Personal Log
"And I was carried on to the reflection that whereas there are many good or at least amiable midshipmen, there are fewer good lieutenants, still fewer good captains, and almost no good admirals. A possible explanation may be this: in addition to professional competence, cheerful resignation, an excellent liver, natural authority and a hundred other virtues, there must also be the far rarer quality of resisting the effects, the dehumanising effects, of the exercise of authority. Authority is a solvent of humanity: look at any husband, any father of a family, and note the absorption of the person by the persona, the individual by the role. Then multiply the family, and the authority, by some hundreds and see the effect upon a sea-captain, to say nothing of an absolute monarch. Surely a man in general is born to be oppressed or solitary, if he is to be fully human; unless it so happens that he is immune to the poison. In the nature of the service this immunity cannot be detected until late: but it certainly exists. How else are we to account for the rare, but fully human and therefore efficient admirals we see..."
With patience, all things resolve. They do not always resolve as one might prefer. Nonetheless I consider my trust well placed. There must be some point of confidence in the midst of change, or there is no way to navigate the storms. Amber always holds at the center: if I lose trust in that, I am lost.
The confidence of others signifies, yet it signifies less. Amber does not care if you believe in her. The nation is not shadow to be malleable by the will and whim of spoiled children. I can no longer say with confidence that it is impossible for her to fall: yet I can say with confidence that if she fails, it will be through no fault of her own, but of those meant to protect her.