Spellbound and Bewitched - BtVS - Spike/Xander
Written for lynnevitational
Title: Spellbound and Bewitched
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Spike/Xander
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Language, sexual situations
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Summary: Xander and Spike have to retrieve an ancient artifact from a clan of vampires and things go wrong.
Authors Note: This was beta read by danceswithgary (My heart goes out to you right now, hon.) Any remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Spellbound and Bewitched
Xander wondered if it was too late to get a patch for his good eye so he wouldn't have to see the person standing before him.
"I thought you were dead," he said.
Spike arched an eyebrow at him.
"I mean dead dead, not undead dead."
Spike perched a hip on Xander's desk. "Long story. See, I was-"
"Never mind," Xander interrupted. "Every time I think you're gone or dead, you pop up again, like a weed. A weed with prickly thorns that pokes you. It's like fate's taunting me or something." He rubbed a hand over his face before looking at Spike again. "So - what are you doing here?"
"Watcher sent me. Head Watcher, that is. Done right well, hasn't he? Doesn't hurt that the competition for the job went ka-blooey."
Before Xander could reply in Giles' defense, an extremely petite brunette struck her head into his office.
"Hi, I was going to the store and wondered..." Her voice trailed off as she eyed Spike. "That's a vampire."
"I know," Xander said. "Believe me, I know."
"Why do you have a vampire in your office? Pulling a stake out of her pocket, she bounced excitedly into the room. "Do you want me to kill him for you? I'd be happy to kill him. Can I kill him?"
"Despite wanting that with all my heart, I'll have to say 'no'."
Spike had risen to his feet and was smiling in a way that was down-right dangerous. "You can try," he told the girl. He looked down at her. "What'cha going to do? Stake me in the stomach?"
"That's rich coming from vampire who's so short he looks like he's still standing in a grave."
"You little-"
"Shut up, Spike," Xander said, shooting him a glare before turning back to the girl. "Put the stake away."
Instead of obeying, she began to circle closer. "You don't want me to kill him because he's bewitched you with his vampire powers. Vampires are tricky like that."
"I've told you over and over, Judy, vampires don't have those kind of powers unless they're really, really old. Or if they're crazy like Drusilla. Or if they're Dracula, who I don't want to talk about. Ever." Xander shrugged apologetically to Spike. "Judy's a bit high-spirited."
"I like a girl with spirit," Spike said, eyes alight. "Makes the blood tangy."
"You may have bewitched my watcher, but you won't do it to me! I am unbewitchable because of I am a slayer, one of the chosen few, though I suppose there's more than just a few of us and right now, there's just me here, but--"
"Judy, stop!" Xander ordered. "Giles sent him."
Judy's eyes widened as she stared at Spike. "You bewitched the Head Watcher?"
Spike smirked. "My powers are great and magnificent."
"Only to be exceeded by the level of your jerkiness." Xander stood and placed himself between Judy and Spike. "You can't kill Spike."
"Bloody right, she can't. I'd snap her neck in a second."
"Spiiike."
"Fine," Spike said, settling himself back on the edge of the desk. "I have none of that mind whammy mojo."
Xander turned to Judy. "See? No powers."
"Now tell the bint to go."
"You need to go," Xander told her.
Judy stared at Xander, then over his shoulder at Spike, who was grinning widely. Finally deciding not to argue further, she took a step back. "I'll go." She pointed her stake at Spike. "But I'm keeping my eye on you. Don't think I won't."
"Don't blame you none. I'm a handsome bloke."
Xander closed the door after Judy firmly, then faced Spike.
"Let's get back to why you're here when you could be someplace else irritating someone who's not me."
"Told you - Watcher sent me. Seems there's an apocalypse about to happen in your burg." Spike pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips.
"Here?" Xander couldn't believe it. After Africa and his training to be a Watcher, which he'd barely passed, he'd asked Giles for a spot on the map that didn't have much demon activity. Actually, a spot might be overstating this case. This was where Boredom went when it wanted a little quiet. He should've known it was too good to be true.
"Local vampire clan recently acquired some ancient artifacts, one of which has world ending capabilities." Flicking a lighter, Spike lit his cigarette.
Xander snatched the cigarette from out of Spike's mouth and dropped it in a half-empty can of Coke on his desk, where it sputtered and went out. "This is a non-smoking office," he explained in response to Spike's cry of indignation. Moving back behind the desk, Xander seated himself in his chair. "Tell me, why didn't Giles send me more slayers?"
"Needed elsewhere. Things are getting nasty out there."
"I have noticed a bit more demonic activity lately. If I didn't know better, I'd think someone recently opened a gate to Hell or something."
"Goes beyond a bit. More like someone's parents are out of town and Hell's bringing the booze."
"Did Giles have a plan when he decided to send you to me, or are we supposed to blunder about on our own?"
"Supposed to join forces. We get in, grab the urn that's holding an ancient nasty's ashes, then make for the exit. Miss 'I See Undead People' can keep watch. You do know where the local boys hang out, don't you?"
Xander nodded, then eyed Spike for a long moment. Spike looked the same - the same bleached hair, the same compact but well-muscled body. Too bad he was still a creep. Getting a soul and saving the world just made him an ex-evil creep, versus an evil creep.
"Okay," he said at last. "We'll look for the artifact tonight. The sooner we get the job done, the sooner you can leave town."
"Good. In the meantime, you got any blood that's not currently flowing through your veins?"
"No."
"Booze?"
Wordlessly, Xander opened up his bottom right-hand drawer and withdrew a half-empty bottle of scotch and handed it to Spike. There was a full bottle in the drawer, but he decided to keep it for himself. Dealing with Spike, he'd probably end up needing it.
* * *
Judy, Spike, and Xander peered around the corner of the abandoned warehouse at the two vampires posted as sentry.
"I say we kill them," Judy and Spike said simultaneously, then scowled at one another.
"But we need to keep them from sounding the alarm," Xander said. "One of us should pose as a potential victim and draw them away."
"Fine, I'll do it," Judy sighed while reaching behind her and putting her stake into her back pocket.
She walked around the corner, humming a little tune. When she passed the two vampires, they looked at her, but didn't leave their post. A few minutes later, she rounded the block and joined Spike and Xander.
"Now what?" she asked.
"We pull out the big guns," Spike said. He motioned to Xander impatiently. "Go on."
"What? Me?"
"'Course you, you nit." He gave Xander a hard shove, pushing him away from their hiding place and out in the open.
Xander gave Spike a glare, then took a few steps closer to the two vampires before stopping. "Guys? Could you help me a minute? I'm a bit lost."
The vampires looked at him, then glanced at each other.
Xander began to rifle through his pockets. "I have a map here, somewhere. If you could just show me where we are on the map, I think I can find my way back."
Grinning, the two vamps headed toward Xander. One had grabbed Xander and was aiming for his neck when Judy and Spike sprang out. Things were going well in the fight when the sentries were joined by two of their fellow clan members who'd arrived at the warehouse and seen the scuffle. By the time all four of the vampires were dead, Spike, Xander, and Judy were worse for wear.
"Stupid vampires," Xander said as he brushed dust off of himself. "I don't know why they went for me instead of the girl."
Judy and Spike both looked at Xander.
In response, Xander straightened to his full height. "Hey, I don't look like a victim."
Judy and Spike continued to look at Xander.
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm a demon magnet." Lifting a hand, Xander felt his neck. "I think that big one grazed me."
Giving it a quick glance, Judy shrugged. "It's just a scratch."
"A scratch?" Xander looked at his fingers which had a small smear of blood on them. "Sheesh, I'm bleeding."
Spike was touching his own nose gingerly. "I think that last git I fought broke my nose."
Judy inspected the damage. "You're not bleeding much."
"Hate having my nose punched."
Judy pointed to the warehouse. "Are you two going inside or are you going to stand here and complain over a little blood?"
"It's not a little blood!" Xander and Spike said together.
Judy folded her arms across her chest and stared at them, waiting.
After a few seconds of that, Spike grabbed Xander's arm and began to pull him toward the entrance. "Come on, Harris."
"Are you sure we should go in there when we're bleeding? It could be like chumming the water. Air. Whatever. You're a vampire, so your blood may not register. They might smell me and think Xander's what's for dinner."
"Probably plenty of spilt blood in there already. Lots of vampire clans share their victims"
"They do?"
Spike frowned slightly. "Thought a Watcher would know that."
"Of course I knew it." Now would definitely not be the time to tell Spike how the only reason he'd passed his Watcher test was because he'd scored so high on the practical that it outweighed his dismal performance on the written. It didn't hurt that the new Council been desperate for Watchers.
Reaching the entrance, Spike slipped inside and Xander followed.
* * *
They'd been lucky, for the warehouse seemed to be empty of vampires. Xander felt a bit guilty thinking of all those unprotected civilians out there who might currently be meeting a bitey fate because he and Judy weren't patrolling, but if they saved the world, it would be worth it.
Their luck had been offset by the fact that when they stumbled upon a locked back room and Spike had kicked the door down, they hadn't found one antique thingamobob. They'd found a roomful.
Xander held up another object. "Is this it?"
Spike knocked it from his hand, sending it clattering to the floor. "That's not an urn. It's a ewer."
"Ewer, urn, what's the difference?"
Spike sighed. "Told you already. What we're looking for is brass, yea high..." Spike said, moving his hands two feet apart. "... and has a lid. Despite its size, it'll probably weigh as much as your little slayer."
Xander nodded and continued searching through the assorted junk. He wondered where the local vampires had found all this stuff anyways - had Hell had a yard sale? As he looked, he touched the wound on his neck again. It was still a little tacky, but at least it seemed to have stopped bleeding. He would've felt more like a wimp, but he noticed that Spike was feeling his own injured nose.
Sifting through the items, Xander spotted something that looked like what Spike had described. It was about the right size and had a lid. He picked it up by one of its handles.
"This it?"
Spike glanced at it and shook his head.
"Are you sure?" Xander asked, feeling a bit peeved. "You barely even looked at it."
"That's because it's not an urn. That's more of a tureen. Also, if you can lift it like that, it's not heavy enough."
Spike reached out to prove his theory about its weight. When his hand closed over the handle, Xander felt a shock run through him, blasting him back. His head hit the wall and he lost consciousness.
* * *
Xander blinked and opened his eyes. His head hurt, but not as much as it usually did when he was knocked out. Looking around, Xander wondered how long he'd been unconscious. The room seemed brighter. One glance at the small windows set high on the wall of the room, however, showed that it was still night.
He climbed to his feet, feeling so strangely disoriented that he almost tripped on his boots. Wait a minute - his boots? His gaze traveled up his body and arms. These weren't his clothes, this wasn't his leather duster. These clothes belonged to Spike.
"Spike!" Xander yelled, tromping along in the unfamiliar boots toward a figure crumpled in a shadowy corner on the far side of the room. "Why did you put me in your clothes? And I'm not even going to think about you undressing me. No, now I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about you undressing me and wow, you really are a pervert. Spike, are you even listening to me?"
Xander was only a few feet away when he realized that the person in the corner wasn't Spike.
"Eek!" Xander shrieked. "I've split into two people again!"
There was a moan from the Xander on the floor. "What the bloody hell happened?"
"I've split into two people again and this time one of me is British!"
The Xander on the floor looked up blearily at him for a moment, then his eyes widened. His gaze moved to his own body. "Oh dear God, no."
"I'm British and religious!" Xander shouted.
"You're also a bloody idiot."
"I'm British, religious, and a jerk!"
"Xander, you git. It's me! Spike!"
"I'm..." Xander stopped. "What? Spike, is that you?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Why are you in my body? What did you do to me?" Xander glared at Spike. "Is this one of your evil plans?"
Spike rolled his one good eye. "First of all, not evil any more. Secondly, that tureen you were holding must have had a spell on it."
"Then we need to undo it, now, because I'm not so happy about being a blood-sucking fiend. Not to mention the whole being dead thing." Xander moved towards the accumulation of artifacts, searching for the one that had ruined his life.
"Least ways you're handsome." Spike looked down at the crotch of Xander's jeans. "Bet I got the short end of the stick."
"Hey! There is nothing wrong with the size of my stick."
"Then you won't mind if I have a quick look-see."
Xander paused in his searching to scowl at Spike. "The first thing I'm going to do when I get back in my body will be to shower you off of me. Several days later, when I finally get out of the shower, I will hunt you down and stake you."
Spike grinned, then pointed three feet to Xander's left. "The tureen's that way."
Xander was reaching for it when he stopped and hurried back towards Spike. "We've got to go. Company's coming."
Unfortunately, the room only had one door. They were trapped.
* * *
The fight had been quick and brutal with Xander and Spike losing badly. There wasn't much that could be done when you were outnumbered ten to one. It didn't help that they weren't at all used to their new bodies.
Every time Spike had lashed out and punched someone, it had been followed by a grunt of pain when his hand connected. He'd been equally surprised by the little effect his punches had on his opponent. It hadn't taken long for them to get him down and, once down, they'd kicked him in the ribs to ensure he wasn't getting up again.
Xander's timing was off. He was quicker, lighter on his feet. The one time he tried to leap on someone, he'd jumped five feet in the air. Despite fighting better and punching harder than he ever had before in his life, there were just too many of them, and he was quickly overwhelmed.
They were hauled up in front of a heavy set man, wearing a red plaid jacket and wearing a John Deere baseball cap.
"Great," Spike sneered. "We've been captured by the cast of Hee-Haw." He strained against the hold that two vampires had on him.
"Not very respectful, is he, Willard?" the leader said to a skinny bearded vampire standing nearby
"No, Joe, not so much that you would notice."
Joe, the leader, leaned closer to Spike. "Boy, if you were mine, we'd be making a trip out to the woodshed right about now."
"If I were yours, I'd throw myself on the woodshed and hope for impalement."
Xander watched as Joe frowned at Spike. He was certain that Spike's mouth had just doomed him.
After a long pause, Joe spoke. "Willard, do me a favor and shut this one up."
"My pleasure." Willard withdrew a grimy bandana from his pocket and used it to gag Spike.
"What do you think we should do with them?" Willard asked Joe. "Blond one's a vampire."
"He was trying to steal our treasure," Joe said. "After we eat the human, we're gonna teach him a lesson he won't ever forget."
"You're going to eat me?" Xander asked, his voice a little squeaky.
"Said we'd eat the human."
Xander looked at Spike. Spike couldn't be eaten. If he were, Xander would never get his old body back. Plus, it'd be pretty bad for Spike.
"You can't eat him."
Joe loomed over him and gave him a malicious grin. "You think you can stop me?"
Xander knew he had to think of something, or Spike and Xander's body were goners He needed to say something, anything to make them back off. Then he remembered something he'd read.
"You can't eat him because he belongs to me. He's my consort." Xander purposefully ignored the way Spike's eyes bugged out at that.
"Consort?" Joe glanced at the other vampires who all looked as confused as he was, so he turned back to Xander. "What in tarnation is that?"
"You've never heard of consorts?"
"We don't get out much," Joe explained. "Willard here went to Memphis once, looking for Elvis 'cause with all the sightings, we were hoping he'd been turned. Willard, you ever hear of consorts?"
Willard shook his head. "Read about it in a book, once. Thought it was just romantic nonsense."
"Nonsense!" Xander said, faking outrage. He pointed to Spike's neck. "Does that look like nonsense to you?"
Joe moved closer to study it. "Don't look like more than a scratch."
"Exactly!" Xander yelled. "This man provides all my nightly requirements for blood, but all he shows for it is a scratch. That's because he's my consort. My soul-mate. And everyone knows that if you kill a vampire's soul-mate, you and your entire line will be cursed."
"Thought we were cursed already," Willard mumbled. "What with being vampires and all."
"Why'd you pick him for this consort business?" Joe asked. He studied Spike whose curses were muffled by the gag. "He looks a little stupid."
Xander felt insulted. After all, it was his appearance being judged. "I'll have you know that he's fairly intelligent."
Willard grinned at him. "Smarts don't matter. Especially since I bet he makes up for it in bed."
"He is rather gifted in that area," Xander agreed.
Joe folded his arms and studied Spike and Xander. Finally, he spoke. "Got to admit, I don't rightly know what to do with you two. You were trying to steal our treasure, which we found fair and square. On the other hand, not too sure about this curse thing if we kill you. Until I decide, we'd better keep a hold of you."
"Keep a hold of us? Does that mean that we should consider ourselves guests instead of prisoners?" Xander asked.
"Nah. Means you should consider yourself prisoners instead of potentially dead folks."
Xander swallowed hard, then pasted a smile on his face. "I can live with that."
* * *
As soon as Xander had ungagged Spike, he wished he hadn't. Since they were both currently prisoners in what must have once been a janitor's closet, he couldn't even get out of earshot.
"Consorts? Consorts? I've never heard anything so bloody ridiculous."
"It's not ridiculous," Xander protested. "Now let me look at those ribs of yours."
Spike lifted up the shirt he wore. "You think you know more about vampires than me? The one who's been a vampire?"
Xander probed a sensitive spot and Spike let out a low curse.
"I read all about it in a Watcher's journal. I don't think your ribs, well, my ribs, are broken, but they might be cracked. We should see what we can do about taping those up." Xander took off his duster, then the red shirt he had on underneath. He began to tear the red shirt into strips.
"Hey!" Spike protested. "That's my shirt."
"It's not like you don't have another dozen just like it."
"Not the point."
"You want those ribs taped up or not?"
Grudgingly, Spike nodded.
As Xander ripped up the shirt, he noticed how much easier it was to do as a vampire than with regular human strength. Gently, he started to wrap the strips around Spike's chest.
"What's with you being nice to me all of a sudden?"
Xander started. He was being nice to Spike. They were actually getting along. Uncomfortable with that thought, he gave Spike a lopsided smile. "Well, it is my body. Figured I'd better take care of it."
Spike watched him for a moment before accepting the explanation. Xander was tying off the last strip when Spike spoke again.
"You said you read about consorts in a Watcher's journal. Which Watcher wrote that shit?"
"His name was Archibald Manning Pennington the Third."
"Pennington?" Spike's voice rose a few notches. "You read it in Pennington the Pinhead's journals?"
Xander had the unsettling feeling that he may have made a major mistake. "Um... yeah."
Spike let out a huff of breath. "'Bout a hundred years ago, after I found out how much fun Slayers were, I went hunting them. Almost caught up with one. Found out that the Slayer and her Watcher, Pennington, had been killed less than a month before. Seems Pennington had the notion that vampires slept like the dead until the sun went down. I'd call the man a half-wit but that's giving him too much credit."
"Oh," Xander said. "So there are no consort relationships?"
Spike shook his head. "Now I'm wondering what kind of Watcher believes that drivel."
Xander flushed, but stayed silent.
Tilting his head, Spike's eyes narrowed in suspicion. It was a little weird watching his own face and body assume one of Spike's poses.
"You are a Watcher, right?"
"I am. I'm great at training slayers and fighting all sorts of evil creatures of the night. I'm just not so great at the research bit. That's one reason Giles stuck me here. He figured I could kill vampires and not have to worry so much about the book portion."
"But then the local blokes got their hands on something that could destroy the world."
Xander nodded glumly. "Lucky me."
Spike was silent for a moment before shrugging. "Impossible as it seems, these louts know less than you. Maybe we can fool them."
"I'd feel a little better about it if we weren't locked up."
Spike nodded. "You're not the only one." He slid down to the floor and tilted his head back until it rested against the wall.
Xander slid down next to him. He noticed that Spike was shivering a little, and tossed him the duster he'd taken off earlier. "You look cold."
"Thanks." Spike started to put it on then, realizing it might be a bit too small, chose to lay it across the front of him instead. "Tell me more about this consort business in case they ask about it."
"The legend goes that the vampire and human have a connection, a magic bond that grows between them that's even stronger than love."
There was a snort of disbelief from Spike, but he didn't say anything so Xander continued.
"The bond is at its most powerful during sex, when the vampire bites his soul-mate at climax."
"Not so sure about that part."
"It's not as if I'd ever want to do that," Xander said quickly. "I mean, males don't do it for me. I'm not attracted to their muscles or-or anything. No matter how good-looking they may be. No sirree, not interested."
"The sex's not important. It's the biting part."
Xander stared at Spike. "Hold on. You don't care about the sex, but you're concerned about the biting. You were a vampire! You bit people all the time."
"In case you didn't notice, I killed people all the time! Also, last time I was human and got bit, I died. Think I've died enough."
"I'd never kill you."
Spike folded his arms across his chest. "Damn right you're not. 'Cause you're not biting me."
"It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like we're really Master and Consort."
"Right." There was a brief pause. "You're the Master?"
Xander sighed. It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Xander woke to find Spike's head on his lap. Careful not to wake him, he moved the duster so that it covered Spike better. As he leaned forward to adjust it, his vampire sense of smell kicked in.
Spike, in Xander's body, smelled good. Really, really good. Without meaning to, Xander found his gaze focused on Spike's neck, specifically where the scratch he'd received earlier had scabbed up. As he eyed the wound, he began to feel strange and his mouth felt funny.
He put his hands up to his mouth to see if maybe any of his teeth had come loose from the earlier fight. His finger touched the sharp point of a fang.
"Oh, shit!"
The noise woke Spike. When he sat up to see what was going on, Xander clapped his hands over his mouth.
"What is it?" Spike said. "Did they-"
Xander realized too late that Spike could see the changes on his forehead.
"Don't even think it." Spike scrambled back, as far from Xander as possible.
"I haven't thought about it! They just popped out."
"They only come out if you're in predatory mode and I'm sure as hell not prey."
"I know. I know. Just tell me how to make them go away."
"Whatever you were thinking about - don't."
"Oh, that's brilliant. And should I not think about pink elephants while I'm not thinking of your neck?"
"You were thinking of my neck?" Spike screeched. He pressed himself farther against the wall.
"No. Yes. I didn't mean to. There's a small spot of blood on your neck from earlier and it looked good and smelled good and... and I really need to find a stake and kill myself."
The door opened and Joe appeared with Willard next to him.
"Gonna kill yourself? And we just went and decided to let you live."
* * *
"Thank you," Xander enthused, as he exited the janitor's closet. "You've made a wise choice. Now you don't have to worry about the curse or... " Xander's voice trailed off. He pointed to the center of the room. "What's that?"
"It's a bed," Joe said. "That consort thing sounded like it might come in handy. Thought you could demonstrate for us."
"No bloody way," Spike said loudly.
Willard looked at Spike. "Didn't notice before, but you're British aren't you? Say something British."
"I don't think a demonstration is a good idea," Xander explained to Joe. "The exchange between Master and Consort is very private."
Spike raised his eyes heavenward, then heaved a sigh. "Wanker, prat, git, Queen Mum, Harry Potter. That British enough for you?"
"If you can't do it, we'll understand," Joe said. "Hope you'll be as understanding when we change our minds and kill you."
"Wow," said Willard. "Sure wish I knew a foreign language."
Xander managed to give Joe a shaky smile. "You know, a demonstration sounds like a fantastic idea."
Joe clapped Xander on the back. "Thought you might see things my way."
* * *
Xander hesitated and looked at Spike, who didn't seem one bit bothered to be naked in front of a group of vampires. Of course for all Xander knew, vampires did this all the time.
They'd taken off their clothes and climbed onto the mattress. Xander had thought he'd come up with a brilliant reason why they couldn't do the demonstration when he said he didn't have any supplies, but Willard had produced an almost full tube of lube.
Everyone had stared at Willard for a moment.
"A man's got his needs," Willard had explained solemnly.
Xander was still hesitating when Spike lay down, then pulled Xander on top of him. He moved his face close to Xander's ear. To the audience, it would look like he was kissing it.
"Do you know what you're doing?" Spike whispered.
Xander nodded. "Anya and I... but... I'm sort of nervous here."
Spike moved his hand between their bodies and wrapped his hand around Xander's cock. "Think I can help you with that. Especially since I know best what your body likes."
As they proceeded, Xander decided that he wouldn't think about what they were doing, but let his body take over. It wasn't like he'd never done this before. He and Anya had done practically everything together. Prepping Spike wasn't hard, either. Not like the time Anya had made him prep her with his hands tied behind his back.
It was only after he'd slowly entered Spike and begun thrusting that Xander realized he was literally fucking himself. He started to laugh, but bit it off quickly, worried that he might go into hysterics if he continued.
Spike... Spike strangely seemed to understand. As Xander moved in and out, Spike was murmuring soft words of encouragement, telling him how good he was doing, how good he felt. At first, Xander had been aware of the mutterings of the vampires who watched them, but the sound of Spike's mesmerizing voice soon drowned them out.
He didn't like Spike. He didn't. But if he had to be in this situation with someone, Spike wasn't a bad choice. The man would curse about something, then deal with it. At some point, Xander had learned he could depend on Spike. And... and Spike wasn't so bad in bed, either.
"I-I'm getting close," Xander panted.
"Time to do it, then." Spike angled his head around so that Xander could reach his neck. "You are going to be careful, aren't you?"
"Going to be as careful as if I were doing it to myself," Xander replied.
Xander's mouth hovered over Spike's neck. At the smell of blood, so warm and close, his fangs descended. Slowly, he leaned closer.
Fireworks exploded overhead, starbursts of red and white.
For a long moment, Spike, Xander, and all the vampires stared at the ceiling of the warehouse.
"Never thought fireworks going off during sex was literal," Willard said.
Joe nodded his agreement. "Must be the magic bond."
They were still looking at the fireworks in awe when the vampire standing next to them was hit with one and exploded into flames. Panic erupted as the vampires woke up to the danger and scrambled to get out of the warehouse.
Another vampire was hit and began to burn.
Spike rolled Xander off the mattress and onto the floor, his body covering Xander protectively.
A hand grabbed Spike's shoulder. It was Judy.
"I can't believe you two were having sex!" she shouted over the noise of the fireworks and screams of the vampires.
"It's none of your business what we were doing, you nosy bint," Spike yelled back.
"Dear God," Judy said, stepping back. "You're completely bewitched. You're even talking like him."
"That's not me," Xander said. "We switched bodies. Now let's get out of here."
"You switched..." Judy looked like she was digesting that fact and it wasn't agreeing with her.
"C'mon," Spike said, grabbing Xander's arm.
Instead of heading for one of the exits, Spike dragged Xander towards the room with the artifacts. Judy followed them. Once inside, Spike grabbed the tureen that had caused all the trouble and handed it to Xander. Frantically, Spike glanced around until he let out a small cry of triumph and picked up an urn which he shoved into Judy's arms.
They ducked back through the door, dodged all manner of fireworks, made it out an exit, then continued to run until they were several blocks away. Judy motioned them to follow her into a warehouse where the door was slightly ajar.
"This is the place where I got the fireworks," she told them as she set the urn down.
Xander nodded and put down the tureen the he'd carried. Spike leaned back against a wall, panting.
"Do you want to tell me about the body switching thing?" Judy asked.
"It will keep," Xander said.
"You should probably-"
"I said, it will keep. What's important is that we got the urn and we're all safe."
"Yeah, but-"
"We'll discuss it later, Judy."
"Fine, but do you two even realize that you're both still naked?"
Xander felt a blush crawl up his skin.
"Fuck," Spike said. "We're going to have to go back for my coat."
* * *
It had taken two days of trying, but Spike and Xander were finally back in their own bodies. It turned out that they'd each had blood on their hands when they'd touched the tureen and the blood had set off the spell.
Spike had packed up the urn for its trip to London, and tried to shake Judy's hand good-bye. She'd only looked at him suspiciously, given him a nod, and left the room.
"So," Xander said. "Giles should be pleased. He can scratch one more item that ends the world off his list."
"Too bad there's more out there."
Xander nodded. One thing he'd learned living in Sunnydale was that there was always another possible apocalypse around the corner. "Now that you've got what you wanted, I guess you can leave."
As the words left his mouth, Xander realized that for the first time ever, he didn't really want to see the backside of Spike. Though the backside of Spike was definitely worth a glance.
Spike stepped nearer. "Didn't get everything I wanted." At Xander's look, he added, "We never did finish what we started. Wouldn't mind giving it a go now."
"But-I-We-We don't need to!"
Spike moved closer so that their bodies were against each other. "Lock the door," he whispered.
Xander went to lock the door.
* * *
Judy looked through the keyhole of Xander's office door. She'd heard suspicious noises and decided to investigate. It was just as she'd thought.
Xander was bewitched.
The End
Title: Spellbound and Bewitched
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Spike/Xander
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Language, sexual situations
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Summary: Xander and Spike have to retrieve an ancient artifact from a clan of vampires and things go wrong.
Authors Note: This was beta read by danceswithgary (My heart goes out to you right now, hon.) Any remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Spellbound and Bewitched
Xander wondered if it was too late to get a patch for his good eye so he wouldn't have to see the person standing before him.
"I thought you were dead," he said.
Spike arched an eyebrow at him.
"I mean dead dead, not undead dead."
Spike perched a hip on Xander's desk. "Long story. See, I was-"
"Never mind," Xander interrupted. "Every time I think you're gone or dead, you pop up again, like a weed. A weed with prickly thorns that pokes you. It's like fate's taunting me or something." He rubbed a hand over his face before looking at Spike again. "So - what are you doing here?"
"Watcher sent me. Head Watcher, that is. Done right well, hasn't he? Doesn't hurt that the competition for the job went ka-blooey."
Before Xander could reply in Giles' defense, an extremely petite brunette struck her head into his office.
"Hi, I was going to the store and wondered..." Her voice trailed off as she eyed Spike. "That's a vampire."
"I know," Xander said. "Believe me, I know."
"Why do you have a vampire in your office? Pulling a stake out of her pocket, she bounced excitedly into the room. "Do you want me to kill him for you? I'd be happy to kill him. Can I kill him?"
"Despite wanting that with all my heart, I'll have to say 'no'."
Spike had risen to his feet and was smiling in a way that was down-right dangerous. "You can try," he told the girl. He looked down at her. "What'cha going to do? Stake me in the stomach?"
"That's rich coming from vampire who's so short he looks like he's still standing in a grave."
"You little-"
"Shut up, Spike," Xander said, shooting him a glare before turning back to the girl. "Put the stake away."
Instead of obeying, she began to circle closer. "You don't want me to kill him because he's bewitched you with his vampire powers. Vampires are tricky like that."
"I've told you over and over, Judy, vampires don't have those kind of powers unless they're really, really old. Or if they're crazy like Drusilla. Or if they're Dracula, who I don't want to talk about. Ever." Xander shrugged apologetically to Spike. "Judy's a bit high-spirited."
"I like a girl with spirit," Spike said, eyes alight. "Makes the blood tangy."
"You may have bewitched my watcher, but you won't do it to me! I am unbewitchable because of I am a slayer, one of the chosen few, though I suppose there's more than just a few of us and right now, there's just me here, but--"
"Judy, stop!" Xander ordered. "Giles sent him."
Judy's eyes widened as she stared at Spike. "You bewitched the Head Watcher?"
Spike smirked. "My powers are great and magnificent."
"Only to be exceeded by the level of your jerkiness." Xander stood and placed himself between Judy and Spike. "You can't kill Spike."
"Bloody right, she can't. I'd snap her neck in a second."
"Spiiike."
"Fine," Spike said, settling himself back on the edge of the desk. "I have none of that mind whammy mojo."
Xander turned to Judy. "See? No powers."
"Now tell the bint to go."
"You need to go," Xander told her.
Judy stared at Xander, then over his shoulder at Spike, who was grinning widely. Finally deciding not to argue further, she took a step back. "I'll go." She pointed her stake at Spike. "But I'm keeping my eye on you. Don't think I won't."
"Don't blame you none. I'm a handsome bloke."
Xander closed the door after Judy firmly, then faced Spike.
"Let's get back to why you're here when you could be someplace else irritating someone who's not me."
"Told you - Watcher sent me. Seems there's an apocalypse about to happen in your burg." Spike pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips.
"Here?" Xander couldn't believe it. After Africa and his training to be a Watcher, which he'd barely passed, he'd asked Giles for a spot on the map that didn't have much demon activity. Actually, a spot might be overstating this case. This was where Boredom went when it wanted a little quiet. He should've known it was too good to be true.
"Local vampire clan recently acquired some ancient artifacts, one of which has world ending capabilities." Flicking a lighter, Spike lit his cigarette.
Xander snatched the cigarette from out of Spike's mouth and dropped it in a half-empty can of Coke on his desk, where it sputtered and went out. "This is a non-smoking office," he explained in response to Spike's cry of indignation. Moving back behind the desk, Xander seated himself in his chair. "Tell me, why didn't Giles send me more slayers?"
"Needed elsewhere. Things are getting nasty out there."
"I have noticed a bit more demonic activity lately. If I didn't know better, I'd think someone recently opened a gate to Hell or something."
"Goes beyond a bit. More like someone's parents are out of town and Hell's bringing the booze."
"Did Giles have a plan when he decided to send you to me, or are we supposed to blunder about on our own?"
"Supposed to join forces. We get in, grab the urn that's holding an ancient nasty's ashes, then make for the exit. Miss 'I See Undead People' can keep watch. You do know where the local boys hang out, don't you?"
Xander nodded, then eyed Spike for a long moment. Spike looked the same - the same bleached hair, the same compact but well-muscled body. Too bad he was still a creep. Getting a soul and saving the world just made him an ex-evil creep, versus an evil creep.
"Okay," he said at last. "We'll look for the artifact tonight. The sooner we get the job done, the sooner you can leave town."
"Good. In the meantime, you got any blood that's not currently flowing through your veins?"
"No."
"Booze?"
Wordlessly, Xander opened up his bottom right-hand drawer and withdrew a half-empty bottle of scotch and handed it to Spike. There was a full bottle in the drawer, but he decided to keep it for himself. Dealing with Spike, he'd probably end up needing it.
* * *
Judy, Spike, and Xander peered around the corner of the abandoned warehouse at the two vampires posted as sentry.
"I say we kill them," Judy and Spike said simultaneously, then scowled at one another.
"But we need to keep them from sounding the alarm," Xander said. "One of us should pose as a potential victim and draw them away."
"Fine, I'll do it," Judy sighed while reaching behind her and putting her stake into her back pocket.
She walked around the corner, humming a little tune. When she passed the two vampires, they looked at her, but didn't leave their post. A few minutes later, she rounded the block and joined Spike and Xander.
"Now what?" she asked.
"We pull out the big guns," Spike said. He motioned to Xander impatiently. "Go on."
"What? Me?"
"'Course you, you nit." He gave Xander a hard shove, pushing him away from their hiding place and out in the open.
Xander gave Spike a glare, then took a few steps closer to the two vampires before stopping. "Guys? Could you help me a minute? I'm a bit lost."
The vampires looked at him, then glanced at each other.
Xander began to rifle through his pockets. "I have a map here, somewhere. If you could just show me where we are on the map, I think I can find my way back."
Grinning, the two vamps headed toward Xander. One had grabbed Xander and was aiming for his neck when Judy and Spike sprang out. Things were going well in the fight when the sentries were joined by two of their fellow clan members who'd arrived at the warehouse and seen the scuffle. By the time all four of the vampires were dead, Spike, Xander, and Judy were worse for wear.
"Stupid vampires," Xander said as he brushed dust off of himself. "I don't know why they went for me instead of the girl."
Judy and Spike both looked at Xander.
In response, Xander straightened to his full height. "Hey, I don't look like a victim."
Judy and Spike continued to look at Xander.
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm a demon magnet." Lifting a hand, Xander felt his neck. "I think that big one grazed me."
Giving it a quick glance, Judy shrugged. "It's just a scratch."
"A scratch?" Xander looked at his fingers which had a small smear of blood on them. "Sheesh, I'm bleeding."
Spike was touching his own nose gingerly. "I think that last git I fought broke my nose."
Judy inspected the damage. "You're not bleeding much."
"Hate having my nose punched."
Judy pointed to the warehouse. "Are you two going inside or are you going to stand here and complain over a little blood?"
"It's not a little blood!" Xander and Spike said together.
Judy folded her arms across her chest and stared at them, waiting.
After a few seconds of that, Spike grabbed Xander's arm and began to pull him toward the entrance. "Come on, Harris."
"Are you sure we should go in there when we're bleeding? It could be like chumming the water. Air. Whatever. You're a vampire, so your blood may not register. They might smell me and think Xander's what's for dinner."
"Probably plenty of spilt blood in there already. Lots of vampire clans share their victims"
"They do?"
Spike frowned slightly. "Thought a Watcher would know that."
"Of course I knew it." Now would definitely not be the time to tell Spike how the only reason he'd passed his Watcher test was because he'd scored so high on the practical that it outweighed his dismal performance on the written. It didn't hurt that the new Council been desperate for Watchers.
Reaching the entrance, Spike slipped inside and Xander followed.
* * *
They'd been lucky, for the warehouse seemed to be empty of vampires. Xander felt a bit guilty thinking of all those unprotected civilians out there who might currently be meeting a bitey fate because he and Judy weren't patrolling, but if they saved the world, it would be worth it.
Their luck had been offset by the fact that when they stumbled upon a locked back room and Spike had kicked the door down, they hadn't found one antique thingamobob. They'd found a roomful.
Xander held up another object. "Is this it?"
Spike knocked it from his hand, sending it clattering to the floor. "That's not an urn. It's a ewer."
"Ewer, urn, what's the difference?"
Spike sighed. "Told you already. What we're looking for is brass, yea high..." Spike said, moving his hands two feet apart. "... and has a lid. Despite its size, it'll probably weigh as much as your little slayer."
Xander nodded and continued searching through the assorted junk. He wondered where the local vampires had found all this stuff anyways - had Hell had a yard sale? As he looked, he touched the wound on his neck again. It was still a little tacky, but at least it seemed to have stopped bleeding. He would've felt more like a wimp, but he noticed that Spike was feeling his own injured nose.
Sifting through the items, Xander spotted something that looked like what Spike had described. It was about the right size and had a lid. He picked it up by one of its handles.
"This it?"
Spike glanced at it and shook his head.
"Are you sure?" Xander asked, feeling a bit peeved. "You barely even looked at it."
"That's because it's not an urn. That's more of a tureen. Also, if you can lift it like that, it's not heavy enough."
Spike reached out to prove his theory about its weight. When his hand closed over the handle, Xander felt a shock run through him, blasting him back. His head hit the wall and he lost consciousness.
* * *
Xander blinked and opened his eyes. His head hurt, but not as much as it usually did when he was knocked out. Looking around, Xander wondered how long he'd been unconscious. The room seemed brighter. One glance at the small windows set high on the wall of the room, however, showed that it was still night.
He climbed to his feet, feeling so strangely disoriented that he almost tripped on his boots. Wait a minute - his boots? His gaze traveled up his body and arms. These weren't his clothes, this wasn't his leather duster. These clothes belonged to Spike.
"Spike!" Xander yelled, tromping along in the unfamiliar boots toward a figure crumpled in a shadowy corner on the far side of the room. "Why did you put me in your clothes? And I'm not even going to think about you undressing me. No, now I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about you undressing me and wow, you really are a pervert. Spike, are you even listening to me?"
Xander was only a few feet away when he realized that the person in the corner wasn't Spike.
"Eek!" Xander shrieked. "I've split into two people again!"
There was a moan from the Xander on the floor. "What the bloody hell happened?"
"I've split into two people again and this time one of me is British!"
The Xander on the floor looked up blearily at him for a moment, then his eyes widened. His gaze moved to his own body. "Oh dear God, no."
"I'm British and religious!" Xander shouted.
"You're also a bloody idiot."
"I'm British, religious, and a jerk!"
"Xander, you git. It's me! Spike!"
"I'm..." Xander stopped. "What? Spike, is that you?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Why are you in my body? What did you do to me?" Xander glared at Spike. "Is this one of your evil plans?"
Spike rolled his one good eye. "First of all, not evil any more. Secondly, that tureen you were holding must have had a spell on it."
"Then we need to undo it, now, because I'm not so happy about being a blood-sucking fiend. Not to mention the whole being dead thing." Xander moved towards the accumulation of artifacts, searching for the one that had ruined his life.
"Least ways you're handsome." Spike looked down at the crotch of Xander's jeans. "Bet I got the short end of the stick."
"Hey! There is nothing wrong with the size of my stick."
"Then you won't mind if I have a quick look-see."
Xander paused in his searching to scowl at Spike. "The first thing I'm going to do when I get back in my body will be to shower you off of me. Several days later, when I finally get out of the shower, I will hunt you down and stake you."
Spike grinned, then pointed three feet to Xander's left. "The tureen's that way."
Xander was reaching for it when he stopped and hurried back towards Spike. "We've got to go. Company's coming."
Unfortunately, the room only had one door. They were trapped.
* * *
The fight had been quick and brutal with Xander and Spike losing badly. There wasn't much that could be done when you were outnumbered ten to one. It didn't help that they weren't at all used to their new bodies.
Every time Spike had lashed out and punched someone, it had been followed by a grunt of pain when his hand connected. He'd been equally surprised by the little effect his punches had on his opponent. It hadn't taken long for them to get him down and, once down, they'd kicked him in the ribs to ensure he wasn't getting up again.
Xander's timing was off. He was quicker, lighter on his feet. The one time he tried to leap on someone, he'd jumped five feet in the air. Despite fighting better and punching harder than he ever had before in his life, there were just too many of them, and he was quickly overwhelmed.
They were hauled up in front of a heavy set man, wearing a red plaid jacket and wearing a John Deere baseball cap.
"Great," Spike sneered. "We've been captured by the cast of Hee-Haw." He strained against the hold that two vampires had on him.
"Not very respectful, is he, Willard?" the leader said to a skinny bearded vampire standing nearby
"No, Joe, not so much that you would notice."
Joe, the leader, leaned closer to Spike. "Boy, if you were mine, we'd be making a trip out to the woodshed right about now."
"If I were yours, I'd throw myself on the woodshed and hope for impalement."
Xander watched as Joe frowned at Spike. He was certain that Spike's mouth had just doomed him.
After a long pause, Joe spoke. "Willard, do me a favor and shut this one up."
"My pleasure." Willard withdrew a grimy bandana from his pocket and used it to gag Spike.
"What do you think we should do with them?" Willard asked Joe. "Blond one's a vampire."
"He was trying to steal our treasure," Joe said. "After we eat the human, we're gonna teach him a lesson he won't ever forget."
"You're going to eat me?" Xander asked, his voice a little squeaky.
"Said we'd eat the human."
Xander looked at Spike. Spike couldn't be eaten. If he were, Xander would never get his old body back. Plus, it'd be pretty bad for Spike.
"You can't eat him."
Joe loomed over him and gave him a malicious grin. "You think you can stop me?"
Xander knew he had to think of something, or Spike and Xander's body were goners He needed to say something, anything to make them back off. Then he remembered something he'd read.
"You can't eat him because he belongs to me. He's my consort." Xander purposefully ignored the way Spike's eyes bugged out at that.
"Consort?" Joe glanced at the other vampires who all looked as confused as he was, so he turned back to Xander. "What in tarnation is that?"
"You've never heard of consorts?"
"We don't get out much," Joe explained. "Willard here went to Memphis once, looking for Elvis 'cause with all the sightings, we were hoping he'd been turned. Willard, you ever hear of consorts?"
Willard shook his head. "Read about it in a book, once. Thought it was just romantic nonsense."
"Nonsense!" Xander said, faking outrage. He pointed to Spike's neck. "Does that look like nonsense to you?"
Joe moved closer to study it. "Don't look like more than a scratch."
"Exactly!" Xander yelled. "This man provides all my nightly requirements for blood, but all he shows for it is a scratch. That's because he's my consort. My soul-mate. And everyone knows that if you kill a vampire's soul-mate, you and your entire line will be cursed."
"Thought we were cursed already," Willard mumbled. "What with being vampires and all."
"Why'd you pick him for this consort business?" Joe asked. He studied Spike whose curses were muffled by the gag. "He looks a little stupid."
Xander felt insulted. After all, it was his appearance being judged. "I'll have you know that he's fairly intelligent."
Willard grinned at him. "Smarts don't matter. Especially since I bet he makes up for it in bed."
"He is rather gifted in that area," Xander agreed.
Joe folded his arms and studied Spike and Xander. Finally, he spoke. "Got to admit, I don't rightly know what to do with you two. You were trying to steal our treasure, which we found fair and square. On the other hand, not too sure about this curse thing if we kill you. Until I decide, we'd better keep a hold of you."
"Keep a hold of us? Does that mean that we should consider ourselves guests instead of prisoners?" Xander asked.
"Nah. Means you should consider yourself prisoners instead of potentially dead folks."
Xander swallowed hard, then pasted a smile on his face. "I can live with that."
* * *
As soon as Xander had ungagged Spike, he wished he hadn't. Since they were both currently prisoners in what must have once been a janitor's closet, he couldn't even get out of earshot.
"Consorts? Consorts? I've never heard anything so bloody ridiculous."
"It's not ridiculous," Xander protested. "Now let me look at those ribs of yours."
Spike lifted up the shirt he wore. "You think you know more about vampires than me? The one who's been a vampire?"
Xander probed a sensitive spot and Spike let out a low curse.
"I read all about it in a Watcher's journal. I don't think your ribs, well, my ribs, are broken, but they might be cracked. We should see what we can do about taping those up." Xander took off his duster, then the red shirt he had on underneath. He began to tear the red shirt into strips.
"Hey!" Spike protested. "That's my shirt."
"It's not like you don't have another dozen just like it."
"Not the point."
"You want those ribs taped up or not?"
Grudgingly, Spike nodded.
As Xander ripped up the shirt, he noticed how much easier it was to do as a vampire than with regular human strength. Gently, he started to wrap the strips around Spike's chest.
"What's with you being nice to me all of a sudden?"
Xander started. He was being nice to Spike. They were actually getting along. Uncomfortable with that thought, he gave Spike a lopsided smile. "Well, it is my body. Figured I'd better take care of it."
Spike watched him for a moment before accepting the explanation. Xander was tying off the last strip when Spike spoke again.
"You said you read about consorts in a Watcher's journal. Which Watcher wrote that shit?"
"His name was Archibald Manning Pennington the Third."
"Pennington?" Spike's voice rose a few notches. "You read it in Pennington the Pinhead's journals?"
Xander had the unsettling feeling that he may have made a major mistake. "Um... yeah."
Spike let out a huff of breath. "'Bout a hundred years ago, after I found out how much fun Slayers were, I went hunting them. Almost caught up with one. Found out that the Slayer and her Watcher, Pennington, had been killed less than a month before. Seems Pennington had the notion that vampires slept like the dead until the sun went down. I'd call the man a half-wit but that's giving him too much credit."
"Oh," Xander said. "So there are no consort relationships?"
Spike shook his head. "Now I'm wondering what kind of Watcher believes that drivel."
Xander flushed, but stayed silent.
Tilting his head, Spike's eyes narrowed in suspicion. It was a little weird watching his own face and body assume one of Spike's poses.
"You are a Watcher, right?"
"I am. I'm great at training slayers and fighting all sorts of evil creatures of the night. I'm just not so great at the research bit. That's one reason Giles stuck me here. He figured I could kill vampires and not have to worry so much about the book portion."
"But then the local blokes got their hands on something that could destroy the world."
Xander nodded glumly. "Lucky me."
Spike was silent for a moment before shrugging. "Impossible as it seems, these louts know less than you. Maybe we can fool them."
"I'd feel a little better about it if we weren't locked up."
Spike nodded. "You're not the only one." He slid down to the floor and tilted his head back until it rested against the wall.
Xander slid down next to him. He noticed that Spike was shivering a little, and tossed him the duster he'd taken off earlier. "You look cold."
"Thanks." Spike started to put it on then, realizing it might be a bit too small, chose to lay it across the front of him instead. "Tell me more about this consort business in case they ask about it."
"The legend goes that the vampire and human have a connection, a magic bond that grows between them that's even stronger than love."
There was a snort of disbelief from Spike, but he didn't say anything so Xander continued.
"The bond is at its most powerful during sex, when the vampire bites his soul-mate at climax."
"Not so sure about that part."
"It's not as if I'd ever want to do that," Xander said quickly. "I mean, males don't do it for me. I'm not attracted to their muscles or-or anything. No matter how good-looking they may be. No sirree, not interested."
"The sex's not important. It's the biting part."
Xander stared at Spike. "Hold on. You don't care about the sex, but you're concerned about the biting. You were a vampire! You bit people all the time."
"In case you didn't notice, I killed people all the time! Also, last time I was human and got bit, I died. Think I've died enough."
"I'd never kill you."
Spike folded his arms across his chest. "Damn right you're not. 'Cause you're not biting me."
"It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like we're really Master and Consort."
"Right." There was a brief pause. "You're the Master?"
Xander sighed. It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Xander woke to find Spike's head on his lap. Careful not to wake him, he moved the duster so that it covered Spike better. As he leaned forward to adjust it, his vampire sense of smell kicked in.
Spike, in Xander's body, smelled good. Really, really good. Without meaning to, Xander found his gaze focused on Spike's neck, specifically where the scratch he'd received earlier had scabbed up. As he eyed the wound, he began to feel strange and his mouth felt funny.
He put his hands up to his mouth to see if maybe any of his teeth had come loose from the earlier fight. His finger touched the sharp point of a fang.
"Oh, shit!"
The noise woke Spike. When he sat up to see what was going on, Xander clapped his hands over his mouth.
"What is it?" Spike said. "Did they-"
Xander realized too late that Spike could see the changes on his forehead.
"Don't even think it." Spike scrambled back, as far from Xander as possible.
"I haven't thought about it! They just popped out."
"They only come out if you're in predatory mode and I'm sure as hell not prey."
"I know. I know. Just tell me how to make them go away."
"Whatever you were thinking about - don't."
"Oh, that's brilliant. And should I not think about pink elephants while I'm not thinking of your neck?"
"You were thinking of my neck?" Spike screeched. He pressed himself farther against the wall.
"No. Yes. I didn't mean to. There's a small spot of blood on your neck from earlier and it looked good and smelled good and... and I really need to find a stake and kill myself."
The door opened and Joe appeared with Willard next to him.
"Gonna kill yourself? And we just went and decided to let you live."
* * *
"Thank you," Xander enthused, as he exited the janitor's closet. "You've made a wise choice. Now you don't have to worry about the curse or... " Xander's voice trailed off. He pointed to the center of the room. "What's that?"
"It's a bed," Joe said. "That consort thing sounded like it might come in handy. Thought you could demonstrate for us."
"No bloody way," Spike said loudly.
Willard looked at Spike. "Didn't notice before, but you're British aren't you? Say something British."
"I don't think a demonstration is a good idea," Xander explained to Joe. "The exchange between Master and Consort is very private."
Spike raised his eyes heavenward, then heaved a sigh. "Wanker, prat, git, Queen Mum, Harry Potter. That British enough for you?"
"If you can't do it, we'll understand," Joe said. "Hope you'll be as understanding when we change our minds and kill you."
"Wow," said Willard. "Sure wish I knew a foreign language."
Xander managed to give Joe a shaky smile. "You know, a demonstration sounds like a fantastic idea."
Joe clapped Xander on the back. "Thought you might see things my way."
* * *
Xander hesitated and looked at Spike, who didn't seem one bit bothered to be naked in front of a group of vampires. Of course for all Xander knew, vampires did this all the time.
They'd taken off their clothes and climbed onto the mattress. Xander had thought he'd come up with a brilliant reason why they couldn't do the demonstration when he said he didn't have any supplies, but Willard had produced an almost full tube of lube.
Everyone had stared at Willard for a moment.
"A man's got his needs," Willard had explained solemnly.
Xander was still hesitating when Spike lay down, then pulled Xander on top of him. He moved his face close to Xander's ear. To the audience, it would look like he was kissing it.
"Do you know what you're doing?" Spike whispered.
Xander nodded. "Anya and I... but... I'm sort of nervous here."
Spike moved his hand between their bodies and wrapped his hand around Xander's cock. "Think I can help you with that. Especially since I know best what your body likes."
As they proceeded, Xander decided that he wouldn't think about what they were doing, but let his body take over. It wasn't like he'd never done this before. He and Anya had done practically everything together. Prepping Spike wasn't hard, either. Not like the time Anya had made him prep her with his hands tied behind his back.
It was only after he'd slowly entered Spike and begun thrusting that Xander realized he was literally fucking himself. He started to laugh, but bit it off quickly, worried that he might go into hysterics if he continued.
Spike... Spike strangely seemed to understand. As Xander moved in and out, Spike was murmuring soft words of encouragement, telling him how good he was doing, how good he felt. At first, Xander had been aware of the mutterings of the vampires who watched them, but the sound of Spike's mesmerizing voice soon drowned them out.
He didn't like Spike. He didn't. But if he had to be in this situation with someone, Spike wasn't a bad choice. The man would curse about something, then deal with it. At some point, Xander had learned he could depend on Spike. And... and Spike wasn't so bad in bed, either.
"I-I'm getting close," Xander panted.
"Time to do it, then." Spike angled his head around so that Xander could reach his neck. "You are going to be careful, aren't you?"
"Going to be as careful as if I were doing it to myself," Xander replied.
Xander's mouth hovered over Spike's neck. At the smell of blood, so warm and close, his fangs descended. Slowly, he leaned closer.
Fireworks exploded overhead, starbursts of red and white.
For a long moment, Spike, Xander, and all the vampires stared at the ceiling of the warehouse.
"Never thought fireworks going off during sex was literal," Willard said.
Joe nodded his agreement. "Must be the magic bond."
They were still looking at the fireworks in awe when the vampire standing next to them was hit with one and exploded into flames. Panic erupted as the vampires woke up to the danger and scrambled to get out of the warehouse.
Another vampire was hit and began to burn.
Spike rolled Xander off the mattress and onto the floor, his body covering Xander protectively.
A hand grabbed Spike's shoulder. It was Judy.
"I can't believe you two were having sex!" she shouted over the noise of the fireworks and screams of the vampires.
"It's none of your business what we were doing, you nosy bint," Spike yelled back.
"Dear God," Judy said, stepping back. "You're completely bewitched. You're even talking like him."
"That's not me," Xander said. "We switched bodies. Now let's get out of here."
"You switched..." Judy looked like she was digesting that fact and it wasn't agreeing with her.
"C'mon," Spike said, grabbing Xander's arm.
Instead of heading for one of the exits, Spike dragged Xander towards the room with the artifacts. Judy followed them. Once inside, Spike grabbed the tureen that had caused all the trouble and handed it to Xander. Frantically, Spike glanced around until he let out a small cry of triumph and picked up an urn which he shoved into Judy's arms.
They ducked back through the door, dodged all manner of fireworks, made it out an exit, then continued to run until they were several blocks away. Judy motioned them to follow her into a warehouse where the door was slightly ajar.
"This is the place where I got the fireworks," she told them as she set the urn down.
Xander nodded and put down the tureen the he'd carried. Spike leaned back against a wall, panting.
"Do you want to tell me about the body switching thing?" Judy asked.
"It will keep," Xander said.
"You should probably-"
"I said, it will keep. What's important is that we got the urn and we're all safe."
"Yeah, but-"
"We'll discuss it later, Judy."
"Fine, but do you two even realize that you're both still naked?"
Xander felt a blush crawl up his skin.
"Fuck," Spike said. "We're going to have to go back for my coat."
* * *
It had taken two days of trying, but Spike and Xander were finally back in their own bodies. It turned out that they'd each had blood on their hands when they'd touched the tureen and the blood had set off the spell.
Spike had packed up the urn for its trip to London, and tried to shake Judy's hand good-bye. She'd only looked at him suspiciously, given him a nod, and left the room.
"So," Xander said. "Giles should be pleased. He can scratch one more item that ends the world off his list."
"Too bad there's more out there."
Xander nodded. One thing he'd learned living in Sunnydale was that there was always another possible apocalypse around the corner. "Now that you've got what you wanted, I guess you can leave."
As the words left his mouth, Xander realized that for the first time ever, he didn't really want to see the backside of Spike. Though the backside of Spike was definitely worth a glance.
Spike stepped nearer. "Didn't get everything I wanted." At Xander's look, he added, "We never did finish what we started. Wouldn't mind giving it a go now."
"But-I-We-We don't need to!"
Spike moved closer so that their bodies were against each other. "Lock the door," he whispered.
Xander went to lock the door.
* * *
Judy looked through the keyhole of Xander's office door. She'd heard suspicious noises and decided to investigate. It was just as she'd thought.
Xander was bewitched.
The End