Better Outrun My Gun - the end
One year later -
Erik's playing poker in New Orleans when he hears the rumor of a school out west. “Some fancy young mister, thinks that he can run a school for kids. As though they need schooling out there.” The gentleman laughs and makes his play.
“Did they mention the name of the schoolteacher?” Erik inquires casually.
“Something fancy and foreign. Xavier, I think it was. Yes, that's right. Charles Xavier.” The gentleman laughs and shakes his head.
“Thank you.” Erik wins the hand, pockets the money and goes back to his hotel room to consider.
Chances are it's nothing at all. So Charles has started a school. Good for him. He would make a marvelous teacher. He should be teaching.
Chances are Erik's a fool.
* * *
But Erik's willing to take a chance just this once, so he packs up his few possessions in a valise and heads west again. This time he takes a train like any other normal traveler. He doesn't have to have his horse ready to ride out of town at a moment's notice. He watches the miles fly by and he wonders...
He wonders if Charles will be happy to see him, or if he'll slam the door in his face. He wonders if he was a fool back then to ride away.
By the time he reaches the town where it all started and ended, Erik's exhausted. Half from the long and arduous journey and half from the thinking he's put himself through. He collects his valise and looks around the town.
It's grown since he was last here. The street stretches further than before, and beyond that there's a second row of houses. There's more businesses, more houses, more people. It's become a real town, and at the far edge of it, he can see a schoolhouse standing there like a challenge.
Erik takes a deep breath and walks toward it.
* * *
It's early afternoon. Class must have just been dismissed. He hesitates at the bottom of the stairs before climbing them. The door is open and Erik pauses.
There's a man standing at the blackboard with his back toward Erik as he writes busily.
Erik clears his throat.
“I said you didn't have to stay late today, Hank.” The man says without looking over his shoulder. “But if you keep it up, tomorrow you'll have to forfeit recess.”
“What a hard taskmaster you've become.” Erik murmurs.
The man freezes, and then slowly turns to face him.
“My god, is it really you?”
Erik shrugs awkwardly, pulling his hat from his head. “The last time I checked...yes.” He waits, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Charles is just standing there, staring at him. “Say something, Charles.”
At his name, Charles stiffens. “And what would you have me say.” He sets down the piece of chalk he was writing with, wiping his hands on the rag from his desk.
“Anything.” Erik murmurs. Anything at all.
“Anything.” Charles repeats. “Very well. Why are you back?”
“I heard about your school.”
Charles waits. “And....”
“I wanted to see how you were doing.” Erik says at last. Charles is making this so damned difficult. He's grown into an even handsomer young man now. He looks like a teacher, possibly even a learned professor, albeit a young one. Erik wants to tell him how unbearably proud he is, but something in Charles's expression won't let him. Something that tells him he should go.
“It's been lovely to see you, Charles.” Erik turns.
“Wait.” Charles steps forward.
Erik turns back, waiting, to hear what he will say.
“I let you leave once without saying goodbye.” Charles says stiffly, then his voice softens slightly. “If I let you leave again, I'll never hear the end of it. Come home with me for dinner.”
“I don't really think,” Erik starts to protest.
“I insist,” Charles says firmly, and finally Erik agrees. He stands to one side, clutching his valise as Charles locks up his schoolhouse and they head down the street together.
“How many students do you have?”
“Fifteen at the moment...more when the harvest is over. Their parents don't quite understand how much an education will benefit their children yet, but they will. Eventually.”
“I'm sure.” Erik says.
Charles glances at him as though he's not sure whether or not Erik is teasing him or not.
He leads Erik to a gray clapboard house on the second street. The small back yard joins with the saloon's land. “Here.”
“You live here?”
“No...” Charles wipes his dusty boots on the mat. “But Moira and Raven and the others all still do.” He holds the door and ushers Erik in.
“Charles, you're late!” Raven calls through the door as she enters the room. She stops dead at the sight of Erik. “God almighty.”
“It's a pleasure to see you too, Raven.”
She runs across the room and flings her arms around him. It takes a moment for Erik to react, but then he responds, holding her tight, his hands pressed flat against her back.
“I always knew you'd come back.” Raven whispers. She stepped back, smiling at him. “Charles, isn't it good to see him again.”
“Very.” Charles brushes past her. “Is dinner ready?”
“Yes,” she reaches for Erik's hand, tugging him along.
Dinner is not quite the happy reunion Erik had let himself occasionally picture over the last year. Moira and Raven are pleased to see him, yes. They don't even seem to bear him any ill will about leaving as he had. But Charles...Charles is polite as ever. He doesn't even look away when he finds Erik watching him. But there's a look in his eyes that Erik finds heartbreaking. And he knows he did that.
* * *
Raven makes a fresh pot of coffee as Charles clears away the dishes.
“So,” Erik clears his throat awkwardly. “Tell me how you've all been.”
“Since you up and left you mean.” Raven says innocently.
“Raven.” Charles murmurs.
“What? I'm just stating the obvious. We've been just dandy, Erik. Moira still runs the saloon, Angel helps out. It's doing really well.”
“It's turned into a very good business, now that Shaw...” Moira trails off, smiling at Erik, who smiles back. It does him well to see that good has come out of Shaw's death. He looks at Charles and his satisfaction fades. Yes, Shaw is dead, but Charles is angry with him. He should have known.
“Anyway,” Raven goes on. “Jubilee and Jean started the library down the street, behind the post office. They only have a few books so far, but they'll get more.”
“And what about you, Raven?” Erik clasps his coffee cup with both hands.
“Oh, I run the livery stables and Marie gives me a hand. And well, Charles, you've seen his school.” There's so much love and pride in her voice, it makes Charles blush. This time he doesn't meet Erik's gaze.
“That is all marvelous.” Erik means every word.
“And what about you?” Raven asks. “Where have you been?”
“Oh...” Erik smiles lightly. “Here and there.”
“Yes, you never did stay in one place very long, did you.” Charles murmurs into his coffee.
Erik glances at him. He knows he deserves this, but it's hard to take from Charles all the same. “Yes, well, I've never had real motivation to stay.”
The hurt that passes through Charles's eyes pains him, but Erik takes a sip of coffee and looks at Charles blandly.
“Where are you staying, Erik?” Moira inquires. What she wants to know is how long, but she can't bring herself to ask that. Not at the moment. “Charles?”
“I thought he could stay with you.” Charles takes another sip of coffee.
“Well, the rooms are full up, so you'll just have to stay with Charles.” Raven smiles winningly.
“I hardly think that's the best...” Charles trails off. There's an uncomfortable silence and he can't look at Erik.
“I'll get a hotel room.” Erik stands. “I trust there's a hotel here by now.”
“Yes, The Grand, just down the the street opposite the general store.” Moira tells him. “It's a good establishment.”
“Good. Thank you for the lovely meal.” He smiles slightly at Moira and Raven, then leaves.
Erik checks into the hotel which is very nice indeed, for a town this size. He drops his valise on the floor and surrenders to the bed, stretching out upon it. He doesn't know why he came back here. Things have changed. Things always changed and he's stuck somewhere in the past, wandering and wondering what he's supposed to do. Killing Shaw was his goal for so many years and now...that purpose was gone. Erik hasn't let himself want anything else for so long, it feels like betrayal to admit such a thing. Even to himself. But there's only one thing he wants left in this world...and even now, he knows he can't have it.
What did you think Charles was going to do? Fall into your arms? Kiss you willingly and want you immediately?
Erik exhales softly.
“Yes,” he tells himself in the silence of his hotel room. “Damned if I didn't think that very thing.” Deep deep down within himself, he had still hoped.
* * *
“Good lord, Charles.” Raven slams the water jug down on the table. “Stop being such a goddamn idiot.”
“What?” Charles looks defensive. He's not being an idiot. He's being perfectly civil to the man who disappeared a year ago, a man Charles hasn't heard a word from since.
“Go after him.”
“I thought I already had lost him.” Charles shrugs. That's a simplification of the matter, but he's too tired to go over it again. He's spent enough nights doing that already.
“And now you have a second chance.” Raven says pointedly. “Are you really just going to let him leave again?”
“I can't make him do anything.” Charles stares at his hands. How he wants to do that very thing. To go to Erik and make him stay, hold him still and keep him. But he can't.
“That's not the point. You don't want to make him do anything. You want him to stay of his own accord.”
Charles looks at her then. “Is that so wrong?”
“No, but how is he supposed to know that unless you tell him?” With that Raven goes to move the coffee pot off the stove.
Charles sits there a moment longer, thinking about what she said.
Then he gets up, pulls his coat on, and goes out.
* * *
There's a rap on his hotel door and Erik starts out of his sleep. He reaches automatically for his gun. Old habits die hard, and he has to remind himself that it's on the dresser. It's not a necessity any more. He's musing on that, how odd it feels, when he pulls the door open to find Charles standing there.
“Charles...come in.” Erik steps back, leaving the door open. He's only half surprised.
“I couldn't leave it like that.” Charles closes the door behind him, leaning against it. “Where have you been?” Charles asks softly.
“Here and there.” Erik repeats his words from dinner. He takes out his flask and takes a sip. That's not entirely a lie. He's been everywhere. New York once or twice, because that's where the best schools. Boston because, well, there's a good school there too. But he can't say that. Can't say he's been looking for Charles. Because Charles has gone ahead with his life and made his own choices and Erik's pleased really...truly, he is.
He had just thought Charles would leave this shit-hole of a town. Leave the memories behind and just go.
He holds the flask out and Charles takes it, careful not to let their fingers touch. Erik pretends he doesn't notice. He steps back, watching Charles as he takes a sip.
Charles grimaces as the whiskey burns down his throat. He looks older, more mature. Happier, Erik thinks, but isn't quite certain. Erik wants to push him under the light of the lamp and study all the differences. The small lines around Charles's mouth, the faint wrinkles around his eyes when he looks questioning or worried. Erik wants to kiss him so badly that his body aches with it. But he gave up the right to do that a year ago (if he ever truly had it to begin with) so he keeps his hands to himself.
“Raven always said you would come back.” Charles studies the flask. “I wanted to...even now,” He looks up, smiling in spite of himself. “Even now I want to believe that you are here and maybe this time you'll stay. But I can't....” He exhales softly. “If you're just going to leave again. I can't do that. I don't want to, and I won't.”
He holds the flask out.
“Do you want me to stay?” Erik asks.
“Isn't it a little unfair to ask me that?”
Erik shrugs, taking the flask. This time his fingers brush over Charles's deliberately. He wants to touch him, wants to remind him of everything. As though Charles could forget. He waits.
“Yes.” Charles says at last. He's not ashamed of it. Even now.
“Then I'll stay.”
“Just like that?” Charles can't keep the disbelief from his voice.
Erik nods.
Charles doesn't leave. He just stands there.
Erik takes a chance. He takes a step forward and he's only inches from Charles's face. Charles's mouth, looking up at him. Erik kisses him softly, so softly at first, just his lips on Charles's.
* * *
Then, Charles's lips part and Erik moves. He presses Charles up against the door, kissing him so hard, he can't breathe, but breathing's unnecessary. He has Charles here, in his arms. He'll smother him if he's not careful. He pulls back, his mouth hungry, so very hungry.
“Erik, Erik,” Charles gasps. “Erik, please.”
Erik moves in again. He's got Charles by the hips, bringing him flush against his body. “I need you, Charles.”
“You need.” Charles laughs. “You. Need.” There's a hunger in his eyes that Erik's never seen before. He likes it. Charles pushes him back toward the bed, but Erik's got his hands around him, so they move together. Charles pushes and Erik falls backward, holding Charles on top of him.
“Every night I needed you.” Charles presses against him, grinding his crotch subtly against Erik. “Every single night and you weren't there.”
“I'm here now.” Erik releases him, spreading his arms wide. “What do you want to do to me?”
“Everything.” Charles tell him, kissing him. “Everything.”
Erik laughs. He's more than all right with that. So he lies there willingly as Charles undresses him, piece by piece, until at last Erik's lying naked on the bed. Charles stands back, looking down at him with satisfaction as he removes his coat.
“Do you know,” he says conversationally, tossing his coat aside. “How often I've thought of you in this year? How many nights I touched myself, wishing it was you?”
“How many?” Erik props himself up on his elbows, watching Charles intently.
“Oh no.” Charles unbuttons his shirt at a leisurely pace. “First you tell me...where have you been?”
“New York.” Erik watches as Charles slips his shirt off, dropping it to the floor. Charles's hands go to his trousers, pulling his belt free first.
Understanding dawns in Charles's eyes and Erik looks away, suddenly vulnerable. He doesn't have to explain why he was in New York; Charles is far too clever. And now, Erik's need is out in the open.
“I couldn't leave.” Charles steps out of his trousers and underclothes. He stands naked before Erik. “Raven, Moira...they were staying. They said I could go, but I couldn't...and then I had the idea for the school. There was enough money with what Emma gave us. So that's what I did.” He crawls on top of Erik, straddling him.
“It's what I wanted, Erik.”
“Truly?” Erik has to ask, even though Charles's cock is rubbing against his in the most delightful manner and it's taking all of Erik's control not to roll them over and grind against him hard.
“Truly.” Charles says firmly. He leans down to take hold of Erik, just holding him there, brushing his thumb back and forth along Erik's cock. “Except I was lying to myself.”
“Ah.”
Charles nods. “I want you.” Both of his hands come up to rest on Erik's shoulders. “I want you too. Does that make me greedy?”
“Perhaps.” Erik says. “But if so, I share that greed.”
“Good.” Charles kisses him. He sits back, looking around.
“My valise.” Erik says.
“Hopeful, were you?” Charles asks as he goes to fetch the oil.
“You never know.” Erik shrugs.
Charles returns to the bed with the bottle. He pours a good amount into the palm of his hand, eying Erik as he does. He climbs back on the bed, straddling Erik once more.
“Close your eyes.”
“Charles.” But he does, even though he wants to see.
Instead he feels. Charles's cool slicked fingers brushing lightly up his shaft, and then down again, teasing him, before taking his cock into Charles's grasp. Erik sets his teeth against the moans that want to escape as Charles slicks his cock in a slow, deliberate way, making Erik fuck into his fist.
“Are you trying to drive me mad?” Erik croaks.
“Maybe.” Charles says. He's smiling, that Erik can tell even with his eyes closed. Then Charles's hand is gone and Erik waits...
Then Charles shifts slightly, changing position, and this time Erik can't contain the sound that comes from his mouth as Charles lowers himself onto his cock.
Never has darkness been so sweet. Erik has lived his life in darkness. His dreams were mired in it for so long, whereas this, this is like having his dreams turned inside out until they're so bright he can't even begin to see them.
“Erik.” There's a voice somewhere above him and Erik blinks, returning to the present, to this glorious moment with Charles. His cock buried inside Charles. Charles above him, all around him, Charles surrounding him.
“Erik.” Charles's breath is labored. He's so close.
Erik opens his eyes. Charles is looking at him with such a look, Erik can't speak. That look... he can't think what it means.
“I love you.” Charles says it so quietly; it steals Erik's breath. Then Charles is kissing him, that eager, hungry mouth, devouring Erik, until he comes with Charles wrapped around him heart and soul.
* * *
When Erik opens his eyes again, Charles is stretched out on his back beside him.
Erik rolls over, curving a leg between Charles's thighs. Charles smiles at him as Erik studies him. He cups Charles's jaw, gazing into the younger man's eyes.
“I love you.” Erik says it, not because he has to, but he can't bear the thought that Charles doesn't know how much he means.
Charles's mouth curves up into a smile, smiling up at him. Erik kisses that smile, keeping it for his own.
* * *
“Now what.” Charles asks after a moment when Erik's finally stopped kissing him.
“Christ, Charles.” Erik groans. “Can't we just stay in bed for a week?”
“Some of us have to be up tomorrow to teach.”
“Ah, yes. Your students.” Erik leans on his elbow. “And what will you be teaching them tomorrow?”
“Everything.” Charles says seriously. “But mostly reading, writing, arithmetic.”
“Excellent.” Erik yawns. “Well, wake me when you're done for the day.” He wraps an arm around Charles and drift off.
* * *
In the morning, Charles gets dressed and slips out, kissing Erik before he goes. Erik murmurs something in his sleep and rolls over.
* * *
When he does finally get up, Erik shaves leisurely before heading over to the livery stable. He spends the morning watching Raven run her business. She does it well, keeping the pace quick and efficient. She's good with the people and the animals. Erik watches and know she's in her element.
At midday she takes out sandwiches and bottles of beer, handing one of each to Erik.
"So..." Raven opens her beer.
"So..." Erik takes a sip of his.
"Are you going to stay this time?"
"It appears so." Erik hides a smile behind his bottle.
"Good." Raven says bluntly. "But you should know. If you promise that, and then leave again. This time I'll hunt you down and kill you myself."
"I'll bear that in mind." Erik holds out his beer and Raven clinks hers against it.
"Where's Charles staying anyway, if he doesn't live in the house with you?"
Raven grins. "He's still above the saloon."
* * *
After school is dismissed that's where Erik finds him. Charles is putting away his stack of books and papers for the day.
“You still live here.” Erik stops in the doorway, looking around. The room hasn't changed. The coverlet on the bed is still the same.
“I like it here.” Charles says defensively. This is his room. This is where...he doesn't have to tell Erik what this room means to him.
Erik spins his hat round his hand and smiles.
“So I've been thinking.” Charles says. He takes something out of his dresser drawer and closes it again.
“Dangerous.” Erik murmurs. “What have you been thinking, then?”
“This town is growing.” Charles faces him. “It's going to need a sheriff.”
It takes Erik a moment to realize what Charles is suggesting. “You must be joking.”
“Why?”
“I'm hardly the man for that job.” Charles can't be serious.
“I can't think of a better one.” Charles holds out his hand. “Here.”
There's a thin metal star lying in the center of his palm. Erik stares at it, a dark star against Charles's pale palm.
“When they buried Shaw...I had them take the bullet out.”
“Why would you do that?”
Charles shrugged. “It meant so much to you. I wanted to give it to you as a keepsake. Before you left.”
“Why didn't you?” Erik picks the star up. It doesn't feel real; the weight is nothing at all.
“It never seemed like the right moment. And then you left. One day, while I was still hoping you'd come back, I had the blacksmith make it into that.”
Erik weighs the star in his hand. It's a tarnished badge. A reminder of everything he's done...and everything he could still do. A reminder that the blood on his hands is there for a reason, but it's not all he is. Erik's fingers close over it.
“Thank you, Charles.”
“And...”
“I'll think about it.” But Erik knows that the answer is enough for Charles, that in Charles's mind he's as good as said yes from the smile that breaks out across Charles's face.