Bedroom Banter
Title: Bedroom Banter
Pairing: Frodo/Sam
Disclaimer: Characters=Tolkien’s; Their Sex Lives=Mine
Rating: R
Author’s Note: This fic is entirely dialogue between Frodo and his beloved Sam. Each new quote begins another person’s speech. Shouldn’t be too hard to follow. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.
“Mmmm…Sam….Sam….Sam! We’ll never get through the door if you don’t stop…oh…doing…that.”
“Sorry Frodo…it’s just…so hard…to…Mmmm…resist.”
“Just give me a moment to get the…key…in the…lock…”
“Nevermind gettin’ indoors. Outside is just…fine with me.”
“You wouldn’t be saying such things…if the Gaffer… happened to be taking a walk up the Row…ahhh…at this very moment.”
“Oh yes I…most…certainly…would.”
“Too bad…door’s…opened…now.”
“Finally. I’ve been waitin’ for ages it seems.”
“I know, love. But we couldn’t just…Mmmm…leave your own party an hour…after it began.”
“An hour was…too long in itself.”
“I’ll make it up to you, Sam.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Now help me out of these…ohhh…breeches.”
“Breeches? What breeches?”
“Sam. You know very well what breeches. Now get them off.”
“Oh these breeches. Hmmm, well, I’d say they look wonderful on.”
“Sam, please.”
“They’re tailored so beautifully. ‘Twould be a shame to just rip them off. I’ll have to ease them off. Gentle-like.”
“Oh for the love of the Shire, Sam, please don’t tease.”
“It’s no more’n what you did to me at the party.”
“Sam, I’m sorry, really, I won’t--oh no…there’s that grin. I know that grin.”
“Dancin’ with me and whisperin’ to me the whole time.”
“Finally a button undone.”
“Findin’ a way to touch me at every chance you got.”
“Faster! I’ll have you naked before you even get my breeches off.”
“Knowin’ full-well that I could barely hide-”
“By the Valar, Sam, these breeches have got to go!”
“Mayhap they weren’t tailored as well as I thought. They seem to be just a wee bit tight in the crotch.”
“Oh Lady! I’ll do them.”
“Impatient are we, dearest?”
“Yes Sam. Very impatient. So impatient…I could…get the oil out right now and…Lady these are stubborn!”
“Ha ha. Here, let me help.”
“Sam! Where in Middle-Earth did you learn that?”
“Bilbo wasn’t always just teaching me my letters, you know.”
“You learned this from Bilbo?”
“Not learned exactly. Just given the idea from, is all. He was talkin’ about some Elvish way of bathin’, or was it swimmin’? Anyway, the mouth can come in handy when the hands are…busy.”
“Honestly. Here I thought the Elves were ceremonial and, I don’t know…traditional. Now I find they remove clothing with their teeth.”
“Well, you know what my Gaffer would always say, ‘you learn somethin’ new everyday’.”
***
“Wake up, me dear. It’s beautiful outside.”
“….”
“Frodo-love. Wake up. Your Sam’s got a surprise for you.”
“Hmmm?”
“Time to wake up, love.”
“Sam?”
“It’s me. I made you a little somethin’.”
“Sam, you really didn’t have to, *yawn*, do this…mushroom omelets?! Dearest, you’re the absolute best!”
“Thought you might like them.”
“These are incredible. I certainly owe you something.”
“Your love is more’n I could ever ask for.”
“Oh Sam.”
“But, if you’re insistin’ on repaying me, the Gaffer’s not expectin’ me back till late tonight.”
“Perfect.”
***
“Ohhh…Sam…”
“Frodo, you’re so beautiful…so beautiful…”
“Only when you’re with me…Mmmm…more…”
“Better?”
“Yesss…right there…Sam, Sam wait…too close…not now.”
“Do you want me to get…?”
“Yes, I mean, no, I mean, I’ll get it, love.”
“I’ll be right here waiting.”
“Shant be long.”
“Finally you’re back, love.”
“I wasn’t gone more than a minute!”
“In this state I’m in, a minute is forever.”
“My dear Sam. Now who’s impatient?”
“C’mere you.”
“Oooo…it’s cold…”
“’M sorry…how’s this?”
“Mmmm…better…now…ready?”
“Yesss…Frodo, need you…inside…”
“Ohhh! So tight…so, so tight.”
“Mmmm…harder…”
“I don’t want to hurt you, love.”
“…don’t care…harder…”
“Sam…Sam…I’m going to…soon…”
“Open your eyes.”
“Sam…”
“Frodo-love, let go. Let me see you let go.”
“SAM! Oh Sam!”
“Mmmm…Frodo…”
“Ohhh…Sam…that was…incredible…”
“Yes, Frodo-love…incredible…”
“Sam? Do you hear that?”
“Hear what, Frodo?”
“The stars. They’re singing.”
“What do they say?”
“They say the two of us together are more beautiful than all of Middle-Earth.”
“Then I reckon they’re right, Frodo-love. I reckon they’re right.”