(no subject)
Thank you Ken for getting my wheels turning on this one finally...
Your post bout trust was quite a nice one to read..was very true.
Got myself thinking very much about trust and how important it is in any form of a relationship....trust is the foundation of everything...and if that trust is broken it becomes increasingly hard to gain back. Trust I find comes very easily, the first time you get to know someone, as there is no reason to distrust them...but once a reason becomes apparent, it is impossible to fall back into that free falling earning and giving of trust.....there becomes a reluctance to let that person back into where they once were...as badly as you may want to trust them again...or allow yourself to open up to them...there's always that little bell ringing in your head telling you that you know better...that's it's happened once...what's to say it won't happen again...but you ignore it...repeatedly...then..it happens again...and you end up more hurt/bitter/feeling stupid then had you actually got the courage up to admit you couldn't trust the way you once did. Once trust is broken, as hard as you try to let it grow again it takes alot of work...both on your part and the person who broke it, if the both of you aren't willing to work at it...it does not return..it can't be a one way street.
I find I tend to be the person trying to return the trust...not gain back trust...as I value it probably more than anything else...but trying to allow other people to regain my trust....truth is...it needs to be proven to me..flat out...the way you would show a child something..before I'm willing to allow that to even begin again...and...even after the initial display...I will more than likely continue to doubt the person....generally if someone looses my trust once it will inevitablly happen again.
In the same go though, once my trust has been broken..it is possible to be regained...beyond the shadow of a doubt...it just takes time..and effort...and a helluva lot more work than the first time around...There have been few people who have betrayed my trust who have been able to regain it..but..with that few, I would now trust them with my life. Having my trust was worth the tests they went through because for some reason, I mattered to them enough to put up with it. Enough to understand something was horribly wrong and they took the time and put in the effort to ensure that things were rebuilt. I of course was reluctant, why let someone back in when they hurt you horribly....but..with a litte time, persistance, and energy...it was regained.
I've also learned that those who just expect trust to be regained on it's own...without some help from the parties involved, inevitably, it just repeats itself. It becomes a circle of gaining and losing trust. Sooner or later someone wises up and breaks that chain...it helps a little with the sanity aspect of life.
I have however learned that trust is something I shouldn't hand out on a silver platter...as a result..I don't so much anymore.
I still believe that trust is the most important aspect of any form of relationship...I'm the kinda believer that even if something happens that shouldn't, if you're honest about it and maintain the high level of trust...I'm more able to deal with that than to deal with the act of betrayal....betrayals are where I have the most trouble recovering from. Generally trust is never the same after that has been experienced.
Your post bout trust was quite a nice one to read..was very true.
Got myself thinking very much about trust and how important it is in any form of a relationship....trust is the foundation of everything...and if that trust is broken it becomes increasingly hard to gain back. Trust I find comes very easily, the first time you get to know someone, as there is no reason to distrust them...but once a reason becomes apparent, it is impossible to fall back into that free falling earning and giving of trust.....there becomes a reluctance to let that person back into where they once were...as badly as you may want to trust them again...or allow yourself to open up to them...there's always that little bell ringing in your head telling you that you know better...that's it's happened once...what's to say it won't happen again...but you ignore it...repeatedly...then..it happens again...and you end up more hurt/bitter/feeling stupid then had you actually got the courage up to admit you couldn't trust the way you once did. Once trust is broken, as hard as you try to let it grow again it takes alot of work...both on your part and the person who broke it, if the both of you aren't willing to work at it...it does not return..it can't be a one way street.
I find I tend to be the person trying to return the trust...not gain back trust...as I value it probably more than anything else...but trying to allow other people to regain my trust....truth is...it needs to be proven to me..flat out...the way you would show a child something..before I'm willing to allow that to even begin again...and...even after the initial display...I will more than likely continue to doubt the person....generally if someone looses my trust once it will inevitablly happen again.
In the same go though, once my trust has been broken..it is possible to be regained...beyond the shadow of a doubt...it just takes time..and effort...and a helluva lot more work than the first time around...There have been few people who have betrayed my trust who have been able to regain it..but..with that few, I would now trust them with my life. Having my trust was worth the tests they went through because for some reason, I mattered to them enough to put up with it. Enough to understand something was horribly wrong and they took the time and put in the effort to ensure that things were rebuilt. I of course was reluctant, why let someone back in when they hurt you horribly....but..with a litte time, persistance, and energy...it was regained.
I've also learned that those who just expect trust to be regained on it's own...without some help from the parties involved, inevitably, it just repeats itself. It becomes a circle of gaining and losing trust. Sooner or later someone wises up and breaks that chain...it helps a little with the sanity aspect of life.
I have however learned that trust is something I shouldn't hand out on a silver platter...as a result..I don't so much anymore.
I still believe that trust is the most important aspect of any form of relationship...I'm the kinda believer that even if something happens that shouldn't, if you're honest about it and maintain the high level of trust...I'm more able to deal with that than to deal with the act of betrayal....betrayals are where I have the most trouble recovering from. Generally trust is never the same after that has been experienced.