Changes
Later that night, after the Sun had gone down and the two men had come out of the bedroom in search of food and had planked themselves in front of the TV, Jensen decided he could put it off no longer and told Jared of Bills visit.
Jareds expression went from shock to joy in a matter of seconds at the news of the amount of nominations he had received and he hugged Jensen to him enthusiastically. As soon as he told him though that he was staying where he was and not returning to Nashville, Jareds face changed to one of concern and Jensen could see the storm brewing in his eyes as Jared set down the glass he had been holding and faced him,
“Jensen, this is everything you have ever worked for, wanted, jeez man don’t give all that up for me, it just....”
“Jay, I’m not giving it all up! And I’m not giving it all up for you! I have just chosen not to go back right now thats all, you and me, we got something going here, and I want to stay here and work on this, on us, what we have here and now, it could mean forever, you know that right, I want to get us right.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Jareds mouth “This thing between us, it feels right, it feels like we could have a shot at forever you know? You and me could be so good together, and nothing else comes close...I have spent too long in the limelight and this is precious to me, you and your Family and this town and its people, its amazing and I’m not ready to give that up, not sure if I ever will.. .I can work from here for the time being if I need to, and hell maybe, maybe at some point down the line you and me could move closer to the action if thats what it takes, what do you think huh?”
Jared leaned in for another kiss, taking it slow and easy, nipping gently on Jensens bottom lip.
“I think you’re wonderful Jensen Ackles, and anyone would be very lucky to have you...”
“ and this discussion is not over ....” He swallowed as Jensen began raining small kisses all across his face and down his neck, “Jensen, we are going to talk some more about this...”
“Mmmmm hmmmmm” was the only answer he got and he arched his neck as Jensen started working lower,
“Just cause I’m letting you shut me up now, don’t mean we are not gonna talk about this later.....” He was panting now and Jensen grinned against Jareds neck as he felt Jared sag against him and his ploy to distract him worked. He pulled Jared across the couch till they were both lying down with Jensen laid out on top of the younger man and he nodded,
“Sure we will talk Jay.... we got plenty of time to talk.” And he proceeded to shut Jared up once and for all, missing the shadow that crossed over Jareds face at his words.
*******************************
The next four weeks, saw the men settle into somewhat of a routine. Jensen continued to call Kerry, spending a little longer on the phone each time, putting off and refusing interviews and appearance offers on various talk shows. Jared fought him like a tiger on the subject, but Jensen would not be moved. He was where he wanted to be he claimed and he didn’t give a damn about what he was losing out on, he was staying with Jared and that was it.
They loved and laughed, and hung out and sometimes Jensen worked with Jared, doing whatever odd job he had on his agenda that day for someone in this town and Jensen could see quite plainly why he was the town sweetheart as Sophia had called him.
Jared had three job offers come in soon after that, he didn’t seem as committed to settling with any one offer though, putting it off constantly and choosing instead to go spend time with Chad, just hanging out. His behaviour became erratic, moods swinging between loving and moody, happy and tantrums over the slightest thing.
Jensen was concerned, and when he broached the subject with Sophia, not wanting to worry Sharon with it, Sophia had just shrugged and put it down to the medication Jared had been put on to fight the migraines. Well if that was the case Jensen thought he sposed he could deal with it, at least until Jareds body became used to the medicine and things would calm down, because as it was, they seemed to be working and Jared wasn’t thrown down as much.
So what happened one day four weeks later came as a complete shock and even now had Jensen reeling with the speed of it all. He had gone out to the diner, and had spent a few hours there with the two women, helping out behind the counter and passing the time, while he waited for Jared to return. Jared had left early that morning, telling him that an old friend of his Mom’s was having a spot of trouble with a job they were carrying out on their house not far from town, Chad was taking him out there and he had reacted with surprising anger when Jensen had grabbed his jacket ready to go with him.
He still cringed to himself at the anger in Jareds voice when he had turned on Jensen,
“Jesus Jensen I said I can do this alone! Christ can you just back off for five minutes?! I’m not a fucking child and I don’t want you holding my damn hand all the time! Were you always this fucking clingy?! Just....just back off alright...leave me some peace for Christs sake...”
He had walked to the door then, and stopped with his hand on the door knob not looking back...
“I don’t know what time I will be back, Chad and I might go for a beer later, don’t wait up”
Jared had grabbed a backpack that was waiting by the door then and walked out. He hadn’t contacted Jensen since then. After Jensen returned to the house later that day, he had called Kerry on impulse, it wasn’t even a week since he had called her but he felt the need to just talk to someone who knew him. Kerry told him about the call they had received just that morning from a talk show host he greatly admired and was on friendly terms with, she told him that she had called and begged for Jensen to come on and perform, no personal questions would be asked if thats what Jensen was worried about, she just wanted to have the possible record breaking Grammy nominee on her show.
Jensen found that for the first time in a while he was tempted, things had been so strained here lately, with Jareds mood swings and the dark cloud that was Jensens refusual to discuss the Grammy’s hanging over them. Jareds anger that morning had really shaken Jensen and he wondered for the first time if he was in fact being clingy, maybe he should go do the show, just that one, he would only be gone at the most two days and it would give them both some time apart and maybe it was just what they both needed right then. So he found himself agreeing much to the surprise of Kerry and she called him back ten minutes later having set the appearance for two days later.
Jared returned just as Jensen was hanging up his cell, he had tried calling Jared several times in the last hour, just to let him know that he had to go out of town for a few days, but the call had gone straight to voicemail everytime.
Jared just stood inside the living room door eyebrow raised as he took in the sight of the overnight bag at Jensens feet.
“Going somewhere?”
“Yeah I’ve been trying to call you Jay, I have to go out of town for a few days, I was talking to Kerry and she told me about this one show and its just one appearance and I will be back in a few days ok?”
Jared leaned on the doorjamb then, arms crossed and eyes narrowed,
“Hmmm I wondered how long it would take you...”
“Sorry? Take me?” Jensens instinct was to walk across the room and just hold Jared and reassure him, but something about the way he was holding himself and the set of his face held him where he was.
“Yeah, how long it would take you to go running back....I knew you would, it was just a matter of time. You can’t resist the pull of your music and the business and I’m actually kinda surprised that you have lasted this long, I mean, what have I got here to compete with all that you have there?”
“Jay, come on man. It’s just one appearance, I will be back in three days I promise, I’m not running back to anything you know that!”
Jared never moved a muscle only a roll of his eyes told Jensen what he thought of that and he sighed, what was going on here? This wasn’t Jared......
“Jay? What’s going on? This isn’t you man. Why are you being like this?”
“Not like me? Jensen how the fuck would you know? We don’t know each other at all! You have no idea what I’m like! Or who I am! I certainly don’t know you....you told me you were staying here! But look at you! You’re leaving...and we both know that going back for ‘just one show ‘isn’t gonna end there! There will be more, you know it and I’m not so naive that I can’t see it either!”
Jared moved then and went to the kitchen and pulled out a beer and opening the bottle took along swig. What the hell? Jared never drank!
“Jared look...two days ago you were on at me about refusing to go to the Grammy’s and now your not happy cause I’m going to do a small talk show appearance?”
“Forget it Jensen...just go alright? “
“Babe come on, why don’t you come with me huh? I promised Bill I would bring you out there, so why don’t you come along now? It will be fun, we will make it fun.”
“No. I don’t want to go with you...Jesus Jensen are you that dense? Why don’t you just go ok? I think we’re done here, just go back to Nashville, playtime is over.”
“What?”Jensen did move this time and walked over and pulled the bottle of beer out of Jareds hand and set it on the table, and rose to place a kiss to Jareds mouth. But Jared turned his head and remained stone faced.
“Jared? I think I’m gonna need this spelt out for me here, cause I don’t think I know what you are saying...why are you being like this? Just because I want to do one damn show? I told you I wasn’t giving it all up! Hell you’ve been on at me for not doing anything! I said I wanted to stay here with you and I do! But Jesus Jared it’s just one damn show!”
Jared pulled away completely and walked across the room and turned to face Jensen arms once again folded across his chest,
“I’m telling you to get your stuff, all of it and just leave. We. Are. Done. Over. Finished. Playtime is over and it’s time for you to go home and just leave me be, this was never going out work out, I should have known better than to even think it could. We are miles apart you and I, let’s just put this all down to a holiday fling and leave it at that alright? Just go....”
“Jared” Jensen took a step forward and Jared stepped back, “You don’t mean that, what about our plans? Weren’t we talking about a move eventually? Didn’t we say we would move closer to Nashville, maybe halfway?”
“No Jensen, you did, you talked I listened, I don’t want to move, I’m happy where I am.”
“Jared, you’ve done nothing but bum around for weeks! You have ignored three job offers that I know of that have come in, all you do is go fucking hang around with Chad! Thats not living!”
Jared leaned back against the window and raised an eyebrow in a careless fashion,
“So? I’ve worked damn hard the last few years, maybe I just wanna do nothing for a while huh? What have you been doing the last few month? Nothing! Why? Cause you felt like you needed a break! So what’s wrong with me doing the same thing! Difference is Jensen I can see the truth here and you just won’t, this was never gonna last...you were just playing around till the call to go back became too much, so I’m letting you go, no tears, no tantrums, nothing, just go Jensen.”
“Jared come on.... this is fucking ridiculous! Im only going for a few damn days!”
“No!” Jared shouted then and Jensen jumped at the force of anger behind the one word.
“No! I want you to go Jensen, I want this thing over, I’ve been trying to be nice, even let you think that maybe it wouldn’t have worked, let you down easy but you’re not listening to me so I guess I will have to tell you the truth. You are driving me mad.... you’re clingy, I can never go anywhere but you’re hanging the fuck off me and I can’t take it anymore! I need my space; I certainly don’t need you hanging around like a milestone on my neck! We are not all as famous and as popular as you and I am happy with it this way, just get out Jensen! Go! Leave me in peace!”
Jensen stood for the longest time, just staring at this stranger across the room, Jared stood, legs apart fists clenched at his sides as if trying to hold himself back and eyes completely hidden underneath his shaggy bangs. Finally he nodded,
“Ok, ok Jay, if thats what you want, then maybe you’re right...maybe it’s time for me to go...”
Jared nodded tightly, no longer meeting Jensen’s eyes and Jensen moved to the bedroom and picked up a few more important items and his car keys and walked to the door.
“Goodbye Jared, I hope you will be happy, I wish you happiness.” And he walked to the truck, just willing his legs to keep moving before he went back in and begged Jared for another chance. He was in the truck and about to close the door when a desperate cry of his name rang out and he turned to see Sophia running toward the truck.
“Jensen, where are you going? “
“I’m leaving Soph, he has made it very clear where we stand, there is no point in me hanging around anymore, I really should have known better than to think it would have been any different.”
He stepped out of the car and pulled her into a hug and she clung to him,
“Please Jensen, Jared doesn’t mean it, there are things.....just please, please don’t give up, don’t give up on him, he needs you, he...”
“Sophia!”
Chad came up behind her and regarded Jensen with cool eyes,
“Sophia let him be now, this is none of your business babe, if he wants to go let him go...”
Jensen just couldn’t be bothered at that moment in time trying to explain to Chad that he didn’t want to go, Jared was practically throwing him out, he was weary and in shock and he needed to get out of there.
All he did was nod in his direction, give Sophia one more fleeting hug and drove away and out of town and Jareds life.
He was going back.
******************************
What Jensen didn’t see that day:
Inside the house, Jared stood at the window, arms folded so tight around himself as if to prevent himself from running, running after the truck and begging forgiveness. He was completely unaware of the tears that were flowing down his face. It had to be this way; Jensen didn’t deserve or need what was gonna happen. He was doing this for Jensen’s sake, he didn’t want Jensen to go through what he had....he loved him too much for that.
“Jay?” A soft voice spoke behind him but Jared couldn’t turn around, if he tried to move now he would fall to the ground and never get up.
“Jay?” This time a soft hand went around his waist and Sophia placed a kiss on his arm.
“Soph.....” His voice was ragged and hoarse and he turned slowly as Sophia’s hands urged him around and faced the only two people in the world who knew...
“I had to Soph, he.... he just doesn’t deserve any of it....let him hate me....I did the right thing Soph...I did the right thing... Oh god.”
Jareds words were choked on tears as he finally gave in to the pain and fear he had been feeling for weeks and now it was coupled with a deep deep already bone shaking loneliness without Jensen and Sophia cried with him burying her face in the shoulders of this man she loved so much, and they clung together for long minutes just comforting each other as best they could without words.
“Jared, it’s time.” Chad’s voice sounded, “You can’t put this off any longer Jay... you’ve got to tell your Mom, she deserves to know.”
Jared raised tormented eyes, all of his facade now gone.
How?
How was he supposed to tell his beloved Mother that he was now about to put her through the same hell she went through for two years when his Dad was so ill?
How did he tell her the chances were high that she would now have to watch her son die too?
Chapter 8