aimless conversation
{Mao and Reita}
{Hospital}
{Rated PG}
It had taken Reita somewhere around twenty minutes to make it from the comforts of bed to the door of Mao's hospital room. The quickest part of the journey had been the few seconds he used to stare in livid disbelief at the post-it note Ruki had left for him, rather than waking him up to tell him what had happened; the longest stretch had been the argument he had just had with the nurse downstairs.
But he had finally made it, and he had brought with him the only method of comfort he'd ever found effective with the teenager: Ice cream. He wasn't one for talking about these things, or trying to understand them. As long as Mao knew he was among the people who cared, the blonde would be perfectly content. Why try to be something he wasn't, after all? He was worried - but he definitely wasn't a doctor of any sort, so he simply opened the door and stepped inside.
"...Hey."
Mao hadn't really been expecting Reita to visit simply because he didn't seem like the type to hang out in a hospital. Not that anyone was, really, but especially not Reita. Still, he was glad to see him, especially since he'd spent the last 8 hours reading and drifting off to sleep every once in a while. Being in the hospital was just making him more depressed... except when people stopped by.
"Hey."
He closed his book and rubbed his eyes, sleepy- but he was always sleepy there. How long did it take to get released after something like this? Hopefully not much longer.
"I, uh...I brought you a really big sundae." Possibly not the first thing someone usually said to a person who had tried to kill themselves, but Reita didn't have a clue what else he was supposed to say. How was Mao's business, why was Mao's business, and he wasn't about to share how relieved he felt to see he was alright just yet.
Besides, the last time Reita had been in a hospital was as a patient, and one of his most hated memories was how bad the food had been. That and not being able to do anything unattended, though it seemed Mao was being allowed at least a little more privacy. "I figure they're probably feeding you bran flakes and unflavoured yogurt or something so maybe this'll be a bit more enjoyable." He wandered over to the bed, holding out the cup of sickly sweetness with a weak smile.
"...Wow, thanks." Mao took the cup and offered his boss a small smile. Perhaps Reita wasn't going to make him try to explain himself? Make him promise he wasn't going to do it again? Or, worst of all, blame himself?
...Yeah, none of that really seemed like Reita's style.
Thank God, because Mao needed a break from it.
He opened the cup and took a small bite, always thrilled for anything but hospital food. Reita was right- it sucked, not that he didn't have people bringing him other stuff regularly. "So, how are you?"
"I'm fine," came the nonchalant response as the older male took a seat at the foot of the bed. "I guess I was a little taken aback by the news I woke up to, and the nurse downstairs is full of shit, but..yeah, I'm good." Mao didn't really need to know that a rather decently sized chunk of that vague contentment came from seeing that he was alright - or seemed it, at least.
He'd scream at Ruki later, though. Wouldn't be able to help it, because there was very little excuse for leaving a little note about something like this, something that actually mattered.
"Don't you get bored in here?" he asked suddenly, far more interested in aimless conversation than a long and awkward chat about anything related to health, mental or otherwise. "I haven't been in a hospital in years and it was torture when I was."
"Uh... I do." And he tried so hard not to, because boredom led to thinking and that was something he was trying desperately to avoid. "But Olivia brought me some books. And people visit." Much more often than he'd expected- though he wasn't sure why, since he did have a good amount of people in his life, somewhat inexplicably.
Though it was sort of a recent thing.
But he didn't want to talk about himself anymore. He was tired of himself, which was why he was there in the first place- didn't people get that? "Why were you in the hospital? If I can ask."
Luckily for Mao, Reita was always only too happy to recall memories of his own unfortunate mishaps and incredibly stupid choices in life. He'd probably be embarassed beyond belief by this stuff if he ever did really grow up and settle down a little..though that would probably never happen.
"I was pretty young, but let's just say I got into a little disagreement with someone, and they happened to have a pretty big knife." He looked up in thought as he recalled that day. Wow. He didn't miss being seventeen and stupid at all. "But I guess I thought I was all that, so I ended up with that knife in my side - You can see the scar if you like!" Genuine excitement, then, because at least he had something sort of cool to show for such utter idiocy.
Big knife? See it? Mao choked on his ice cream, silent for a second before wondering why the fuck he was surprised. It was Reita, after all. Nothing about Reita should be surprising anymore... and it usually wasn't, except that he'd never known anyone to be happy about getting stabbed.
Reita was weird, that was certain- but Mao was glad to have him around. Particularly at that moment, when he needed just that kind of distraction desperately.
"Um, yeah. Sure." A small smile. "You've seen the tattoo on my ass, so it's only fair."
Reita grinned, hitching his shirt up at the side to show what had undoubtedly once been an impressive battle scar, but over time...well, it wasn't really that amazing anymore. "Well..I remember it being a little more nasty looking than that. I spent two weeks in hospital with it, anyway. I thought it was cool for about five minutes, before I realised I prefer not piss in little cups while some old woman watches over me 24/7 because she's convinced I can't walk three steps without help."
Perhaps that mental image would lighten Mao's day up slightly. As for the tattoo...well,he wouldn't dare comment on it because he still liked to pretend he hadn't been at least partially responsible.
Mao stared at the scar with as much admiration as he could muster. He was finding it difficult to be impressed by anything lately, but even so... scars were cool. "That sucks. Well, it's good that you didn't die."
...Insensitive?
Who cared? It was Reita.
"There's supposed to be a nurse in my room all the time making sure I don't kill myself," he grumbled. "I dunno where she went." In any case... good riddance.
"Yeah. Though if I did die you wouldn't care anyway cause you wouldn't know me." It was sort of hard to imagine having died - since a lot of his life wouldn't even have happened? Wasn't it sort of stupid to be discussing death with someone who has just commited suicide?
Dammit, he wasn't so great at this whole caring thing.
"Was she short with a permanently terrified expression? If she was, she's downstairs crying because she told me I wasn't allowed to bring you a sundae and I told her she was just jealous cause if she ate one it'd go straight to her thighs." He smiled, feeling rather accomplished because she had been a bitch anyway. "Try not to kill yourself though, I kinda like having you around, and not just because you work for me."
Mao paled. Did that mean he'd have to get a new nurse because Reita had made his old one cry? She was kind of a bitch, though. Kept turning the lights off so he couldn't read... and he'd woken up at about 6am to find her snoring in the seat beside him. So maybe it was a good thing.
"Yeah, I think... but they're all short..." He shrugged. "She wasn't very nice, I guess."
Not that he really cared.
"And if I wanted to kill myself again I couldn't do it in here anyway." Unless he somehow got a hold of some medication and overdosed on it, but it wasn't even worth the effort.
"See, you didn't like her anyway. And let's quit talking about this stuff. Talk about something you like, instead." If there was anything he didn't really want, it was for this conversation to deteriorate into a depressing one. He was here to try and make the teenager feel a little better and offer a bit of company for a while.
Not to listen to a long, depressing list of everything that was wrong with Mao's life, because he was already for too aware that there was plenty wrong with it - hadn't he mentioned being concerned to Ruki just a few days ago? Honestly, that was probably the main reason he hadn't been all that shocked to find out what had happened - not that it made the situation any better.
"Something I like?" Mao felt stupid for not being able to think of anything immediately, though the change in subject was welcome. What did he like? Kyo, reading, writing, drawing... none of which would interest Reita. Maybe the first one, but he sure as hell wasn't talking about that with his boss.
"...Um... I'm boring."
He frowned.
"Tell me about you. You're interesting." Much more so than he'd ever be, no doubt.
"You're no more boring than me. You know me by now. Most of the things I like aren't even legal." In fairness, he wouldn't have been all that engrossed by hearing about drawings and good books - but he would certainly have humoured Mao and listened anyway.
"But if you insist..don't you think I seem better today? Like..a better person?" He folded his arms, looking at the other expectantly. He had been in a mostly pleasant mood for days, he hadn't so much as considered illegal substances, and he was way beyond proud of himself because his efforts were finally getting him somewhere.
Then again, he hadn't been very nice to that nurse, but he never would be nice and that wasn't quite what he meant by 'better'. He meant that little bit more functional, really. Able to sit and talk and not get pissed off at the mere mention of anything he disagreed with.
Mao was mildly confused, partially because most people had stop expecting him to notice anything. Sure, Reita was being really nice, but... wasn't he always when Mao did something drastic like get himself raped or attempt suicide?
He did seem a lot less... on edge, that was for certain.
"Um... I think so. I never thought you were a bad person, though." He shrugged. "But you seem less... I dunno." He bit his lip. "Edgy?" It was hard to describe Reita's typical state. Always slightly pissed off about something even though he didn't much care about anything.
"Exactly." The older man beamed, tilting his head slightly. "I like it. This is me without drugs. I figure I should save being a grumpy old man for when I really am an old man. And I won't get to be one if I don't quit." He looked thoughtful for a moment, but then shrugged as if none of it mattered. "Get used to it, because I think I'll make it this time."
Or so he liked to think. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't, but he definitely hadn't made it this far before.
"Oh, and...just let me know when you can come back to work, okay?" A weak smile, because it'd be a lie to say it wasn't incredibly inconvenient not to have Mao there but some incompetent fuck could do it for a while.
Mao smiled, genuinely proud of Reita, though he wouldn't say so out of fear of sounding like the taller blonde's dad. And that... was just wrong. But he did like drugless Reita. Or... the real Reita, as was probably more accurate.
And it was downright impressive that he'd just been able to fix a problem like that without killing someone in the process. That Mao knew of, anyway.
"I'm happy for you..." And work? He wasn't going to get fired due to mental instability? Cool. "O-oh, I so thought you'd fire me for disappearing all the time." What a relief. If Mao got fired, then he'd have to get a different job, and he didn't want to work anywhere else. "I'll try to be back sooner than last time." Hopefully.
"Oh come on, Mao. Why would I fire you over things that aren't your fault?" He shrugged. "I know it's not much of a job but I'd never fire you unless you were stealing shit from me. Anything else..whatever." A hand was waved dismissively. "Come back when you feel up to it, I'm not setting you a deadline or something."
Really, he wasn't going to give Mao more things to worry about, the poor kid had enough trouble in his life, especially considering what he had tried to do to himself. Besides, it was the older man's time off too and this was as much thought as he'd willingly put to any type of work for a while.
"But let me know when you get out of here anyway. You don't have to work straight away, I'd just like to know, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Of course." Mao sighed in relief, thrilled that Reita was so understanding. Even if he was an odd boss at times, what job wouldn't fire someone after they took multipled breaks for undetermined lengths of time? Even if it wasn't his fault.
...Well, this was, a hundred percent, but now wasn't the time to argue that fact.
"I just... have a couple things to take care of once I get out of here. And then I'll be back." As soon as possible, because a month last time had been way too long, even if Reita didn't think so.
"It's fine. Don't worry yourself over it." The taller blonde offered the other no more words, but he shot him a genuine smile, honest and obviously still rather relieved, especially now that he had seen Mao was able to hold a perfectly normal conversation despite the whole incident.
There was silence for a few moments, before Reita sighed heavily. "I guess I should probably get going. I'll drop more decent food off for you later but I have a few things to do today and they won't get done if I sit here on my ass chatting."
"Yeah, okay..."
Mao was a little disappointed that Reita was leaving. He didn't feel like reading anymore... or sleeping... or talking to the damn doctor, not that the doctor was avaliable to talk to even if he wanted to.
"Do that. I'll, uh... I'm not going anywhere."
Not for a while.
Unfortunately.
"Hey...you'll be out of here soon enough." Reita wasn't sure he really believed that but the whole idea was to be encouraging so he'd just go with it - Mao didn't seem traumatised, so hopefully he wouldn't be stuck in this boring little room for too long.
"I'll bring you something awesome for dinner, I promise."
A small smile and he stood, ruffling the other's hair in a manner that was undoubtedly rather patronising, and waving as he turned to leave.
{Hospital}
{Rated PG}
It had taken Reita somewhere around twenty minutes to make it from the comforts of bed to the door of Mao's hospital room. The quickest part of the journey had been the few seconds he used to stare in livid disbelief at the post-it note Ruki had left for him, rather than waking him up to tell him what had happened; the longest stretch had been the argument he had just had with the nurse downstairs.
But he had finally made it, and he had brought with him the only method of comfort he'd ever found effective with the teenager: Ice cream. He wasn't one for talking about these things, or trying to understand them. As long as Mao knew he was among the people who cared, the blonde would be perfectly content. Why try to be something he wasn't, after all? He was worried - but he definitely wasn't a doctor of any sort, so he simply opened the door and stepped inside.
"...Hey."
Mao hadn't really been expecting Reita to visit simply because he didn't seem like the type to hang out in a hospital. Not that anyone was, really, but especially not Reita. Still, he was glad to see him, especially since he'd spent the last 8 hours reading and drifting off to sleep every once in a while. Being in the hospital was just making him more depressed... except when people stopped by.
"Hey."
He closed his book and rubbed his eyes, sleepy- but he was always sleepy there. How long did it take to get released after something like this? Hopefully not much longer.
"I, uh...I brought you a really big sundae." Possibly not the first thing someone usually said to a person who had tried to kill themselves, but Reita didn't have a clue what else he was supposed to say. How was Mao's business, why was Mao's business, and he wasn't about to share how relieved he felt to see he was alright just yet.
Besides, the last time Reita had been in a hospital was as a patient, and one of his most hated memories was how bad the food had been. That and not being able to do anything unattended, though it seemed Mao was being allowed at least a little more privacy. "I figure they're probably feeding you bran flakes and unflavoured yogurt or something so maybe this'll be a bit more enjoyable." He wandered over to the bed, holding out the cup of sickly sweetness with a weak smile.
"...Wow, thanks." Mao took the cup and offered his boss a small smile. Perhaps Reita wasn't going to make him try to explain himself? Make him promise he wasn't going to do it again? Or, worst of all, blame himself?
...Yeah, none of that really seemed like Reita's style.
Thank God, because Mao needed a break from it.
He opened the cup and took a small bite, always thrilled for anything but hospital food. Reita was right- it sucked, not that he didn't have people bringing him other stuff regularly. "So, how are you?"
"I'm fine," came the nonchalant response as the older male took a seat at the foot of the bed. "I guess I was a little taken aback by the news I woke up to, and the nurse downstairs is full of shit, but..yeah, I'm good." Mao didn't really need to know that a rather decently sized chunk of that vague contentment came from seeing that he was alright - or seemed it, at least.
He'd scream at Ruki later, though. Wouldn't be able to help it, because there was very little excuse for leaving a little note about something like this, something that actually mattered.
"Don't you get bored in here?" he asked suddenly, far more interested in aimless conversation than a long and awkward chat about anything related to health, mental or otherwise. "I haven't been in a hospital in years and it was torture when I was."
"Uh... I do." And he tried so hard not to, because boredom led to thinking and that was something he was trying desperately to avoid. "But Olivia brought me some books. And people visit." Much more often than he'd expected- though he wasn't sure why, since he did have a good amount of people in his life, somewhat inexplicably.
Though it was sort of a recent thing.
But he didn't want to talk about himself anymore. He was tired of himself, which was why he was there in the first place- didn't people get that? "Why were you in the hospital? If I can ask."
Luckily for Mao, Reita was always only too happy to recall memories of his own unfortunate mishaps and incredibly stupid choices in life. He'd probably be embarassed beyond belief by this stuff if he ever did really grow up and settle down a little..though that would probably never happen.
"I was pretty young, but let's just say I got into a little disagreement with someone, and they happened to have a pretty big knife." He looked up in thought as he recalled that day. Wow. He didn't miss being seventeen and stupid at all. "But I guess I thought I was all that, so I ended up with that knife in my side - You can see the scar if you like!" Genuine excitement, then, because at least he had something sort of cool to show for such utter idiocy.
Big knife? See it? Mao choked on his ice cream, silent for a second before wondering why the fuck he was surprised. It was Reita, after all. Nothing about Reita should be surprising anymore... and it usually wasn't, except that he'd never known anyone to be happy about getting stabbed.
Reita was weird, that was certain- but Mao was glad to have him around. Particularly at that moment, when he needed just that kind of distraction desperately.
"Um, yeah. Sure." A small smile. "You've seen the tattoo on my ass, so it's only fair."
Reita grinned, hitching his shirt up at the side to show what had undoubtedly once been an impressive battle scar, but over time...well, it wasn't really that amazing anymore. "Well..I remember it being a little more nasty looking than that. I spent two weeks in hospital with it, anyway. I thought it was cool for about five minutes, before I realised I prefer not piss in little cups while some old woman watches over me 24/7 because she's convinced I can't walk three steps without help."
Perhaps that mental image would lighten Mao's day up slightly. As for the tattoo...well,he wouldn't dare comment on it because he still liked to pretend he hadn't been at least partially responsible.
Mao stared at the scar with as much admiration as he could muster. He was finding it difficult to be impressed by anything lately, but even so... scars were cool. "That sucks. Well, it's good that you didn't die."
...Insensitive?
Who cared? It was Reita.
"There's supposed to be a nurse in my room all the time making sure I don't kill myself," he grumbled. "I dunno where she went." In any case... good riddance.
"Yeah. Though if I did die you wouldn't care anyway cause you wouldn't know me." It was sort of hard to imagine having died - since a lot of his life wouldn't even have happened? Wasn't it sort of stupid to be discussing death with someone who has just commited suicide?
Dammit, he wasn't so great at this whole caring thing.
"Was she short with a permanently terrified expression? If she was, she's downstairs crying because she told me I wasn't allowed to bring you a sundae and I told her she was just jealous cause if she ate one it'd go straight to her thighs." He smiled, feeling rather accomplished because she had been a bitch anyway. "Try not to kill yourself though, I kinda like having you around, and not just because you work for me."
Mao paled. Did that mean he'd have to get a new nurse because Reita had made his old one cry? She was kind of a bitch, though. Kept turning the lights off so he couldn't read... and he'd woken up at about 6am to find her snoring in the seat beside him. So maybe it was a good thing.
"Yeah, I think... but they're all short..." He shrugged. "She wasn't very nice, I guess."
Not that he really cared.
"And if I wanted to kill myself again I couldn't do it in here anyway." Unless he somehow got a hold of some medication and overdosed on it, but it wasn't even worth the effort.
"See, you didn't like her anyway. And let's quit talking about this stuff. Talk about something you like, instead." If there was anything he didn't really want, it was for this conversation to deteriorate into a depressing one. He was here to try and make the teenager feel a little better and offer a bit of company for a while.
Not to listen to a long, depressing list of everything that was wrong with Mao's life, because he was already for too aware that there was plenty wrong with it - hadn't he mentioned being concerned to Ruki just a few days ago? Honestly, that was probably the main reason he hadn't been all that shocked to find out what had happened - not that it made the situation any better.
"Something I like?" Mao felt stupid for not being able to think of anything immediately, though the change in subject was welcome. What did he like? Kyo, reading, writing, drawing... none of which would interest Reita. Maybe the first one, but he sure as hell wasn't talking about that with his boss.
"...Um... I'm boring."
He frowned.
"Tell me about you. You're interesting." Much more so than he'd ever be, no doubt.
"You're no more boring than me. You know me by now. Most of the things I like aren't even legal." In fairness, he wouldn't have been all that engrossed by hearing about drawings and good books - but he would certainly have humoured Mao and listened anyway.
"But if you insist..don't you think I seem better today? Like..a better person?" He folded his arms, looking at the other expectantly. He had been in a mostly pleasant mood for days, he hadn't so much as considered illegal substances, and he was way beyond proud of himself because his efforts were finally getting him somewhere.
Then again, he hadn't been very nice to that nurse, but he never would be nice and that wasn't quite what he meant by 'better'. He meant that little bit more functional, really. Able to sit and talk and not get pissed off at the mere mention of anything he disagreed with.
Mao was mildly confused, partially because most people had stop expecting him to notice anything. Sure, Reita was being really nice, but... wasn't he always when Mao did something drastic like get himself raped or attempt suicide?
He did seem a lot less... on edge, that was for certain.
"Um... I think so. I never thought you were a bad person, though." He shrugged. "But you seem less... I dunno." He bit his lip. "Edgy?" It was hard to describe Reita's typical state. Always slightly pissed off about something even though he didn't much care about anything.
"Exactly." The older man beamed, tilting his head slightly. "I like it. This is me without drugs. I figure I should save being a grumpy old man for when I really am an old man. And I won't get to be one if I don't quit." He looked thoughtful for a moment, but then shrugged as if none of it mattered. "Get used to it, because I think I'll make it this time."
Or so he liked to think. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't, but he definitely hadn't made it this far before.
"Oh, and...just let me know when you can come back to work, okay?" A weak smile, because it'd be a lie to say it wasn't incredibly inconvenient not to have Mao there but some incompetent fuck could do it for a while.
Mao smiled, genuinely proud of Reita, though he wouldn't say so out of fear of sounding like the taller blonde's dad. And that... was just wrong. But he did like drugless Reita. Or... the real Reita, as was probably more accurate.
And it was downright impressive that he'd just been able to fix a problem like that without killing someone in the process. That Mao knew of, anyway.
"I'm happy for you..." And work? He wasn't going to get fired due to mental instability? Cool. "O-oh, I so thought you'd fire me for disappearing all the time." What a relief. If Mao got fired, then he'd have to get a different job, and he didn't want to work anywhere else. "I'll try to be back sooner than last time." Hopefully.
"Oh come on, Mao. Why would I fire you over things that aren't your fault?" He shrugged. "I know it's not much of a job but I'd never fire you unless you were stealing shit from me. Anything else..whatever." A hand was waved dismissively. "Come back when you feel up to it, I'm not setting you a deadline or something."
Really, he wasn't going to give Mao more things to worry about, the poor kid had enough trouble in his life, especially considering what he had tried to do to himself. Besides, it was the older man's time off too and this was as much thought as he'd willingly put to any type of work for a while.
"But let me know when you get out of here anyway. You don't have to work straight away, I'd just like to know, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Of course." Mao sighed in relief, thrilled that Reita was so understanding. Even if he was an odd boss at times, what job wouldn't fire someone after they took multipled breaks for undetermined lengths of time? Even if it wasn't his fault.
...Well, this was, a hundred percent, but now wasn't the time to argue that fact.
"I just... have a couple things to take care of once I get out of here. And then I'll be back." As soon as possible, because a month last time had been way too long, even if Reita didn't think so.
"It's fine. Don't worry yourself over it." The taller blonde offered the other no more words, but he shot him a genuine smile, honest and obviously still rather relieved, especially now that he had seen Mao was able to hold a perfectly normal conversation despite the whole incident.
There was silence for a few moments, before Reita sighed heavily. "I guess I should probably get going. I'll drop more decent food off for you later but I have a few things to do today and they won't get done if I sit here on my ass chatting."
"Yeah, okay..."
Mao was a little disappointed that Reita was leaving. He didn't feel like reading anymore... or sleeping... or talking to the damn doctor, not that the doctor was avaliable to talk to even if he wanted to.
"Do that. I'll, uh... I'm not going anywhere."
Not for a while.
Unfortunately.
"Hey...you'll be out of here soon enough." Reita wasn't sure he really believed that but the whole idea was to be encouraging so he'd just go with it - Mao didn't seem traumatised, so hopefully he wouldn't be stuck in this boring little room for too long.
"I'll bring you something awesome for dinner, I promise."
A small smile and he stood, ruffling the other's hair in a manner that was undoubtedly rather patronising, and waving as he turned to leave.