Emergency plan for the Potions classroom
Emergency plan for the Potions classroom
by Maeglin Yedi
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to JKR
A/N: Written for the April Non-Fiction Fest at omniocular (Yes, I know it's May 1st, Why do you ask? *g*), for prompt: 78. Notices of emergency procedures (e.g. in case of fire, burns, stings etc) to be found in either the Potions dungeon or the Herbology greenhouse.
*~*~*~*~*
Since 1994, the Board of Governors requires that an emergency plan is made available in every classroom at Hogwarts. Severus Snape, though he finds the idea of an emergency plan preposterous, complied.
And thus, since September 1994, a small note is found pinned to the Potions classroom wall above the sinks, containing the emergency procedures written in Snape's near-illegible script.
For those of you who have trouble deciphering Snape's handwriting (like most students and staff at Hogwarts), here's a transcript:
In case any of you dunderheads blows up my dungeons:
Evacuate the classroom according to House and grades. Slytherins first, then
Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and lastly, if the room hasn't collapsed by then, Gryffindors. If
any of the potentially severe casualties include Potter, Longbottom, students with the
surname of Weasley, or any student with an average lower than Acceptable, they may be
left behind.
In case any of you imbeciles sets fire to a cauldron, the furniture, or another student:
If you have not mastered the correct charm to conjure water, you should seriously
reconsider if you belong at this school. However, I'd rather not have any fatalities in my
classroom, nor do I wish to spend my precious spare time cleaning up charred furniture or
melted cauldrons, thus if you cannot conjure water I strongly suggest you look down. You
will find water there to put out any fires that may occur.
Additional note to Longbottom and any other students (Potter, I am looking at you) who do
not understand the fine art of potion making: DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to put
out a fire caused by the use of dragon blood with water! It will only fuel the fire, as you
should know! Use a containment spell (which you should have mastered by now) instead.
In case any of you idiots suffers from burns, cuts, blindness caused by rubbing your eyes
with your hands after handling bubotuber pus/armadillo bile/any kind of venom, or
experiences respiratory problems after inhaling potions fumes:
Go to the hospital wing at once. And ten points from your House!
In case any of you insufferable adolescents melts a cauldron:
You should have been concentrating on your potion, instead of trying to look down the
blouse of your neighbour. Do leave your uncontrolled teenage hormones at the
door in the future. If not, detention will be the least of your problems.
Severus Snape
Potions master
by Maeglin Yedi
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to JKR
A/N: Written for the April Non-Fiction Fest at omniocular (Yes, I know it's May 1st, Why do you ask? *g*), for prompt: 78. Notices of emergency procedures (e.g. in case of fire, burns, stings etc) to be found in either the Potions dungeon or the Herbology greenhouse.
*~*~*~*~*
Since 1994, the Board of Governors requires that an emergency plan is made available in every classroom at Hogwarts. Severus Snape, though he finds the idea of an emergency plan preposterous, complied.
And thus, since September 1994, a small note is found pinned to the Potions classroom wall above the sinks, containing the emergency procedures written in Snape's near-illegible script.
For those of you who have trouble deciphering Snape's handwriting (like most students and staff at Hogwarts), here's a transcript:
In case any of you dunderheads blows up my dungeons:
Evacuate the classroom according to House and grades. Slytherins first, then
Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and lastly, if the room hasn't collapsed by then, Gryffindors. If
any of the potentially severe casualties include Potter, Longbottom, students with the
surname of Weasley, or any student with an average lower than Acceptable, they may be
left behind.
In case any of you imbeciles sets fire to a cauldron, the furniture, or another student:
If you have not mastered the correct charm to conjure water, you should seriously
reconsider if you belong at this school. However, I'd rather not have any fatalities in my
classroom, nor do I wish to spend my precious spare time cleaning up charred furniture or
melted cauldrons, thus if you cannot conjure water I strongly suggest you look down. You
will find water there to put out any fires that may occur.
Additional note to Longbottom and any other students (Potter, I am looking at you) who do
not understand the fine art of potion making: DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to put
out a fire caused by the use of dragon blood with water! It will only fuel the fire, as you
should know! Use a containment spell (which you should have mastered by now) instead.
In case any of you idiots suffers from burns, cuts, blindness caused by rubbing your eyes
with your hands after handling bubotuber pus/armadillo bile/any kind of venom, or
experiences respiratory problems after inhaling potions fumes:
Go to the hospital wing at once. And ten points from your House!
In case any of you insufferable adolescents melts a cauldron:
You should have been concentrating on your potion, instead of trying to look down the
blouse of your neighbour. Do leave your uncontrolled teenage hormones at the
door in the future. If not, detention will be the least of your problems.
Severus Snape
Potions master