sorry sorry

[radioscopy]

{Mao and Kyo}
{Hospital}
{Rated PG}



Attemped Suicide.

The blonde teacher had heard those words so many times in his career. Rich students who thought they were unable to handle the barely there course load that teachers gifted them with. And never before had he really cared enough to rush out of his best friends house after hearing it, and then straight to the hospital.

Never before had it been Mao. He hadn't ever loved had a soft spot for any of them.

"MAO!"

Near desperate calls of the other's name while Kyo shoved his way past nurse and patient alike down stark white halls.

Mao felt sincerely numb, bored to death tears and simply unable to sleep, for whatever reason. He'd never been so tired, and yet he couldn't close his eyes, wasn't paying attention to much, really.

He could've sworn he heard his name, but surely he was imagining it. It was too too early for anyone to know where he was.

Hopefully.

He was feeling far too ashamed of himself to deal with anyone at the moment- how the fuck were they going to react to this?

Door after door was opened, slammed shut and it took Kyo almost a full minute after slamming another one shut to realize that it was the room he wanted.

The the plain white door was yanked open again, eyes wide, darting every where on the students body, just to make sure that he was still in one piece.

"Mao!" One minute he was at the door, and now the blonde was right next to the bedside, hands near shaking, refusing to even touch the other.

Mao was startled out of a daze, heart racing as he stared up at Kyo who really... didn't look like Kyo. Rather, he looked..

scared?

But why, really? There was nothing to be scared of. Not there, at least.

"H-hi." His voice was scratchy, barely audible.

And at those words, the blonde teacher just seemed to break down. Arms wrapped tight around Mao's body, face burying down into the other's neck to hide tears that had suddenly sprung up at the knowledge that Mao was all right.

"Mao, Mao, Mao..."
What did he do now?

Wanted to reprimend, lecture, do something because of what Mao had done. But really all Kyo wanted to do was hug Mao and never let go, make sure something like this never happened again.

Mao suddenly felt like crying as well, shakily hugging Kyo back with the arm he hadn't destroyed. He'd never seen Kyo like this, so... not together.

It was scary as hell, but how was he meant to fix it? What could he possibly say?

"I- I'm sorry."

Surely not that, even if it was true.

A shuddering beathe at those words. And Kyo wouldn't quite tell just how much they managed to calm him down, how they managed to convince him that really, everything would be all right.

He'd see to it, one way or another.

A few more seconds, just to control the tears that were finally stopping and the teacher pulled way enough to sit on the edge of Mao's bed, hand choosing instead to hook with Mao's uninjured own. Eyes refused to so much as glance to the other side.

"Ruki told me... Why?"

Ruki? Why Ruki? He'd meant for them to call Olivia, not Ruki... then again, Ruki did have the right to answer the phone in his house. But... still. Sigh.

"I- I just..."

It was impossible to explain because it was all a blur. Everything that week was; he just felt so numb.

"I woke up and..."
wanted to die.
"I dunno."

A deep breathe, a force of will for the blonde teacher to not just start screaming at the little hospital patient. Surely he had no right.

"Don't you ever..."
do that again
"Scare me like that!"

Arms wrapped back around, tighter than before, Kyo taking some kind of reassurance that Mao was still there, that he wasn't going anywhere, ever.

Scare him? But he hadn't died, hadn't gotten anywhere close. It was a pathetic attempt; clearly he'd meant to fail. Or so it seemed. But then what the fuck had he done it for?

"I'm... sorry."

How could he promise he wouldn't do it again if he hadn't even planned to do it in the first place? It had been totally impulsive, totally stupid- and he was embarassed, but he had no doubt he'd wake up feeling that way all over again.

Sorry? Mao had better be.

But Kyo didn't want to think about the environment that would breed these types of reactions in the submissive student, so...

"You're moving in with me... Permanetly."

The blonde teacher didn't want to send him back to a home that caused these kinds of things to happen. Even if it hadn't been the parents faults.

Permanently? Right. Mao knew what was in store for him, had already been informed by those lovely parents of his. Not that he had any intention of complying. He was finished with that shit, totally tired of being everyone's little fucking doormat.

Funny; it had taken a year of trauma to make him start to rebel like he wanted to- and he still hated himself.

"Okay."
...But wasn't it so so wrong to lie right then?
"...But it might take a little while."

A little while? Kyo was hardly going to stand for that. So the blonde teacher only shook his head quickly.

"No, as soon as you are discharged."
He'd ask later how long that would take.

"I'll talk to your parents, and if I have to, I'll get Ruki to pay them off." Ruki could for once, use his endless amount of money for something that was just a tab bit good.

There was no way in hell that would work, surely. His parents were that ashamed of him that they simply wanted to lock him in his room for eternity, not taint their name as he walked the streets.

Their pride was more important to them than money, and he ruined that with pretty much everything he did.

"...I don't think you wanna talk to them," he said softly, suddenly even more drained at the mere thought of where his life was going, sort of wishing he'd succeeded.

A small sneer, but Kyo tried his best to not let it show, if only for Mao's sake.

If it came down to it, he would gladly talk to Mao's parents, putting them in their place with a few carefully chosen words, if not...

He could simply;
"I'll just kidnap you then."

Mao's eyes widened at the suggestion. Kidnap him? That was insane- his parents would freak out, and it would be obvious who had done it.

...Of course, he could always say he'd gone voluntarily, but then he'd be in the exact same place as he was before.

"Th-that's illegal," he stammered. And scary, really, to think of the consequences. "Oh my god, I'm ruining you."

Ruining him? … Hardly.

“Mao, I was ruined long before I met you…” Surely before he had even been born, because just what had happened in his life to cause him to be like this? “Just ask Ruki…”

Except… Not really, because he could never quite be sure what his friend would divulge about him. Perhaps things he didn’t want divulged, just yet at least.
“I’ll wait then…” A long sigh. “But not long.”

"O-oh." What could he say to that? Now was surely not the time to talk about it. Kyo was far too complicated for him to try to understand at the moment, but it was a good thing.

...For later.

"I'll do my best... to..." try to put himself back together again? To escape? Maybe all of it- if the former was even possible.

A sigh, because already the nurses were glaring at him, telling him to get the fuck out without really saying anything to his face.

“Until you can though, you still have a key… And the door is always open.”

An endearing smile, a soft kiss given to the other’s forehead. “I’ll come back during visiting hours, okay Mao?”
Surely then the nurses would pleasantly go away?

He was leaving? Mao wanted to protest, because having Kyo there made everything a little better- but he couldn't make him stay. Especially if he wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

"O-oh."

The disappointment was obvious because he was too tired to hide it.

"All right."

A frown, but Kyo forced it away into a smile regardless. There wasn’t much he could do. He wasn’t allowed, as much as he just wanted to stay, he didn’t want to get banned permanently.

“I’ll bring you some real food, okay?” A thought on just what Mao liked to do, before another smile was shown. “And a brand new notebook, all right?”

Surely Mao would like that.

Mao took a deep breath. It was just a few hours- he could deal with that. Maybe he'd make himself go to sleep to make it pass.

"Okay. Thank you. You, um..."
make everything so much better
"...I like you."

He sounded stupid, but just saying it made him feel a bit better.

For a long while, Kyo didn't say anything, didn't even do anything, just sat there staring down at his student lover with a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

Ruki had said something like this would happen... But he hadn't really...

Believed it.

"Um..." A soft smile, because now wasn't the time for him to push even more hurt on Mao. "I like you too..." Just not love. Not yet.

Mao really didn't understand the look of shock on the teacher's face. Was it not obvious? Or maybe Kyo was more oblivious than he was.

...Was that even possible?

"G-good." If it was really true; Mao had a hard time believing what anyone said anymore.

Another small smile, another soft kiss, and finally Kyo was standing up.

"I'll be back soon, okay? I kind of ran out on Ruki when he was so kindly giving me a present..."

He hadn't even stayed long enough to look at it, was pobably still sitting on the table.

"A present? I didn't know he gave random presents." Or maybe he just delievered them with shitty news. Must be nice to be richer than God.

"I'll be here."

Meant to be sort of a joke, but it wasn't even funny, so he didn't know why he even bothered. Oh, well.

A small laugh, fingers threading through hair befoe giving an affectionate ruffle.

"He does... Sometimes. But it was a birthday present." Sadly, Kyo just seemed to be getting older and older.

A blanket was tugged up, tucked around Mao before the teacher was finally turning away. "See you in a few hours, Mao."

Birthday present?
Today?

....Oh, wow, no.

And maybe it wasn't that big a deal, but Mao was just tired enough to bust out crying anyway, burying his face in his pillow. How stupid. How stupid. Someone really, really hated him. "Oh, my god..."

Feet stilled and worried eyes were sent back Mao's way, and Kyo just didn't give a damn that the Nurse's seemed ready to bodily remove him from the entire vicinity of the entire building.

"Mao?" Back to the bed and an almost hesitant touch against the other's head. "Mao, what is wrong?"

Did he feel bad about not getting him a present or something?

"I'm so stupid..."

He hadn't known, of course. But the whole thing was stupid and... of all days... why why why why?

"I'm sorry... I'll do something good later, promise." Maybe, hopefully. If Kyo even cared, but he could assume that he hadn't woke up wanting his birthday to be a pile of shit.

A small smile, and the fact that Mao ever cared was more than enough for the short male.

"It's alright Mao, it really is..." Fingers ran soothingly through Mao's hair before Kyo was bending down to the other's level.

"Give me a kiss and we'll call it even, okay?"

Mao took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't understand how Kyo could possibly want to kiss him after he'd randomly started bawling and undoubtedly looked like hell, but he wasn't going to complain- or say anything at all.

Rather, he just kissed him softly, innocently, not giving a damn- or maybe not even knowing- that there was an irritated nurse watching them in the doorway.

And Kyo only smiled, returning the kiss oh so chastely, and not really caring.

"Thank you, Mao." A brush of lips against skin. "That was the best birthday present I've gotten in a long time."

Probably forever. But a glance back told him that he should leave should he ever want to have sex again. "I'm going to go now, okay?"

And Mao couldn't help but blush at that, even if he still felt totally fucked up. How could Kyo do that to him?

...Not that he was complaining.

"O-okay."

Sleeping suddenly felt like it would be a whole lot easier.

"Take a nap, and when you wake up, I'll be back."

A small wave, an almost scathing look at the nurse that seemed more than a little relieved that he was dissappearing before Kyo was finally leaving.