Laws of Attraction - Chapter Forty-One: The Long and Winding Road
Title: Laws of Attraction
Author: Major Roon
Fandom: The Closer
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
Rating: NC-17/M
Chapter Forty-One:
The Long and Winding Road
Brenda pulled the silk robe tighter across her chest, her somewhat ampler breasts straining against the material. She pushed her hair back behind her ears repeatedly, trying to sort out the mess she had been left in.
Sharon had a very slight frame, Brenda thought, but it wasn’t always noticeable beneath those little suits she was wearing.
This was awkward, the blonde admitted and splashed more water onto her face, and wondered whether to just drive home after all.
Should she feel guilty for just leaving the woman right after what some would call a booty call?
Before Brenda could come to a decision, she remembered having one too many glasses of wine.
Going home wasn’t an option.
And calling a cab would seem entirely too desperate.
The blonde opened the bathroom door and peered out cautiously; upon discovering the hallway deserted, she dashed out and down the hall where she picked up her purse and rifled through it on the hunt for something sweet.
She came up relatively empty beside a small wrapped candy.
Blowing out a huge breath, Brenda proceeded towards the bedroom, steeling herself and entered quietly. Sharon sat on the right side of the bed, the blanket pulled up to her waist.
Her glasses perched on her nose, her hair somewhat fallen into her face, Sharon looked at anything but her.
Brenda bit her lip and took the left side - her side - clutching her purse to her chest. She went through it once more, deciding that, as bad as it was, it didn’t have to be, and found her cell phone.
She hesitated for a moment before she placed it onto the night stand.
Then Sharon cleared her throat.
Brenda nibbled on her lower lip as she turned to face the woman and what she realized to be a glass of wine. She stared at it for a moment then glanced at Sharon before she took it.
“Wouldn’t want to waste it,” the brunette said demurely and poured herself a glass, emptying the bottle in the process. “It’s exquisite wine after all.”
Brenda couldn’t help but smile a little as she took her first sip. Slipping under the warm covers, she turned towards Sharon, giving her a once over as the woman took her glasses off. “I’m sorry we fought.”
The brunette chuckled a bit, pulling her legs up to her chest. “That’s what we seem to be doing all the time.” Sharon said then added nonchalantly, “Good thing we aren’t dating.”
Brenda nodded, smirking, “That’s what I was thinkin’.”
The brunette chuckled into her glass and sipped, amused at their exchange.
“Sharon?” Brenda came closer, sitting next to her, cradling her glass of wine as she observed the raised eyebrow and the contour of the woman’s lips. “We could get along if we wanted...” She trailed off.
“Do you?” Sharon asked almost immediately, holding her gaze, all traces of avoidance gone from her demeanor. “Want to, that is?”
The blonde felt her body relax as a weight seemed to lift from her and a strange sense of peace washed over her. “Yes.” And that was the truth, she realized. “I like you just fine.”
Sharon gave her that smile that Brenda just adored, her eyes shone with warmth and a sort of fondness that made the blonde feel soft on the inside. “I like you too,” Sharon said, seeming even more bemused as she patted the blonde’s knee.
“I hope that don’t mean we can’t hate each other at work anymore,” Brenda interjected quickly.
“God no,” Sharon shook her head furiously. “I love it.”
Brenda’s smile grew and she laughed a bit, almost snorting dorkily in the process and leaned back against the headboard. As she calmed herself, fighting the flush that had come across her features, Brenda’s thoughts drifted as she mapped the other woman’s features.
That familiar stranger, she mused and reached out without meaning to. She touched Sharon’s cheek with her fingertips and Sharon let her, her expression changing to one of slight confusion and wonderment.
“I know I don’t say the right things,” she explained again, dropping her hand, “And I don’t really know you anyhow but from what I can see...” Brenda reached for her hand and squeezed it, silencing whatever protest was on the tip of Sharon’s tongue. “Whatever you figured out about yourself...it’s a good thing...now that you’re sure.”
Sharon stared at her then averted her eyes and gulped the last bit of her wine, taking a deep breath as if to compose herself.
As she turned back, she looked her steely Captain-Raydor-self, a faint smile on her lips. Brenda gave her a smile in return and pulled the wine glass from her hand, depositing it on the nightstand with her own.
When she faced the woman again, tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I apologize,” Sharon said with utter calmness yet wiping at her eyes. “I am terribly sorry.”
Brenda felt frozen in place, staring at the glistening teardrops, shocked and not knowing what to do. Hugging her would probably be the most logical course of action but it was Sharon, Captain Raydor, and Brenda couldn’t imagine any universe where that would be an acceptable thing to do.
“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” Sharon went on, letting out a humorless laugh.
The blonde shook her head a little, emerging from her frightened state. “Sharon,” she said and reached out, feeling a warmth within herself that pulled her in the woman’s direction.
“I’m just having a hard time,” the brunette explained, now dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “A hard time with...all this.”
“I understand,” Brenda whispered and held her hand.
Sharon gave her one of those smiles, patting their joined hands, and for a moment Brenda was sure she was going to call her honey again. “I don’t think you do.”
The blonde’s bottom lip wobbled. “My Daddy--” She hiccuped, “He wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore if he knew what I was doin’.”
The brunette nodded. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Brenda sucked her lip in.
“But I need this too much right now.” She took a deep calming breath, tears drying.
Relief. “Sharon,” she swallowed. “I’m...I’m the bad one...you’re just...” She averted her gaze. “You’re just--”
“Going along with it?”
Brenda sighed, feeling actual regret. “That’s not what I meant.” The blonde bit her lip. “I’m...” She swallowed heavily, feeling flustered at what she was about to admit. “I’m takin’ advantage of you. I need this and you were there...”
Brenda trailed off as she saw that barely there smirk appear on Sharon’s face.
Then the brunette shook her head a bit. “I’m married.”
The blonde’s face fell.
“Separated.” Sharon leaned back a bit. “And I’ve been taking advantage of you as well.” She paused and narrowed her eyes. “Or did you think that I was completely enamored with your southern charm and had fallen hopelessly in love...or lust with you?”
Brenda lifted an eyebrow. “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.”
“Well,” Sharon went on, “I’ve used you all along...we’re both married.” She tilted her head a little. “I think we’re even.”
“Even?” The blonde huffed. “I didn’t know you were married.”
“Separated.”
“And that’s a mitigatin’ factor how?”
“Nothing can ever happen between us,” Sharon said loudly, talking right over Brenda. “Aren’t you happy about that?”
“Happy?”
For the first time Brenda saw real frustration on the woman’s face. “Bad choice of words.” Sharon gathered herself, her eyes momentarily fixed onto the ceiling like so many times before. “Emotionally nothing can ever happen between us and I am...grateful for that fact. Aren’t you?”
Brenda studied her then rolled her eyes. “That’s why you’ve been usin’ me, isn’t it? You picked me because I’m married, not despite it. I’m a safe choice.” Sharon looked at her stoically but experience told her that there was a whole lot more going on beneath the woman’s stony facade.
“At least I didn’t lie to you.”
Sharon scoffed and she was about to defend herself when the fight seemingly left her.
“Separated?” Brenda asked uncertainly, worried, and drew her legs up. “Is that my fault? Did I do that?”
“No,” Sharon said immediately and the blonde was grateful for the quick answer. “Long story.”
Brenda felt oddly relieved as silence washed over them. She stared at Sharon, aware that she was doing it, yet refused to look away. She tried to see the woman, tried to catch a glimpse of what she was so desperately trying to hide and suddenly, as Sharon glared at her with narrowed eyes, Brenda realized that everything was rather glaringly obvious.
“I’ve got you all figured out, Sharon Raydor.”
The brunette swallowed and Brenda knew that she had hit a nerve; that was her fear, she concluded, being figured out.
“You are terrified.”
“I am not...terrified,” Sharon said quietly and stared right back at her, seemingly fearless.
Brenda wanted to chuckle and call her ‘honey’ for a change, placatingly patting her knee, but did no such thing; instead she analyzed further, despite her instincts telling her not to.
She didn’t know why she couldn’t just leave things the way they were, why she couldn’t just leave the woman alone, all Brenda knew was that Sharon Raydor wasn’t who Brenda had thought she was.
In fact, she had gotten it all wrong.
“This isn’t wreckin’ your life,” Brenda said slowly as if talking to a child.
“That’s easy for you to say.” Sharon said under her breath.
“Just because you figured this out doesn’t mean that everything else was a lie.”
The brunette averted her gaze and fiddled with the sheets. “I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been...like this. My entire life.”
Brenda nodded, unimpressed and somewhat unsympathetic. “So? I’m assumin’ you’re not exactly unhappy with how things turned out.”
“You’re simplifying the matter.”
“You are complicatin’ it. And,” Brenda said loudly before Sharon could say anything. “And, it’s not a dirty word, you know? Lesbian. See? Easy as that.”
“Oh, please...”
“Gay. See?”
Sharon flung the covers aside, unnerved.
“Homosexual.”
“Stop.” She said and swung her legs out.
“Dyke.” Brenda glared up at her as she stood there, angry yet on the verge of tears.
“Be. Quiet.”
The blonde pulled the robe open a bit, showing off a hint of cleavage, pointedly glaring at the Captain. “You and I both know that we’ve been called that plenty times behind our backs. There was even a time when we joked about it!” She reached out and pulled Sharon back onto the bed.
“That’s different.”
Brenda scooted closer. “Because now it’s true? Because now you don’t just ‘think’ you’re a lesbian...because now you know?”
Sharon didn’t respond, instead she fully got into bed again, a rather sour expression on her face.
She hated this, Brenda realized, she hated what all this had uncovered and all because they both couldn’t help themselves. The blonde wondered briefly why, her gaze becoming distant, lost in thought.
“Would you mind if I called you a cab?”
Brenda looked up, her eyes connecting with Sharon’s. “A cab?” She asked, the words not making sense to her.
“Would you like to go home?”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” the blonde retorted. “Just because you’re havin’ a meltdown I’m not gonna drive across the city--”
“Meltdown?”
“--in the middle of the night--”
“You live fifteen minutes away!”
“--and miss most of my sleep. I’ve got a very busy day tomorrow.”
Sharon scowled then added, for good measure, “And I don’t?”
“How would I know,” Brenda retorted. “I don’t even know what you’re doin’ half the time anyway.”
The brunette scoffed uncharacteristically. “And just for the record,” she said, “I am not having a ‘meltdown’.”
“Well then,” Brenda went on, “Stop throwin’ yourself a pity party. It’s very unbecomin’.” The blonde eyed her for a moment. “Besides, you’re sleeping with women now...you didn’t contract an incurable disease.”
Sharon glared at her mildly as the whole conversation delved into the realm of ridiculous. “You were the one who didn’t want to talk about personal issues. This is my issue. Let’s not talk about it, shall we?”
“You brought it up,” Brenda pointed out and wished she hadn’t.
“I’ve got no idea what came over me.”
The blonde crossed her arms over her slightly exposed chest. “And to think we decided to get along...”
“Great how that’s working out.”
“I’ve been nothin’ but nice but then you had to go on and on--”
“Brenda.” Sharon interrupted. She looked like she had had it, the blonde concluded, suddenly feeling rather anxious. She liked when they bickered and fought and Brenda was pretty sure that Sharon liked it also but, perhaps, she had gone a bit too far this time.
After all, it seemed this whole thing was a rather big affair for the Captain.
Brenda though didn’t see the point.
“I knew before we even slept together,” Sharon said almost conversationally. “That night, in the hotel room, it confirmed everything.” She sighed and looked at Brenda with a blank expression. “I know what I said but at that point I had not fully grasped the implications of...”
She trailed off, shaking her head a little.
“Sharon?” Brenda tried to catch her gaze. “You should quit, is what. Quit thinkin’ about what could’ve been.” The blonde felt the sympathy then, she could relate this time, she knew of ‘what ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘might have beens’.
“What’s done is done...”
“That’s no consolation whatsoever.”
“You can’t hold onto things,” Brenda argued. “Sometimes you make mistakes, sometimes they end up bein’ happy accidents--”
“So you call decades of denial,” Sharon interrupted, “my failed marriage, not that I could’ve changed anything, seeing as I was set up for failure to begin with--”
“Yes,” Brenda interrupted.
“Happy accidents?”
“Yes.” The blonde gave her a smile. “I doubt you would’ve done all that much different anyhow.”
“Maybe the marriage part,” Sharon interjected.
“Perhaps,” Brenda patted her leg then. “People are who they are...they seldom change.”
The brunette’s features relaxed a bit and she gave Brenda a look that she had not yet seen on her Captain’s face, a look of respect, of acceptance and admiration.
She wasn’t the dumb blonde anymore.
“I have tried to come to terms with it but...I cannot talk to anybody. My family,” she swallowed and shook her head a little, her eyes narrowed. “I don’t feel...confident,” she wanted to say ‘comfortable’, Brenda was sure, “to share this...information,” secret, “with them,” anybody, “yet.” Ever.
Brenda sucked her lower lip in, hiding her slight amusement behind the gesture and sighed. “I’m here,” she said, surprising herself. “I know all about it so...talk.”
Sharon stared at her, her jaw going slack for a moment. “Uh...” She narrowed her eyes. “Well.”
“Sharon?”
“Yes?”
“Just...take a breath, have more wine, eat a big...giant cake and get over it.”
“That’s your solution?”
“Course. Nothin’ else you can do.”
Sharon smiled, bemused. “Do you remember when I told you that you are not my friend?”
“Oh, yes, I remember...”
“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would say that it’s starting to look otherwise.”
“Really?” Brenda grinned and stared. Friends? Not a chance. No more than a kerosene cat in hell.
The blonde bit her lip. “I don’t know what the big deal is...”
Sharon’s eyes grew distant, her lips curled, not in a smile but in a way that Brenda always thought to be intriguing then she smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear and parted her lips, the words seemingly hovering on her tongue for a moment.
“I want to know who I am...”
“And you think this is who you are?” Brenda uncrossed her arms, briefly noted the somewhat panicked expression on Sharon’s face when she reached out for her hand and placed it right onto her chest.
The brunette flushed uncharacteristically and stared at their joined hands. “Not...exactly.”
“Let me tell you somethin’, Cap’n Raydor,” she said, hoping to sooth the woman’s mood somewhat. “You’re still as antagonizin’, as pedantic and uptight as ever.”
Sharon swallowed convulsively, her expression impassive as they sat there. “Thank you.”
“I mean it,” Brenda went on and smirked a bit, squeezing Sharon’s hand that, in turn, squeezed her breast. “The only difference is that you’re less of a bitch.” She glanced down nonchalantly and worked on the sash of her robe.
“Maybe because I get laid now,” Sharon retorted evenly but with a glint in her eyes that Brenda was all too familiar with.
“Maybe because you found somethin’ you’re really good at?” The robe fell open, Brenda briefly felt the chill hit her naked skin and her Captain’s gaze trail over her body then their eyes connected.
Sharon looked coy, Brenda thought, yet bemused at the same time and the blonde felt a tingle in her chest at having elicited those feelings. She felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she scooted closer even and, with a challengingly raised eyebrow, straddled Sharon’s lap.
“If you ask me, Captain,” Brenda swallowed as she let go of Sharon’s hand, giving her free reign. “You’re very, very good at this.”
Author: Major Roon
Fandom: The Closer
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
Rating: NC-17/M
Chapter Forty-One:
The Long and Winding Road
Brenda pulled the silk robe tighter across her chest, her somewhat ampler breasts straining against the material. She pushed her hair back behind her ears repeatedly, trying to sort out the mess she had been left in.
Sharon had a very slight frame, Brenda thought, but it wasn’t always noticeable beneath those little suits she was wearing.
This was awkward, the blonde admitted and splashed more water onto her face, and wondered whether to just drive home after all.
Should she feel guilty for just leaving the woman right after what some would call a booty call?
Before Brenda could come to a decision, she remembered having one too many glasses of wine.
Going home wasn’t an option.
And calling a cab would seem entirely too desperate.
The blonde opened the bathroom door and peered out cautiously; upon discovering the hallway deserted, she dashed out and down the hall where she picked up her purse and rifled through it on the hunt for something sweet.
She came up relatively empty beside a small wrapped candy.
Blowing out a huge breath, Brenda proceeded towards the bedroom, steeling herself and entered quietly. Sharon sat on the right side of the bed, the blanket pulled up to her waist.
Her glasses perched on her nose, her hair somewhat fallen into her face, Sharon looked at anything but her.
Brenda bit her lip and took the left side - her side - clutching her purse to her chest. She went through it once more, deciding that, as bad as it was, it didn’t have to be, and found her cell phone.
She hesitated for a moment before she placed it onto the night stand.
Then Sharon cleared her throat.
Brenda nibbled on her lower lip as she turned to face the woman and what she realized to be a glass of wine. She stared at it for a moment then glanced at Sharon before she took it.
“Wouldn’t want to waste it,” the brunette said demurely and poured herself a glass, emptying the bottle in the process. “It’s exquisite wine after all.”
Brenda couldn’t help but smile a little as she took her first sip. Slipping under the warm covers, she turned towards Sharon, giving her a once over as the woman took her glasses off. “I’m sorry we fought.”
The brunette chuckled a bit, pulling her legs up to her chest. “That’s what we seem to be doing all the time.” Sharon said then added nonchalantly, “Good thing we aren’t dating.”
Brenda nodded, smirking, “That’s what I was thinkin’.”
The brunette chuckled into her glass and sipped, amused at their exchange.
“Sharon?” Brenda came closer, sitting next to her, cradling her glass of wine as she observed the raised eyebrow and the contour of the woman’s lips. “We could get along if we wanted...” She trailed off.
“Do you?” Sharon asked almost immediately, holding her gaze, all traces of avoidance gone from her demeanor. “Want to, that is?”
The blonde felt her body relax as a weight seemed to lift from her and a strange sense of peace washed over her. “Yes.” And that was the truth, she realized. “I like you just fine.”
Sharon gave her that smile that Brenda just adored, her eyes shone with warmth and a sort of fondness that made the blonde feel soft on the inside. “I like you too,” Sharon said, seeming even more bemused as she patted the blonde’s knee.
“I hope that don’t mean we can’t hate each other at work anymore,” Brenda interjected quickly.
“God no,” Sharon shook her head furiously. “I love it.”
Brenda’s smile grew and she laughed a bit, almost snorting dorkily in the process and leaned back against the headboard. As she calmed herself, fighting the flush that had come across her features, Brenda’s thoughts drifted as she mapped the other woman’s features.
That familiar stranger, she mused and reached out without meaning to. She touched Sharon’s cheek with her fingertips and Sharon let her, her expression changing to one of slight confusion and wonderment.
“I know I don’t say the right things,” she explained again, dropping her hand, “And I don’t really know you anyhow but from what I can see...” Brenda reached for her hand and squeezed it, silencing whatever protest was on the tip of Sharon’s tongue. “Whatever you figured out about yourself...it’s a good thing...now that you’re sure.”
Sharon stared at her then averted her eyes and gulped the last bit of her wine, taking a deep breath as if to compose herself.
As she turned back, she looked her steely Captain-Raydor-self, a faint smile on her lips. Brenda gave her a smile in return and pulled the wine glass from her hand, depositing it on the nightstand with her own.
When she faced the woman again, tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I apologize,” Sharon said with utter calmness yet wiping at her eyes. “I am terribly sorry.”
Brenda felt frozen in place, staring at the glistening teardrops, shocked and not knowing what to do. Hugging her would probably be the most logical course of action but it was Sharon, Captain Raydor, and Brenda couldn’t imagine any universe where that would be an acceptable thing to do.
“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” Sharon went on, letting out a humorless laugh.
The blonde shook her head a little, emerging from her frightened state. “Sharon,” she said and reached out, feeling a warmth within herself that pulled her in the woman’s direction.
“I’m just having a hard time,” the brunette explained, now dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “A hard time with...all this.”
“I understand,” Brenda whispered and held her hand.
Sharon gave her one of those smiles, patting their joined hands, and for a moment Brenda was sure she was going to call her honey again. “I don’t think you do.”
The blonde’s bottom lip wobbled. “My Daddy--” She hiccuped, “He wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore if he knew what I was doin’.”
The brunette nodded. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Brenda sucked her lip in.
“But I need this too much right now.” She took a deep calming breath, tears drying.
Relief. “Sharon,” she swallowed. “I’m...I’m the bad one...you’re just...” She averted her gaze. “You’re just--”
“Going along with it?”
Brenda sighed, feeling actual regret. “That’s not what I meant.” The blonde bit her lip. “I’m...” She swallowed heavily, feeling flustered at what she was about to admit. “I’m takin’ advantage of you. I need this and you were there...”
Brenda trailed off as she saw that barely there smirk appear on Sharon’s face.
Then the brunette shook her head a bit. “I’m married.”
The blonde’s face fell.
“Separated.” Sharon leaned back a bit. “And I’ve been taking advantage of you as well.” She paused and narrowed her eyes. “Or did you think that I was completely enamored with your southern charm and had fallen hopelessly in love...or lust with you?”
Brenda lifted an eyebrow. “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.”
“Well,” Sharon went on, “I’ve used you all along...we’re both married.” She tilted her head a little. “I think we’re even.”
“Even?” The blonde huffed. “I didn’t know you were married.”
“Separated.”
“And that’s a mitigatin’ factor how?”
“Nothing can ever happen between us,” Sharon said loudly, talking right over Brenda. “Aren’t you happy about that?”
“Happy?”
For the first time Brenda saw real frustration on the woman’s face. “Bad choice of words.” Sharon gathered herself, her eyes momentarily fixed onto the ceiling like so many times before. “Emotionally nothing can ever happen between us and I am...grateful for that fact. Aren’t you?”
Brenda studied her then rolled her eyes. “That’s why you’ve been usin’ me, isn’t it? You picked me because I’m married, not despite it. I’m a safe choice.” Sharon looked at her stoically but experience told her that there was a whole lot more going on beneath the woman’s stony facade.
“At least I didn’t lie to you.”
Sharon scoffed and she was about to defend herself when the fight seemingly left her.
“Separated?” Brenda asked uncertainly, worried, and drew her legs up. “Is that my fault? Did I do that?”
“No,” Sharon said immediately and the blonde was grateful for the quick answer. “Long story.”
Brenda felt oddly relieved as silence washed over them. She stared at Sharon, aware that she was doing it, yet refused to look away. She tried to see the woman, tried to catch a glimpse of what she was so desperately trying to hide and suddenly, as Sharon glared at her with narrowed eyes, Brenda realized that everything was rather glaringly obvious.
“I’ve got you all figured out, Sharon Raydor.”
The brunette swallowed and Brenda knew that she had hit a nerve; that was her fear, she concluded, being figured out.
“You are terrified.”
“I am not...terrified,” Sharon said quietly and stared right back at her, seemingly fearless.
Brenda wanted to chuckle and call her ‘honey’ for a change, placatingly patting her knee, but did no such thing; instead she analyzed further, despite her instincts telling her not to.
She didn’t know why she couldn’t just leave things the way they were, why she couldn’t just leave the woman alone, all Brenda knew was that Sharon Raydor wasn’t who Brenda had thought she was.
In fact, she had gotten it all wrong.
“This isn’t wreckin’ your life,” Brenda said slowly as if talking to a child.
“That’s easy for you to say.” Sharon said under her breath.
“Just because you figured this out doesn’t mean that everything else was a lie.”
The brunette averted her gaze and fiddled with the sheets. “I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been...like this. My entire life.”
Brenda nodded, unimpressed and somewhat unsympathetic. “So? I’m assumin’ you’re not exactly unhappy with how things turned out.”
“You’re simplifying the matter.”
“You are complicatin’ it. And,” Brenda said loudly before Sharon could say anything. “And, it’s not a dirty word, you know? Lesbian. See? Easy as that.”
“Oh, please...”
“Gay. See?”
Sharon flung the covers aside, unnerved.
“Homosexual.”
“Stop.” She said and swung her legs out.
“Dyke.” Brenda glared up at her as she stood there, angry yet on the verge of tears.
“Be. Quiet.”
The blonde pulled the robe open a bit, showing off a hint of cleavage, pointedly glaring at the Captain. “You and I both know that we’ve been called that plenty times behind our backs. There was even a time when we joked about it!” She reached out and pulled Sharon back onto the bed.
“That’s different.”
Brenda scooted closer. “Because now it’s true? Because now you don’t just ‘think’ you’re a lesbian...because now you know?”
Sharon didn’t respond, instead she fully got into bed again, a rather sour expression on her face.
She hated this, Brenda realized, she hated what all this had uncovered and all because they both couldn’t help themselves. The blonde wondered briefly why, her gaze becoming distant, lost in thought.
“Would you mind if I called you a cab?”
Brenda looked up, her eyes connecting with Sharon’s. “A cab?” She asked, the words not making sense to her.
“Would you like to go home?”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” the blonde retorted. “Just because you’re havin’ a meltdown I’m not gonna drive across the city--”
“Meltdown?”
“--in the middle of the night--”
“You live fifteen minutes away!”
“--and miss most of my sleep. I’ve got a very busy day tomorrow.”
Sharon scowled then added, for good measure, “And I don’t?”
“How would I know,” Brenda retorted. “I don’t even know what you’re doin’ half the time anyway.”
The brunette scoffed uncharacteristically. “And just for the record,” she said, “I am not having a ‘meltdown’.”
“Well then,” Brenda went on, “Stop throwin’ yourself a pity party. It’s very unbecomin’.” The blonde eyed her for a moment. “Besides, you’re sleeping with women now...you didn’t contract an incurable disease.”
Sharon glared at her mildly as the whole conversation delved into the realm of ridiculous. “You were the one who didn’t want to talk about personal issues. This is my issue. Let’s not talk about it, shall we?”
“You brought it up,” Brenda pointed out and wished she hadn’t.
“I’ve got no idea what came over me.”
The blonde crossed her arms over her slightly exposed chest. “And to think we decided to get along...”
“Great how that’s working out.”
“I’ve been nothin’ but nice but then you had to go on and on--”
“Brenda.” Sharon interrupted. She looked like she had had it, the blonde concluded, suddenly feeling rather anxious. She liked when they bickered and fought and Brenda was pretty sure that Sharon liked it also but, perhaps, she had gone a bit too far this time.
After all, it seemed this whole thing was a rather big affair for the Captain.
Brenda though didn’t see the point.
“I knew before we even slept together,” Sharon said almost conversationally. “That night, in the hotel room, it confirmed everything.” She sighed and looked at Brenda with a blank expression. “I know what I said but at that point I had not fully grasped the implications of...”
She trailed off, shaking her head a little.
“Sharon?” Brenda tried to catch her gaze. “You should quit, is what. Quit thinkin’ about what could’ve been.” The blonde felt the sympathy then, she could relate this time, she knew of ‘what ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘might have beens’.
“What’s done is done...”
“That’s no consolation whatsoever.”
“You can’t hold onto things,” Brenda argued. “Sometimes you make mistakes, sometimes they end up bein’ happy accidents--”
“So you call decades of denial,” Sharon interrupted, “my failed marriage, not that I could’ve changed anything, seeing as I was set up for failure to begin with--”
“Yes,” Brenda interrupted.
“Happy accidents?”
“Yes.” The blonde gave her a smile. “I doubt you would’ve done all that much different anyhow.”
“Maybe the marriage part,” Sharon interjected.
“Perhaps,” Brenda patted her leg then. “People are who they are...they seldom change.”
The brunette’s features relaxed a bit and she gave Brenda a look that she had not yet seen on her Captain’s face, a look of respect, of acceptance and admiration.
She wasn’t the dumb blonde anymore.
“I have tried to come to terms with it but...I cannot talk to anybody. My family,” she swallowed and shook her head a little, her eyes narrowed. “I don’t feel...confident,” she wanted to say ‘comfortable’, Brenda was sure, “to share this...information,” secret, “with them,” anybody, “yet.” Ever.
Brenda sucked her lower lip in, hiding her slight amusement behind the gesture and sighed. “I’m here,” she said, surprising herself. “I know all about it so...talk.”
Sharon stared at her, her jaw going slack for a moment. “Uh...” She narrowed her eyes. “Well.”
“Sharon?”
“Yes?”
“Just...take a breath, have more wine, eat a big...giant cake and get over it.”
“That’s your solution?”
“Course. Nothin’ else you can do.”
Sharon smiled, bemused. “Do you remember when I told you that you are not my friend?”
“Oh, yes, I remember...”
“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would say that it’s starting to look otherwise.”
“Really?” Brenda grinned and stared. Friends? Not a chance. No more than a kerosene cat in hell.
The blonde bit her lip. “I don’t know what the big deal is...”
Sharon’s eyes grew distant, her lips curled, not in a smile but in a way that Brenda always thought to be intriguing then she smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear and parted her lips, the words seemingly hovering on her tongue for a moment.
“I want to know who I am...”
“And you think this is who you are?” Brenda uncrossed her arms, briefly noted the somewhat panicked expression on Sharon’s face when she reached out for her hand and placed it right onto her chest.
The brunette flushed uncharacteristically and stared at their joined hands. “Not...exactly.”
“Let me tell you somethin’, Cap’n Raydor,” she said, hoping to sooth the woman’s mood somewhat. “You’re still as antagonizin’, as pedantic and uptight as ever.”
Sharon swallowed convulsively, her expression impassive as they sat there. “Thank you.”
“I mean it,” Brenda went on and smirked a bit, squeezing Sharon’s hand that, in turn, squeezed her breast. “The only difference is that you’re less of a bitch.” She glanced down nonchalantly and worked on the sash of her robe.
“Maybe because I get laid now,” Sharon retorted evenly but with a glint in her eyes that Brenda was all too familiar with.
“Maybe because you found somethin’ you’re really good at?” The robe fell open, Brenda briefly felt the chill hit her naked skin and her Captain’s gaze trail over her body then their eyes connected.
Sharon looked coy, Brenda thought, yet bemused at the same time and the blonde felt a tingle in her chest at having elicited those feelings. She felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she scooted closer even and, with a challengingly raised eyebrow, straddled Sharon’s lap.
“If you ask me, Captain,” Brenda swallowed as she let go of Sharon’s hand, giving her free reign. “You’re very, very good at this.”