In Times of Peril, Words of Truth (DS9)
Title: In Times of Peril, Words of Truth
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Damar and Kira have managed to avoid discussing Ziyal's death and Dukat's subsequent descent into madness so far. Set during "When It Rains". Linked thematically to Expiation.
DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the Star Trek universe and everything it encompasses. This story is not intended to infringe on any copyrights, and the only profit I gain by it is emotional satisfaction.
So it is more useful to watch a man in times of peril, and in adversity to discern what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off, reality remains. (Lucretius, "De Rerum Natura")
"Say it."
Kira looked up from the pile of weapons components she had spread around her and gave him a puzzled frown. "Say what?"
"Don't play the fool with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Like hell I do. Why don't you do something useful, instead of standing there glowering at me?" She handed a recharge cell to him. "Here, clean the coils."
He snarled in annoyance, then snatched the component from her hand and sat on a boulder behind her to scrape away the residue that had accumulated on the power coils. "I'm talking about Ziyal," he finally admitted.
Sitting behind her, he could see her spine stiffen in response, but she did not turn around. "What about her?"
"I know you know what happened."
She tossed a half-melted beam magnifier into a pile of useless parts and picked up another piece. "So what if I do?"
"Say it."
This time she turned around to glare at him. "And give you the satisfaction? You can forget about it."
"What's the matter?" he barked. "Has that Starfleet uniform suddenly turned you into a diplomat? The Kira Nerys I know would never hesitate to speak her mind, especially if it involved insulting a Cardassian. You certainly never held your tongue where Dukat was concerned."
The clenching of her fist gave him a secret thrill. "Don't ever speak of him to me again," she spat, returning to her work.
Determined to push her as far as he could, he sprang forward and crouched beside her, so he could speak directly into her ear. "Why? Because you don't want to remember how he lusted after you for so long? Or was there something between you and him I don't know about?"
"I suggest you step back before you say something you regret," she whispered through clenched teeth. "I took you once, I can do it again."
"This time you don't have Dukat to protect you," he challenged. "This time --" he paused at the pressure of jagged metal against his throat.
"This time, I will kill you," she swore.
"Just like I killed Ziyal?" He knew she was getting closer and closer to the edge; if he had to, even if it meant she dragged him down with her, he would push her over the precipice. "Say it. I want to hear those words come out of your mouth: I killed Ziyal."
For a moment, he thought she might actually follow through on her threat to kill him, but then the pressure against his throat subsided and she lowered her gaze. "No."
"Typical Bajoran cowardice," he muttered, rising and wiping the dirt from his knees. "I don't know what Dukat ever saw in you."
He was flat on his back, the fragment of twisted metal pushed so deeply into his throat he could feel blood trickling down his neck, before he could finish. "Why did you do it?" she cried, her face reddened with fury and grief. "Why did you kill her, Damar? Why?"
He could barely breathe, thanks to the weight of her arm across his throat, but he managed to wheeze, "Because she betrayed Dukat."
"He betrayed us all by bringing the Dominion to the Alpha Quadrant! If it weren't for him, we wouldn't be in this mess." She shuddered and leaned more heavily into his throat. "If it weren't for you, he might have been able to keep Cardassia free. Ziyal was the only good and decent thing to come out of Dukat, and you killed her!"
His vision was beginning to blur. "It seems I did you a favor, then," he croaked, trying to remain alert.
Her face suddenly pale, she sat back, releasing him. Damar pulled himself to a sitting position and coughed violently, rubbing at his throat. He would have a nasty bruise there in a few hours, he knew.
"What did you say?" she asked quietly.
"I said, I probably did you a favor by killing Ziyal."
"How do you figure that?"
"You just said Ziyal was the best thing Dukat ever produced. You hated him, you never wanted to accept he could be a good man. You could never bring yourself to redeem him. Now that Ziyal's dead, you won't have to."
He could tell she wanted to hit him, but she restrained herself admirably. Maybe that Starfleet uniform was good for something after all. "That's ridiculous," she finally said, rising and stalking to the far side of the cavern.
"Is it? You used Ziyal for your own purposes as much as Dukat did. Every time you wanted something from Dukat, you used Ziyal as a go-between. Whenever he wanted something from you, he did the same. Now that your token ambassador is dead, you can wash your hands of Dukat without any regrets. I've rescued you from a lot of unnecessary guilt, Kira Nerys." He crossed to her. "You should be thanking me, not condemning me."
"I could have washed my hands of Dukat just fine, Damar," she said. "I didn't need your help. You didn't have to kill Ziyal!"
He sighed. Many times during the past year and a half he had regretted his hasty judgment. Had he known Ziyal's death would drive Dukat into insanity and eventual religious zealotry, he would have acted otherwise. Regret, however, could not undo what he had done, and he pressed on. "If I hadn't, do you think Dukat would ever have given up pursuing you?"
"He hasn't given up!" she snapped. "He kidnapped me and tried to convince me to join his little cult!"
"And while Dukat is chasing after sanctification, Cardassia has become an occupied world." He considered for a moment, then reached forward and grasped her, wondering how such thin arms could have done so much damage to him. "My killing Ziyal was the best thing that could have happened to you and Bajor."
"You sound almost pleased at the thought!"
Damar shook his head. "I'm not. I realize now I wasn't fit to govern Cardassia through the Dominion alliance, and I'm going to be paying the consequences for a long time. But, thanks to me, you are finally out from under Dukat's shadow. You can hate him with impunity now."
"I never had any trouble hating him."
"As long as Ziyal was alive, you had to acknowledge that one small fragment of goodness in him. Now that she's gone, you don't have to carry that burden any longer. Admit it: you hated the idea that Dukat was at all capable of redeeming himself."
He watched a myriad of emotions flicker across her face as she considered his argument. He knew he was right; even on Terok Nor, before Ziyal's death, he had known Kira could not truly bring herself to acknowledge Dukat as anything more than the embodiment of evil. Typical Bajoran prejudice, but he expected no less from her. He was not interested in enlightening her to the shades of gray in the universe, however; he only wanted her to acknowledge what he had done and move on. After two weeks trapped in these caverns with her as his almost constant companion and closest advisor, he was tired of the hours-long silences and monosyllabic conversations. After two weeks, he was starting to see her through Dukat's eyes. After two weeks, she was starting to grow familiar to him.
"You’re right," she admitted, interrupting his private musings. "I didn't want to accept that Dukat had anything worth forgiving. It was so much easier to hate him."
"But Ziyal made that difficult."
She nodded. "There were times when I could almost see the glimmer of goodness in him. I hated myself even more than I hated him then. I hated my weakness. And... I hated Ziyal for forcing me to look at him in a new light."
"And now that Ziyal's gone?"
Kira took a deep breath. "I've never had cause to doubt my feelings about him."
At her quiet admission, Damar released her and stepped away. "Now do you understand what I'm saying? I set you free. No more guilt, no more self-doubt." He spread his arms and grinned. "I guess this means you have nothing to hold against me, then."
He could tell, by the twitching at the corners of her mouth, that she was trying not to smile. "Don't be so sure of yourself," she finally said. "I can think of plenty of reasons to go on hating you."
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Damar and Kira have managed to avoid discussing Ziyal's death and Dukat's subsequent descent into madness so far. Set during "When It Rains". Linked thematically to Expiation.
DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the Star Trek universe and everything it encompasses. This story is not intended to infringe on any copyrights, and the only profit I gain by it is emotional satisfaction.
So it is more useful to watch a man in times of peril, and in adversity to discern what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off, reality remains. (Lucretius, "De Rerum Natura")
"Say it."
Kira looked up from the pile of weapons components she had spread around her and gave him a puzzled frown. "Say what?"
"Don't play the fool with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Like hell I do. Why don't you do something useful, instead of standing there glowering at me?" She handed a recharge cell to him. "Here, clean the coils."
He snarled in annoyance, then snatched the component from her hand and sat on a boulder behind her to scrape away the residue that had accumulated on the power coils. "I'm talking about Ziyal," he finally admitted.
Sitting behind her, he could see her spine stiffen in response, but she did not turn around. "What about her?"
"I know you know what happened."
She tossed a half-melted beam magnifier into a pile of useless parts and picked up another piece. "So what if I do?"
"Say it."
This time she turned around to glare at him. "And give you the satisfaction? You can forget about it."
"What's the matter?" he barked. "Has that Starfleet uniform suddenly turned you into a diplomat? The Kira Nerys I know would never hesitate to speak her mind, especially if it involved insulting a Cardassian. You certainly never held your tongue where Dukat was concerned."
The clenching of her fist gave him a secret thrill. "Don't ever speak of him to me again," she spat, returning to her work.
Determined to push her as far as he could, he sprang forward and crouched beside her, so he could speak directly into her ear. "Why? Because you don't want to remember how he lusted after you for so long? Or was there something between you and him I don't know about?"
"I suggest you step back before you say something you regret," she whispered through clenched teeth. "I took you once, I can do it again."
"This time you don't have Dukat to protect you," he challenged. "This time --" he paused at the pressure of jagged metal against his throat.
"This time, I will kill you," she swore.
"Just like I killed Ziyal?" He knew she was getting closer and closer to the edge; if he had to, even if it meant she dragged him down with her, he would push her over the precipice. "Say it. I want to hear those words come out of your mouth: I killed Ziyal."
For a moment, he thought she might actually follow through on her threat to kill him, but then the pressure against his throat subsided and she lowered her gaze. "No."
"Typical Bajoran cowardice," he muttered, rising and wiping the dirt from his knees. "I don't know what Dukat ever saw in you."
He was flat on his back, the fragment of twisted metal pushed so deeply into his throat he could feel blood trickling down his neck, before he could finish. "Why did you do it?" she cried, her face reddened with fury and grief. "Why did you kill her, Damar? Why?"
He could barely breathe, thanks to the weight of her arm across his throat, but he managed to wheeze, "Because she betrayed Dukat."
"He betrayed us all by bringing the Dominion to the Alpha Quadrant! If it weren't for him, we wouldn't be in this mess." She shuddered and leaned more heavily into his throat. "If it weren't for you, he might have been able to keep Cardassia free. Ziyal was the only good and decent thing to come out of Dukat, and you killed her!"
His vision was beginning to blur. "It seems I did you a favor, then," he croaked, trying to remain alert.
Her face suddenly pale, she sat back, releasing him. Damar pulled himself to a sitting position and coughed violently, rubbing at his throat. He would have a nasty bruise there in a few hours, he knew.
"What did you say?" she asked quietly.
"I said, I probably did you a favor by killing Ziyal."
"How do you figure that?"
"You just said Ziyal was the best thing Dukat ever produced. You hated him, you never wanted to accept he could be a good man. You could never bring yourself to redeem him. Now that Ziyal's dead, you won't have to."
He could tell she wanted to hit him, but she restrained herself admirably. Maybe that Starfleet uniform was good for something after all. "That's ridiculous," she finally said, rising and stalking to the far side of the cavern.
"Is it? You used Ziyal for your own purposes as much as Dukat did. Every time you wanted something from Dukat, you used Ziyal as a go-between. Whenever he wanted something from you, he did the same. Now that your token ambassador is dead, you can wash your hands of Dukat without any regrets. I've rescued you from a lot of unnecessary guilt, Kira Nerys." He crossed to her. "You should be thanking me, not condemning me."
"I could have washed my hands of Dukat just fine, Damar," she said. "I didn't need your help. You didn't have to kill Ziyal!"
He sighed. Many times during the past year and a half he had regretted his hasty judgment. Had he known Ziyal's death would drive Dukat into insanity and eventual religious zealotry, he would have acted otherwise. Regret, however, could not undo what he had done, and he pressed on. "If I hadn't, do you think Dukat would ever have given up pursuing you?"
"He hasn't given up!" she snapped. "He kidnapped me and tried to convince me to join his little cult!"
"And while Dukat is chasing after sanctification, Cardassia has become an occupied world." He considered for a moment, then reached forward and grasped her, wondering how such thin arms could have done so much damage to him. "My killing Ziyal was the best thing that could have happened to you and Bajor."
"You sound almost pleased at the thought!"
Damar shook his head. "I'm not. I realize now I wasn't fit to govern Cardassia through the Dominion alliance, and I'm going to be paying the consequences for a long time. But, thanks to me, you are finally out from under Dukat's shadow. You can hate him with impunity now."
"I never had any trouble hating him."
"As long as Ziyal was alive, you had to acknowledge that one small fragment of goodness in him. Now that she's gone, you don't have to carry that burden any longer. Admit it: you hated the idea that Dukat was at all capable of redeeming himself."
He watched a myriad of emotions flicker across her face as she considered his argument. He knew he was right; even on Terok Nor, before Ziyal's death, he had known Kira could not truly bring herself to acknowledge Dukat as anything more than the embodiment of evil. Typical Bajoran prejudice, but he expected no less from her. He was not interested in enlightening her to the shades of gray in the universe, however; he only wanted her to acknowledge what he had done and move on. After two weeks trapped in these caverns with her as his almost constant companion and closest advisor, he was tired of the hours-long silences and monosyllabic conversations. After two weeks, he was starting to see her through Dukat's eyes. After two weeks, she was starting to grow familiar to him.
"You’re right," she admitted, interrupting his private musings. "I didn't want to accept that Dukat had anything worth forgiving. It was so much easier to hate him."
"But Ziyal made that difficult."
She nodded. "There were times when I could almost see the glimmer of goodness in him. I hated myself even more than I hated him then. I hated my weakness. And... I hated Ziyal for forcing me to look at him in a new light."
"And now that Ziyal's gone?"
Kira took a deep breath. "I've never had cause to doubt my feelings about him."
At her quiet admission, Damar released her and stepped away. "Now do you understand what I'm saying? I set you free. No more guilt, no more self-doubt." He spread his arms and grinned. "I guess this means you have nothing to hold against me, then."
He could tell, by the twitching at the corners of her mouth, that she was trying not to smile. "Don't be so sure of yourself," she finally said. "I can think of plenty of reasons to go on hating you."