Team Poetry: Back to Work

[mainegirlwrites]

Back to Work

Sam shifted uncomfortably in the Impala's well-worn passenger seat. Although he'd actually spent years forming the dense foam to his large frame, he was having a hard time getting settled. But he knew why. They'd been in the car for hours, and that creeping, itching feeling that told him his body was low on demon blood had begun.

“So....

Comments

[shana0809]

They've got really clear personalities in this which is great. And you get to see both side of the relationship and that kind of makes it clearer what's going on.

There's a couple little things though. You're switching tenses. Like with these lines “So....where're we going?” he ventured to his brother.

Dean twisted his fists on the steering wheel, gritting his teeth. You from ventured to gritting, and it's kind of jarring. Also you might want to use something to make theit thoughts stand out from the rest of it. I tend to use italics but there are lots of ways.

review

[mainegirlwrites]

Thanks for your comments on "Back to Work." Somehow when I posted the drabble I lost the italics....so yes, those are definitely missing. I am a person that tends to overuse italics, actually! And verb tense...spot on with that. Its my Achille's. Thanks again! Best, mainegirlwrites

[turnerwolf]

Great drabble! Sam's discomfort is tangible and in such few words it something that I can feel. Dean's own discomfort and unease also very vibrant.

I only have two suggestions. The first- 'by a fist wound into his shirt', 'into' seems a bit awkward, perhaps just 'by a fist wound in his shirt' would make it less so.

The second- just a formatting thing, Dean's thought, 'Then maybe we can get back to work' should be italicized too.

Great drabble!

Review to "Back to Work"

[mainegirlwrites]

Thank you for your kind review! You are right, I did somehow loose the italics at the end, and I will be changing the "into" to "in". Always nice to get good constructive crits. Thanks again! Best, Randee / mainegirlwrites