(no subject)
1. When you grow older, do you want to change who you are? Do you like who you are now? What could you change or improve for the future? I want to change who I am, yes. I don't have any guts, I'm always worrying about things...I want to be more carefree and spontaneous. Other than that, I think I'm pretty happy with who I am.
2. Do you think you'll succeed in achieving that change, should an arise? How will you make that change? Will you remain the same as you are now, if that's what you wish? I think, once I get this stomach problem resolved, I'll be able to change that. I want to do things, I just don't feel like I can right now. I don't see myself changing much anymore. I think I'm past that stage in my life.
3. What kind of occupation do you want to have when you get on in life? Why that kind of job? Do you see yourself keeping the same job, or jumping from place to place? I want to work for a record company. I've made up my mind. That would be the coolest job ever. You'd get to do something you love, get paid to do it, and get to hang out with some of the coolest, most talented people. I doubt I'll be able to pull that off, so I'll probably end up being an "artist" or "writer". In other words, unemployed. Maybe I can sell shit at a racetrack.
4. Where do you want to live when you get older? Why? Pittsburgh, PA or Chicago, IL. They've both got great music scenes, bands don't tend to skip over them on tours, there's plenty of things to do...I could go on and on.
5. Name some people you want to be in your life in the future. Choose wisely - these are the people you know you can trust, the people you confide in, have fun with, and live for. Why do these people mean this much to you? Gina, Todd, Nathan, Callie, my dad, Kim, Patch, Brenda, Hannah, Chris, Cassy and Jenny. My family for obvious reasons, and my friends because they're always there for me, they know what I'm going through, and they know that I'll always be there for them too. I lurve them. <3
6. Have you ever thought of marriage? If so, then who, if anyone, do you think is somebody you would be happy with living with for the rest of your life and starting a family with? Of course I've thought of marriage. But jeeeeez, I'm 14. Ask me again in 10 years.
7. Name a song that you believe represents who you are now, or who you want to be. Look at the lyrics and find how they relate to you.
tonight i'll sit around pushing my shit down the drain, using a plunger and a clothespin while i wrangle with the chain. tonight i'll have potato chips and watch my favorite shows then watch some infomercials, then watch some tv show. tonight i'll have 9 or 10 beers, tonight i'll talk on the telephone mindlessly until my ear burns from the feeling, from the strain of active nothing. tonight i'll avoid my hopes and fears. tonight i'll play shitloads of video games. tonight i'll decide too late to go get on the train and play out my stupid, misguided version of fun. tonight i'll get stupid fucking drunk and be an idiot, ashamed of what i've done. tonight i'll bang out another shitty song that's unsatisfying. it's been so fucking long since i really felt any other way. tonight i'll crumple up these lyrics and throw them away. tonight i'll make promises i know i'll never keep. tonight i'll talk on the telephone, wishing i had the energy to sleep. tonight i'll sit around and bitch. tonight i'll get hungry staring at the mustard in my empty fridge. maybe tomorrow i won't smoke no cigarettes. maybe tomorrow i won't look back on toight with vomit and soaked regrets. maybe tomorrow i won't drown myself in spite. maybe tomorrow i could try, and tomorrow can be beter than tonight. sleep well and dream. plastic pillows that give way to someplace green. sleep well and dream.
The Lawrence Arms - "An Evening Of Extraordinary Circumstance"
8. Is there a person older than you that you idolize, or at least look up to? (an artist, mentor, friend, parent, etc.) What kinds of things about yourself would you have to change in order to become more like them? Do you see yourself becoming similar to this person? My sister, Anti-Flag, Brendan Kelly, Matt Skiba... My sister because, ya know, fuck, she's my sister. She's the coolest. Anti-Flag because they know what's really going on in the world, and they're trying to change it and get other people to know about it. Brendan Kelly's just fucking aklhdflagh awesome. Same with Matt Skiba. I could never come close to any of those guys' awesomeness. They have surpassed awesomeness, in my book, and have flown up to omgwtfgods.
9. How has your family affected you now, and how are they going to affect your future? Try and look at what they've done for you, and try to appreciate it. My family has affected me in a lot of ways. My mom has probably made me the cynic that I am. She's never been like a parent to me, more of an annoyance. My dad has probably affected me for the better. He's like my mom and my dad, really. He'll sometimes come home in the middle of the day and take me somewhere. Sometimes he'll just come to my room and talk. My mom never does that. Gina, Nathan and Todd are all very positive influences on me. Gina's always been there for me, and I know that I can trust her with anything. Nathan isn't around much, but I know that he cares about me, and we have a lot in common. Todd is just awesome. He's funny, he's smart (I use the term loosely...)...he's fun to be around. And Callie has made me appreciate my life more. Whenever I get really depressed, I start thinking about her and it all goes away.
10. Look at yourself, a year ago, two years ago, and three-five years ago. How have you changed since then? Is there a pattern of maturity, or any other quality that you want to break? Any you want to keep repeating? A year ago...I was about to go into 8th grade, I was all excited to finally be starting a new year of school and to be getting 7th grade behind me. I'm kind of like that now - I want to get the past year or so behind me, but I'm really, really not excited about school. Two years ago...I was going into a new school, feeling pretty good about myself...I was pretty happy, I guess. That was when my meds were still working, so that's probably why. Three-five years ago I was just a little kid, I was naive and pretty much unaware about anything other than school. Now, I'm politically minded, I care about what's going on in the world, I'll watch CNN...I'm a lot different. I want to stay involved with politics and stuff like that...I know I don't want to stay in this depressive funk that I'm in. Other than that...I don't know.