticky clothes off of them while testing the temperature with his foot. Deciding that it's lukewarm for the both of them, Fuma slowly eases himself in the water while cradling Baby Kento on his lap. He gets the fruitiest baby shampoo he can find, (No More Tears No More Tangles or Some Shit) and lathers it enough before rubbing it on Kento's head. The bubbles seem to distract Kento enough but when he starts going "Ken-chan too! Fuma-tan too!" Fuma rolls his eyes and holds him firmly before lowering his head down so Kento can shampoo his hair as well.
"You know I'm never going to do that when you're back to 18."
***
The next day, he brings Baby Kento back to rehearsals, glaring back at everyone on the train who tries to coo at his-- well not his baby, that's stupid, it's just Kento but then you can get easily attached when you spend all night playing peek-a-boo and cops and robbers. Baby Kento woke up about five times that night, tugging at him and slapping him on the face because he needs to go to the bathroom. He wanted to follow Taiga's advice and just leash him under the sink near the toilet so he doesn't have to get up every time he needs to potty but then he realizes that Taiga has no heart and he shouldn't be giving advice.
"Ah, look at him, next thing you know, you're teaching him how to ride a bike and then he'll be off to the big school with the big kids." Juri tells him over lunch while Arioka-senpai volunteers to feed him with something nutritious. Fuma tells everyone to shut up because he's too young to be a father, especially to a Nakajima Kento who is nothing like the fruit of his manly loins.
***
Fuma usually boasts about the harmonious relationship of Sexy Zone but maybe just because Kento has more estrogen than testosterone and somehow it keeps everyone calm and loving and adorable. But now that Kento is not here, no one can make Shori stack the clean paper cups by names and Sou extended more than his allotted play time on the PSP and Marius wont stop blasting instructional Japanese on full volume. And since Fuma is temporary leader, he decides he's going to rule with an iron fist-- an iron fist that has been met with empty stares and German.
"This is all your fault!" He snaps at Baby Kento who just roused from his nap. "Because you're useless and now you're a baby! Like what kind of a stupid person does that!"
When Baby Kento's eyes starts to well which eventually turns to a full blown wailing, Fuma wants to resign from the jimusho and follow his original plan of being the World's Greatest Lover. Babies are troublesome, and Kento is a baby so Kento is really troublesome. It doesn't help when half of the jimusho gathered at the door of their dressing room to give him judgmental glances.
***
He feels guilty. A bit. Maybe a lot. And when Baby Kento refuses to come to him when it was time to go home, Fuma's heart feels like it's been torn right from his chest. It's not even the guilt anymore but the fact that he feels helpless without Kento still shocks him to the bone. Clearly he's been an ass since he woke up one day and thinks he's a G and that he needs to find a way to mask his hero worship of his best friend though in reality he cannot literally live without him. Right now though, even as a baby, he still needs him to be his anchor when things are shitty. He only gathers him when he finally falls asleep, probably too tired from crying and his heart breaks a little more. This guy sure cries a lot even as a baby, but then again, Kento's range of emotions are easy to gauge. Anything lower than the happiness scale of 3, he cries, anything higher than 8, he also cries. Fuma will never admit though that his favorite kind of weepy is a 10, especially when the 10 comes from him.
***
Even as a baby, Kento is forgiving and kind and Fuma doesn't even wonder why he's the leader and after their quiet dinner and even more livelier bath time, he tucks Baby Kento in beside him, letting him play with his forefinger. Absentmindedly ticking Baby Kento's cheeks and sides until Kento takes a new interest on sitting on his chest and playing on his hair, Fuma pulls him closer to plant a kiss on his soft forehead. "Sorry for calling you stupid, you're not stupid, you're actually amazing but you already know that so whatever. I just wanted to say it." Baby Kento just smiles his adorable toothy smile and calls him Fuma-tan before kissing him back on the forehead only his forehead is too high so Baby Kento only gets to kiss him somewhere between the eye and the bridge of his nose. When Baby Kento is finally tired of making Fuma's body his playground (even accidentally stepping on his manly parts), he holds him close again, rubbing comforting circles on his back because Koki-senpai said that it makes them sleepy. "Hey Kento," and this time Kento looks at him like he really is the old Kento because he's got this clear eyes that most times, Fuma just looks at them and he finds answers. "Come back soon okay? I promise not to call you a baby. You're okay when you're a baby. But you're better when you can like make decisions and stuff. Or when you can laugh with me and not at me. And have adult parts or something."
Fuma goes on for sometime and they fall asleep like that, a smile on both their faces.
***
Fuma wakes up with something heavy on his chest. He keeps still, trying to recall if he slept with a laptop on his chest but then if it was a laptop it shouldn't be snoring slightly. Laptops also don't breathe. He reaches out and tries to muffle yet another manly shriek when he finds an 18 year old Kento (also naked because he obviously cant fit in a three year old ensemble) sleeping leisurely sort of half and half on top of him. He pushes him away because it's gross and he's still a G but he doesn't hide the stupid grin on his face as he goes to the bathroom to wash his face.
***
"Kento-kun!" It's Marius who latches on to him first. "Welcome back! Fuma-kun took good care of you ne?"
Kento pretends to not remember anything when Fuma makes intentionally rude noises to cover his reddening face.
"You know what will be cool Mari-kun?" Everyone's eyes turn to see Taiga smiling or something by the door. "Fuma as a girl."
Marius only blinks twice, his calm face giving Fuma an unsettling feeling. "Oh, I would want to see Fuma-kun as a girl."
pairing: fufu and kenken
rating: dolphins
notes: The JJ is 20! Bring out the auto-tune! Happy Birthday!!
They say Marius Yo is magical, well aside from those big eyes and bright smile that can cure cancer, no one expected that with one phrase, he will be able to conjure some magic fairy hocus pocus whatever that he brought from Germany. But really, it's the only explanation Kikuchi Fuma can think of right now without claiming the fact that maybe one, he is dreaming or two, he is going insane. He remembers that morning clearly when he arrives at their dressing room to find their pride leader trying to hide a choked sob while watching the latest installment of his favorite shoujo anime.
"You are such a--" Girl, he's about to say while nose diving for his 3DS but that's already a fact and pointing it out will just make him look Mr. Pointing Out the Obvious which to his 17 year old self book is not cool. "Baby." There, he settles for that which isn't that much of an insult but whatever.
"I think Kento-kun was an adorable baby." It was Sou who looks up from his math homework while trying to indulge Marius in a thumb wrestling battle. Marius agrees with this with a nod, his face calm, and after a pause he speaks up carefully.
"I would want to see Kento-kun as a baby."
And that brings him to this current situation when he finds Kento naked, only with puffier pink cheeks and fat fingers, sleeping in a heap of Kento's Sexy Summer costume and glitters and obviously very small. Fuma would have shrieked if not for the realization that he's believing that this kid is their leader. Of course he can be some staff kid who got lost so it's better if he just asked around before jumping to conclusions. He shrugs and puts Sou's extra shirt on him before carrying the sleeping toddler. Even if he's cool and shit, he won't let a child die of pneumonia.
He roams around the jimusho, asking if some kid's missing. When everyone shook their heads while pretending to listen to his story, Fuma decides his efforts are wasted so it's time to jump to conclusions and ask for help.
***
His instincts obviously brings him to where Tanaka Juri and the rest of Bakaleya6 minus Takaki are hanging out. It's Jesse who points it out while poking the baby's cheeks in an unnerving fashion that Fuma finally swats his hand away. "He's so cute and he definitely looks like him. Are you keeping him?"
"What, no, I never dreamed of running an orphanage!" He insists while rubbing his face with his hands. When Taiga stands up to empty a prop box and places it in front of him, he looks up at him like he's a crazy person. "I'm not putting him in a box! What the fuck?" Taiga shrugs and offers the shredded paper as a cushion and Fuma just grunts something along the lines of 'you should never be allowed to have children' to which Taiga replies with something like "If they were plenty we can make a sign that says 'come pick one'."
He realizes that his friends are idiots when Fuma hears Juri crooning 'Who's your Daddy' to the baby. He hits him on the head and carries Kento, err the baby to bring him back to their dressing room.
***
"You can't take him home like that." Shori, the third eldest muses.
"Why not? I can't take him home either." He looks at Marius who's now playing with the baby, alternately snuggling his cheeks with his own. "Maybe Mari can take him home and tell his mother that he's a junior. And that he's sort of training him the ways of a senpai."
"He's three, Fuma-kun." Shori shakes his head like he's some jaded adult. Fuma lets it go because his only arguing point is either 'Whatever' or 'What, he's cute, he can pass as a junior!'
***
The only perk of being the second eldest is when you can rebut with the leader's decision without being called for insubordination. But now that their eldest is in his three year old body, Fuma slowly realizes how much life sucks without him.
He calls his mother and manages to convince her that he's bringing a "friend" to stay over for a couple of days and luckily his mother is just a perfect well meaning mother and just tells him to not tear the house down. So after work, he goes to the nearest konbini to buy food that babies might like (and suprisingly, almost half of what he got in the basket is also his personal preference meaning they are junk so he makes a quick call to Koki-senpai and asks for pointers on what to get without directly implying that he doesn't want what Juri has been fed when he was a baby).
***
During their first three hours together, Fuma finds out that Kento can speak, his baby speech absolutely adora-- incoherent while his bunny teeth are still too big for his stupid face. "Oi, Nakajima!" He calls him that for a good five minutes until he gets tired and carries him under his arms and places him firmly on his bed. "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. UH. ME?" He wonders why he talks like that when he knows he's a baby and not deaf. Though maybe it helps because he finally got his attention. "ME? I. AM. FUMA." He gives him a tentative smile and when Kento smacks him on the nose with his adora-- fat hand, he stares at him in disbelief like when an 18-year old Kento suddenly hits him on the head. But then Baby Kento giggles and calls him Fuma-tan in the most sickeningly adorable way possible, he can't help but grin back.
Oh, the quickest way to get his attention is to call him Ken-chan in the highest pitch he can possibly make. He succeeds in doing this after contemplating writing a suicide note. Twice.
***
Feeding Baby Kento is one of the easiest tasks. Only because he's made this stupid airplane game that he once saw Kento play with Marius when Marius gets his 12 and half year old tantrums. His only parental (oh my fucking god) mistake is when he looks away for approximately 40 fucking seconds to get baby wipes and when he turns around, Baby Kento is trying to swim through baby food while making gurgling happy sounds that can only mean 'Fuma-tan come join me!'
Fuma tries not to curse out loud (he does it in his head, the whole plethora of the curse dictionary until his throat feels dry) and cleans him up with all gentleness.
***
Fuma discovers that his other skills can be utilized at this point. Who knew that he will be literally toeing the tub faucet while trying to peel Baby Kento's sticky clothes off of them while testing the temperature with his foot. Deciding that it's lukewarm for the both of them, Fuma slowly eases himself in the water while cradling Baby Kento on his lap. He gets the fruitiest baby shampoo he can find, (No More Tears No More Tangles or Some Shit) and lathers it enough before rubbing it on Kento's head. The bubbles seem to distract Kento enough but when he starts going "Ken-chan too! Fuma-tan too!" Fuma rolls his eyes and holds him firmly before lowering his head down so Kento can shampoo his hair as well.
"You know I'm never going to do that when you're back to 18."
***
The next day, he brings Baby Kento back to rehearsals, glaring back at everyone on the train who tries to coo at his-- well not his baby, that's stupid, it's just Kento but then you can get easily attached when you spend all night playing peek-a-boo and cops and robbers. Baby Kento woke up about five times that night, tugging at him and slapping him on the face because he needs to go to the bathroom. He wanted to follow Taiga's advice and just leash him under the sink near the toilet so he doesn't have to get up every time he needs to potty but then he realizes that Taiga has no heart and he shouldn't be giving advice.
"Ah, look at him, next thing you know, you're teaching him how to ride a bike and then he'll be off to the big school with the big kids." Juri tells him over lunch while Arioka-senpai volunteers to feed him with something nutritious. Fuma tells everyone to shut up because he's too young to be a father, especially to a Nakajima Kento who is nothing like the fruit of his manly loins.
***
Fuma usually boasts about the harmonious relationship of Sexy Zone but maybe just because Kento has more estrogen than testosterone and somehow it keeps everyone calm and loving and adorable. But now that Kento is not here, no one can make Shori stack the clean paper cups by names and Sou extended more than his allotted play time on the PSP and Marius wont stop blasting instructional Japanese on full volume. And since Fuma is temporary leader, he decides he's going to rule with an iron fist-- an iron fist that has been met with empty stares and German.
"This is all your fault!" He snaps at Baby Kento who just roused from his nap. "Because you're useless and now you're a baby! Like what kind of a stupid person does that!"
When Baby Kento's eyes starts to well which eventually turns to a full blown wailing, Fuma wants to resign from the jimusho and follow his original plan of being the World's Greatest Lover. Babies are troublesome, and Kento is a baby so Kento is really troublesome. It doesn't help when half of the jimusho gathered at the door of their dressing room to give him judgmental glances.
***
He feels guilty. A bit. Maybe a lot. And when Baby Kento refuses to come to him when it was time to go home, Fuma's heart feels like it's been torn right from his chest. It's not even the guilt anymore but the fact that he feels helpless without Kento still shocks him to the bone. Clearly he's been an ass since he woke up one day and thinks he's a G and that he needs to find a way to mask his hero worship of his best friend though in reality he cannot literally live without him. Right now though, even as a baby, he still needs him to be his anchor when things are shitty. He only gathers him when he finally falls asleep, probably too tired from crying and his heart breaks a little more. This guy sure cries a lot even as a baby, but then again, Kento's range of emotions are easy to gauge. Anything lower than the happiness scale of 3, he cries, anything higher than 8, he also cries. Fuma will never admit though that his favorite kind of weepy is a 10, especially when the 10 comes from him.
***
Even as a baby, Kento is forgiving and kind and Fuma doesn't even wonder why he's the leader and after their quiet dinner and even more livelier bath time, he tucks Baby Kento in beside him, letting him play with his forefinger. Absentmindedly ticking Baby Kento's cheeks and sides until Kento takes a new interest on sitting on his chest and playing on his hair, Fuma pulls him closer to plant a kiss on his soft forehead. "Sorry for calling you stupid, you're not stupid, you're actually amazing but you already know that so whatever. I just wanted to say it." Baby Kento just smiles his adorable toothy smile and calls him Fuma-tan before kissing him back on the forehead only his forehead is too high so Baby Kento only gets to kiss him somewhere between the eye and the bridge of his nose. When Baby Kento is finally tired of making Fuma's body his playground (even accidentally stepping on his manly parts), he holds him close again, rubbing comforting circles on his back because Koki-senpai said that it makes them sleepy. "Hey Kento," and this time Kento looks at him like he really is the old Kento because he's got this clear eyes that most times, Fuma just looks at them and he finds answers. "Come back soon okay? I promise not to call you a baby. You're okay when you're a baby. But you're better when you can like make decisions and stuff. Or when you can laugh with me and not at me. And have adult parts or something."
Fuma goes on for sometime and they fall asleep like that, a smile on both their faces.
***
Fuma wakes up with something heavy on his chest. He keeps still, trying to recall if he slept with a laptop on his chest but then if it was a laptop it shouldn't be snoring slightly. Laptops also don't breathe. He reaches out and tries to muffle yet another manly shriek when he finds an 18 year old Kento (also naked because he obviously cant fit in a three year old ensemble) sleeping leisurely sort of half and half on top of him. He pushes him away because it's gross and he's still a G but he doesn't hide the stupid grin on his face as he goes to the bathroom to wash his face.
***
"Kento-kun!" It's Marius who latches on to him first. "Welcome back! Fuma-kun took good care of you ne?"
Kento pretends to not remember anything when Fuma makes intentionally rude noises to cover his reddening face.
"You know what will be cool Mari-kun?" Everyone's eyes turn to see Taiga smiling or something by the door. "Fuma as a girl."
Marius only blinks twice, his calm face giving Fuma an unsettling feeling. "Oh, I would want to see Fuma-kun as a girl."