The Hahaha in Halloween
Rating: PG-15?
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo/Ueda Tatsuya (...barely)
Summary: Due to an unfortunate incident brought about by letting Ueda top, Ryo comes in to work the next day wearing an eye patch and has a hell of a time dealing with the lameass Halloween jokes that come with it.
Disclaimer: This is fo realz. And toilets can fly.
Notes: Lam3 attempt at crack for ravyn_ashling and grunhilda because they are partly to blame for this. (Don't blame any of us for the title though. IT'S GOOGLE'S FAULT! DX)
grunhilda: ahaha, um. idk what could interest you. :P
ionnesaysrawr: porn? :\
grunhilda: "not there," ueda grunted
grunhilda: lol, shortest porn ever. :Dv
ionnesaysrawr: but it works
grunhilda: "where then?" ryo was bewildered. a person only has so many orifices.
ionnesaysrawr: is (inappropriately) reminded of the "Stick a Banana in Your Ear" song from the Charlie the Unicorn series
ionnesaysrawr: wonders how ueda would react if ryo did stick his banana in ueda's ear
ravyn_ashling: *offers* bellybutton? 8D
grunhilda: bellybutton would be inconvenient. XD
ravyn_ashling: hn. true. =)) i didn't just think of nostrils
ionnesaysrawr: how about his eye?
ravyn_ashling: ionne. no. o_o
grunhilda: jhjhsfgd peen in your eye!
The Hahaha in Halloween
~ 974 words
There are no words when they stumble out of the cab and into the 3AM sidewalks of Tokyo at its liveliest peak. Just the tripping on steps and Ueda's back against the door as Ryo fumbles for the keys in the tightness of Ueda’s jeans that he could’ve sworn weren’t that tight when he put them on that morning.
“Front pocket,” Ueda mumbles when he feels Ryo’s hand on his ass.
“I know.” Ryo smirks against Ueda’s neck and he hears a scoff and a soft click when the door unlocks.
“Nice try, but I’m topping tonight.” Ueda laces his fingers on the belt loops of Ryo’s pants, pulls him close and guides him to the nearest piece of furniture his subconscious could grapple.
“But I’m more sober. I get to take advantage!” Ryo dares argue when Ueda pushes him roughly against the couch. Ueda, who is playing with the ends of his hair and licking his lips and crawling on top of him with half his shirt already falling off his shoulders.
“It’s either I top or you get nothing.”
“Well, you’d get nothing either.”
“There’s always Jin. Jin likes me.”
“Jin has Kame.”
“That’s even better.” Ueda smirks victoriously and blows hot little air circles into Ryo’s ear. Ryo considers bringing up how much of a whore Ueda truly is as a cheapass shot in his defense, except that there’s an invisible lump in his throat that’s keeping him from doing so and it’s only an “Oh, fuck you” that he manages to squeak out in the end.
Ueda grins and yanks Ryo’s pants down with anything but grace. “Won’t have to worry about that tonight.”
*
“Not there,” Ryo grunts, bewildered, when he feels the tip of Ueda’s cock in his bellybutton. Half of him wonders if Ueda had been unconscious throughout all the times they’ve done it. The other half wishes he’s just really, really drunk because someone so gifted down there shouldn’t be so insanely clueless.
“Where then?” Ueda almost whines in frustration, sliding further up Ryo’s torso because maybe he’s not in the mood to top anymore and wants a blowjob from Ryo instead, or-
“OW, FUCK!”
*
The next day, Ryo comes in to work wearing an eye patch.
“Wow, Halloween came early.”
“I am going to kill you.” Ryo scowls when he comes face to face with Ueda, alone, in the elevator first thing in the morning. He steps right inside with him anyway because, for one, he’d really rather just stay away from as many crowded corridors as possible.
*
“Nishikido-kun, Halloween isn’t until a couple more days.”
“Ryo-chan, what- Who- Why- How?”
“Ryotan, it looks good on you!”
Ryo hurls his bag to the couch (curses inwardly when it misses Yamapi’s head by a hair strand) and ruffles Tegoshi’s hair. “Why can’t the rest of you be just as loving?”
“Why can’t you turn up to work not looking like a pirate?”
“Is it really so wrong to want to fit in with KAT-TUN?” is the first thing Ryo blurts out and he wonders a second later if it's virtually possible for him to be any more stupid. A tiny voice in his head says it’s highly unlikely.
*
“Nishikido-kun.”
“What?”
“You put the ha ha ha in Halloween.”
And suddenly, Ryo wants to kill himself and drag Taguchi down to hell with him.
*
“There was a costume party and you didn’t even tell me?” Jin whines, clutching his chest and collapsing dramatically to his knees.
“Get up, genius. There is no party.” Ryo replies a little too sternly as he contemplates how Jin could associate eye patches with parties when everybody else around them had been wearing normal, non-costumey clothes. But then again, it’s Jin. Ryo had given up finding answers a long, long time ago.
“What’re you doing here, anyway?” Koki pokes his head in cautiously by the door when he glimpses a lump that looks a lot like Jin on the floor. Koki’s the only person so far who hasn’t greeted Ryo with some lame Halloween joke upon seeing the eye patch and he makes a mental note to forgive him for having such horrible hair, and god forbid, that mustache.
“Ryo-chan’s here to fit in!” Yamapi chirps excitedly from where he’s standing a good five meters away from Ryo.
“Good,” Ueda says with his evil voice (which he only ever uses with Jin or Junno, but really just mostly Jin). “You could start by wearing that.”
*
Ryo turns up at KAT-TUN’s dance practice wearing the entirety of their opening costume from their Queen of Pirates tour. All 4938494 layers of them. With the hat and the pipe and god knows what random dead animal with fur.
“Am I really the only person who finds the eye patch not normal?” Nakamaru has to ask because, really, an eye patch to work?
“Nishikido poked himself in the eye with a pen because he is just that stupid.” Ueda answers for Ryo, hand on hip and all as he examines the hilarity that is Ryo’s present situation.
“Lies!” Ryo cries out accusingly which he regrets only a second later when Ueda cocks a knowing eyebrow. A very knowing eyebrow that should never, ever be angered. “Except, um, not. Really, I poked myself in the eye with a pen because I am just that stupid.”
Kame crosses his arms, tilts his head a little to the side and chews on his lip. “It’s kind of sexy, actually.”
Jin is horrified.
Ryo says “Shut up, Kamenashi. We will never happen.”
*
“It does look kind of sexy,” Ueda drawls lazily when he slides next to Ryo in bed that night. “I’m not sorry for having partly blinded you.”
Ryo doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry but for some reason he ends up having the best sex he’s ever had.
Ueda doesn’t top, though. Ryo can’t afford to lose another eye.
*
The next day, Jin comes in to work wearing an eye patch.
But that’s another story.
End.
Liked it? Here, have some visuals! :D
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo/Ueda Tatsuya (...barely)
Summary: Due to an unfortunate incident brought about by letting Ueda top, Ryo comes in to work the next day wearing an eye patch and has a hell of a time dealing with the lameass Halloween jokes that come with it.
Disclaimer: This is fo realz. And toilets can fly.
Notes: Lam3 attempt at crack for ravyn_ashling and grunhilda because they are partly to blame for this. (Don't blame any of us for the title though. IT'S GOOGLE'S FAULT! DX)
grunhilda: ahaha, um. idk what could interest you. :P
ionnesaysrawr: porn? :\
grunhilda: "not there," ueda grunted
grunhilda: lol, shortest porn ever. :Dv
ionnesaysrawr: but it works
grunhilda: "where then?" ryo was bewildered. a person only has so many orifices.
ionnesaysrawr: is (inappropriately) reminded of the "Stick a Banana in Your Ear" song from the Charlie the Unicorn series
ionnesaysrawr: wonders how ueda would react if ryo did stick his banana in ueda's ear
ravyn_ashling: *offers* bellybutton? 8D
grunhilda: bellybutton would be inconvenient. XD
ravyn_ashling: hn. true. =)) i didn't just think of nostrils
ionnesaysrawr: how about his eye?
ravyn_ashling: ionne. no. o_o
grunhilda: jhjhsfgd peen in your eye!
The Hahaha in Halloween
~ 974 words
There are no words when they stumble out of the cab and into the 3AM sidewalks of Tokyo at its liveliest peak. Just the tripping on steps and Ueda's back against the door as Ryo fumbles for the keys in the tightness of Ueda’s jeans that he could’ve sworn weren’t that tight when he put them on that morning.
“Front pocket,” Ueda mumbles when he feels Ryo’s hand on his ass.
“I know.” Ryo smirks against Ueda’s neck and he hears a scoff and a soft click when the door unlocks.
“Nice try, but I’m topping tonight.” Ueda laces his fingers on the belt loops of Ryo’s pants, pulls him close and guides him to the nearest piece of furniture his subconscious could grapple.
“But I’m more sober. I get to take advantage!” Ryo dares argue when Ueda pushes him roughly against the couch. Ueda, who is playing with the ends of his hair and licking his lips and crawling on top of him with half his shirt already falling off his shoulders.
“It’s either I top or you get nothing.”
“Well, you’d get nothing either.”
“There’s always Jin. Jin likes me.”
“Jin has Kame.”
“That’s even better.” Ueda smirks victoriously and blows hot little air circles into Ryo’s ear. Ryo considers bringing up how much of a whore Ueda truly is as a cheapass shot in his defense, except that there’s an invisible lump in his throat that’s keeping him from doing so and it’s only an “Oh, fuck you” that he manages to squeak out in the end.
Ueda grins and yanks Ryo’s pants down with anything but grace. “Won’t have to worry about that tonight.”
*
“Not there,” Ryo grunts, bewildered, when he feels the tip of Ueda’s cock in his bellybutton. Half of him wonders if Ueda had been unconscious throughout all the times they’ve done it. The other half wishes he’s just really, really drunk because someone so gifted down there shouldn’t be so insanely clueless.
“Where then?” Ueda almost whines in frustration, sliding further up Ryo’s torso because maybe he’s not in the mood to top anymore and wants a blowjob from Ryo instead, or-
“OW, FUCK!”
*
The next day, Ryo comes in to work wearing an eye patch.
“Wow, Halloween came early.”
“I am going to kill you.” Ryo scowls when he comes face to face with Ueda, alone, in the elevator first thing in the morning. He steps right inside with him anyway because, for one, he’d really rather just stay away from as many crowded corridors as possible.
*
“Nishikido-kun, Halloween isn’t until a couple more days.”
“Ryo-chan, what- Who- Why- How?”
“Ryotan, it looks good on you!”
Ryo hurls his bag to the couch (curses inwardly when it misses Yamapi’s head by a hair strand) and ruffles Tegoshi’s hair. “Why can’t the rest of you be just as loving?”
“Why can’t you turn up to work not looking like a pirate?”
“Is it really so wrong to want to fit in with KAT-TUN?” is the first thing Ryo blurts out and he wonders a second later if it's virtually possible for him to be any more stupid. A tiny voice in his head says it’s highly unlikely.
*
“Nishikido-kun.”
“What?”
“You put the ha ha ha in Halloween.”
And suddenly, Ryo wants to kill himself and drag Taguchi down to hell with him.
*
“There was a costume party and you didn’t even tell me?” Jin whines, clutching his chest and collapsing dramatically to his knees.
“Get up, genius. There is no party.” Ryo replies a little too sternly as he contemplates how Jin could associate eye patches with parties when everybody else around them had been wearing normal, non-costumey clothes. But then again, it’s Jin. Ryo had given up finding answers a long, long time ago.
“What’re you doing here, anyway?” Koki pokes his head in cautiously by the door when he glimpses a lump that looks a lot like Jin on the floor. Koki’s the only person so far who hasn’t greeted Ryo with some lame Halloween joke upon seeing the eye patch and he makes a mental note to forgive him for having such horrible hair, and god forbid, that mustache.
“Ryo-chan’s here to fit in!” Yamapi chirps excitedly from where he’s standing a good five meters away from Ryo.
“Good,” Ueda says with his evil voice (which he only ever uses with Jin or Junno, but really just mostly Jin). “You could start by wearing that.”
*
Ryo turns up at KAT-TUN’s dance practice wearing the entirety of their opening costume from their Queen of Pirates tour. All 4938494 layers of them. With the hat and the pipe and god knows what random dead animal with fur.
“Am I really the only person who finds the eye patch not normal?” Nakamaru has to ask because, really, an eye patch to work?
“Nishikido poked himself in the eye with a pen because he is just that stupid.” Ueda answers for Ryo, hand on hip and all as he examines the hilarity that is Ryo’s present situation.
“Lies!” Ryo cries out accusingly which he regrets only a second later when Ueda cocks a knowing eyebrow. A very knowing eyebrow that should never, ever be angered. “Except, um, not. Really, I poked myself in the eye with a pen because I am just that stupid.”
Kame crosses his arms, tilts his head a little to the side and chews on his lip. “It’s kind of sexy, actually.”
Jin is horrified.
Ryo says “Shut up, Kamenashi. We will never happen.”
*
“It does look kind of sexy,” Ueda drawls lazily when he slides next to Ryo in bed that night. “I’m not sorry for having partly blinded you.”
Ryo doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry but for some reason he ends up having the best sex he’s ever had.
Ueda doesn’t top, though. Ryo can’t afford to lose another eye.
*
The next day, Jin comes in to work wearing an eye patch.
But that’s another story.
End.
Liked it? Here, have some visuals! :D