Sunstorm Bluestreak 7
This is an alternate universe of lily-vendrem and xobit-prime's Greek-verse, co-written with Xobit. However, it IS NOT in the actual Greek-verse, or at least it's not in that continuity. It is also STICKY.
Bluestreak onlined feeling uncomfortable, no, actually he downright hurt! He was also lying on something that wasn’t quite pleasant and his abdominal plating and valve just, guh! Pain and stickiness and fullness that was decidedly not at all pleasant. Trying to sit up had him moaning in pain but at least he now had a pretty good idea of what had happened because he was fragging lying on Sunstorm. “Wake up! You… you… SEEKER!” Anger and hurt, actual pain… Bluestreak wasn’t entirely sure this WAS Sunstorm’s fault but right now it was easy to give him the entire blame.
His happy mood faded instantly, and Sunstorm belatedly pulled out, all his good sense returning with the force of a sledgehammer. "I am awake..." Ugh... Bluestreak sounded angry... "You... should try not to move..." Oh dear... He had... gone way too fast for the Helixian, hadn't he...? "Do you want a bath? It will help..." But... Bluestreak had wanted it! Sunstorm was sure of that, even if he had been sleepy!
A wave of pain nearly blindsided him when Sunstorm… pulled… out? Oh gods no! Vector Sigma, just how stupid had he acted! Rolling off the Seeker made him cry out in pain, but at least he was off him! Oh gods no, intended or not… Seeker or not, Sunstorm had to think he was easy now, just… just… oh no! “I hate you! Oh, it hurts… I just… how could you do this!” The whole effect sort of got ruined when he began sobbing and tried to curl into the golden mech’s side. Aborted because was again reminded how much he hurt.
What the frag was he supposed to say to that? Oh, sure, now he could remember his reasons for not interfacing with Bluestreak, and now he could feel bad for not making it better... He could have, he should have. Instead he'd given Bluestreak less regard then... then... "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it shouldn't have been like that..." It shouldn't have been, but it had been, and now Bluestreak hated him again, and he had thought things were better? "Let... let me get you a bath... It... It will help!" And he couldn't help but rub at Bluestreak, he had to try...
‘It shouldn’t have been like what? Divine?’ “Fine, you're sorry! Make it stop hurting… it feels like my v- abdominal plates are on fire! Vector Sigma! Does your kind ever actually think with your processors?” Bluestreak was snapping, lashing out even though he tried hard not to.
He would like to think he had been thinking, and with his processor! He had been for the last five orns, that had to count for something! Sunstorm couldn't really even get angry, recognizing an angry tantrum when he saw one. "Come on... I can't quite carry you. I- abdominal plates? I didn't think there was that large a difference..."
“You… are an idiot!” Bluestreak moaned with pain and embarrassment, hanging off the Seeker like lead. His legs would barely work and what weight he put on them made his valve hurt. Not that he was going to say that out loud, not in a million vorns!
Sunstorm had nothing to say to that, and so he stayed quiet, taking as much of Bluestreak's weight as he could. Settling him into the tub was hard, and Sunstorm could only hope that he had got the temperature right. As he worked, the gold Seeker had a very inappropriate question concerning how the Winglord's mate had got along after his claiming. He was at least as small, and with the whole heat... "How's that?" Sunstorm asked, trying to stop his thoughts.
“I don’t think I want to talk to you...?” Bluestreak was honestly upset, but he still posed it as a question. They had made so much progress, and then… this? Whatever it was, past him being a slutty little insatiable… “Why, Sun’? Would it really have been so bad to wait just a little, just a few more orns… I already asked you to push our bonding though faster!”
The question, statement, did not quite make sense to Sunstorm, and he ended up mentally poking it while staring at Bluestreak. What did bonding and interfacing... oh. Right... Oh great, how to explain... Sunstorm wasn't even sure he had an answer. "I... Um, I wasn't thinking of any of that. I... wasn't thinking beyond how hot you were... sounded... I truly believed you wanted it!" He still did... But apparently Bluestreak saw a difference between wanting and... and what? Wanting and wanting?
Bluestreak rubbed at his helmet and wished he could be really, really mean. But he couldn’t, he just didn’t have it in him! The problem was he had wanted it, his chassis had wanted it so, so badly! “I did! You should have stopped me… you’re older and… and more able to… I don’t know!” Shifting in the tub, he mewled as pain reared its ugly helmet again. “You knew I wanted to wait!”
Had he? Well, a little, but... "All the way until bonding...?" Why... "No, no... I, well, I probably should have realized..." Sunstorm couldn't say he had, though, not really. "I... should have made it better..." But he was a priest, and really... who could have resisted Bluestreak, especially after five orns of practically nothing? Sunstorm couldn't think of anyone, anyone at all! It probably wouldn't help to say that...
Better? What was it with the Seeker and making it better? It had been wonderful… apart from the fact that it shouldn’t have happened at all! And slag yes the mech should have realized he wanted to wait, it wasn’t like he had tried to hide that fact and now he was not a virgin any more… gods, he was such a slut! He’d practically begged to be taken! Bluestreak hid his face in his hands. “I’m a slut… Vector Sigma forgive me! I’m nothing but a little whore!”
"I thought I was the whore?" Sunstorm asked, confused. Bluestreak certainly hadn't been with anyone but him, and than was what had made the Helixian call him a whore, wasn't it? "I mean... I don't think any less of you?" No, not at all... He rather wished Bluestreak would just... adjust, and maybe please ask to do it again, but of course things weren't that simple... "I... Er, I can't speak for Vector Sigma, but I'm... er, sure he understands...?"
Cringing and sinking further into the hot water despite the discomfort moving around caused, Bluestreak moaned. Sunstorm just didn’t understand a thing did he? Not that it was a surprise, the mech was, yeah… “You don’t… I… I was supposed to remain a virgin until I bonded! And… and all it took was for you to touch and… and now I’m not and I’m a little slut! I can’t control my own u-urges or say no to you…”
"But... we're going to, so... and- and why say no if it feels good? There... there is nothing wrong in pleasure!" Ugh... it wasn't even like anyone had to know! ...And now he was actually considering hiding the fact that he enjoyed his mate... And everything had been right and now it wasn't... Sunstorm's vents were working hard, he just... he just... He wanted everything to be right again! Wanted to believe they could fall in love...
“But it’s all wrong! It feels so good and I forget I’m supposed to wait and you’re no help at all because Seekers frag at any and all opportunity!” Bluestreak splashed water around, gesturing with angry frustration. “I know I’ll live here for the rest of my life but why was it too much to ask for one little thing to be like it would have been if I had stayed in Helix? What was so horrible about that?”
Besides the fact that he had never actually asked? Sunstorm knew his wings were hitching up in the same anger and frustration Bluestreak was displaying, knew that that gesture was the same for both of them... He only stayed in the room because he knew that leaving would only hurt Bluestreak... And what about him... He couldn't even feel insulted, no matter what he was giving up, Bluestreak was losing more. It hurt... He didn't answer the question, sure he would just say the wrong thing.
Sunstorm was angry… Bluestreak could almost feel it and that made his own anger drain away. He wasn’t fair at all, was he? Every time something went wrong he blamed it on Sunstorm and Vos. The only thing that was wrong was that they should have never met, never been put in this situation. “I’m sorry, Sunstorm, I’m so sorry… I don’t think… I don’t think I can ever be the sort of mate you need.”
He flinched, because it really didn't matter, now did it? They didn't get a choice, and he wouldn't know what to do with one if he had it. But... "No... I can't believe that!" He would do something rash and drastic if he did... "It... It will just take time! I mean... You are the most beautiful thing in overload, the most gorgeous mech I've ever seen, and so genuine, and... and it's only the guilt," and the lack of contact, and uncertainty, but mostly the guilt, "and that- that can't last and... and it will just take time!" It had to just need time... And he could last until then, he could...
Bluestreak shook his head sadly but refrained from speaking. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with the compliments. Did he really want to be beautiful when he overloaded? And he wasn’t any prettier then the first dozen Seekers you saw when walking out the door. Did it matter at all? They had no choice but to follow the resonance call if they wanted to live…
Groons later, nothing really seemed to be getting better. They were barely identifiable as a bonded couple... they barely were a bonded couple. They had a nice apartment, far enough from the temple that Bluestreak didn't have to hear every cry from the worshipers. They lived together, which was more than some had... It was so completely not what Sunstorm wanted. They were both depressed, noticeably so.
Had Bluestreak known what bonding was like he would have never wanted it. Really, it was the living Pit… there was none of the romance or ‘knowing each other’s spark’ or any of what the romance pads had said. They existed together, they interfaced when Sunstorm initiated it… they spark merged when they couldn’t put it off any longer. It was an abomination! And it was killing him… not physically but mentally and spiritually. It really didn’t help that Sunstorm was back at his work… his vocation, that he came home smelling of other Seekers. Oh he tried not to, and he always, always made sure to take a shower as quickly as possible but… Bluestreak knew what he did… putting a flask on the table he tried to smile at his, his mate. “Was it a good day?”
He managed a smile back, only a little less tired and shakey than Bluestreak's. Icewind had pulled him aside to talk... Sunstorm was only surprised that it had taken so long. The older priest had already known almost everything, and Sunstorm had been fairly easy to convince to tell the rest. And he'd actually had a suggestion... "Fairly. Nothing really out of the ordinary..." He couldn't even really talk about his work... "How was yours? ... And thank you for bringing the fuel."
“That’s good… um… I w-went shopping with Smokescreen?” Bluestreak managed not to show his cringe. Sunstorm always said ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or ‘fairly’ about his work day… he never told him anything in detail. Not that his imagination wasn’t coming up with lots of things, how could you be jealous when you didn’t even like your mate?
"Oh, fun. Did you get anything?" He was interested, really he was... but he also wanted to implement Icewind's idea. So... "Oh, hey, have you been to Vector Sigma's temple here? I was there once... It's very quiet. I actually liked it..." He had, he just hadn't felt completely right there, and had never seen a reason to go back.
“N-no…” Smokescreen had urged him to buy something for them but… what? Most couple things in Vos were aimed at interfacing use, even the slagging candy! He didn’t want to admit that he liked interfacing with Sunstorm, so buying stuff to encourage it was not an option! “No, I haven’t…” Bluestreak hadn’t even prayed since their bonding, feeling rather like the gods had punished him for no reason.
Dang. He had kind of hoped Bluestreak had got something... anything! Not that saving money wasn't all well and good but... really, they had quite enough, and he wanted to indulge Bluestreak... "Why haven't you? I wouldn't mind going back with you, if you'd like, or I can just tell you where it is. Or your brothers probably know..." First was getting him there. Then, well... Then it was up to the god, Sunstorm figured. He had certainly done everything he could think of...
“I don’t… I don’t think it would be right…” Bluestreak shrugged and avoided looking his mate in the optic. He could barely understand how Sunstorm could still have faith in his god after this… Going into Vector Sigma’s temple would just be blasphemy, wouldn’t it? He was so angry at him, at all the gods.
"Wouldn't be right?" Sunstorm left his seat and knelt by Bluestreak, rubbing his thigh softly. That was one thing he had learned, he could at least offer his mate a minimum of touch for comfort, when they were alone... It was better than doing nothing. "I... know you're unhappy. Isn't this when you need the gods the most?"
“I’m… I’m angry at him, at them all… I don’t think it would be right to go to a temple feeling like that!” Bluestreak lowered his head even more looking to the side. Why did Sunstorm’s touch always feel so good? They were only a little way away from hating each other and yet he craved the golden seeker, his touch, his kisses and… and his spike. It was like an insidious virus and it was killing him! This wasn’t what it was supposed to be like, all carnal and nothing of the feelings.
"...I was too. My first day back I... well, I actually spent it in a back room... yelling at the eidos..." Sunstorm was very embarrassed to admit that. He really had behaved rather badly that day... Maybe with reason, and Zephyrus certainly didn't seem upset, but still! "Um, please don't tell anyone that..." He was still a little... annoyed at Vector Sigma and stupid rituals that made Bluestreak so... needlessly guilty. He tried not to be...
Flickering his optics, Bluestreak hesitantly lifted his head to look at Sunstorm. If a priest could be angry and… then maybe he should go? Maybe something good would come of it. “Did it help?"
Sunstorm took just a moment to double-check his own emotions, then nodded. "It did. It's not like I got any promises that things would work out... Believing that is still just my blind optimism..." He offered a short smile as he said that. He'd never thought he was particularly optimistic... "But I did... feel like I'd been heard? That my feelings and worries were understood and acknowledged." Maybe he should try something like that with Vector Sigma himself...
“Then… then maybe I should go.” Things couldn’t really get much worse, now could they? All he would risk was finding out if his god had really turned his back on him. He did cringe a little at that thought, door wings drooping further down. If he knew it though, maybe he could do something about it! “I’ll go… I… tomorrow, maybe?”
He did relax, hugging Bluestreak before pulling away. "Tomorrow, then. Do you want me to go with you, or would you prefer to go alone?" He should probably restrain himself tonight, Sunstorm thought, no matter how adorable Bluestreak was... It might go better if the Helixian didn't feel as recently guilty. Of course thinking about it just made him want his mate... Sunstorm sat back in his chair and ignored it.
Frowning, Bluestreak took a sip from his cube, what did he want? It would make sense if they both went, but… “I don’t know? It’s… I mean, it sort of involves us both, so...” And he really didn’t know if he could face his god alone. Not when he was so angry and so, so scared.
"Then I'll come. They can get along without me for a day... And I should probably start talking to your god myself." He should, it was only 'manners'. Luckily, there was nothing big planned at the temple for tomorrow, so Sunstorm actually could take the day off... He called the notice in while he was thinking about it.
Bluestreak nodded acceptance and returned his attention to his cube. He was painfully aware that they had nothing to talk about… he didn’t want to know what Sunstorm’s day had been like, not in details. The Seeker probably did not want to hear about all the things he hadn’t bought because of what their uses were… “I… I think I’ll recharge early, I feel a little worn out?” Not really, slag not at all! Studying the table top intently, Bluestreak hoped his lie didn’t sound as feeble as it seemed to.
"Okay, pretty one. I think I'll go for a short flight..." Sunstorm stayed, though, smiling as he watched Bluestreak, until his mate was out of sight. The flight was relaxing, though he did wonder what it would be like to fly in the fog at Helix... Maybe a vacation. When he came back in, Bluestreak was already in recharge, and Sunstorm pet the unconscious form lightly. So much potential... A little sad, and honestly hopeful for the first time in too long, Sunstorm settled in beside Bluestreak and easily slipped offline.
It was weird… the only time of cycle Bluestreak was content was when he onlined. There was a short time, where he was too online to be in recharge and too off line to worry about life, where he could enjoy being in Sunstorm’s arms. Enjoy without thinking, enjoy without guilt…
Then of course reality knocked and he had to slink out of the berth as fast as he could before he did something stupid or hurtful.
And that was his cue to 'wake up'. Sunstorm would never tell Bluestreak that he was almost always awake before the grounder. How could he give up the free cuddling, even if it did hurt when Bluestreak, invariably, skittered away as though he had done something wrong. "Mm... Good morning, Blue'. Did you recharge well?" The Seeker stretched, for once trying not to show off too much.
“Ah… ‘m-morning…” It was positively freaky how Sunstorm seemed to wake when he got off the berth, habit he guessed, and cringed at the reminder of how many lovers the golden priest had probably had to share his life with. “I guess I did? Um… should we go to the temple right after refueling?” The sooner the better, but Sunstorm would know more about how the temple district worked.
"...Probably. Unless you want to clean up first? I don't think you need to..." Bluestreak knew more about approaching Vector Sigma than Sunstorm did, really. He still didn't think that the grey mech needed to shower, and Sunstorm knew he didn't.
“No… I don’t need it, can we go? Before I lose my courage?” Maybe he could talk Sunstorm in to refueling on the way. It would be hurried and… sort of intimate, but at least he wouldn’t have too much time to think about actually going to the temple! “I really just want to get going?”
Sunstorm gave a soft smile, reaching for Bluestreak and stopping before they touched. Poor mech... "Come on, then. Fueling can wait." It could... at worst they would be really hungry by the time they left the temple... Bluestreak looked so frightened for a moment that Sunstorm wasn't sure he would even be able to intake the fuel, let alone the time it would take. He couldn't do much to shorten the trip, though, still unsure of his way on the ground, and he hadn't gone to this temple much...
“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean…” ‘with me being angry and all that’, Bluestreak stopped himself. They were just outside the temple and there were people around, Seekers and Grounders alike. It wasn’t very fun to be afraid of going into a temple, less fun when it was a temple dedicated to the god that had been his confidant all through his life.
"Yes." It was, at least, the best idea he had. Sunstorm was surprised he hadn't had it sooner... it didn't matter. "Come on." It was quiet inside, very calm. Once again, Sunstorm felt at a loss. It was so different from his own temple! "You'll have to lead now, Blue'..."
“It’s not like the Helix temple!” Bluestreak did recognize the trappings though; there was the eidos, and the niches where a priest would talk to a follower who needed privacy. It wasn’t overrun, but there were several curtains pulled in front of openings so… “I need to find a priest? A-and talk to him… um… in private?”
Sunstorm made a slight gesture, indicating that Bluestreak should go and do that, then. "I think I shall give speaking to Vector Sigma a try myself. Don't worry, I'll keep control of myself, I promise. You should be able to find me easily when you're done... At worst, I'll be just outside." He smiled reassuringly at Bluestreak.
Wandering off, Bluestreak tried not to feel guilty, over a lot of different things. He really hoped the priest wasn’t another Seeker! Which was just another thing to feel guilty over… great.
A Helixian... Raze was not particularly surprised when he saw the door-winged frame. Everyone knew they were here, and of course they visited this temple at times. This one was new, all gray, and clearly dejected. "Hello. Can I help you?"
“Y-yes… could you… take my confession and try and advise me?” Bluestreak didn’t think he stumbled too badly, though he knew he sounded far too unsure. No priest would ever turn away a mech that needed counseling, but yeah… most mechs didn't have a god mad at them either.
"Certainly. This way." Raze motioned to one of the unoccupied niches, drawing the curtain and sitting when the grey mech followed him. "What do you need to confess?" It had to be something big, for the mech to be so unsure and worried.
“I’m unhappy and angry with… angry with Vector Sigma. I feel like I’m being punished for a crime I haven’t yet committed!” Bluestreak shivered and lowered both helmet and doorwings. “I’m a resonant, to a priest of Zephyrus. I had barely been here a few groons and s-suddenly I had no choice in how my life formed itself. Sunstorm is… sweet and he tries so very hard but…”
That was unusual. Most people didn't so easily admit to being angry with their god, no matter who they served. A moment later it made sense... "But he is a priest of Zephyrus. And did you even know about resonance before it happened?" If he hadn't, then just... wow. No wonder the Helixian thought he was being punished for something!
“No… I didn’t know anything! Sunstorm thought I knew, I think at least. He… he can’t help what he is and I… don’t know how to live with it.” Bluestreak wrapped his arms around himself and sobbed quietly.
Okay, Helixians weren't big on touch, so Raze didn't even have to try that. As for the actual problem... "No wonder you're so distressed..." He thought about the times his Creators had taken him to Zephyrus' temple... "I am not sure this will help, but I know that, when he's working as a priest... He is not acting as himself, but as a vessel for his god. Every priest does that. ... May I ask? Does he use your name, when you share your berth with him?"
Flushing even hotter, Bluestreak nodded. What that had to do with anything he didn’t know, but a priest never asked unless he needed the answer for something. Sunstorm’s vocation wasn’t the only problem though; his ‘appetite’ was another… that would be even more difficult to ask about. How could he explain that he was afraid of letting go. Every time he, well Sunstorm, initiated lovemaking he felt so… so good that it scared him.
"Then I can at least assure you that he is acting as himself then..." Raze was not completely sure that would help. They didn't really use names when... well, yes. "Hum... That is not all, is it?" If that had been 'all', then Raze thought the Helixian would have relaxed. As it was, he seemed even more tense than he had been when Raze had first approached him.
“N-no… I don’t quite know how to… to ask?” Or what to ask really. Bluestreak huffed unhappily and then resolutely steeled himself, doorwings stiffening and hiking up in determination. “Sunstorm is a very good lover, he is very patient and… and I keep disappointing him. I know I do, even if he doesn’t say anything.” Shaking his head, he paused to gather his thoughts. “I was told… always told that bonding was this miraculous thing, that you got to know your lover on a level much deeper than... I don’t know? But that’s not what we have, we barely touch sparks! It’s like the merge will only work as far as there and then stops! It’s my fault, I know it is, but I’m not sure why… or what to do.”
"Do you enjoy it? That is, I mean... Do you think that he knows you want it?" Honestly, one would have to be totally deactivated not to enjoy having a priest of Zephyrus in one's berth, at least at the time! It seemed to be... afterwards that bothered the Helixian... "Bonding, on the level you were told about, requires... yielding. If you are to know him, you must... well, merge, go in to him... But you also need to let him into you, show him yourself... it sounds as though you are afraid. Of what Vector Sigma would think, or of what Sunstorm would think?" It was a more common problem than they really talked about, at least with resonants, but it almost always corrected itself...
“It’s so different… Sun’s so, so experienced? He makes me feel so good and I know I’m not a match for that. On top of that it’s not at all like a Helixian bonding, he’s… he’s with others? I mean, yes, he is a priest when he is but… he wants others in our berth too! He’s not saying it but…” Bluestreak gestured helplessly; did he really have to explain Vos? “I wish I could give myself so completely, maybe we would be better for it… but I am afraid of, of him, of all that he knows, all the things he’ll want to do!”
Raze nodded, he did know what the mech meant. "As far as experience goes, the only way to try matching him is to get experience. Let him teach you. Or, as you live here now, there is no sin in letting others teach you." There wasn't, or Raze himself was doomed... "He might like to invite others, but I can almost promise you, he would far rather you be happy. We know what we demand from resonants, and give everything we can to make it up to them... Ask him what he knows, be willing to try things. Start small."
“But is it right? A-and… all of this, is it a punishment? Have I displeased Vector Sigma?” It wasn’t a sin to ask someone other than his bondmate to teach him of interfacing? That meant that this priest believed that what the Seekers did wasn’t bad, he was presumably a Vossian but still. He was also a priest of Vector Sigma, his words could be believed! “Are you… sure that sharing physical pleasure with others is… okay?”
"No, no, it's not a punishment at all! It's just a little hard right now. Sharing physical pleasure... It's pleasure. There's noting wrong with that, especially not here." Another city, possibly... That might be a question to ask a hiereis... Raze focused his attention on the Helixian. "You've not displeased Vector Sigma at all. If anything, your struggle to do the right thing probably pleased him, even if it was... misguided. You've had a lot to adjust to."
“But…” Bluestreak hesitated; pleasure had been such a private thing in Helix, such a personal thing. They didn’t even talk about how to masturbate! Here it wasn’t even an optical ridge raiser to walk past someone masturbating in a public park… or a ‘facing couple or trio. “It’s just not like in Helix! I don’t know if I can adjust that much… I just don’t know…”
"No one is asking you to change right away! Start small. Even if you never get comfortable enough to try something in public, that will be fine." If the Helixian could bring himself to really discuss things with his mate now, Raze suspected that they would work things out. "Maybe... try holding his hand. There's no sin in what is done here, but, there is no sin in going slow, either."
“I guess… I just want to be able to at least be friends with him and… as things are we can barely talk.” Unless three sentences was a conversation. Bluestreak huffed and looked up at the priest with dim optics. “It would be nice to not have to berth each other all the time… is there any way we can not have to do it for a while? So I could maybe get to know him without the interfacing getting in the way?” He didn’t think there was, but it didn’t hurt to ask!
Well, that was... an unusual request, in a way. Raze did suppose it made sense... He wasn't sure what the Helixian would say about the answer, though! "There is... but I am not sure you'll like it. As a priest of Zephyrus, he... Well, more than the physical, he needs someone as a true lover. If you need to take a break, he will most likely have to content himself with others. I can assure you that it's you he'll long for..." Would that actually be comforting...?
“Oh…” The small noise was all Bluestreak managed to offer to that answer. It was pretty much what he didn’t want… knowing Sunstorm ‘had to’ interface as a part of his vocation was bad enough, he really didn’t need to know that his bondmate was seeking lovers just to keep from jumping him. “This is all so complicated! Why is this happening to me? If it’s not a punishment, then what? Please, I-I need to know… something… anything?”
Why... oh, that was the question. Raze kind of hated answering that one, he really did. Still... "Vector Sigma must have seen something in you, something unusual that suggests you can adapt. More than adapt, that you will be very happy." That was why he hated answering 'why'... so indefinite! "Perhaps... you should try talking to his god? Um... I'm fairly sure they have more private shrines, if you can't face the main temple..."
Bluestreak bit his dermas and nodded, he knew that one seldom got straight answers but he had been hoping a little. At least the priest was absolutely sure this thing… the resonance, wasn’t a punishment and that it meant that Vector Sigma saw something different in him. If that was true, maybe it would work… if he leaned not to be so scared of intimacy and if he could learn not to be so jealous of those that Sunstorm was with. “Thank you, I think I will…” Bluestreak stood up and bowed, his thoughts already on whether or not he dared return to the main temple. It would be best he thought, maybe?
Well, it looked like the mech was a little happier, at least. Raze couldn't quite be sure, but he thought so, at least. He stood as well, returning the bow before opening the curtain. "I'll offer a prayer for happiness on your behalf, if you like."
“You honor me, Priest, I would be very happy for your prayer.” Bluestreak smiled, a genuine, almost carefree smile, and turned away to find Sunstorm. He had to… there was a lot he had to do, including getting a bit of shopping done. Since one of the biggest problems was that he never took initiative to anything intimate…
Sunstorm had, as he had suggested, found a place to sit and tried talking to Vector Sigma. He still felt rather awkward, unsure. This wasn't his god, and Sunstorm still a little annoyed at him, or at least the culture that served him. He did behave himself, though he was very happy when he saw Bluestreak emerge from behind the curtain, smiling. Figuring he was bright and easy enough to see, Sunstorm left it to his mate to approach in his own time, simply watching the grey form.
“Did you… get to talk?” Bluestreak had no idea how a priest tackled talking to a god not his own, he wasn’t too sure he wanted to know. “I think… I got the answers I needed. At least for now, um… I think I need to talk to Z-Zephyrus, I mean a priest? Not anything but talking!”
"Well, I would say he knows my feelings on things..." Sunstorm answered, standing with a smile. Bluestreak's request took him by surprise. "Ah... sure? I mean, I told you, we DO do other things! But... Um, I'll smooth the way for you. Did you mean right now? And... is the main temple okay?" If not, then Bluestreak really would need him to go 'smooth' things for him!
“I don’t care, now would be best… it’s not something I want to do, but I think I need to.” Bluestreak swallowed hard, no, he didn’t want to go to the main temple but he had to, it was where Sunstorm ‘worked’ after all. He should be able to go there and be there without hating every moment of it.
He checked the urge to take Bluestreak's hand before he had done much more than twitch. Bluestreak looked so scared... like he was afraid someone would pounce and carry him off. Which, when thinking about it that way, maybe Bluestreak did have a point, in a manner of speaking... "Come on, then." Out on to the streets again... at least the main temple was easy to find! Sunstorm wished he could do more to help Bluestreak... he was being so brave, and all Sunstorm could do was watch!
Bluestreak onlined feeling uncomfortable, no, actually he downright hurt! He was also lying on something that wasn’t quite pleasant and his abdominal plating and valve just, guh! Pain and stickiness and fullness that was decidedly not at all pleasant. Trying to sit up had him moaning in pain but at least he now had a pretty good idea of what had happened because he was fragging lying on Sunstorm. “Wake up! You… you… SEEKER!” Anger and hurt, actual pain… Bluestreak wasn’t entirely sure this WAS Sunstorm’s fault but right now it was easy to give him the entire blame.
His happy mood faded instantly, and Sunstorm belatedly pulled out, all his good sense returning with the force of a sledgehammer. "I am awake..." Ugh... Bluestreak sounded angry... "You... should try not to move..." Oh dear... He had... gone way too fast for the Helixian, hadn't he...? "Do you want a bath? It will help..." But... Bluestreak had wanted it! Sunstorm was sure of that, even if he had been sleepy!
A wave of pain nearly blindsided him when Sunstorm… pulled… out? Oh gods no! Vector Sigma, just how stupid had he acted! Rolling off the Seeker made him cry out in pain, but at least he was off him! Oh gods no, intended or not… Seeker or not, Sunstorm had to think he was easy now, just… just… oh no! “I hate you! Oh, it hurts… I just… how could you do this!” The whole effect sort of got ruined when he began sobbing and tried to curl into the golden mech’s side. Aborted because was again reminded how much he hurt.
What the frag was he supposed to say to that? Oh, sure, now he could remember his reasons for not interfacing with Bluestreak, and now he could feel bad for not making it better... He could have, he should have. Instead he'd given Bluestreak less regard then... then... "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it shouldn't have been like that..." It shouldn't have been, but it had been, and now Bluestreak hated him again, and he had thought things were better? "Let... let me get you a bath... It... It will help!" And he couldn't help but rub at Bluestreak, he had to try...
‘It shouldn’t have been like what? Divine?’ “Fine, you're sorry! Make it stop hurting… it feels like my v- abdominal plates are on fire! Vector Sigma! Does your kind ever actually think with your processors?” Bluestreak was snapping, lashing out even though he tried hard not to.
He would like to think he had been thinking, and with his processor! He had been for the last five orns, that had to count for something! Sunstorm couldn't really even get angry, recognizing an angry tantrum when he saw one. "Come on... I can't quite carry you. I- abdominal plates? I didn't think there was that large a difference..."
“You… are an idiot!” Bluestreak moaned with pain and embarrassment, hanging off the Seeker like lead. His legs would barely work and what weight he put on them made his valve hurt. Not that he was going to say that out loud, not in a million vorns!
Sunstorm had nothing to say to that, and so he stayed quiet, taking as much of Bluestreak's weight as he could. Settling him into the tub was hard, and Sunstorm could only hope that he had got the temperature right. As he worked, the gold Seeker had a very inappropriate question concerning how the Winglord's mate had got along after his claiming. He was at least as small, and with the whole heat... "How's that?" Sunstorm asked, trying to stop his thoughts.
“I don’t think I want to talk to you...?” Bluestreak was honestly upset, but he still posed it as a question. They had made so much progress, and then… this? Whatever it was, past him being a slutty little insatiable… “Why, Sun’? Would it really have been so bad to wait just a little, just a few more orns… I already asked you to push our bonding though faster!”
The question, statement, did not quite make sense to Sunstorm, and he ended up mentally poking it while staring at Bluestreak. What did bonding and interfacing... oh. Right... Oh great, how to explain... Sunstorm wasn't even sure he had an answer. "I... Um, I wasn't thinking of any of that. I... wasn't thinking beyond how hot you were... sounded... I truly believed you wanted it!" He still did... But apparently Bluestreak saw a difference between wanting and... and what? Wanting and wanting?
Bluestreak rubbed at his helmet and wished he could be really, really mean. But he couldn’t, he just didn’t have it in him! The problem was he had wanted it, his chassis had wanted it so, so badly! “I did! You should have stopped me… you’re older and… and more able to… I don’t know!” Shifting in the tub, he mewled as pain reared its ugly helmet again. “You knew I wanted to wait!”
Had he? Well, a little, but... "All the way until bonding...?" Why... "No, no... I, well, I probably should have realized..." Sunstorm couldn't say he had, though, not really. "I... should have made it better..." But he was a priest, and really... who could have resisted Bluestreak, especially after five orns of practically nothing? Sunstorm couldn't think of anyone, anyone at all! It probably wouldn't help to say that...
Better? What was it with the Seeker and making it better? It had been wonderful… apart from the fact that it shouldn’t have happened at all! And slag yes the mech should have realized he wanted to wait, it wasn’t like he had tried to hide that fact and now he was not a virgin any more… gods, he was such a slut! He’d practically begged to be taken! Bluestreak hid his face in his hands. “I’m a slut… Vector Sigma forgive me! I’m nothing but a little whore!”
"I thought I was the whore?" Sunstorm asked, confused. Bluestreak certainly hadn't been with anyone but him, and than was what had made the Helixian call him a whore, wasn't it? "I mean... I don't think any less of you?" No, not at all... He rather wished Bluestreak would just... adjust, and maybe please ask to do it again, but of course things weren't that simple... "I... Er, I can't speak for Vector Sigma, but I'm... er, sure he understands...?"
Cringing and sinking further into the hot water despite the discomfort moving around caused, Bluestreak moaned. Sunstorm just didn’t understand a thing did he? Not that it was a surprise, the mech was, yeah… “You don’t… I… I was supposed to remain a virgin until I bonded! And… and all it took was for you to touch and… and now I’m not and I’m a little slut! I can’t control my own u-urges or say no to you…”
"But... we're going to, so... and- and why say no if it feels good? There... there is nothing wrong in pleasure!" Ugh... it wasn't even like anyone had to know! ...And now he was actually considering hiding the fact that he enjoyed his mate... And everything had been right and now it wasn't... Sunstorm's vents were working hard, he just... he just... He wanted everything to be right again! Wanted to believe they could fall in love...
“But it’s all wrong! It feels so good and I forget I’m supposed to wait and you’re no help at all because Seekers frag at any and all opportunity!” Bluestreak splashed water around, gesturing with angry frustration. “I know I’ll live here for the rest of my life but why was it too much to ask for one little thing to be like it would have been if I had stayed in Helix? What was so horrible about that?”
Besides the fact that he had never actually asked? Sunstorm knew his wings were hitching up in the same anger and frustration Bluestreak was displaying, knew that that gesture was the same for both of them... He only stayed in the room because he knew that leaving would only hurt Bluestreak... And what about him... He couldn't even feel insulted, no matter what he was giving up, Bluestreak was losing more. It hurt... He didn't answer the question, sure he would just say the wrong thing.
Sunstorm was angry… Bluestreak could almost feel it and that made his own anger drain away. He wasn’t fair at all, was he? Every time something went wrong he blamed it on Sunstorm and Vos. The only thing that was wrong was that they should have never met, never been put in this situation. “I’m sorry, Sunstorm, I’m so sorry… I don’t think… I don’t think I can ever be the sort of mate you need.”
He flinched, because it really didn't matter, now did it? They didn't get a choice, and he wouldn't know what to do with one if he had it. But... "No... I can't believe that!" He would do something rash and drastic if he did... "It... It will just take time! I mean... You are the most beautiful thing in overload, the most gorgeous mech I've ever seen, and so genuine, and... and it's only the guilt," and the lack of contact, and uncertainty, but mostly the guilt, "and that- that can't last and... and it will just take time!" It had to just need time... And he could last until then, he could...
Bluestreak shook his head sadly but refrained from speaking. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with the compliments. Did he really want to be beautiful when he overloaded? And he wasn’t any prettier then the first dozen Seekers you saw when walking out the door. Did it matter at all? They had no choice but to follow the resonance call if they wanted to live…
Groons later, nothing really seemed to be getting better. They were barely identifiable as a bonded couple... they barely were a bonded couple. They had a nice apartment, far enough from the temple that Bluestreak didn't have to hear every cry from the worshipers. They lived together, which was more than some had... It was so completely not what Sunstorm wanted. They were both depressed, noticeably so.
Had Bluestreak known what bonding was like he would have never wanted it. Really, it was the living Pit… there was none of the romance or ‘knowing each other’s spark’ or any of what the romance pads had said. They existed together, they interfaced when Sunstorm initiated it… they spark merged when they couldn’t put it off any longer. It was an abomination! And it was killing him… not physically but mentally and spiritually. It really didn’t help that Sunstorm was back at his work… his vocation, that he came home smelling of other Seekers. Oh he tried not to, and he always, always made sure to take a shower as quickly as possible but… Bluestreak knew what he did… putting a flask on the table he tried to smile at his, his mate. “Was it a good day?”
He managed a smile back, only a little less tired and shakey than Bluestreak's. Icewind had pulled him aside to talk... Sunstorm was only surprised that it had taken so long. The older priest had already known almost everything, and Sunstorm had been fairly easy to convince to tell the rest. And he'd actually had a suggestion... "Fairly. Nothing really out of the ordinary..." He couldn't even really talk about his work... "How was yours? ... And thank you for bringing the fuel."
“That’s good… um… I w-went shopping with Smokescreen?” Bluestreak managed not to show his cringe. Sunstorm always said ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or ‘fairly’ about his work day… he never told him anything in detail. Not that his imagination wasn’t coming up with lots of things, how could you be jealous when you didn’t even like your mate?
"Oh, fun. Did you get anything?" He was interested, really he was... but he also wanted to implement Icewind's idea. So... "Oh, hey, have you been to Vector Sigma's temple here? I was there once... It's very quiet. I actually liked it..." He had, he just hadn't felt completely right there, and had never seen a reason to go back.
“N-no…” Smokescreen had urged him to buy something for them but… what? Most couple things in Vos were aimed at interfacing use, even the slagging candy! He didn’t want to admit that he liked interfacing with Sunstorm, so buying stuff to encourage it was not an option! “No, I haven’t…” Bluestreak hadn’t even prayed since their bonding, feeling rather like the gods had punished him for no reason.
Dang. He had kind of hoped Bluestreak had got something... anything! Not that saving money wasn't all well and good but... really, they had quite enough, and he wanted to indulge Bluestreak... "Why haven't you? I wouldn't mind going back with you, if you'd like, or I can just tell you where it is. Or your brothers probably know..." First was getting him there. Then, well... Then it was up to the god, Sunstorm figured. He had certainly done everything he could think of...
“I don’t… I don’t think it would be right…” Bluestreak shrugged and avoided looking his mate in the optic. He could barely understand how Sunstorm could still have faith in his god after this… Going into Vector Sigma’s temple would just be blasphemy, wouldn’t it? He was so angry at him, at all the gods.
"Wouldn't be right?" Sunstorm left his seat and knelt by Bluestreak, rubbing his thigh softly. That was one thing he had learned, he could at least offer his mate a minimum of touch for comfort, when they were alone... It was better than doing nothing. "I... know you're unhappy. Isn't this when you need the gods the most?"
“I’m… I’m angry at him, at them all… I don’t think it would be right to go to a temple feeling like that!” Bluestreak lowered his head even more looking to the side. Why did Sunstorm’s touch always feel so good? They were only a little way away from hating each other and yet he craved the golden seeker, his touch, his kisses and… and his spike. It was like an insidious virus and it was killing him! This wasn’t what it was supposed to be like, all carnal and nothing of the feelings.
"...I was too. My first day back I... well, I actually spent it in a back room... yelling at the eidos..." Sunstorm was very embarrassed to admit that. He really had behaved rather badly that day... Maybe with reason, and Zephyrus certainly didn't seem upset, but still! "Um, please don't tell anyone that..." He was still a little... annoyed at Vector Sigma and stupid rituals that made Bluestreak so... needlessly guilty. He tried not to be...
Flickering his optics, Bluestreak hesitantly lifted his head to look at Sunstorm. If a priest could be angry and… then maybe he should go? Maybe something good would come of it. “Did it help?"
Sunstorm took just a moment to double-check his own emotions, then nodded. "It did. It's not like I got any promises that things would work out... Believing that is still just my blind optimism..." He offered a short smile as he said that. He'd never thought he was particularly optimistic... "But I did... feel like I'd been heard? That my feelings and worries were understood and acknowledged." Maybe he should try something like that with Vector Sigma himself...
“Then… then maybe I should go.” Things couldn’t really get much worse, now could they? All he would risk was finding out if his god had really turned his back on him. He did cringe a little at that thought, door wings drooping further down. If he knew it though, maybe he could do something about it! “I’ll go… I… tomorrow, maybe?”
He did relax, hugging Bluestreak before pulling away. "Tomorrow, then. Do you want me to go with you, or would you prefer to go alone?" He should probably restrain himself tonight, Sunstorm thought, no matter how adorable Bluestreak was... It might go better if the Helixian didn't feel as recently guilty. Of course thinking about it just made him want his mate... Sunstorm sat back in his chair and ignored it.
Frowning, Bluestreak took a sip from his cube, what did he want? It would make sense if they both went, but… “I don’t know? It’s… I mean, it sort of involves us both, so...” And he really didn’t know if he could face his god alone. Not when he was so angry and so, so scared.
"Then I'll come. They can get along without me for a day... And I should probably start talking to your god myself." He should, it was only 'manners'. Luckily, there was nothing big planned at the temple for tomorrow, so Sunstorm actually could take the day off... He called the notice in while he was thinking about it.
Bluestreak nodded acceptance and returned his attention to his cube. He was painfully aware that they had nothing to talk about… he didn’t want to know what Sunstorm’s day had been like, not in details. The Seeker probably did not want to hear about all the things he hadn’t bought because of what their uses were… “I… I think I’ll recharge early, I feel a little worn out?” Not really, slag not at all! Studying the table top intently, Bluestreak hoped his lie didn’t sound as feeble as it seemed to.
"Okay, pretty one. I think I'll go for a short flight..." Sunstorm stayed, though, smiling as he watched Bluestreak, until his mate was out of sight. The flight was relaxing, though he did wonder what it would be like to fly in the fog at Helix... Maybe a vacation. When he came back in, Bluestreak was already in recharge, and Sunstorm pet the unconscious form lightly. So much potential... A little sad, and honestly hopeful for the first time in too long, Sunstorm settled in beside Bluestreak and easily slipped offline.
It was weird… the only time of cycle Bluestreak was content was when he onlined. There was a short time, where he was too online to be in recharge and too off line to worry about life, where he could enjoy being in Sunstorm’s arms. Enjoy without thinking, enjoy without guilt…
Then of course reality knocked and he had to slink out of the berth as fast as he could before he did something stupid or hurtful.
And that was his cue to 'wake up'. Sunstorm would never tell Bluestreak that he was almost always awake before the grounder. How could he give up the free cuddling, even if it did hurt when Bluestreak, invariably, skittered away as though he had done something wrong. "Mm... Good morning, Blue'. Did you recharge well?" The Seeker stretched, for once trying not to show off too much.
“Ah… ‘m-morning…” It was positively freaky how Sunstorm seemed to wake when he got off the berth, habit he guessed, and cringed at the reminder of how many lovers the golden priest had probably had to share his life with. “I guess I did? Um… should we go to the temple right after refueling?” The sooner the better, but Sunstorm would know more about how the temple district worked.
"...Probably. Unless you want to clean up first? I don't think you need to..." Bluestreak knew more about approaching Vector Sigma than Sunstorm did, really. He still didn't think that the grey mech needed to shower, and Sunstorm knew he didn't.
“No… I don’t need it, can we go? Before I lose my courage?” Maybe he could talk Sunstorm in to refueling on the way. It would be hurried and… sort of intimate, but at least he wouldn’t have too much time to think about actually going to the temple! “I really just want to get going?”
Sunstorm gave a soft smile, reaching for Bluestreak and stopping before they touched. Poor mech... "Come on, then. Fueling can wait." It could... at worst they would be really hungry by the time they left the temple... Bluestreak looked so frightened for a moment that Sunstorm wasn't sure he would even be able to intake the fuel, let alone the time it would take. He couldn't do much to shorten the trip, though, still unsure of his way on the ground, and he hadn't gone to this temple much...
“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean…” ‘with me being angry and all that’, Bluestreak stopped himself. They were just outside the temple and there were people around, Seekers and Grounders alike. It wasn’t very fun to be afraid of going into a temple, less fun when it was a temple dedicated to the god that had been his confidant all through his life.
"Yes." It was, at least, the best idea he had. Sunstorm was surprised he hadn't had it sooner... it didn't matter. "Come on." It was quiet inside, very calm. Once again, Sunstorm felt at a loss. It was so different from his own temple! "You'll have to lead now, Blue'..."
“It’s not like the Helix temple!” Bluestreak did recognize the trappings though; there was the eidos, and the niches where a priest would talk to a follower who needed privacy. It wasn’t overrun, but there were several curtains pulled in front of openings so… “I need to find a priest? A-and talk to him… um… in private?”
Sunstorm made a slight gesture, indicating that Bluestreak should go and do that, then. "I think I shall give speaking to Vector Sigma a try myself. Don't worry, I'll keep control of myself, I promise. You should be able to find me easily when you're done... At worst, I'll be just outside." He smiled reassuringly at Bluestreak.
Wandering off, Bluestreak tried not to feel guilty, over a lot of different things. He really hoped the priest wasn’t another Seeker! Which was just another thing to feel guilty over… great.
A Helixian... Raze was not particularly surprised when he saw the door-winged frame. Everyone knew they were here, and of course they visited this temple at times. This one was new, all gray, and clearly dejected. "Hello. Can I help you?"
“Y-yes… could you… take my confession and try and advise me?” Bluestreak didn’t think he stumbled too badly, though he knew he sounded far too unsure. No priest would ever turn away a mech that needed counseling, but yeah… most mechs didn't have a god mad at them either.
"Certainly. This way." Raze motioned to one of the unoccupied niches, drawing the curtain and sitting when the grey mech followed him. "What do you need to confess?" It had to be something big, for the mech to be so unsure and worried.
“I’m unhappy and angry with… angry with Vector Sigma. I feel like I’m being punished for a crime I haven’t yet committed!” Bluestreak shivered and lowered both helmet and doorwings. “I’m a resonant, to a priest of Zephyrus. I had barely been here a few groons and s-suddenly I had no choice in how my life formed itself. Sunstorm is… sweet and he tries so very hard but…”
That was unusual. Most people didn't so easily admit to being angry with their god, no matter who they served. A moment later it made sense... "But he is a priest of Zephyrus. And did you even know about resonance before it happened?" If he hadn't, then just... wow. No wonder the Helixian thought he was being punished for something!
“No… I didn’t know anything! Sunstorm thought I knew, I think at least. He… he can’t help what he is and I… don’t know how to live with it.” Bluestreak wrapped his arms around himself and sobbed quietly.
Okay, Helixians weren't big on touch, so Raze didn't even have to try that. As for the actual problem... "No wonder you're so distressed..." He thought about the times his Creators had taken him to Zephyrus' temple... "I am not sure this will help, but I know that, when he's working as a priest... He is not acting as himself, but as a vessel for his god. Every priest does that. ... May I ask? Does he use your name, when you share your berth with him?"
Flushing even hotter, Bluestreak nodded. What that had to do with anything he didn’t know, but a priest never asked unless he needed the answer for something. Sunstorm’s vocation wasn’t the only problem though; his ‘appetite’ was another… that would be even more difficult to ask about. How could he explain that he was afraid of letting go. Every time he, well Sunstorm, initiated lovemaking he felt so… so good that it scared him.
"Then I can at least assure you that he is acting as himself then..." Raze was not completely sure that would help. They didn't really use names when... well, yes. "Hum... That is not all, is it?" If that had been 'all', then Raze thought the Helixian would have relaxed. As it was, he seemed even more tense than he had been when Raze had first approached him.
“N-no… I don’t quite know how to… to ask?” Or what to ask really. Bluestreak huffed unhappily and then resolutely steeled himself, doorwings stiffening and hiking up in determination. “Sunstorm is a very good lover, he is very patient and… and I keep disappointing him. I know I do, even if he doesn’t say anything.” Shaking his head, he paused to gather his thoughts. “I was told… always told that bonding was this miraculous thing, that you got to know your lover on a level much deeper than... I don’t know? But that’s not what we have, we barely touch sparks! It’s like the merge will only work as far as there and then stops! It’s my fault, I know it is, but I’m not sure why… or what to do.”
"Do you enjoy it? That is, I mean... Do you think that he knows you want it?" Honestly, one would have to be totally deactivated not to enjoy having a priest of Zephyrus in one's berth, at least at the time! It seemed to be... afterwards that bothered the Helixian... "Bonding, on the level you were told about, requires... yielding. If you are to know him, you must... well, merge, go in to him... But you also need to let him into you, show him yourself... it sounds as though you are afraid. Of what Vector Sigma would think, or of what Sunstorm would think?" It was a more common problem than they really talked about, at least with resonants, but it almost always corrected itself...
“It’s so different… Sun’s so, so experienced? He makes me feel so good and I know I’m not a match for that. On top of that it’s not at all like a Helixian bonding, he’s… he’s with others? I mean, yes, he is a priest when he is but… he wants others in our berth too! He’s not saying it but…” Bluestreak gestured helplessly; did he really have to explain Vos? “I wish I could give myself so completely, maybe we would be better for it… but I am afraid of, of him, of all that he knows, all the things he’ll want to do!”
Raze nodded, he did know what the mech meant. "As far as experience goes, the only way to try matching him is to get experience. Let him teach you. Or, as you live here now, there is no sin in letting others teach you." There wasn't, or Raze himself was doomed... "He might like to invite others, but I can almost promise you, he would far rather you be happy. We know what we demand from resonants, and give everything we can to make it up to them... Ask him what he knows, be willing to try things. Start small."
“But is it right? A-and… all of this, is it a punishment? Have I displeased Vector Sigma?” It wasn’t a sin to ask someone other than his bondmate to teach him of interfacing? That meant that this priest believed that what the Seekers did wasn’t bad, he was presumably a Vossian but still. He was also a priest of Vector Sigma, his words could be believed! “Are you… sure that sharing physical pleasure with others is… okay?”
"No, no, it's not a punishment at all! It's just a little hard right now. Sharing physical pleasure... It's pleasure. There's noting wrong with that, especially not here." Another city, possibly... That might be a question to ask a hiereis... Raze focused his attention on the Helixian. "You've not displeased Vector Sigma at all. If anything, your struggle to do the right thing probably pleased him, even if it was... misguided. You've had a lot to adjust to."
“But…” Bluestreak hesitated; pleasure had been such a private thing in Helix, such a personal thing. They didn’t even talk about how to masturbate! Here it wasn’t even an optical ridge raiser to walk past someone masturbating in a public park… or a ‘facing couple or trio. “It’s just not like in Helix! I don’t know if I can adjust that much… I just don’t know…”
"No one is asking you to change right away! Start small. Even if you never get comfortable enough to try something in public, that will be fine." If the Helixian could bring himself to really discuss things with his mate now, Raze suspected that they would work things out. "Maybe... try holding his hand. There's no sin in what is done here, but, there is no sin in going slow, either."
“I guess… I just want to be able to at least be friends with him and… as things are we can barely talk.” Unless three sentences was a conversation. Bluestreak huffed and looked up at the priest with dim optics. “It would be nice to not have to berth each other all the time… is there any way we can not have to do it for a while? So I could maybe get to know him without the interfacing getting in the way?” He didn’t think there was, but it didn’t hurt to ask!
Well, that was... an unusual request, in a way. Raze did suppose it made sense... He wasn't sure what the Helixian would say about the answer, though! "There is... but I am not sure you'll like it. As a priest of Zephyrus, he... Well, more than the physical, he needs someone as a true lover. If you need to take a break, he will most likely have to content himself with others. I can assure you that it's you he'll long for..." Would that actually be comforting...?
“Oh…” The small noise was all Bluestreak managed to offer to that answer. It was pretty much what he didn’t want… knowing Sunstorm ‘had to’ interface as a part of his vocation was bad enough, he really didn’t need to know that his bondmate was seeking lovers just to keep from jumping him. “This is all so complicated! Why is this happening to me? If it’s not a punishment, then what? Please, I-I need to know… something… anything?”
Why... oh, that was the question. Raze kind of hated answering that one, he really did. Still... "Vector Sigma must have seen something in you, something unusual that suggests you can adapt. More than adapt, that you will be very happy." That was why he hated answering 'why'... so indefinite! "Perhaps... you should try talking to his god? Um... I'm fairly sure they have more private shrines, if you can't face the main temple..."
Bluestreak bit his dermas and nodded, he knew that one seldom got straight answers but he had been hoping a little. At least the priest was absolutely sure this thing… the resonance, wasn’t a punishment and that it meant that Vector Sigma saw something different in him. If that was true, maybe it would work… if he leaned not to be so scared of intimacy and if he could learn not to be so jealous of those that Sunstorm was with. “Thank you, I think I will…” Bluestreak stood up and bowed, his thoughts already on whether or not he dared return to the main temple. It would be best he thought, maybe?
Well, it looked like the mech was a little happier, at least. Raze couldn't quite be sure, but he thought so, at least. He stood as well, returning the bow before opening the curtain. "I'll offer a prayer for happiness on your behalf, if you like."
“You honor me, Priest, I would be very happy for your prayer.” Bluestreak smiled, a genuine, almost carefree smile, and turned away to find Sunstorm. He had to… there was a lot he had to do, including getting a bit of shopping done. Since one of the biggest problems was that he never took initiative to anything intimate…
Sunstorm had, as he had suggested, found a place to sit and tried talking to Vector Sigma. He still felt rather awkward, unsure. This wasn't his god, and Sunstorm still a little annoyed at him, or at least the culture that served him. He did behave himself, though he was very happy when he saw Bluestreak emerge from behind the curtain, smiling. Figuring he was bright and easy enough to see, Sunstorm left it to his mate to approach in his own time, simply watching the grey form.
“Did you… get to talk?” Bluestreak had no idea how a priest tackled talking to a god not his own, he wasn’t too sure he wanted to know. “I think… I got the answers I needed. At least for now, um… I think I need to talk to Z-Zephyrus, I mean a priest? Not anything but talking!”
"Well, I would say he knows my feelings on things..." Sunstorm answered, standing with a smile. Bluestreak's request took him by surprise. "Ah... sure? I mean, I told you, we DO do other things! But... Um, I'll smooth the way for you. Did you mean right now? And... is the main temple okay?" If not, then Bluestreak really would need him to go 'smooth' things for him!
“I don’t care, now would be best… it’s not something I want to do, but I think I need to.” Bluestreak swallowed hard, no, he didn’t want to go to the main temple but he had to, it was where Sunstorm ‘worked’ after all. He should be able to go there and be there without hating every moment of it.
He checked the urge to take Bluestreak's hand before he had done much more than twitch. Bluestreak looked so scared... like he was afraid someone would pounce and carry him off. Which, when thinking about it that way, maybe Bluestreak did have a point, in a manner of speaking... "Come on, then." Out on to the streets again... at least the main temple was easy to find! Sunstorm wished he could do more to help Bluestreak... he was being so brave, and all Sunstorm could do was watch!