there should be stars (28/30)
Title: there should be stars (28/30)
Characters/Pairings: Castle/Beckett
Summary: Four years can make a world of difference. AU.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Up to Season Four finale.
He’s up before she is on the day of the funeral; she’s been sleeping in late, her own exhaustion and grief making her body heavier than usual, making up for the bad dreams all night. Her hand swipes out and feels the cool sheets on his side of the bed though her face stays buried in her pillow. She doesn’t want to get up. Maybe if she stays in bed, hidden under the covers and surrounded by the comforting scent of Castle, everything will turn out to be a really bad dream. She’ll go into work and Montgomery will be sitting at his desk and her mother’s case will still be quiet.
Her phone is ringing somewhere, muffled. And then it’s not. She can hear Castle talking to whoever is on the other end of the line.
She rolls over, pushing her hair off of her face even as it sticks from her sleeping on it. Her body is tight and sore when she stretches. She’s about to get out of bed, go face reality, when he breaks the light coming in from the study.
“Morning,” he rasps, sitting on the edge of the bed so that his fingers can trail over her knee, hidden by the sheets. He holds up her phone, his smile sad. “Esposito. He said to meet at the Twelfth before going to the cemetery.”
“Okay,” she sighs, leaning forward so that her forehead hits his chest.
His mouth brushes her hairline, not quite a kiss. “You slept well last night. First time since…”
“This is a nightmare,” she groans, pushing the fresh wave of tears back. She needs to hold it together. Get through the day. “You make breakfast?”
“Thought we might just stop at that coffee shop on the way to the precinct. I know you like their bear claws.”
“Good idea.” She swings her legs off the bed, ducking down to press a soft kiss to his mouth. “Thank you.”
They shower together, their touches limited to nothing more than brushes along wet skin as they pass shampoo and soap back and forth. He hands her one of the deep rusty orange towels as she wrings her hair out over the drain. She passes him, the towel wrapped around her torso to pick out underwear from her drawer. It’s a little thing but she pulls on the coral underwear. Something bright in a day that’s sure to be dark.
Her uniform is heavy and scratches at her skin as she buttons the stiff top. Her palms smooth over the enamel on the row of commendations, the cool metal of her badge and nameplate. She has to dig into the pocket of the dress pants for the Velcro ribbon of black to attach over the middle of her badge. Her fingers shake but she presses them to her thighs before sitting on the edge of the mattress to tie up the black shoes, kept to a mirror shine.
Castle is dressed in black, pulling a comb through his hair. “I wish you were wearing that for a different reason,” he mutters, handing over the comb and the ring of hair elastics for her to tie her hair up in a bun.
“You still find this sexy?” she asks, brow raised as she fights to pin down all of the flyaway hairs. “Thought you’d grow out of that once I was out of uniform.”
“Oh, never,” he replies, tugging her forward with just his fingertips on her back. Her hips bump into his and her hand flies out to catch herself on his arm. “But I do love you out of uniform too,” he adds with a waggle of his brow.
Beckett reaches around him and sets the comb on the bathroom counter. “You’re ridiculous.” She wants to stay there, his arm looped around her waist, her head tucked under his chin. But after a minute, she eases back, her fingers running over the creases in his shirt. “Come on. I need coffee if I’m going to get through…”
She drives, knows the way to their favorite coffee shop that’s just a few blocks from the precinct. It should worry her, that she hasn’t been able to really talk about what happened in the hangar or that they’re going to be burying their captain today or that her mother’s case is raging loudly in the back of her head, ready to suck her back under. If the man at her side wasn’t there, it just might do that. But he’s here, taking the cash out from the fold in his wallet to pay for breakfast as she gets napkins from the little counter to the side.
He hasn’t let her drown yet. She’d bet her life that he wouldn’t ever let her go.
The precinct is quiet. Glances are thrown at Montgomery’s empty office, the lights off and door locked. The four of them are gathered in the conference room.
She commands the room, sitting straight up in her chair with her hand loosely curled around the coffee cup. “Do we know who is taking his place?”
Esposito shakes his head as Ryan shrugs. “Haven’t heard anything from One PP,” says the latter. “I think they’re waiting until after the funeral to pick a replacement.”
“Okay,” she murmurs, looking down at the scarred tabletop. “About his connection to my mother’s case. It doesn’t leave this room. No one outside of this family needs to know about it. As far as the world is concerned, Roy Montgomery died a hero.”
Castle’s hand slides over Beckett’s knee, squeezing it tightly. They all nod in agreement.
“Good. They haven’t connected the two yet, have they?”
“Not yet.” Esposito waves to one of the uniforms outside, holding up a finger. “And we’ll keep it quiet, Beckett. They won’t be able to tie him to the case. No one else outside this room knows how he was involved.”
She smiles, a tiny, sad thing as her fingers run over the back of Castle’s hand. “Thank you. All of you.”
They crowd into her Crown Victoria for the ride to the cemetery. It’s in Queens, near Montgomery’s childhood home. The noises of the city fade until only the mournful rhythm of the drums remain. She can’t look at Evelyn and the children, his daughters crying into their mother’s shoulders while his son tries to stay brave.
The sun is bright in her eyes when she steps behind the podium, flipping open the binder of speeches that had been prepared for the service. Her breath shudders out when she sees his name, the first things on the page. It had taken her hours to write the eulogy, stopping every few sentences to pace the loft or sit with Castle or nap.
She turns, finds Castle at her side. It’s enough to settle her.
“Captain Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop,” she starts. Esposito is folding up the flag, handing it to Evelyn’s trembling hands. She looks away, back to the page. “He taught me that we are bound by our choices but that we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery believed that, for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And that in the end, the best that we can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you’re very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you. Our captain would want us to carry on the fight. Even if there is no victory, he would want us to stand together. He was a believer that a good -”
“Kate, get down!” Castle shouts. She doesn’t have a chance to look over at him before something hits her.
She stumbles backwards until Castle tackles her.
Something burns, a fire running along her nerves even as he presses her into the soft, green grass. She feels his hand course over her body, watches as his eyes widen over her.
“Kate,” he whispers, a hand cupping her cheek. A thumb smeared with blood wipes away an escaped tear. “Stay with me, okay?”
It’s chaos behind him, around them. She can hear the sounds of screams, cops yelling orders, her father yelling to let him through.
But she focuses on him, her hand shaking as she tries to grab the tail of his jacket. Darkness, maybe the same darkness that has always tried to pull her under, nips at her heels. Maybe if she can just keep her eyes on his face, watch as he pleads for her to stay awake for just a little longer, that the ambulance is on its way, then she’ll be okay. But she can’t feel her fingers and her eyes are so very heavy.
“Cas…”
“No. No goodbyes,” he insists. “Okay? You’re going to be fine.”
Except she’s not.
She closes her eyes and his voice fades out into the darkness.
Characters/Pairings: Castle/Beckett
Summary: Four years can make a world of difference. AU.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Up to Season Four finale.
He’s up before she is on the day of the funeral; she’s been sleeping in late, her own exhaustion and grief making her body heavier than usual, making up for the bad dreams all night. Her hand swipes out and feels the cool sheets on his side of the bed though her face stays buried in her pillow. She doesn’t want to get up. Maybe if she stays in bed, hidden under the covers and surrounded by the comforting scent of Castle, everything will turn out to be a really bad dream. She’ll go into work and Montgomery will be sitting at his desk and her mother’s case will still be quiet.
Her phone is ringing somewhere, muffled. And then it’s not. She can hear Castle talking to whoever is on the other end of the line.
She rolls over, pushing her hair off of her face even as it sticks from her sleeping on it. Her body is tight and sore when she stretches. She’s about to get out of bed, go face reality, when he breaks the light coming in from the study.
“Morning,” he rasps, sitting on the edge of the bed so that his fingers can trail over her knee, hidden by the sheets. He holds up her phone, his smile sad. “Esposito. He said to meet at the Twelfth before going to the cemetery.”
“Okay,” she sighs, leaning forward so that her forehead hits his chest.
His mouth brushes her hairline, not quite a kiss. “You slept well last night. First time since…”
“This is a nightmare,” she groans, pushing the fresh wave of tears back. She needs to hold it together. Get through the day. “You make breakfast?”
“Thought we might just stop at that coffee shop on the way to the precinct. I know you like their bear claws.”
“Good idea.” She swings her legs off the bed, ducking down to press a soft kiss to his mouth. “Thank you.”
They shower together, their touches limited to nothing more than brushes along wet skin as they pass shampoo and soap back and forth. He hands her one of the deep rusty orange towels as she wrings her hair out over the drain. She passes him, the towel wrapped around her torso to pick out underwear from her drawer. It’s a little thing but she pulls on the coral underwear. Something bright in a day that’s sure to be dark.
Her uniform is heavy and scratches at her skin as she buttons the stiff top. Her palms smooth over the enamel on the row of commendations, the cool metal of her badge and nameplate. She has to dig into the pocket of the dress pants for the Velcro ribbon of black to attach over the middle of her badge. Her fingers shake but she presses them to her thighs before sitting on the edge of the mattress to tie up the black shoes, kept to a mirror shine.
Castle is dressed in black, pulling a comb through his hair. “I wish you were wearing that for a different reason,” he mutters, handing over the comb and the ring of hair elastics for her to tie her hair up in a bun.
“You still find this sexy?” she asks, brow raised as she fights to pin down all of the flyaway hairs. “Thought you’d grow out of that once I was out of uniform.”
“Oh, never,” he replies, tugging her forward with just his fingertips on her back. Her hips bump into his and her hand flies out to catch herself on his arm. “But I do love you out of uniform too,” he adds with a waggle of his brow.
Beckett reaches around him and sets the comb on the bathroom counter. “You’re ridiculous.” She wants to stay there, his arm looped around her waist, her head tucked under his chin. But after a minute, she eases back, her fingers running over the creases in his shirt. “Come on. I need coffee if I’m going to get through…”
She drives, knows the way to their favorite coffee shop that’s just a few blocks from the precinct. It should worry her, that she hasn’t been able to really talk about what happened in the hangar or that they’re going to be burying their captain today or that her mother’s case is raging loudly in the back of her head, ready to suck her back under. If the man at her side wasn’t there, it just might do that. But he’s here, taking the cash out from the fold in his wallet to pay for breakfast as she gets napkins from the little counter to the side.
He hasn’t let her drown yet. She’d bet her life that he wouldn’t ever let her go.
The precinct is quiet. Glances are thrown at Montgomery’s empty office, the lights off and door locked. The four of them are gathered in the conference room.
She commands the room, sitting straight up in her chair with her hand loosely curled around the coffee cup. “Do we know who is taking his place?”
Esposito shakes his head as Ryan shrugs. “Haven’t heard anything from One PP,” says the latter. “I think they’re waiting until after the funeral to pick a replacement.”
“Okay,” she murmurs, looking down at the scarred tabletop. “About his connection to my mother’s case. It doesn’t leave this room. No one outside of this family needs to know about it. As far as the world is concerned, Roy Montgomery died a hero.”
Castle’s hand slides over Beckett’s knee, squeezing it tightly. They all nod in agreement.
“Good. They haven’t connected the two yet, have they?”
“Not yet.” Esposito waves to one of the uniforms outside, holding up a finger. “And we’ll keep it quiet, Beckett. They won’t be able to tie him to the case. No one else outside this room knows how he was involved.”
She smiles, a tiny, sad thing as her fingers run over the back of Castle’s hand. “Thank you. All of you.”
They crowd into her Crown Victoria for the ride to the cemetery. It’s in Queens, near Montgomery’s childhood home. The noises of the city fade until only the mournful rhythm of the drums remain. She can’t look at Evelyn and the children, his daughters crying into their mother’s shoulders while his son tries to stay brave.
The sun is bright in her eyes when she steps behind the podium, flipping open the binder of speeches that had been prepared for the service. Her breath shudders out when she sees his name, the first things on the page. It had taken her hours to write the eulogy, stopping every few sentences to pace the loft or sit with Castle or nap.
She turns, finds Castle at her side. It’s enough to settle her.
“Captain Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop,” she starts. Esposito is folding up the flag, handing it to Evelyn’s trembling hands. She looks away, back to the page. “He taught me that we are bound by our choices but that we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery believed that, for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And that in the end, the best that we can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you’re very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you. Our captain would want us to carry on the fight. Even if there is no victory, he would want us to stand together. He was a believer that a good -”
“Kate, get down!” Castle shouts. She doesn’t have a chance to look over at him before something hits her.
She stumbles backwards until Castle tackles her.
Something burns, a fire running along her nerves even as he presses her into the soft, green grass. She feels his hand course over her body, watches as his eyes widen over her.
“Kate,” he whispers, a hand cupping her cheek. A thumb smeared with blood wipes away an escaped tear. “Stay with me, okay?”
It’s chaos behind him, around them. She can hear the sounds of screams, cops yelling orders, her father yelling to let him through.
But she focuses on him, her hand shaking as she tries to grab the tail of his jacket. Darkness, maybe the same darkness that has always tried to pull her under, nips at her heels. Maybe if she can just keep her eyes on his face, watch as he pleads for her to stay awake for just a little longer, that the ambulance is on its way, then she’ll be okay. But she can’t feel her fingers and her eyes are so very heavy.
“Cas…”
“No. No goodbyes,” he insists. “Okay? You’re going to be fine.”
Except she’s not.
She closes her eyes and his voice fades out into the darkness.