Fic: Axis
Title: Axis
Author: adaman_t
Genre: Family/Hurt and Comfort
Characters: Mai/Zuko
Words: 2, 001
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Babies are supposed to bring joy, not this.
Edited: 08/14/2012
Zuko marveled at the meek little girl swaddled tightly in his arms; his prematurely born daughter. She was pink and blotchy with a light dusting of hair covering her entire body, save for the thick, black thatch of hair that lay atop her head. She was wrinkly and lacking the adorable daintiness Zuko expected in an infant. He could all too clearly see the faint purple-blue, web-like veins beneath her frail skin. Her cries were feeble, but continuous as she curled into Zuko's chest, seeking his warmth. Zuko accidentally jostled her roughly as he tried to comfort her; tried to nurture his daughter, but his mind was elsewhere. He was terrified.
His world was spinning out of control, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Bringing a baby into the world was supposed to be a wonderful experience, his elders had told him. What had he done to deserve this atrocity on his family?
The royal couple were in Ba Sing Se, visiting Iroh and their friends visiting their friends in the city before Mai would be restricted from traveling and admitted to bed rest until her due date. It was an innocent visit. She was eight months into her pregnancy and seemed to be bursting at the seams, yet she still insisted on performing able bodied movements; she would not be bed ridden until she truly had to, swollen ankles be damned.
Disaster had struck before Zuko and Mai had entered the tea shop, before their friends could even get up to greet them. The weather was lovely and death threats had stopped arriving at the palace after the royal guards apprehended infiltrators attempting to assassinate the new Fire Lord and Lady. The men had quickly been put on trial and sentenced appropriately after the guards had extracted what they thought was all the information of the conspiracy.
Lately, things had been calm at the palace. Zuko thought he was finally doing something right. The consensus of his people seemed to accept him as Fire Lord and the backlash of rebels had calmed considerably. Cleaning up the after the Hundred Year War had finally been slowing down, although never completely ceasing. Zuko and Mai could finally focus on starting their own family.
With their guards close enough to protect the royal couple while giving them the space and independence they needed, no one could have anticipated the attempt about to be made on the Fire Lady's life.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The assassin's motives were caught by the royal guards; however, in their haste to protect their queen, Mai was knocked to the ground before Zuko could rush to her aid as their friends' happy faces quickly dissolved into those of horror. Zuko was screaming, hysterical as he knelt by her side, scooping her in his arms and holding the shaken woman to his chest. The assassin was caught promptly and efficiently; the poison-tipped knife never managing to leave his hand. There was yelling, commotion as officials tried to make their way to their fallen Lady. Despite the would-be killer being caught, it did nothing to suppress Zuko's and Mai's panic; blood was soaking through the lower half of her clothing. Mai was bleeding and rapidly going into shock.
Katara, a trained midwife courtesy of the teachings of the Northern Water Tribe, had managed to get to the royal couple and quickly and calmly taken control of the situation. Leading Mai, who was sobbing frantically in Zuko's arms, -"Zuko, Zuko, it's not time; oh Agni, Zuko, please!"- to the backroom where Iroh often napped, Katara induced labour and guided Mai, who was vehement in her panic, but co-operative, through the motions of childbirth while Zuko tried and failed to remain calm. Instead, he merely held her hand as she clutched back tenfold. The contractions had been long and for some time, the bleeding didn't seem to stop. Shortly after their daughter's weak cries broke through the tense atmosphere of the small room, she was checked, cleaned and cast off to her father's arms so Katara could tend to Mai's rapidly deteriorating condition. Zuko was sent out with his daughter, despite fighting tooth and nail to stay by his wife's side in her time of need.
Katara, who was quickly losing patience whipped around to scream at Zuko, who balked at the cold rage pulsating in her equally cold eyes. "Zuko!" She screeched. "You are wasting time I could be using to save Mai's life, so take your daughter and get out of my room!" Breathing heavily, she checked on the wailing infant before leaving Zuko in his stupor outside the small room. Frankly, having Zuko succumb to hysterics would only frustrate Mai and wasn't going to help the situation.
Despite Zuko fighting tooth and nail to stay with his wife, Katara reminded Zuko that he needed to take care of their daughter; for both their sakes.
Zuko paced. He paced for what seemed like hours with his fragile daughter in his hands. The tea shop had been cleared out except for his close friends and his uncle. Everyone tried to soothe him, but to no avail. Nothing could calm a man about to lose his wife after nearly losing their child.
Eventually, they reverted to watching to broken man try to erode the ground beneath him.
His daughter's, still unnamed, whimpers brought him back to the present. She gazed imploringly up at her father with the palest gold eyes; her small, small hands wrapped around his finger. Zuko felt himself falling in love. The logical side of his brain reasoned that she couldn't possibly understand what was going on, but the look spoke to Zuko. This little girl wanted her mother.
He could relate.
Pressing his lips to her forehead, he whispered, "don't worry. You'll see your mother soon," he paused; then, "…sweetheart," he tagged on after a beat. It was difficult to say who she favoured more, but Zuko always secretly hoped she resembled Mai, loving the idea of a small girl with red ribbons and impossibly straight hair running throughout the courtyard. Zuko wanted to share that fantasy with his wife.
She blinked, her cries finally slowing down. Soon, a small yawn escaped from her before she began fussing in his arms. She was so incredibly tiny, almost pathetic looking, Zuko fathomed. She was so fragile and needed the protection of both her parents, not just him! He was too volatile, too hotheaded; how could he-
The girl wiggled in her swaddle, freeing a twiggy arm to wave a fist in Zuko's general direction. He just managed to stop himself from hyperventilating.
Zuko held his daughter closer, stroking a flushed cheek with his index finger. He started telling her about Mai, as distraction from his pessimistic thoughts. Additionally, the sound of his voice seemed to pacify her further. He hoped she recognized it on some level, he did spend most of Mai's pregnancy speaking to her through the womb, after all.
"Your mother was afraid, you know. Not of you, but of being a mom, I mean. Kind of like me. But, uh -of being a father. I don't ever want you to feel how I did when I was growing up. We want you to have the best childhood, filled with love and affection and happiness-" Zuko choked up.
"You'll see her soon; Mai -your mom- promised that we would give you the best childhood. Not just me or her. We made a commitment, dammit," his head was bent over her, and he sank into the chair beside him, gently touching the soft hair adorning his daughter's head.
"Your mother is honourable; she always keeps her promises," tears were falling, "she won't leave me. Us." His voice trailed off into a whisper.
Zuko had managed to keep the tears at bay while he watched his wife hit the ground, though they were clearly in his eyes. He could feel himself breaking. He couldn't deal with this.
"Uncle," he choked out, his voice breaking. His arms were trembling and he immediately feared dropping the precious girl they worked so hard to save. He couldn't stand to lose the little girl who was quickly taking up space in his heart, nestled right next to Mai. Mai, who was fighting for her life right now-
Iroh was at his side in seconds, taking the infant from his arms before Zuko buried his face in his hands and sobbed. "Zuko, you mustn't worry. Mai is strong; she will overcome this," He said gently.
"But what if she doesn't? What am I supposed to do without-" he broke off, unable to complete the thought.
"It will do no good to think like that, Zuko. We will cross that bridge if it comes,"
But Zuko couldn't help but think like that.
He had realized. If Zuko lost Mai, it wouldn't be enough - he wouldn't be enough for their daughter. They both needed to be there for her; nurture her, watch her grow.
He could not do this alone.
After what seemed like an eternity, Katara finally emerged from the room, looking thoroughly spent and quite bedraggled herself, save for the small smile that graced her lips that seemed to illuminate Zuko's world. She sought Zuko out, though he was already piercing her with his hopeful eyes.
He looked like a wreck; his hair was disheveled from grasping at it so often and his eyes were red from crying and frequent rubbing. His clothing was rumpled and he clutched his swaddled baby girl to him tentatively, as if seeking comfort from her, but wary of breaking her.
Thankfully, she had good news. "Zuko, you can come in now. Mai's fine; tired, but fine." But he was already up and moving.
"She's really okay?" He inquired optimistically, unconsciously rocking his child who began whimpering. He took to fatherhood well, Katara thought kindly.
"Yes, come; she's asking for you. She needs rest, though, so don't be too... pushy."
"I am not pushy."
Katara waited outside while Zuko strode in, mindful of the bundle in his arms.
The room was tiny and the bed Mai was lying on didn't look all too comfortable. Surely, Mai would be complaining about it by now, right?
But instead, she was eying her husband softly, a gentle look in her eyes. "Zuko," she said, just as soft. She sounded impossibly tired and looked it, too, but, she was alive, and that's all Zuko needed. His world, previously spun off its axis, righted itself once more.
He was by her side in seconds. "Mai… Mai, I was so scared," the tears were flowing again as he neared her, dipping down beside her, still cautious of his -their- squirming daughter.
"Shh," she hushed, "if that's how you expect me to go, then you've severely underestimated me," her voice held no sarcasm as she reached out to stroke his cheek. Zuko found himself chuckling despite himself.
"Yeah, I suppose I did," he whispered.
Mai pulled him down for a long kiss that expressed everything they felt; the fear, the anguish, and now, the happiness.
"You didn't have to worry so much; I made you a promise, didn't I?" She chided gently, her forehead pressed against his.
"I always worry about you,"
"That's because you're an idiot. Now, let me see my daughter," she demanded, snippets of her personality peeking through. Zuko was thrilled. "Yes, yes, of course! She's beautiful, Mai," he said, waiting for her to sit up on the bed before handing the baby to her. She winced, her tired body tensing in protest as she worked her aching muscles. Zuko was attentive as ever.
"You're in pain," he whispered, gingerly touching her cheek. Mai rolled her eyes and forced herself up. "Did you honestly expect anything else?"
Ignoring her weak sarcasm with a gentle smile, he placed the whimpering girl in Mai's awaiting arms. Her eyes watered as she took the infant. Stroking her small cheek, she cooed at her. "She's okay…" Mai trailed off, her voice thick with awe as pale gold eyes gazed aimlessly up at her, but seemed to search her soul all the same. "...and tiny," she wondered aloud. Suddenly, she looked to Zuko worried, "is she going to be-"
Zuko cut her off, wanting to quell her fear; "yeah, small, but she'll be okay. Uncle says I was born early, too, earlier than her."
"Not under the same circumstances, I hope." Mai quipped. "We haven't even chosen a name for her yet."
Zuko sighed and climbed into the bed to be closer to his wife. The bed protested under their combined weight, but Zuko rationalized that if it could hold uncle Iroh, it could hold Zuko and Mai's combined weight. She moved over gingerly, making room for him as he put an arm around her and held her to his side. He looked down at his -their- daughter, who was finally asleep after a crying fit that was enough to send Zuko back into a panic at the time.
He smiled and kissed Mai's head, "we have time for that, Mai. Everything is going to be okay."