Funk
Something is chewing at me. Maybe more than one something. I can feel 3 things bouncing around in my head, but i don't know which is making the others worse. I've been waking up lately, tearing myself up over the drinking shit. I hate writing it in here, cuz I know that most of you I can't talk about it with. Just causes problems. But I woke up at 4am about it yesterday: 4 am. I wasn't supposed to be up for another 2.5 hours. I can't keep going on like this, but I can't fix it either. The only people I could trust enough to ask for help on it with are either not talking to me or has gotten me upset over it lately.
The second thing is a friend of mine here. This is one that I really think the other 2 are exaggerating, because it makes little sense otherwise. That's all I'll say about it for the moment. But it's also been keeping me up in the morning, waking me up and ripping into me.
And the last is Christy. Big surprise. I've been tearing myself up, trying not to contact her. I don't want to give up, I care about her too much to just hang up the towel. But at the same time, I don't want to keep bothering her. Last couple times this happened, I went overboard... saying stuff that I know can't have helped the situation, and its all I can do to not say the same things again. I just want to get her talking to me again, cuz right now I'm feeling like I can't deal with all this.
So the semester has gotten off to a rather rocky start. My work has been stressing me out, and I had two minor breakdowns last week. I was trying to learn Java, and just broke down. After a walk and a talk with Sujin, I got ahold of myself and realized that I could (and should) just call the process from inside a program in a language that I could actually stand. So I spent the rest of the week writting a wrapper in Lisp. I have to reparse the output, but its all sexps, so a simple read function should work.
I almost had week 2 menu thingie together, until I realized that I can't cook one of the items I had on it. So it'll be another day or 2 before I work that bit out.