Transformers: Revenge of the Clutter
(fictional memo posted on April 2008)
Dear Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Ehren Kruger,
I've just read your tentative script for the sequel to the 2007 Transformers movie. Interesting title. Revenge of the Fallen, huh? Well, it could only be bulkier if your tacked "Transformers:" in front of it. I have a few suggestions and ideas that hopefully fix a few of the larger bugs in that I can see arising in this film (particularly due to Michael Bay being the director).
First, never introduce characters that won't matter to the audience. You introduce this toy truck Decepticon called Wheelie who spies on Sam's girlfriend and becomes an unwilling snitch to the Autobot side. Jetfire mentions that he can switch sides if he wants, he expresses surprise and joins the Autobots... and then disappears from the rest of what I assume will be the explosion part of the film. You don't have to convince me of motivation etc, but you have to justify his presence. He's silly, only a little funny given his lines and you know that Michael Bay will make a little Transformer turned into a dumb joke magnet. He'll make him get humped by a dog or make him hump like a dog... whatever. What is this little dude going to do to help the good guys? This character doesn't need to exist.
Perfect example of how you did this right is in this script already. Take Ravage (the big jaguar Decepticon). He has a purpose, he's cool at doing it, he's in the final battle sequence and he gets whacked by a good guy. Beginning, middle, end. And he's throughout the film, not just in one section and then missing for the rest. Jetfire is flawed in the same way as Wheelie. He teleports himself and a bunch of humans and Autobots across the planet to Egypt, gives a brief exposition on Cybertronian history, then sits down. The cars then drive the humans from "middle of desert" to the pyramids and then to Petra, Jordan in what seems like a short amount of time (it would be about a 4 hour drive, ignoring border crossings and going the way the crow flies)... um, use the frickin' jet. You can learn more about the character and make his sacrifice at the end of the film seem worthy and noble, not just "Wait, where did you come from? Oh, let's make your death worthwhile if not memorable".
Second, in terms of plot, you've fallen into the same trap as the old Batman films, the trap that the new ones have so nicely avoided: you have too many villians. Remember that less is more. If you want the Fallen to be the big bad guy, add him as a significant character in the 3rd film. This film should be titled "The Return of Megatron" or keep the title, but have that any victory the Autobots have in this film be a pyrrhic one since the Decepticons manage to find and restore the Fallen (their ancestral leader), before fleeing the battle. Hell, if you want to have a lead-in to the 3rd, only hint that the Decepticons were successful at bringing him back. Thus the "Revenge of the Fallen" is connected with the return of Megatron (the biggest event) and the actual part of returning the Fallen back to the Decepticon flock. Instead, you uncerimoniously have that he's already around, hanging out on Mars with Starscream. Megatron returns, but only to start faking being Darth Vader to the Fallen's Emperor. "Apprentice" and "master" is overdone and overwrought. Master is one thing... apprentice is firmly in the public's mind as a Star Wars thing and will definitely be in minds of the gamer/geek/nerd demographic going to this movie. Anyway, however you handle it, make this movie about one thing: the return of Megatron and his revenge on the Autobots/humans while working towards some goal. Along the way, explain more of Cybertronian society so that terms like "Seeker" and "Energon" and "Prime" don't seem like you pulled them out of your ass. Make us familiar with these terms and then apply them to characters, much like Star Wars lets us know about Jedi and the Empire and the Rebel Alliance and THEN we get to see them in action. And "let you know" doesn't have to be exposition, it can be experiential in some cases. But don't introduce a term once and then use it a grand total of one other time in the film. It's poor writing. Sorry, guys, it is.
Third, rewrite your script so that it's Bay-proof. Michael Bay is immature, likes T and A, likes explosions and dislikes plot. Give him plenty of room to blow stuff up, don't write in scenes where his blatant sexism can rear its ugly head, and avoid silly characters that he can turn into dumb sources of painful lines. He WILL rewrite your script in such a way to indulge himself, but you need to give him as few opportunities as possible. College party? Make a line or two about how Sam's roommate Leo had this fantasy that college girls would all be supermodels who wanted to have sex with him and instead they seem just like the girls back home... it will influence casting so that Michael Bay doesn't turn the college party into just a bunch of hot, gyrating girls.
You write "Military starts to head to the Autobot position to help" and then they appear and make a few shots at the Decepticons. First, it's important to let Bay get his military fix. That's fine. But in terms of timeline, unless they have the military sitting in the Red Sea (I'm not sure if that's realistic) they won't have amphibious landing craft available to bring in tanks. Bring in jets and they have to deal with Starscream again and they have to fly from Germany or whatnot which is at least an hour or so from scrambling to shooting on Decepticons. Add in lines for Lennox or Epps about how they don't think that the military won't get there in time... and then have the Autobots pull through for the humans, earning their trust hopefully. Just because you can get the military to be in your picture and allow them to show how they would fight an alien menace, you still have to be realistic about timelines. The last movie was great for that since the military's planes showed up at the end and Lennox and Epps and crew took half the film flying from Qatar to L.A. Keep that realism in this film.
There are a million things I could keep on you guys about, but two of the three of you wrote that new Star Trek script (which should be awesome), so I have trust that you'll turn things around before the movie starts shooting.
Your friend,
Dear Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Ehren Kruger,
I've just read your tentative script for the sequel to the 2007 Transformers movie. Interesting title. Revenge of the Fallen, huh? Well, it could only be bulkier if your tacked "Transformers:" in front of it. I have a few suggestions and ideas that hopefully fix a few of the larger bugs in that I can see arising in this film (particularly due to Michael Bay being the director).
First, never introduce characters that won't matter to the audience. You introduce this toy truck Decepticon called Wheelie who spies on Sam's girlfriend and becomes an unwilling snitch to the Autobot side. Jetfire mentions that he can switch sides if he wants, he expresses surprise and joins the Autobots... and then disappears from the rest of what I assume will be the explosion part of the film. You don't have to convince me of motivation etc, but you have to justify his presence. He's silly, only a little funny given his lines and you know that Michael Bay will make a little Transformer turned into a dumb joke magnet. He'll make him get humped by a dog or make him hump like a dog... whatever. What is this little dude going to do to help the good guys? This character doesn't need to exist.
Perfect example of how you did this right is in this script already. Take Ravage (the big jaguar Decepticon). He has a purpose, he's cool at doing it, he's in the final battle sequence and he gets whacked by a good guy. Beginning, middle, end. And he's throughout the film, not just in one section and then missing for the rest. Jetfire is flawed in the same way as Wheelie. He teleports himself and a bunch of humans and Autobots across the planet to Egypt, gives a brief exposition on Cybertronian history, then sits down. The cars then drive the humans from "middle of desert" to the pyramids and then to Petra, Jordan in what seems like a short amount of time (it would be about a 4 hour drive, ignoring border crossings and going the way the crow flies)... um, use the frickin' jet. You can learn more about the character and make his sacrifice at the end of the film seem worthy and noble, not just "Wait, where did you come from? Oh, let's make your death worthwhile if not memorable".
Second, in terms of plot, you've fallen into the same trap as the old Batman films, the trap that the new ones have so nicely avoided: you have too many villians. Remember that less is more. If you want the Fallen to be the big bad guy, add him as a significant character in the 3rd film. This film should be titled "The Return of Megatron" or keep the title, but have that any victory the Autobots have in this film be a pyrrhic one since the Decepticons manage to find and restore the Fallen (their ancestral leader), before fleeing the battle. Hell, if you want to have a lead-in to the 3rd, only hint that the Decepticons were successful at bringing him back. Thus the "Revenge of the Fallen" is connected with the return of Megatron (the biggest event) and the actual part of returning the Fallen back to the Decepticon flock. Instead, you uncerimoniously have that he's already around, hanging out on Mars with Starscream. Megatron returns, but only to start faking being Darth Vader to the Fallen's Emperor. "Apprentice" and "master" is overdone and overwrought. Master is one thing... apprentice is firmly in the public's mind as a Star Wars thing and will definitely be in minds of the gamer/geek/nerd demographic going to this movie. Anyway, however you handle it, make this movie about one thing: the return of Megatron and his revenge on the Autobots/humans while working towards some goal. Along the way, explain more of Cybertronian society so that terms like "Seeker" and "Energon" and "Prime" don't seem like you pulled them out of your ass. Make us familiar with these terms and then apply them to characters, much like Star Wars lets us know about Jedi and the Empire and the Rebel Alliance and THEN we get to see them in action. And "let you know" doesn't have to be exposition, it can be experiential in some cases. But don't introduce a term once and then use it a grand total of one other time in the film. It's poor writing. Sorry, guys, it is.
Third, rewrite your script so that it's Bay-proof. Michael Bay is immature, likes T and A, likes explosions and dislikes plot. Give him plenty of room to blow stuff up, don't write in scenes where his blatant sexism can rear its ugly head, and avoid silly characters that he can turn into dumb sources of painful lines. He WILL rewrite your script in such a way to indulge himself, but you need to give him as few opportunities as possible. College party? Make a line or two about how Sam's roommate Leo had this fantasy that college girls would all be supermodels who wanted to have sex with him and instead they seem just like the girls back home... it will influence casting so that Michael Bay doesn't turn the college party into just a bunch of hot, gyrating girls.
You write "Military starts to head to the Autobot position to help" and then they appear and make a few shots at the Decepticons. First, it's important to let Bay get his military fix. That's fine. But in terms of timeline, unless they have the military sitting in the Red Sea (I'm not sure if that's realistic) they won't have amphibious landing craft available to bring in tanks. Bring in jets and they have to deal with Starscream again and they have to fly from Germany or whatnot which is at least an hour or so from scrambling to shooting on Decepticons. Add in lines for Lennox or Epps about how they don't think that the military won't get there in time... and then have the Autobots pull through for the humans, earning their trust hopefully. Just because you can get the military to be in your picture and allow them to show how they would fight an alien menace, you still have to be realistic about timelines. The last movie was great for that since the military's planes showed up at the end and Lennox and Epps and crew took half the film flying from Qatar to L.A. Keep that realism in this film.
There are a million things I could keep on you guys about, but two of the three of you wrote that new Star Trek script (which should be awesome), so I have trust that you'll turn things around before the movie starts shooting.
Your friend,