FIC : 'This Too Shall Pass' (Castle)
Title: This Too Shall Pass
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Kate Beckett/Richard Castle, Alexis Castle
Word Count: 1754
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 5x15, 'Target'/5x16, 'Hunt'
Challenge: N/A
Warnings: N/A
Disclaimer: No one mentioned belongs to me.
Summary: Kate didn't think anyone slept that night.
This Too Shall Pass
Kate didn't think anyone slept that night.
Okay, Martha might have. Her method of stress relief was half catering to the every need of the FBI personnel camped out in her living room and half holding them hostage with stories about Castle, Alexis, or worse, Castle and Alexis. (The FBI personnel didn't seem to care much, just wanting to do their jobs. As for Kate, while she normally would've found the stories charming and slightly weird, they were heart-wrenching when Castle and Alexis were both MIA.)
The second Castle had called from the plane, Martha had started stress-baking and hadn't really stopped. Frankly, Kate wouldn't be surprised if Martha was flat-out unconscious.
Castle didn't stay in bed more than an hour at a time, shifting restlessly in tangled sheets before pacing off to check on Alexis again. Days of sleepless worry, two international flights, two near-death experiences in the middle of heavy gunfire-- it was enough to exhaust anyone. Not to mention the whole 'finding your father for the first time and losing him again all in an afternoon' thing. Kate couldn't even imagine. That Castle managed to smile through dinner was a testament to something-- the tenacity of the human spirit, Castle's naturally cheerful nature, his dedicated love of Alexis. One of those. All of those.
But once she was out of his sight, she was even more prevalent in his mind, it seemed. So he tossed and turned and paced the hallway in front of Alexis's room. He never went in, so Kate could only assume he thought Alexis was asleep. Whether exhaustion had actually overcome Alexis or adrenaline was keeping her awake (like the rest of them) and she was just faking it for her dad, Kate didn't know. Kate had barely slept herself, still bristling with dwindling adrenaline, not to mention the worry about seeing Gates the next day.
Castle had finally passed out around five. Kate watched for awhile, to make sure he wasn't faking this time. She herself had been feigning sleep for the past two hours for his sake. She waited in bed until he snored, then threw on a robe and went into the kitchen.
First order of business was coffee. Coffee was both a necessity for survival, in Kate's eyes, and their signal to one another that everything was okay, at least for one more morning.
Alexis stumbled into the kitchen just as the coffee had finished brewing. She wrapped her robe around herself like a security blanket. She looked weary. Maybe she hadn't slept, after all.
"Alexis--"
Alexis held up a hand. "Please, don't ask me how I am." Her face was apologetic but her tone was firm.
Kate almost laughed. She understood that mentality all too well. Instead, she pointed at the coffee pot. "Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted some coffee, and if so, if you had a preferred mug hiding around here." She held up her own Law & Order mug, a 'hilarious' Secret Santa present.
Alexis sagged with relief, nearly breaking Kate's heart. "I'd love some. Mine's the Piglet mug, it's usually in there." She pointed at the correct cabinet and sank onto a stool.
"All this time, I thought that was your dad's," Kate joked. She knew from experience pretending nothing had happened, pretending everything was okay, wasn't a viable long-term solution, but she just wanted to see the kid smile.
And she did. "Nah, Dad's more..."
"Tigger," they said together, and laughed.
Kate found the mug and filled it, then occupied herself with drinking so as not to look like she was watching. Alexis seemed ill at ease, clutching at Piglet without drinking. She probably didn't need the stimulant.
"How do you run in boots all the time?" Alexis blurted.
Kate's eyes widened. She'd expected... well, she hadn't known what to expect. Questions about being a hostage, maybe. Contemplative silence. Not this.
"I dressed up for the lecture, you know? And I had to run away twice, then there was the cage..." Alexis looked down abruptly, having clearly revealed too much. She took an unhealthy swig of coffee that likely burnt her taste buds, if not her esophagus.
Kate had sworn to herself that no matter what, she wouldn't ask either of them for details. If they wanted to give them, she'd listen. She'd been on their side before, knew what it was like to be under that kind of scrutiny. While everyone stared at you and whispered behind your back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn't matter how you coped, if you didn't do it the way they thought you should, the way the expected you to, you were doing it incorrectly. They wanted a teary, healing moment. Nothing less would be accepted. And anything more, anything beyond that, was unfathomable. Release your grief and terror and pain and trauma in one go, and you were healed forever.
Except it didn't work that way. If it did, everyone would have that one healing moment and be done with it forever, but the grief and terror and pain and trauma could stay with you, for who knew how long, and you never knew when it could come out. But no one wanted to know that. People wanted to believe there was an easy solution to trauma. There wasn't.
The thing was, whatever burden you were carrying, it was your burden. So Kate promised herself she wouldn't ask. And she'd promised she would listen if either of them wanted to talk about it, always. There was no statute of limitations on being someone who would listen without judgement. She owed Castle that.
But it was hard to keep that promise when details like that eked out. Good God, a cage? Did Rick know about this? He must. No wonder he couldn't sleep.
"You kind of get used to it," said Kate finally. "I wish I could give you a better strategy than that, but..." She shrugged.
"So your feet aren't killing you all the time?"
"Who says they aren't?" Kate smiled, but she knew it was a sad one. "Your feet are always going to hurt. No one's supposed to know about it, because you're not supposed to show it-- that's the nature of the beast."
"That's lame," was the deadpan, succinct answer.
Kate couldn't stop herself from laughing at that. "Yeah, no argument there. But here's the thing about boots: everyone's tried on a pair."
Alexis rolled her eyes, keeping her gaze on the table.
Kate took a silent breath and went on: "When you're walking around in pain and hiding it, you know you're not alone. You can look at anyone in boots and know they've felt the same. Maybe not as much, maybe more, maybe not in the same way. Every pair is different, and we all wear them differently, but we all feel it."
Alexis stared at a crack in the countertop. Kate wanted to fall in it. She worried she'd gone too far. The kitchen was silent except for the clock ticking.
She knew Alexis would understand Kate's message, but would she appreciate it? Kate was trying to give her space to process, but maybe it wasn't her place to get involved at all. She'd known Alexis for years now, they were as close to friends as Kate could be with a teenager, let alone a teenager who was also her boyfriend's daughter. But she wasn't Alexis's mother. She wasn't even Alexis's friend. Maybe she was severely crossing a line.
"Or, you know, you could always wear flats."
The out was there, if Alexis wanted to take it.
Castle shuffled in then, looking like he was Atlas shouldering the world. He brightened when he saw Alexis was at the table. "If it isn't my two favorite girls," he said. "Wait-- is Mother here? Don't tell her I said that."
"Your secret is safe with us," said Alexis.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. Alexis was smiling. Kate felt some of her own weight lifting and busied herself getting Castle's coffee just right.
"How did you sleep?" asked Castle.
"I slept as well as I could, given that I kept hearing footsteps outside my door."
Castle, to his credit, neither tried to deny it or look embarrassed. "I was just worried."
"I'm safe," Alexis assured him quietly. "You're here."
"Finally, someone recognizes my importance. So what are you ladies talking about?"
Alexis sipped her coffee. "Shoes."
Kate attempted to hide her face behind her mug, but she knew Alexis, and probably Castle, saw her smiling.
"Shoes," said Castle.
"I just got a new pair," said Alexis casually. "Detective Beckett was just giving me some advice."
"On wearing new shoes," said Castle, looking back and forth between them. He seemed simultaneously proud and confused, which actually sounded about right for him.
"Everyone's gotta wear 'em at some point, Dad." Alexis stood up abruptly. "I'm going to take a shower. You're not going to hover around the bathroom, are you?"
"If I do, it'll be strictly for personal reasons," said Castle solemnly.
"Gross." Alexis put her mug in the dishwasher and kissed her father on the cheek. After a moment's hesitation, she skirted around the island and kissed Kate on the cheek, as well. Kate stared at the tops of her slippers, pleased and embarrassed all at once. She could feel Castle's gaze burning into her.
She could tell when Alexis was officially out of earshot because Castle asked, "Is there anything I should know?"
Kate shook her head. "Nah."
"Shoes?"
"Shoes."
Castle was wearing his 'bemused by fatherhood' expression, but it faded into a weary smile. "Well, in any case, I'm glad she has you to talk to." He threaded his fingers through her semi-brushed hair and leaned forward, his forehead resting against her. It was a touching gesture until she realized he was barely awake and she may or may not have been holding him upright. "Is there coffee?"
"Of course there is, who do you think I am?"
"A wonderful angel sent from Heaven?" Castle accepted the proffered mug and took a deep breath in. "Ah. Dark roast. The truest gift from the universe. As long as there's coffee..."
"...everything's going to be okay?" she finished.
Castle gave her the weirdest look, sad and sideways and smiling all at once. Kate didn't know how to describe it or what to think of it.
"Yeah," he said thickly. "Yeah."
This fic and more can be found at my AO3 archive!
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Kate Beckett/Richard Castle, Alexis Castle
Word Count: 1754
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 5x15, 'Target'/5x16, 'Hunt'
Challenge: N/A
Warnings: N/A
Disclaimer: No one mentioned belongs to me.
Summary: Kate didn't think anyone slept that night.
This Too Shall Pass
Kate didn't think anyone slept that night.
Okay, Martha might have. Her method of stress relief was half catering to the every need of the FBI personnel camped out in her living room and half holding them hostage with stories about Castle, Alexis, or worse, Castle and Alexis. (The FBI personnel didn't seem to care much, just wanting to do their jobs. As for Kate, while she normally would've found the stories charming and slightly weird, they were heart-wrenching when Castle and Alexis were both MIA.)
The second Castle had called from the plane, Martha had started stress-baking and hadn't really stopped. Frankly, Kate wouldn't be surprised if Martha was flat-out unconscious.
Castle didn't stay in bed more than an hour at a time, shifting restlessly in tangled sheets before pacing off to check on Alexis again. Days of sleepless worry, two international flights, two near-death experiences in the middle of heavy gunfire-- it was enough to exhaust anyone. Not to mention the whole 'finding your father for the first time and losing him again all in an afternoon' thing. Kate couldn't even imagine. That Castle managed to smile through dinner was a testament to something-- the tenacity of the human spirit, Castle's naturally cheerful nature, his dedicated love of Alexis. One of those. All of those.
But once she was out of his sight, she was even more prevalent in his mind, it seemed. So he tossed and turned and paced the hallway in front of Alexis's room. He never went in, so Kate could only assume he thought Alexis was asleep. Whether exhaustion had actually overcome Alexis or adrenaline was keeping her awake (like the rest of them) and she was just faking it for her dad, Kate didn't know. Kate had barely slept herself, still bristling with dwindling adrenaline, not to mention the worry about seeing Gates the next day.
Castle had finally passed out around five. Kate watched for awhile, to make sure he wasn't faking this time. She herself had been feigning sleep for the past two hours for his sake. She waited in bed until he snored, then threw on a robe and went into the kitchen.
First order of business was coffee. Coffee was both a necessity for survival, in Kate's eyes, and their signal to one another that everything was okay, at least for one more morning.
Alexis stumbled into the kitchen just as the coffee had finished brewing. She wrapped her robe around herself like a security blanket. She looked weary. Maybe she hadn't slept, after all.
"Alexis--"
Alexis held up a hand. "Please, don't ask me how I am." Her face was apologetic but her tone was firm.
Kate almost laughed. She understood that mentality all too well. Instead, she pointed at the coffee pot. "Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted some coffee, and if so, if you had a preferred mug hiding around here." She held up her own Law & Order mug, a 'hilarious' Secret Santa present.
Alexis sagged with relief, nearly breaking Kate's heart. "I'd love some. Mine's the Piglet mug, it's usually in there." She pointed at the correct cabinet and sank onto a stool.
"All this time, I thought that was your dad's," Kate joked. She knew from experience pretending nothing had happened, pretending everything was okay, wasn't a viable long-term solution, but she just wanted to see the kid smile.
And she did. "Nah, Dad's more..."
"Tigger," they said together, and laughed.
Kate found the mug and filled it, then occupied herself with drinking so as not to look like she was watching. Alexis seemed ill at ease, clutching at Piglet without drinking. She probably didn't need the stimulant.
"How do you run in boots all the time?" Alexis blurted.
Kate's eyes widened. She'd expected... well, she hadn't known what to expect. Questions about being a hostage, maybe. Contemplative silence. Not this.
"I dressed up for the lecture, you know? And I had to run away twice, then there was the cage..." Alexis looked down abruptly, having clearly revealed too much. She took an unhealthy swig of coffee that likely burnt her taste buds, if not her esophagus.
Kate had sworn to herself that no matter what, she wouldn't ask either of them for details. If they wanted to give them, she'd listen. She'd been on their side before, knew what it was like to be under that kind of scrutiny. While everyone stared at you and whispered behind your back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn't matter how you coped, if you didn't do it the way they thought you should, the way the expected you to, you were doing it incorrectly. They wanted a teary, healing moment. Nothing less would be accepted. And anything more, anything beyond that, was unfathomable. Release your grief and terror and pain and trauma in one go, and you were healed forever.
Except it didn't work that way. If it did, everyone would have that one healing moment and be done with it forever, but the grief and terror and pain and trauma could stay with you, for who knew how long, and you never knew when it could come out. But no one wanted to know that. People wanted to believe there was an easy solution to trauma. There wasn't.
The thing was, whatever burden you were carrying, it was your burden. So Kate promised herself she wouldn't ask. And she'd promised she would listen if either of them wanted to talk about it, always. There was no statute of limitations on being someone who would listen without judgement. She owed Castle that.
But it was hard to keep that promise when details like that eked out. Good God, a cage? Did Rick know about this? He must. No wonder he couldn't sleep.
"You kind of get used to it," said Kate finally. "I wish I could give you a better strategy than that, but..." She shrugged.
"So your feet aren't killing you all the time?"
"Who says they aren't?" Kate smiled, but she knew it was a sad one. "Your feet are always going to hurt. No one's supposed to know about it, because you're not supposed to show it-- that's the nature of the beast."
"That's lame," was the deadpan, succinct answer.
Kate couldn't stop herself from laughing at that. "Yeah, no argument there. But here's the thing about boots: everyone's tried on a pair."
Alexis rolled her eyes, keeping her gaze on the table.
Kate took a silent breath and went on: "When you're walking around in pain and hiding it, you know you're not alone. You can look at anyone in boots and know they've felt the same. Maybe not as much, maybe more, maybe not in the same way. Every pair is different, and we all wear them differently, but we all feel it."
Alexis stared at a crack in the countertop. Kate wanted to fall in it. She worried she'd gone too far. The kitchen was silent except for the clock ticking.
She knew Alexis would understand Kate's message, but would she appreciate it? Kate was trying to give her space to process, but maybe it wasn't her place to get involved at all. She'd known Alexis for years now, they were as close to friends as Kate could be with a teenager, let alone a teenager who was also her boyfriend's daughter. But she wasn't Alexis's mother. She wasn't even Alexis's friend. Maybe she was severely crossing a line.
"Or, you know, you could always wear flats."
The out was there, if Alexis wanted to take it.
Castle shuffled in then, looking like he was Atlas shouldering the world. He brightened when he saw Alexis was at the table. "If it isn't my two favorite girls," he said. "Wait-- is Mother here? Don't tell her I said that."
"Your secret is safe with us," said Alexis.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. Alexis was smiling. Kate felt some of her own weight lifting and busied herself getting Castle's coffee just right.
"How did you sleep?" asked Castle.
"I slept as well as I could, given that I kept hearing footsteps outside my door."
Castle, to his credit, neither tried to deny it or look embarrassed. "I was just worried."
"I'm safe," Alexis assured him quietly. "You're here."
"Finally, someone recognizes my importance. So what are you ladies talking about?"
Alexis sipped her coffee. "Shoes."
Kate attempted to hide her face behind her mug, but she knew Alexis, and probably Castle, saw her smiling.
"Shoes," said Castle.
"I just got a new pair," said Alexis casually. "Detective Beckett was just giving me some advice."
"On wearing new shoes," said Castle, looking back and forth between them. He seemed simultaneously proud and confused, which actually sounded about right for him.
"Everyone's gotta wear 'em at some point, Dad." Alexis stood up abruptly. "I'm going to take a shower. You're not going to hover around the bathroom, are you?"
"If I do, it'll be strictly for personal reasons," said Castle solemnly.
"Gross." Alexis put her mug in the dishwasher and kissed her father on the cheek. After a moment's hesitation, she skirted around the island and kissed Kate on the cheek, as well. Kate stared at the tops of her slippers, pleased and embarrassed all at once. She could feel Castle's gaze burning into her.
She could tell when Alexis was officially out of earshot because Castle asked, "Is there anything I should know?"
Kate shook her head. "Nah."
"Shoes?"
"Shoes."
Castle was wearing his 'bemused by fatherhood' expression, but it faded into a weary smile. "Well, in any case, I'm glad she has you to talk to." He threaded his fingers through her semi-brushed hair and leaned forward, his forehead resting against her. It was a touching gesture until she realized he was barely awake and she may or may not have been holding him upright. "Is there coffee?"
"Of course there is, who do you think I am?"
"A wonderful angel sent from Heaven?" Castle accepted the proffered mug and took a deep breath in. "Ah. Dark roast. The truest gift from the universe. As long as there's coffee..."
"...everything's going to be okay?" she finished.
Castle gave her the weirdest look, sad and sideways and smiling all at once. Kate didn't know how to describe it or what to think of it.
"Yeah," he said thickly. "Yeah."
This fic and more can be found at my AO3 archive!