3 arduous days of CIP, I have never been so sick of ( Read more... )

Today was marked by one of the most horrifying hours of my life, mental sums have never seemed so daunting and time has never been so unfairly compressed. No exam (and this says a lot, given that I'm a product of this hell-hole system) has ever been so singularly frightening; doubts of worthiness and ability were ricocheting off the walls of my ( Read more... )

( no shortage of tragedies )

I always thought my lack of faith in religion just meant I haven't found the right one. The right one which would make me believe, which would make me find some reassurance through its practices and teachings ( Read more... )

It's not his time, this isn't supposed to happen.
Not when you're 23, and unbreakable.

I think about the body. The face. How it will never laugh, or
exist.

Fuck you life.

I woke up this morning (alright, afternoon) feeling like someone spent the night raking my throat. It's surreal that Christmas is almost here, I don't even celebrate it but for some reason there was an emotion resembling mild shock when I read phil's and saw the fairy lights. I think the whole exam thing is getting to my brain and immune system in ( Read more... )

( sign of the times )

Every time the topic of a holiday comes up, the only thing I manage to articulate is the desire to actually go on one with someone significant- in spite of all doubts about relationships and the like, somehow my brain has managed to fixate unnaturally on the prospect of a getaway with Mr. X (as of now a nameless faceless figment of my imagination ( Read more... )

Placating little boys no longer holds any place in this life. It's time I remembered that.

This is tiring- even watching from a distance you relate to the fear, the disappointment, and the wrenching frustration.

Tell me, and tell me otherwise;
Is there really no better fiction than a happily ever after?