the Truth. isn't pretty
[Mao Murakami. Olivia Lufkin]
[Private High School. Ice Cream Shop]
[PG]
[the Truth]
Another fucking boring day of school left Mao half asleep, as he had been for most of the day- and the part of his brain that had been awake had been thinking of Kyo 75% of the time and Temari the other 25%. He felt like a lovesick puppy, but it was a better feeling than any of his alternatives, so... whatever. He'd take it.
Not to mention that sitting in the back of Kyo's classroom staring at him for a good hour hadn't exactly been a challenge.
A typical day nonetheless, which was why he was a little weirded out when he walked out of his building to see Olivia waiting for him. She usually only did stuff like that on his birthday. Maybe something was wrong- but he didn't want to assume. Maybe she was just doing it because they hadn't seen each other as much lately.
Yeah.
He'd go with that.
Or maybe she wasn't even there for him at all. Who knew?
"Hey," he greeted with a small smile as he wandered up to her.
Olivia had gotten there an hour ago, she had thought she would have longer to wait, but apparently today had been a short day. The glasses Ruki had given her were on her face, hiding her puffy red eyes and dark circles under her eyes. It had been about a day since Temari had died, she had been putting off telling Mao.. but… but she had to tell him.
If she didn’t tell him, Reita would mention it in passing and it would make it so much worse.
She was so scared of telling him though, dealing with Caroline’s still in shock state of mind for that day didn’t help, the shock was going to wear of soon enough, she had a feeling Valentines Day would crack that shock.
The brunette wasn’t looking forward to that.
“Hey, Mao, want to go get some ice cream?” Bad news was always easier to take when sweet things were available to devour.
"Um... yeah, sure." Something was definitely off, but he wasn't going to let himself think about it. He wouldn't ask; if there was something to say, he could trust her to say it.
Maybe he just didn't want to acknowledge that it very well might be his biggest fear.
"How... are you?" She didn't seem too great. Hopefully he was imagining it, because the idea of anything going worse right then was not a friendly one.
Olivia opened Mao’s door and then went around to her own, getting in and strapping her seat belt down. “I’ve been better,” she replied, gripping her wheel tightly. “I’ve been better… How was school today?” When Mao was in and secured she started up her car and started towards the ice cream shop.
She continued to grip at her wheel tightly to keep from shaking, to try and seem calm, even though that was pratically impossible.
Yeah, something was clearly really really really wrong, and as hard as he tried he couldn't help but make assumptions. But if she was going to try to pretend otherwise, then he'd try to go along with it. For now, at least.
"Um... it was boring." A shrug. "It's always boring."
He couldn't help but stare at her hands. They were trembling, it seemed- and suddenly he was terrified of the real reason she'd come by.
Olivia pulled into the ice cream shop and stopped the car. “That sounds like school to me.” She forced a smile at him and got out of the car. Ice cream, ice cream, she had to keep her mind on ice cream and not Temari’s death.
After the ice cream than she would have to focus on the death.
She had to tell him though, it didn’t matter if she wanted to or not, at least Mao knew it was going to happen soon, it wouldn’t be as bad as another Caroline… it would be close enough though.
Another shrug. "I didn't pay much attention today." Next to everything else that had happened in his life... everything that was happening, even, school was starting to seem a little insignificant. He was getting generally unsettled with all of it, which was bothersome, because he wasn't sure he needed more shit to worry about right then.
"How's Sou?"
Something about the vibe she was giving off made him feel seriously awkward. It was kind of hard to keep a conversation, especially when he wanted her to just tell him what the hell was wrong.
“Sou is doing really well, he’s a good baby, Kai’s taking care of him right now.” Olivia walked inside and went to the counter, ordering her ice cream and Mao’s regular. It seemed like it only took a second for them to come, even though it probably took quite a few minutes. There was nothing she could do to procrastinate anymore, as soon as they sat down she’d have to talk.
And before she knew it, they were sitting.
Olivia chewed on her lip and reached up to talk off her sunglasses, looking at Mao with her tired eyes, before glancing down to the table which was just so much easier to look at.
“Mao….”
And there it was. He was sort of certain that he could predict her words, but he didn't want to be able to. He'd never wanted to be wrong so badly in his entire life, but the look on her face...
"Y-yeah?"
He was suddenly anxious, wishing she'd just hurry up and spit it out, but not wanting to hear it at the same time. Not if it was what he was thinking, at least.
Olivia continued to stare at the table, her eyes were not willing to look into Mao’s as got herself ready to tell him what she had waited outside his school to tell him.
Her eyes met his for a split second and it spilled out of her mouth like word vomit.
“He’s dead.”
Two simple words, two words that meant so much.
And it wasn't even remotely surprising, but it still felt like someone had dropped a weight in his stomach, made him sink. He was surprised he hadn't fallen on the table, really; rather, he was simply staring blankly, as if it didn't make sense.
But it did.
He just didn't want it to, didn't want it to be true. He hadn't been ready at all even if it was so obviously about to happen. But how was he supposed to react?
He didn't know, and so he did nothing, just sat frozen, staring at his ice cream but not really seeing it. Rather, he'd forgotten it existed entirely.
“He.. he died on Sunday, I would have told you earlier, but I was so overwhelmed with taking care of the body, keeping together, taking care of Caroline, she woke up next to his body, I.. I.. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry Mao.” Olivia was having such a hard time keeping herself together, she was so close to losing it and crying.
She didn’t want to do it in front of Mao though. Mao needed the comfort not her. She wasn’t the one who was affected the most… or was she?
But he barely even heard her, was lost in his own world, trying to accept this fact. A world without Temari. What kind of place was that? Temari was the person he'd known the longest, cared for the longest, and yet he had so many regrets that he hadn't been able to fix before the boy died after years of watching him decay.
The whole thing had been like some fucking awful nightmare, and now it was over- and he'd almost expected to feel relieved, in a way, but he didn't. He felt terrible, sick to his stomach, wanting nothing more to go to Ruki's house and find out it was all just a lie.
But that wasn't going to happen. It wasn't a lie.
He didn't say anything, just got up and walked quietly out of the building, trembling slightly.
“Mao!” Olivia was trembling, she left their ice cream there and grabbed the glasses, following him out the door. “Mao! I… I.. I….” She didn’t know how to help Mao she didn’t know how to do anything.
She had never known how to deal with this, she still didn’t know.
What could she say? What would she had done if Mao had died? What would she have wanted to someone to say to her?
There was nothing to say. “Mao,” she called out again rather pathetically.
Mao stopped at the car to cover his mouth, unsure if he was about to throw up or cry- possibly both. Temari was dead dead dead; one of the few friends he'd ever had. The first person to really get him even if he'd gone out of his way to make sure it didn't happen.
He sobbed quietly, leaning against the car for support. This wasn't supposed to be so impossible; he'd seen it coming, expected it every day for the past month or so, so why was he freaking out? Why couldn't he even fucking breathe?
Did he even want to anymore?
A couple tears escaped Olivia’s eyes and she went up to Mao and hugged him tightly. She wished such things wouldn’t happen, especially to Mao, Mao wasn’t supposed to have anything more bad happen to him, Mao was already too battered. Olivia almost wanted to die so she could drag Temari back and then smack him around a bit.
He could have at least waited a year or two. Fucking AIDS kid, why did he have to die? WHY? She’d never succeed in becoming his friend. “I’m here Mao.. I.. I.. “ The brunette shut up.
Nothing to say, nothing to do, but hold him until he broke away from her, said he was all right even though he wouldn’t be.
Would he ever be all right again?
Mao fell into her grip, needing her more as a lifeline than ever because he simply couldn't stand the way he was feeling, a million time bombs going off in his stomach and in his brain and everywhere. He just wanted to shrivel up and disappear, because he hadn't even tried to anticipate a world without Temari in it.
He didn't like that place.
Even right then, he could already tell.
But she was there; he wasn't alone, and it made it at least a little bit easier. He'd never ever been able to push her away as he always did to Temari.
"S-sorry," he choked, halfway to find his voice again. "For walking out."
Olivia held him tightly. “Don’t be sorry, I expected so much worse, I expected you to hate me forever.” She was babbling a bit but she was so relieved that she didn’t care about talking about not being the perfect person to lean on. “Just remember you’re not alone, you’re never alone Mao, not as long as I’m around. You’re my best friend, I’ll never abandon you.” Even if she died, she would probably stick around just to make sure that Mao was still kicking around.
Not that she would mentions THAT at the moment, it would home a bit too much at this time, though she really did believe that Temari was still watching them, probably sneering at her, wishing Mao would feel better, and looking at her younger sister with that tender look of love.
Hate her? Never ever ever. "I could never hate you. I- I need you." And then he was clinging to her, trying to convey his desperation because he could never ever find the words to express how awful he felt unless he was writing.
But she'd probably understand. He never even had to do anything and she understood. He hoped to God she never left because he'd be so fucking lost without her, would never make it through any of this.
At least he had a slight chance with her around.
Maybe.
[Private High School. Ice Cream Shop]
[PG]
[the Truth]
Another fucking boring day of school left Mao half asleep, as he had been for most of the day- and the part of his brain that had been awake had been thinking of Kyo 75% of the time and Temari the other 25%. He felt like a lovesick puppy, but it was a better feeling than any of his alternatives, so... whatever. He'd take it.
Not to mention that sitting in the back of Kyo's classroom staring at him for a good hour hadn't exactly been a challenge.
A typical day nonetheless, which was why he was a little weirded out when he walked out of his building to see Olivia waiting for him. She usually only did stuff like that on his birthday. Maybe something was wrong- but he didn't want to assume. Maybe she was just doing it because they hadn't seen each other as much lately.
Yeah.
He'd go with that.
Or maybe she wasn't even there for him at all. Who knew?
"Hey," he greeted with a small smile as he wandered up to her.
Olivia had gotten there an hour ago, she had thought she would have longer to wait, but apparently today had been a short day. The glasses Ruki had given her were on her face, hiding her puffy red eyes and dark circles under her eyes. It had been about a day since Temari had died, she had been putting off telling Mao.. but… but she had to tell him.
If she didn’t tell him, Reita would mention it in passing and it would make it so much worse.
She was so scared of telling him though, dealing with Caroline’s still in shock state of mind for that day didn’t help, the shock was going to wear of soon enough, she had a feeling Valentines Day would crack that shock.
The brunette wasn’t looking forward to that.
“Hey, Mao, want to go get some ice cream?” Bad news was always easier to take when sweet things were available to devour.
"Um... yeah, sure." Something was definitely off, but he wasn't going to let himself think about it. He wouldn't ask; if there was something to say, he could trust her to say it.
Maybe he just didn't want to acknowledge that it very well might be his biggest fear.
"How... are you?" She didn't seem too great. Hopefully he was imagining it, because the idea of anything going worse right then was not a friendly one.
Olivia opened Mao’s door and then went around to her own, getting in and strapping her seat belt down. “I’ve been better,” she replied, gripping her wheel tightly. “I’ve been better… How was school today?” When Mao was in and secured she started up her car and started towards the ice cream shop.
She continued to grip at her wheel tightly to keep from shaking, to try and seem calm, even though that was pratically impossible.
Yeah, something was clearly really really really wrong, and as hard as he tried he couldn't help but make assumptions. But if she was going to try to pretend otherwise, then he'd try to go along with it. For now, at least.
"Um... it was boring." A shrug. "It's always boring."
He couldn't help but stare at her hands. They were trembling, it seemed- and suddenly he was terrified of the real reason she'd come by.
Olivia pulled into the ice cream shop and stopped the car. “That sounds like school to me.” She forced a smile at him and got out of the car. Ice cream, ice cream, she had to keep her mind on ice cream and not Temari’s death.
After the ice cream than she would have to focus on the death.
She had to tell him though, it didn’t matter if she wanted to or not, at least Mao knew it was going to happen soon, it wouldn’t be as bad as another Caroline… it would be close enough though.
Another shrug. "I didn't pay much attention today." Next to everything else that had happened in his life... everything that was happening, even, school was starting to seem a little insignificant. He was getting generally unsettled with all of it, which was bothersome, because he wasn't sure he needed more shit to worry about right then.
"How's Sou?"
Something about the vibe she was giving off made him feel seriously awkward. It was kind of hard to keep a conversation, especially when he wanted her to just tell him what the hell was wrong.
“Sou is doing really well, he’s a good baby, Kai’s taking care of him right now.” Olivia walked inside and went to the counter, ordering her ice cream and Mao’s regular. It seemed like it only took a second for them to come, even though it probably took quite a few minutes. There was nothing she could do to procrastinate anymore, as soon as they sat down she’d have to talk.
And before she knew it, they were sitting.
Olivia chewed on her lip and reached up to talk off her sunglasses, looking at Mao with her tired eyes, before glancing down to the table which was just so much easier to look at.
“Mao….”
And there it was. He was sort of certain that he could predict her words, but he didn't want to be able to. He'd never wanted to be wrong so badly in his entire life, but the look on her face...
"Y-yeah?"
He was suddenly anxious, wishing she'd just hurry up and spit it out, but not wanting to hear it at the same time. Not if it was what he was thinking, at least.
Olivia continued to stare at the table, her eyes were not willing to look into Mao’s as got herself ready to tell him what she had waited outside his school to tell him.
Her eyes met his for a split second and it spilled out of her mouth like word vomit.
“He’s dead.”
Two simple words, two words that meant so much.
And it wasn't even remotely surprising, but it still felt like someone had dropped a weight in his stomach, made him sink. He was surprised he hadn't fallen on the table, really; rather, he was simply staring blankly, as if it didn't make sense.
But it did.
He just didn't want it to, didn't want it to be true. He hadn't been ready at all even if it was so obviously about to happen. But how was he supposed to react?
He didn't know, and so he did nothing, just sat frozen, staring at his ice cream but not really seeing it. Rather, he'd forgotten it existed entirely.
“He.. he died on Sunday, I would have told you earlier, but I was so overwhelmed with taking care of the body, keeping together, taking care of Caroline, she woke up next to his body, I.. I.. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry Mao.” Olivia was having such a hard time keeping herself together, she was so close to losing it and crying.
She didn’t want to do it in front of Mao though. Mao needed the comfort not her. She wasn’t the one who was affected the most… or was she?
But he barely even heard her, was lost in his own world, trying to accept this fact. A world without Temari. What kind of place was that? Temari was the person he'd known the longest, cared for the longest, and yet he had so many regrets that he hadn't been able to fix before the boy died after years of watching him decay.
The whole thing had been like some fucking awful nightmare, and now it was over- and he'd almost expected to feel relieved, in a way, but he didn't. He felt terrible, sick to his stomach, wanting nothing more to go to Ruki's house and find out it was all just a lie.
But that wasn't going to happen. It wasn't a lie.
He didn't say anything, just got up and walked quietly out of the building, trembling slightly.
“Mao!” Olivia was trembling, she left their ice cream there and grabbed the glasses, following him out the door. “Mao! I… I.. I….” She didn’t know how to help Mao she didn’t know how to do anything.
She had never known how to deal with this, she still didn’t know.
What could she say? What would she had done if Mao had died? What would she have wanted to someone to say to her?
There was nothing to say. “Mao,” she called out again rather pathetically.
Mao stopped at the car to cover his mouth, unsure if he was about to throw up or cry- possibly both. Temari was dead dead dead; one of the few friends he'd ever had. The first person to really get him even if he'd gone out of his way to make sure it didn't happen.
He sobbed quietly, leaning against the car for support. This wasn't supposed to be so impossible; he'd seen it coming, expected it every day for the past month or so, so why was he freaking out? Why couldn't he even fucking breathe?
Did he even want to anymore?
A couple tears escaped Olivia’s eyes and she went up to Mao and hugged him tightly. She wished such things wouldn’t happen, especially to Mao, Mao wasn’t supposed to have anything more bad happen to him, Mao was already too battered. Olivia almost wanted to die so she could drag Temari back and then smack him around a bit.
He could have at least waited a year or two. Fucking AIDS kid, why did he have to die? WHY? She’d never succeed in becoming his friend. “I’m here Mao.. I.. I.. “ The brunette shut up.
Nothing to say, nothing to do, but hold him until he broke away from her, said he was all right even though he wouldn’t be.
Would he ever be all right again?
Mao fell into her grip, needing her more as a lifeline than ever because he simply couldn't stand the way he was feeling, a million time bombs going off in his stomach and in his brain and everywhere. He just wanted to shrivel up and disappear, because he hadn't even tried to anticipate a world without Temari in it.
He didn't like that place.
Even right then, he could already tell.
But she was there; he wasn't alone, and it made it at least a little bit easier. He'd never ever been able to push her away as he always did to Temari.
"S-sorry," he choked, halfway to find his voice again. "For walking out."
Olivia held him tightly. “Don’t be sorry, I expected so much worse, I expected you to hate me forever.” She was babbling a bit but she was so relieved that she didn’t care about talking about not being the perfect person to lean on. “Just remember you’re not alone, you’re never alone Mao, not as long as I’m around. You’re my best friend, I’ll never abandon you.” Even if she died, she would probably stick around just to make sure that Mao was still kicking around.
Not that she would mentions THAT at the moment, it would home a bit too much at this time, though she really did believe that Temari was still watching them, probably sneering at her, wishing Mao would feel better, and looking at her younger sister with that tender look of love.
Hate her? Never ever ever. "I could never hate you. I- I need you." And then he was clinging to her, trying to convey his desperation because he could never ever find the words to express how awful he felt unless he was writing.
But she'd probably understand. He never even had to do anything and she understood. He hoped to God she never left because he'd be so fucking lost without her, would never make it through any of this.
At least he had a slight chance with her around.
Maybe.