Ten Ways Matt Lost His Virginty : The Film
I had never seen it that way. Sure, I was full of energy and extremely slim, flexible. Maybe even feminine, although never enough for it to be of my advantage.
"What? You have a dick?!"
I remained there, with my bum in the air, vainly expecting to be entered. The bastard. He had loved every second of it up to point where he had to notice my dick. It was dark! And you can't even see it unless you try very hard. Really, very hard. That's what I get for trying to fuck strangers.
I pulled the chestnut wig off my head and stood up from the pile of garbage we'd been wallowing in.
"You can't leave me here! You promised!
I WANT TO GET FUCKED, DAMN IT!"
I threw the wig at him. But I hadn't been fast enough. Instead, it hit the face of some poor bloke who had been staring at my shameless, trashy nudity a few seconds before as he drove by. He lost control and crashed into the wall of a store. I panicked and ran for it. The last thing I needed was to get arrested. Handcuffs and police uniforms. . . As I bathed in the safety of my home later that night, regretting my cowardly fleeing from the scene and thus missing my chance for some hot action, I found comfort in wondering whether or not that bloke driving by would have done the job. Now that I think of it, he had a pretty sweet face. . .
So when I found myself signing up for ballet classes every Wednesday afternoon, it seemed like the only logical step. Now I would finally have an excuse to wax my amazingly beautiful body to my heart's content without looking like a freak.
"You know, by taking ballet classes, you're even more of a freak, if that is even possible."
"Shut up. At least it'll keep me occupied so I don't have to look out the window and wank to your grandparents."
"YOU WANKED TO MY GRANNY?!"
Oh yeah. He hadn't known about that. I'd only told Dom. A girl eating an apple stopped, stood up and walked towards me. When she was right in front of me, she proceeded to spit out the half-chewed apple remnants over my face. I stared at her, shocked, as a little piece slid down my right cheekbone with her saliva. Chris took out a napkin and began to wipe the crap off my face. The bitch would pay.
"Chris, but I wanked t-"
"Shut up before I do the same."
Chris was nice enough to come with me to buy the clothes necessary for the class. Though I admit to a certain degree of feminity, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn't a cross-dresser. But that wasn't because I didn't want to. I merely didn't have a wardrobe with clothing that appealed to my particular taste.
". . .Matt?"
I agree. It was hard to recognise me underneath that long blonde wig with its infinte curls. And the little black dress really brought out a shape in my body I'd never known I had. I took some sunglasses and began to kiss my reflection in the mirror. Chris shouted something about having to go home, but I couldn't make out exactly what he was saying, and frankly, I couldn't give a shit. I was too occupied applying lipstick.
As I ventured out of the changing rooms, putting on a scarf to hide the only trace of masculinity visible, I caught the site of Dom, shyly walking in. What the fuck was he doing in a girl's clothing store? Sack of shit.
"Owww! Erm, ahh, sorry."
He stared at me as he started to blush. I couldn't think of a time I'd ever seen him look that pathetic.
Wait a moment. He thought I was a girl! The idiot. This was something I would definitely take advantage of. He was young, sexless, desperate and lonely.
I began to giggle like a little French schoolgirl, which I guessed would be the reaction of any normal girl (I had to admit, Dom WAS a good-looking bloke, as much as I hate to say it). To my utter disgust, he did the same. I had to supress my laughter, otherwise I knew he'd find me.
"So, umm, what's your name?"
Shit. Fuck. What the HELL was I supposed to do now? I couldn't very well talk!
Thanks to my infallible genius, however, I managed to convince the sucker that I was mute and had to resort to writing everything down on a little notepad I actually carried to write my songs.
"You're very pretty. . ."
God was he fast. We'd barely met a few moments before and already he was thinking about how he was going to take off my underwear. To be honest, I don't think I would have been so disturbed if he wasn't my best friend. And if we hadn't been wanking as we counted sheep in the same bed the weekend before.
". . .Wait why are counting sheep if we're not going to sleep?"
"Don't be stupid. Don't sheep make you. . .happy?
"You mean. . .oh god. . ."
"I know it does it for me. Come on, think of sheep! They're warm and fuzzy. . ."
"SHUT UP! I love sheep!"
"See?"
"But not that way you sick, twisted cunt!"
He rose from the bed and began to walk towards the door.
"Hehehe. You called me a cunt."
With that, he stopped and began towards me again, reluctantly getting back in bed and joining me.
"See, now you can think of the sick, twisted cunt next to you in bed. . ."
"Why. . .why do I allow you to bring me down into your world of perversion. . ."
But nothing could prepare me for what would happen to me next. As far as anyone could tell, I was a young, short, cute blonde. I didn't look sleazy. At least I didn't think I did. So when that old geezer asked me to be the 'fluffer' for one of his films, I was shocked.
"What exactly is a 'fluffer'?" I wrote.
"You don't know what a fluffer is? It's the girl that gets the star ready for action."
My hand shook. The geezer was giving me bad vibes.
". . .action?"
"For the scenes. You basically suck dicks for money."
Just as I was about to faint, the most gorgeous, perfect bodided, blue-eyed redhead came in (why must they all be so beautiful?!). He was completely naked. I froze in my half-dead state, staring intently as his inexplicably limp tool. How the fuck could he be standing completely nude without getting a boner?! It was completely beyond me.
However, if he didn't react, I certainly did. But wait, I was supposed to be a girl. Oh shit.
I ran to the dressing rooms and closed the door behind me. Though I was small, the tightness of the dress made my dick visible.
"Why NOW?!"
I began to punch my crotch, trying to make it die off.
Boy was that dumb.
Though I was undergoing excruciating pain, I couldn't relieve it. So I went for the next best thing: a roll of tape. Yes, you guessed it. I began to tape my dick down flat against my body. I realised that once I got home and began to pull it off, I probably wouldn't have a dick anymore. But there was no way in hell I was going to miss my opportunity to suck that. At least not if I could help it.
He sat down on a chair as he looked at me coldly. He must have been desensitised by the massive amounts of hot, steamy, ravenous sex he had. And knowing that only made it worse. I grabbed his dick in my shaky hand as I began to put it in my mouth apprehensively.
"Oww! You whore! You're not supposed to use your teeth! Like this!"
He pushed his thing deeper into my mouth so that I felt that I was going to suffocate. I began to gag and pulled away from him as I coughed and tears came.
The old geezer began to apologise on my behalf.
"It's fine. Let her try again."
I felt a sharp pain in my knob from the excitement I got from getting a second chance. I quickly got on my knees like the obedient slut I am and began to suck his dick eagerly. He began to push my head gently towards him and he also started moaning. Before I knew it, he was as hard as a steel rod. I felt how his thigh began to burn against my hand and his body tightened.
Then I remembered all the pornos I'd watched up to that point. I'd always wondered what it would be like to actually cause someone to jizz. When I wanked, I wanked to the thought of someone wanting me so badly. I guess that's why even Michael Jackson seemed good. He already likes little boys anyway.
And that's what I was finally getting to know. The blood in his tool pumped and made it throb. It was so warm. He pulled me up from the floor and began to force his hand in my arse crack. He was rubbing too much against me. The friction was unbearable. You idiot. He wants to fuck you and you want to pull away?
I stuffed his dick into my mouth again, trying to make myself feel better. God, why couldn't you make me a girl? All you had to do was make me a little less hairy and to deduct a bit down there. Damn you. I lost my chance to actually get fucked. I'll never be a man.
This was the moment. He was finally going to do it.
"Stop. He's ready now."
WHAT?! YOU BITCH. YOU MADE ME DO ALL THE WORK AND LET ME HAVE NONE OF THE GLORY! THAT JIZZ IS MINE. FUCK YOU. DO YOU THINK I DRESSED UP LIKE A CHEAP GERMAN WHORE FOR NOTHING?!
They all stared at me. The girl he was fucking got it good as he exploded all over her face. The director threw a roll of tape at me as he began to sob and yell with rage. My beautiful jizz. It was all over her face. I ran over to where she was and sweeped a bit of it from her.
With the energy of 1,000 lucifers she got up from her servile position and began to slap me. The stuff flew off her face as I tried to catch it like raindrops with my tongue.
"You slut! How dare you? You're just the fluffer! Are you stupid?! I get to fuck him!"
"Michelle, calm down. He's not even a girl."
"AHHHHH! I QUIT!"
She stormed out of the studio, naked, with some of the stuff still over her face. The bloke stood there, covering his tool with a lamp, trying to avoid eye contact. What the fuck was his problem? It's not as though I hadn't seen him naked already. I sucked his dick for fuck's sake and now he was covering it? It makes no sense!
"This is strange. I just got my dick sucked by another man."
"Was it any good?"
"Are you joking? It was amazing."
"OWWWWWWWW!
I awoke to a large, white room. The bloke, Tristan (I finally caught his name), was sitting in a chair next to my bed. He smiled at me and then I remembered what happened. Oh no. Where is it? WHERE THE FUCK'S MY WIENNER?!
"Hey, hey, calm down. It's still there, just bandaged. We got a little too happy, eh? If I'd known it was so easy to excite you, I wouldn't have been so honest."
We both laughed a bit as he started going towards the door.
"Well, I have to go now. I'm glad you're not a real fluffer. Then I would be out of a job."
He winked at me as I felt another excruciating pain originating from the area. Then tears began to cloud my vision as I realised that was probably as close as I'd ever get to getting laid. I wanted to go after him and beg him on my knees to fuck me. If I was really that good then why the hell had he not taken me?!
The door slammed open.
"YOU DID WHAT?!"
It was Dom. Just as hysterical as always. He seriously needed to get laid, more than I did, sadly. Except he lacked the very basic step required to even begin. He should really consider getting his balls cut off. Then he wouldn't have a need and I could send him off to a nunnery. Or he could be my slave. He'd have no willpower.
"How could you even think about taping it?! Don't you want to remain functional? For Christ's sake, I only ask that at least one of us gets laid! And you're stupid enough to make that virtually impossible! Oh by the way, I met a girl today."
Disgusting. I don't think I'd ever seen Dom this happy, even the day he was invited to join a massive orgy (don't ask about details; it makes me want to cut off my own balls from frustration. Why the fuck hadn't I been invited?!) seems bleak in comparison. Could it be that his utter inability to get laid had made him resort to something as lowly, pathetic and lame as affection?! He really WAS a girl now.
"Dom, did you cut off your balls on accident on the sill as the window closed on you when you peeped on Jane?"
"WHAT?! Why would you even ask that! My balls happen to be one of the few things about my body that would make-you shithole. If I could, I'd rape you with a lamp post until your hole and the rest of your girly arse merged into one and the same! Here I'm trying to tell you about something important in my life and you go mock me?! ROT! Rot and die in a pile of putrefied shit. Don't you EVER-"
"Ok, ok, sorry! Christ, if I'd known how hormonal you were, I'd never said anything. So what about this girl?"
"I think. . .I think I might have found the one. . ."
"'The one'? Dom, are you ok? What is this crap about 'The One'? The one who will finally make you get a boner? Damn, she must have been hot-"
"NO! I don't mean it that way, you cunt. I think I'm in love."
"Oh really? I'm simply fascinated. Do tell me more."
"Well, I met her at the mall today as I was going to sniff out panties, like we usually do. She had blonde hair and a tight little black dress. I think I almost got a boner. . ."
Oh no.