(no subject)
I get very irritated when people, who have never lived on their own talk to me about not talking enough risks and playing it safe.
Unfortunately I don't have anyone to cover my ass if things don't work out, so yeah I'm going to play things safe.
If you can't find a job for a month your girlfriend picks up some extra hours and pays for the rent herself.
If I don't work for a month I miss out on roughly $1800. Nobody picks up the slack.
And don't get me wrong, this isn't self pity. I've dug my own grave here. But I certainly don't appreciate being looked down on by people that have not for
one day lived solely on their own two feet with nobody to catch them if they fall.
The really irritating thing is that at the end of the day they're right and the scary thing is that I don't see a way to change it.
I've tried the school route several times and it's never worked out even remotely well. In fact the depression that typically results from one of these failed endeavors usually puts me in an even worse scenario then when I started. Any of you that know me in person have probably noticed the repercussions evident still to this day.
Without an education I'm pretty much at a dead end. My choices, therefor appear to be head back to school and risk going through things I've already been through and don't care to repeat. Or stay exactly where I am. Neither is very appealing. I keep hoping for mystery answer C to appear and make everything fall into place like that missing puzzle piece you finally find hiding just barely poking out from under the couch. This, though is not a realistic alternative to options A and B.
I find myself thinking again and again that maybe this time school could work out. After all, it's been so long since I last tried. Things would have to be different. It makes perfect sense. Time passes, things change and you try again.
Only nothing's really changed.
So, perhaps mystery option C is really just accepting option B. To accept one's station and, rather then go seeking out the mythical perfect life in which one is always happy and satisfied, to seek out the happy moments. Which will hopefully be that much richer from the contrast.
Bah, I'm getting overly philosophical at this point. My ass is starting to talk more then I am.
Goodnight.