Originalfic_LAS Challenge 9

[majorsamfan]

I did okay in the Stargate voting, but I came through this challenge only by the skin of my teeth. And I actually thought this was the better story of the two. I wonder if it's partly an age thing - as most of my original stories have been about adults, some of them about seniors (as in senior citizens, not seniors in high school or college). The

Comments

[year_anda_day]

My originalfic stories are primarily about / for adults. I'm also an older adult - 40 years old.

I refrain from voting in contests I'm in on principal, but I thought this was a decent story. The only suggestion I would have is that including the entire lyrics to the Elvis song in the beginning made it a bit hard to get into the actual meat of the story. I would suggest going with a single stanza.

Hope this helps.

--L

[majorsamfan]

I weighed back and forth on including the whole song and settled on just the 2 verses and one chorus (no repeats), worrying that younger readers might not know the song. Then again, one verse and chorus probably would have been enough to evoke it - or I could have linked to it on YouTube? Technology! LOL

Thank you for taking time to comment.