(no subject)
ok. here's a bit of a rant. It's stupid and pointless and mostly for my own benefit. Whatever.
I really hate that i can't see him. and that every time i talk to him it seems like we end up fighting, and it's always stupid little stuff. tonight i was so overwhelemed i started crying about it. OK, yeah, so maybe I'm just being angsty and emo and all that. But I'm used to being around him at all hours of the day. I am not a good phone person, any of my friends know that. And to be forced to carry on a relationship by strictly that means is one of the most difficult things i've ever done. I can honestly say that i love him more than i ever thought i could love someone who's not blood related, which is why im so afraid of losing him. But I feel really weak right now, and I'm not real comfortable with that. And i know that writing about it here won't do me any good. But that doesn't seem to matter, because i need to express it somehow. i keep telling myself, "you'll see him at thanksgiving, you'll see him at thanksgiving", but that just scares me because it seems so far away. With my family, i know that they'll always love me unconditionally no matter how much we fight, but I've had 19 years to learn that, and eight months to learn that with david. and i just can't belive it yet, that someone would care that much about me if they didn't have to. I just don't want to lose him, and I'm so very scared. That's all, i suppose. I'll stop being angsty now.
I really hate that i can't see him. and that every time i talk to him it seems like we end up fighting, and it's always stupid little stuff. tonight i was so overwhelemed i started crying about it. OK, yeah, so maybe I'm just being angsty and emo and all that. But I'm used to being around him at all hours of the day. I am not a good phone person, any of my friends know that. And to be forced to carry on a relationship by strictly that means is one of the most difficult things i've ever done. I can honestly say that i love him more than i ever thought i could love someone who's not blood related, which is why im so afraid of losing him. But I feel really weak right now, and I'm not real comfortable with that. And i know that writing about it here won't do me any good. But that doesn't seem to matter, because i need to express it somehow. i keep telling myself, "you'll see him at thanksgiving, you'll see him at thanksgiving", but that just scares me because it seems so far away. With my family, i know that they'll always love me unconditionally no matter how much we fight, but I've had 19 years to learn that, and eight months to learn that with david. and i just can't belive it yet, that someone would care that much about me if they didn't have to. I just don't want to lose him, and I'm so very scared. That's all, i suppose. I'll stop being angsty now.