What Do I Need and Why?

[maiasaura_nest]

Honestly, I think the biggest thing I need is attention. The question, really, is why I need attention so badly, when I've lived without it for so long.

Note: I realize that I haven't mentioned anything about this Dom yet, or how we met, or anything about our relationship. It will happen eventually, since it's pretty much the center of my universe

Comments

Maiasaura

[notes_toself]

I waited to see if you had gotten any other responses before I commented.
(I've sent the links twice, to your email -- have you gotten them?)
My suggestion to you is very simple, leap. Stop the all the fretting, send this whole post to him, it will give him a realistic concept of what he needs to do. You will know one way or another and it will open the door for discussion and stop the conference in your head. If he is a 'good dom', he loves you and wants this as much as you do, he will want to discuss this.
My 2 cents
hugs
mel

Re: Maiasaura

[maiasaura_nest]

Thanks for your comment. Just minutes before I checked my email and saw your comment, I sent him the link here, so I imagine we'll have a lot to discuss later today. However, it's taking all the self-control I have to not hurry and change the post. I want to, but I know once I start, I'll take things out that he probably needs to see, so ...

I wish I'd gotten other comments, but I don't think anyone else actually reads this journal. I'm glad that you do, if only because your journal is my favorite to read on LJ.

Same comment, repeated so I'll be able to delete the comment with the email address. Not that anyone else would think to find it here.

Re: Maiasaura

[notes_toself]

I've just sent it. Please reply that/when you have received it.
So you did it. Well we obviously are on the same track here. Hopefully all will go well. Don't edit it, though, he really needs to know about it all.
Got a question for you, love the font, what is the name of it?

Re: Maiasaura

[maiasaura_nest]

I love the font, too! It's called papyrus. I think it's my favorite of all time!

And I got the email, although I already told you that!

I like to think it will all turn out well. I guess I'll know soon enough what he thinks of it! Still kinda scared, but I'm not sure what I'm scared of. Maybe that my feelings will be discounted, and that it will hurt more than the inner turmoil I already have?

[angel_has_fun]

i am glad that you sent him the link as that was what was going through my mind as i read this is that if he is going to be your Dom, he needs to understand what is going on in your head. It never feels right to me when i read the journal of a sub (never mind a slave) whose Master or Dom is not aware of her journal. They need every avenue they can get into our minds so that they can do their job.

Will you be writing more in the future about his experience as a Dom?

angel

[maiasaura_nest]

Yeah, I kept feeling guilty that he didn't know about it. On the one hand, I was scared to tell him about it. But I know he was getting frustrated because of my lack of communication, and since I couldn't quite manage to say it, I texted the link to him. And then I wanted to take it back.

I hadn't thought about writing anything about his experience, but I guess it's relevant. Of course, now that he knows about this journal, it will have to be with his permission. But I'll ask!

Thanks for commenting! I love getting comments. :)

[angel_has_fun]

i hope his reading this journal is a very positive step on your journey.

i will look forward to reading whatever you can write in the future about how his reading your journal impacts your journey with him.

angel

[maiasaura_nest]

I will certainly be writing more about what happens from here on out. I just don't know if he's all that interested in reading it. I think he'd much prefer that I just tell him what I'm thinking and feeling. The question is whether or not I'll be able to.

Friend

[acutiepatootie]

Would you be okay with me adding you to my friends list?

kari

Re: Friend

[maiasaura_nest]

That would be fine, of course!

Hello

[anonymousboxer]

You are not alone. Hang in there.

Re: Hello

[maiasaura_nest]

Thank you! I'm certainly trying. They say the beginning of a relationship is hardest, so I keep looking forward to the time that things get better.