Hey Sam, I know it's been a while since we've talked, but I am going through something that I need serious help with. I've been saying racist words aloud, sometimes even in public, and I have to bite my tongue til it bleeds just to stop it from coming out of my mouth. Some people have heard, I'm just lucky so far that I haven't been hurt by anyone. I need help. I don't know what to do. It's like I can't control these racist thoughts and words. What can I possibly do? Lock myself in my house forever? Move out of LA, the biggest melting pot in the world before I get hurt or worse? I'm scared, I'm doing something wrong in life but I don't know what it is or why this is happening. I'm half white and half Mexican. Nonetheless, I don't have the right to be saying racist words about any race. I'm thinking of moving to northern California where there are less people. I'm stuck and I'm afraid and I don't deserve this. What's wrong with me????
I'm very sorry that you are going through this :( It's true we don't talk all that often, but you're still very important to me, so here's some of the things I'd suggest. If you're experiencing intrusive thoughts and hard to control or deny impulses, please consider speaking to someone. I have, in the past, and though it was difficult to do at the time, it saved me in the long run. The people at NAMI are good, and this is so you can determine what, if anything, you can do to get help. https://www.nami.org/Find-Support
Aside from talking to them, my line is always open. I forget to check my lj sometimes, but I'm nearly always available through facebook and twitter (@maitriaya) I really hope that this can help somewhat, you're one of the longest running internet friends I've ever had, and I've always wanted the best for you. I can't say for myself exactly what's going on, but know that I care, and will make myself available to help.
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To quote past Sam:
I'll be back in May if you need me. Playing Maplestory.
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If you're experiencing intrusive thoughts and hard to control or deny impulses, please consider speaking to someone. I have, in the past, and though it was difficult to do at the time, it saved me in the long run. The people at NAMI are good, and this is so you can determine what, if anything, you can do to get help.
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support
Aside from talking to them, my line is always open. I forget to check my lj sometimes, but I'm nearly always available through facebook and twitter (@maitriaya)
I really hope that this can help somewhat, you're one of the longest running internet friends I've ever had, and I've always wanted the best for you. I can't say for myself exactly what's going on, but know that I care, and will make myself available to help.
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