The Snake and the Butterfly (20/?)
Fandom: Ghost/Ex-Ghost/TID/MCC/Priest
Rating: R
Notes: A/U, OFC
Warnings: Not terribly long this time I'm afraid :'(
Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Never happened, No money was made and certainly no disrespect meant to anyone mentioned. Love ya all.
You're angry, there is not other way to describe the feeling tha tyou have when you walk out with Lilli...you aren't entirely sure why you're so angry though. The more you think on it the more you start to come to the conclusion that it's because he'd not told you about this sooner and you felt a little angry that he'd just dropped it on you in front of his family. Maybe you were overreacting...you felt so much more hurt by it than you should have been and you aren't sure why. Lilli doesn't say anything to you really but she does give you a small smile and a gentle look before you see Linton's dad walk out and give you a similar smile.
"Go easy on him." He laughs a bit before he looks at Lilli and they both say their goodbyes, they head off in the direction of the house and you look around distractedly. You aren't entirely sure where you are and you sure as hell couldn't find your way on your own so you find a bench and sit down, putting your head in your hands. You should be surprised, maybe even a little annoyed but there was no reason to justify the absolute irritation you felt at the moment and when you looked up and saw him come outside you can't find it in yourself to smile too much and he picks up on it pretty quickly when he sees you sitting there. You can tell that he's cautious when he walks up close to you and when he offers a walk to clear both of your heads you don't turn him down, instead you stand up and let him lead the way. The more you walk the less and less people there are, it's getting late and most of them were at home in bed by now...but there you two were, walking around aimlessly not saying a word to each other. You watch him walk in silence and it hurts to see him look as down as he does...like always his face is pretty stoic but his eyes have never been able to lie to you and it's obvious that he's thinking about something very hard.
"When were you going to tell me...if you were."
"I was going to...I didn't know the right time though and when it got brought up..." You see him shrug a little. "I thought why not then."
"You could have given me some sort of heads up you know."
"I should've...but there isn't anything I can do about it now."
You don't answer him for a while, you keep walking with him in a tense silence that makes your shoulders hurt from how much you're keeping in.
"They are serious about this O...if I take this job...we don't have to worry about anything anymore."
"I know...wouldn't it be a conflict of interest for me to work for you though..."
He shakes his head and you look at him strangely because you know it would be. "No...we work together just fine...they've looked at the projects Ophelia....they know what kind of asset you'd be to them if you did say yes."
"What if I say no?"
'Then I turn down the job and we stay here."
You stop walking and just look at him for a long time, you aren't sure what to say to his nonchalant response. "You'd be dumb to turn it down Linton."
"There will always be jobs..."
"Not that come to you this easily..."
"I know..." He has stopped walking as well and has his hands in his pockets looking back at you with an expression you can't quite read. "I'm not about to loose something that makes me happier though."
"It's a long way to move though...and it's expensive..."
"It is...we'll be fine though."
"My parents?"
"We can always come and visit them O...it's not like I want to take you to California and chain you to a radiator."
It's out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. "Sounds kinky..."
He stares at you for the longest time with a blank face, and it's only when you think that you might apologize that you see the corner of his mouth turn up slightly and not long after that he starts to laugh. You feel yourself start to laugh as well, both of you are laughing much harder than you really should at it but it seems to take the tenseness away which helps you think a bit clearer.
"I do want you to think about it though..."
"I don't think I have to...It's a good opportunity no matter how you look at it..."
He nods.
"So after I graduate...what kind of timeline are we looking at?"
"We'll have a few months between graduation and moving...once we get out there we'll have to do a background check and all of that shit."
"Where are we going to live when we get there...I mean how are we going to live until we get paid or...however it works..."
He sighs a little before he puts his hands through his hair. "I'll have to start putting money back...I have a pretty good cushion to fall back on so getting there isn't an issue."
"I feel bad that I don't have much to contribute to this..." You can't help the frown that takes over your face and you suddenly feel pretty low that he's going to be responsible financially for getting both of you there.
"I'll figure it out babygirl...I told you at the beginning that I'd support you every way I could, that includes this."
"It's not fair to you though...I know you don't make that much and it's not fair to be wasting all of this on getting me to come with you..."
"It's worth it though. Even before all of this between us...I would've done anything for you to keep you...you are literally the only thing that got me out of bed some days O." He smiles at you and you can't help but give him a smile back especially with how horribly cliche his words were.
"I want to help though..."
"You do...in other ways..."
"Perv."
"You wouldn't like me as much if I wasn't though would you."
You want to argue but you can't so you stick your tongue out at him before crossing your arms over your chest. "Are we heading back or...?"
"Yeah...I don't know about you but I think I need a shower after tonight's exertions."
You almost hate that the thought of it makes you turn every so slightly pink but you do and he just gives you a grin before offering his hand, you take it and you both start the walk back to his dad's house much less tense than before.
The vacation goes by so quickly that you don't look forward to leaving...you enjoy his parents immensely as they treat you pretty much like you are part of the family already despite only being the girlfriend. His home town is beautiful, hell the whole country seems beautiful and as the last week starts to reach its halfway point you start to feel a bit depressed about going back. You distract yourself though, you take pictures, you try to learn some Swedish that doesn't sound horrid when you say it and most of all you pester Linton...because that was what babygirl's did to their Daddies. Try as you might he always managed to escape you at some point and you'd let him go for a bit, he'd been awfully secretive the last few days and while you knew it wasn't anything bad it had you curious what he could be up to. You knew damn well it wasn't work and if it was the new job he'd have shared it with you. You know something is going on but you can't put your finger on it and the most annoying part of it was that his dad seemed to be in on it too and he wasn't talking either. You were also distracted in part by the fact that once again you found yourself checking the calender on your phone and seeing that you were a few days late with your period, anymore it didn't phase you because within a few days it would start and you'd get your hopes up for nothing again, scares weren't really scares anymore you supposed. You were hesitant to say that either of you were actually trying, but it was obvious that no care was taken to avoid it and so anymore you made a mental note to yourself to keep an eye on it and go from there. When those few days pass and nothing happens you do feel a little uneasy and even more so when you bring it up with him, he never reacts the way you expect him to though...he's never happy or upset, just simply says that it is what it is and tries to give you reassurance. You even try tests at some point and you get less than convincing results because one comes out positive and one comes out negative, it makes you angry but you aren't entirely sure why.
It isn't until one night a few days before you both are supposed to leave that you realize why you've been so upset over it though. You had been laying in bed with him like you normally did, he has you pulled over him and like usual you didn't protest it, you enjoyed feeling him breath and being able to hear his heart when it was quiet enough. You enjoyed the closeness and when you were left to your own thoughts you always gravitated to what life would be like in the next few years. You'd always had this image in your head about being with a guy that adored you and having a family...in your thoughts, your family history didn't crush those hopes and as you lay there listening to how calm everything was, you find yourself thinking about Sara and her baby. You know that you're jealous...you're also happy for her because she is like a sister to you...but seeing her sometimes makes you feel like you die a little on the inside and it was always quiet times like this right now that it started to eat at you along with what you felt was your inability to even carry a child if you did happen to get lucky. Linton had said that he wouldn't mind a family but any time it was brought up he'd always referred to a few years in the future, you weren't sure you'd be able to a few years from now and the thought depresses you further. You bury your face into his shoulder and calm yourself a bit, you feel pathetic for placing that much importance on having a kid, you know that it would only mess things up if you were...this new job would no doubt fire you or lay you off if they found out...no company would want to hire someone just for them to have to take off a few months into their job. It would put a strain on almost every aspect of your lives and you weren't sure you were even up to the task of being able to raise another human being. You wish that you weren't so affected by this all but you can't help it, you know that part of the reason you want this so badly is because you do love him and you want that life with him...as much as you hate to admit it, you want that ideal life that everyone supposedly strives for. You wanted the house, the kids, the love...the whole damn storybook but it was all unrealistic, even when he said things like he wanted to take care of you...it made you feel uneasy but happy at the same time.
You feel him put his arms up around you and it makes you jump a little, but you relax into it pretty quickly.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up..."
"Mmm...."
You look up at him from where you're laying and you can see in the low amount of light in his room that he's half awake.
"You didn't wake me up...what's wrong?"
"Everything and nothing at once..."
"Is it because of..." You feel his hand slide over your side but it's a gesture towards your stomach.
You want to lie...but you don't. "Partly...I don't know why I feel like this Daddy..."
"Like what princess..." You can tell by his voice that he's starting to wake up more.
You shrug a little. "I don't know why this is so important to me...or why I'm jealous of Sara but feel like I wouldn't be able to do it at the same time. It's just everything at once it feels like." Once you start you feel like you can't stop. "I mean it would ruin any plans we've made so far..."
"What would possibly be ruined if you were?"
"Graduating...moving, the job...you and me..."
"Even if you are now...you'll be pregnant for graduation not incapacitated...as far as the move and the job go, it might just delay it a bit if anything. As far as you and I go...I know i'm not the most emotional on the subject but I'd be happy...scared shitless but happy."
"It's pathetic that this is affecting me so badly though...I mean a goal in life should not be having a kid."
"Says who?"
"A lot of people."
You hear him let out a short laugh but there isn't a lot of humor in it. "Fuck them. If your goal in life is to run a business, do it. If your goal in life is to be the best singer or dancer in the world...do it. If you goal in life is to have kids and be a housewife, then do it. If having a kid is something you want out of life then don't feel shitty about it because someone else says you should."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"What do you think about kids and all of that? I know what you told my mom but..."
"I'd like it...I feel like this job is the universe's way of saying that maybe its time....I don't know O...I've never had scares before with anyone else i've been with for a reason. I never let it be a possibility."
"What about what we do..."
"Well...we'll have to change some rules...make new ones...we don't have to stop or change it we just have to be a bit more cautious of little ears and eyes." He chuckles a little and it makes the corner of your mouth lift up slightly.
You both lay there in silence for what feels like hours but in reality would have only been a few minutes before you feel him shift slightly, you feel him roll onto his side so that you are not on him anymore and when you get comfortable in the new position you look at him and see that his face is a picture of calm. You can tell that he knows there are other things bothering you by the look he gives you but he doesn't say anything at first.
"Nervous about going back?"
"Yes Sir..."
"Don't be...I have a feeling things will be very different when we get back babygirl..." You feel him kiss the top of your head before he speaks again. "Now...you need to sleep princess...you'll need your rest."
You want to question him so badly on what he meant, or what he had planned that you'd need your rest but you suddenly feel a yawn force it's way out of your mouth and when it passes you find yourself having a hard time keeping your eyes open, so you give in to it and let yourself drift in and out of sleep for a bit before finally letting go and slipping off into your dreams completely.
When you wake up the next morning you are a little disappointed to find that you are alone in bed, though when you check your phone you see that he's messaged you what he wanted you to do that morning which felt a little more like normal, and when you put on the clothes he's told you to wear you make sure to send him a picture so that he knows you've done it...not that he doubted you of course. It reminds you of when you first started dating really...that one black skirt that was now a bit shorter on you than it had been three years ago, and one of the assortment of band shirts that you'd collected throughout your life. You always knew why he picked the skirt...there was literally no mystery with it, the thing was so short that it bordered on being indecent to wear in public, especially if it happened to be breezy. The shirts were always a surprise though, there had even been a few times that he'd forgone shirts that you owned and instead wanted you to wear his...which you were more than fine with. When you finally get yourself put together enough to head downstairs you do so carefully, you don't know who else is home or if they're even awake at the moment so you try your hardest to not make a lot of noise. When you get downstairs though the only life aside from yourself you see is Lilli and a younger boy in the kitchen eating and it makes you raise your brow for a few seconds because you'd not seen the little boy before. You stand sort of awkwardly in the doorway before Lilli notices you and gets a smile on her face telling you to sit and have some of whatever it was that they were eating...and from the way way she was smiling at you it was hard if not impossible to say no-not that you were going to...you were starving. When you sit down you can feel the boy looking at you and after a few moments of getting yourself something to eat you look over and cross your eyes at him, it makes him laugh before he goes back to eating and it makes you feel so strange but also so good that you smile.
You and Lilli talk some...you learn that Mauro and Linton are both gone though she won't tell you where or what they are doing, she even smiles a bit slyly when you let out a frustrated sound at not being able to be told what was going on.
"Oh my god...why won't anyone let me know what is going on?"
"Because it would ruin the surprise."
"You can't even give me a hint?"
She shakes her head. "Nope...it would give it away pretty easily."
You let your head hit the table with a thud and sigh heavily.
"It's a surprise that Linton can't pull off without his dad...is that an ok hint?"
You let out a laugh, the whole thing is actually quite funny though you don't really see it that way at the moment.
"So...are you planning to go with him?"
You nod. "Yes...even if I didn't want to...it's still the best option for both of us."
"You shouldn't go if you don't want to though..."
"I want to, I want to be with him and I mean it's kind of a plus that I'm getting the opportunity to work right out of school..."
"It is...how do you feel about him? Honestly."
You look at her with a bit of surprise, you don't know what brings on that question but you recover quickly and shrug. "I've been honest about everything. He makes me happy...happier than I've been with anyone else...though that hasn't been an impressive number." You laugh and Lilli even chuckles a bit before smiling at you warmly. The woman just seemed so nice and inviting, she put you at ease with no issue. "I only feel bad about not being able to help him out with the amount of money it's going to take to get us out there and survive until we get paid..."
"I wouldn't worry about it. He's got a plan."
"A plan?"
"Mhm...Let's just say that he's made a lot of plans over the past year...."
You look at her strangely and when it hits you that she's hinting at whatever Linton and his dad have been up to you tilt your head slightly. "All of you are going to kill me."
She just smiles sweetly and changes the subject.
You spend a majority of your day wandering around town carefully, keeping track of landmarks to help you get back because the chances of you reading things right was slim to none...all the while chatting back and forth with Linton when he decides to answer and your roommate who is strangely curious about the incident in the lab. She was a nice girl but she was off in her own world most of the time so somehow she was just now hearing about it and she wanted to make sure that you were ok and wanted to know every sordid detail of what happened. You'd given her the short version, there was no need to go into detail and you didn't feel like mentally reliving that day more than you needed to. You walk until you come across a cemetery and you can't help but wander into it, there was always a strange sense of calm about them that drew you in, even when you were younger. You walk slowly and take in the old stones carefully before finding the newer ones and admiring how nice they are, there are a few family plots and they are so beautiful that you have to resist the urge to take a small picture simply because you have a bit more respect than that. It's a lovely place really, there are some benches scattered around and when you find one that is empty you sit down and lean back against it...you bring your hand up to the your necklace and run your fingers over the snakes slowly letting your mind wander. Sometimes you really wonder how the hell you got into this type of relationship with someone...after all, the way you always thought couples worked didn't involve rules, collars, titles, or being told what to do and when to do it. By all means it was something you'd never have thought you'd be a part of...but here you were. Three years as a submissive and plenty of sexual exploits that would make a prostitute blush you were sure...and you were still here, most importantly though you were happy and wanted to keep doing it. You'd gotten so comfortable with him that you'd discovered a side of yourself that you never even knew existed...he was a safe place for you and even when you acted not so adult like-to the point that it would have been embarrassing-he would smile and go along with it, sometimes he'd be just as childlike and it made for some interesting times hanging out together. The man had legitimately colored with you one night and at the time you'd been a little anxious at first...but soon enough you were both just enjoying it-granted it was one of those 'adult' coloring books...that had a lot of curse words.
You honestly can't think about him and not smile, just like you did when you first started dating him...the difference was that it felt a lot less like a thrill now. When you'd started three years ago there was a bit of a thrill to it, it had to be a secret because you were a student and he was a teacher...despite being in college and both of you being well into adulthood. Now, almost everyone knew...a lot of the staff knew and most of the junior class knew along with the senior classes. You were still getting disgusted and even jealous looks from other girls in your classes as well as disapproval from staff members that knew...it was hard and stressful to be in school but there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you now. You're future looked so bright...even brighter with the ability to stay with him as his partner too...and the thought was both scary and happy to you...scary only because you didn't know what that future was going to look like. You notice some movement that is relatively close to you and it makes you look up and you drop your hands to the bench slowly, tilting your head. Linton and Mauro are a good distance away from where you're sitting, they don't seem to notice you so you watch them curiously. They're both looking down at at a tombstone and it looks like they are talking back and forth quietly, you watch them for a while until you see Mauro hand something to Linton before putting his hand on his son's back and giving him a few pats, gesturing off to the side indicating they should leave. You watch this whole exchange in silence and while you try to figure out what has happened you can't think of anything that would explain why they were there...unless of course they were visiting someone so out of sheer curiosity you get up and meander over to where they'd been standing. When you get there you stop and look around before letting your eyes drop down to the stone in front of you, you frown though when you see the names on it. They are Mauro's parents and you can tell both from the name and from the pictures that are etched onto the stone...it makes you sad to think that his parents are gone and it hits a little harder than it really should considering they aren't yours. You suddenly feel a bit awkward standing there so you find yourself apologizing quietly to no one before you head back the way you came, heading back to their house.
It's later when Linton and Mauro both come home and while you've spent the whole day texting on and off with him-as well as sending some pictures you knew you'd get in trouble for-it felt nice to see him for the first time that day. He looks tired and like he just wants to go to bed but he smiles at you and practically flops down on the couch next to you when he gets his shoes off. You can't help it when he gets semi comfortable and you lean against him like a pet that hasn't seen their owner in weeks, which was a pretty accurate analogy if you had been thinking. You feel him kiss your head before he asks what you've been up to all day, you tell him you wandered around mostly before asking him what he's been up to, he hesitates a bit and you sit up and look at him.
"Don't lie to me mister."
"You know I'd never, princess."
"What have you been up to?"
He doesn't answer you but he smiles slyly and you feel a pout crossing your face, you make no effort to hide it and you cross your arms over your chest at him. "You'll find out soon enough babygirl...just be patient a bit longer."
"I don't want to..."
You see him look behind the couch, seeing if anyone is there probably before he slides his hand down between your legs and grabs a hold of you tightly, it should hurt by all means but it doesn't, it surprises you and you let out a shaky breath. "What was that little one?"
"I...I don't want to Sir."
You feel his fingers dig into you in a delicious way. "You will be patient...patient little girls are good girls and good girls get what they want don't they?"
"Yes Sir..."
"Are you a good girl?"
"Yes..." You feel him squeeze you and you let out a sharp gasp.
"Yes.."
"Yes Sir..."
He pulls his hand away and rests it on your leg. "Will you be patient?"
"Yes Daddy...I'll be patient."
You feel him move closer to you and when he gives you a small kiss you feel like you can melt into him right there but you keep yourself in check somewhat. He seems anxious about something but you don't know what, you don't normally see him this way and it has you wanting so badly to know what could shake him like that. Even the thought of losing his job wasn't enough to make him seem like this....
You all get together and have dinner, which goes by uneventfully actually, you feel a mild bit left out because they fall into speaking Swedish pretty easily and as soon as they realize they are they apologize and start over in English again. You don't mind though, you simply sit there and watch them all with a small smile on your face, tomorrow would be spent packing and getting ready to leave...and you weren't looking forward to it. You wanted to stay but you understood that it was best for everyone that you both went back, the lives you both had were in the states and that was where your future was at the moment, there was no denying that. You notice that he keeps looking at you, everyone does and at first you didn't think much of it...but after an hour of it you start to feel a little uneasy and they pick up on it, Mauro looks at Linton and after what looks like a conversation held entirely by looks he sighs and turns to face you.
"Hey...can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah...what is it?"
"Can you get your phone out and get your mom on videocall?"
You look at him strangely. "You realize that it's midnight there right?"
"I do...trust me...call your mom."
You shrug and pull your phone out of your pocket and scroll through your contacts before you find you mom's number and wait for your phone to connect, when it does you call her and wait for her end to pick up. Linton looks uneasy but he gives you a small smile as you wait for her to pick up, when she does you are surprised to see your dad present in the picture too. You tell them hi and you want to question why they both look like they are awake and were waiting for this call but before you can you hear Linton ask if Lilli can hold your phone, you agree and hand it over to her and the curiosity gets to be too much for you.
"Ok...what is going on."
"I know that I've been sneaking around for a while...and i've not really told you a reason why. Well, part of it was the job...I am sorry that I didn't find a way to tell you before then, but this was a little harder to do."
"Ok....are you going to tell me what is going on though? Like why all of you have been in on this little secret?"
"Ophelia...it's been three years...we've been through a lot of bullshit in those three years though."
You nod, you aren't sure why he's bringing that up though.
"You are the only thing in my miserable life that I've loved this much..."
"Linton, what is going on with you?"
"I love you O...I love every single thing about you...and for a long time I wasn't sure how all of this would work out...I wasn't sure if we'd make it to this or not but..."
You frown, he's rambling and you can see in his eyes that he's uneasy and nervous, the way he's talking makes you start to think a million things at once though, and your thoughts are strongly pushing you towards a conclusion you don't want to get your hopes up for. He scoots his chair back a bit and turns so that he is facing you entirely before he pulls something out of his pocket and you can't rightly see what it is.
"I told you earlier that I felt like all of this was some grand scheme of things to tell me it was time for this...time to start thinking about some sort of future for myself and honestly Ophelia I really can't see a worthwhile future without you in it." He's holding a small bundle of fabric which he's turning around in his fingers nervously. "So I decided that this trip was the perfect time...so that I could do this in front of my parents and your parents...and I could also get this." He holds up the small bundle for a few seconds before he pulls the fabric away slowly, you can see his hands shaking just a little.
You're floored really, you can clearly see what he's holding but you believe that your eyes are tricking you.
"This is-was-my grandmother's...her husband gave it to her when they were 18 and she wore it up until she died...67 years they were together..."
When he looks up from it to you, you can feel your heart trying to burst out of your chest and you legitimately feel like you might pass out.
"We probably won't see 67 years, but I'd like to at least try to get there with you." You feel him take a hold of your hand and it only adds to how lightheaded you feel. "Ophelia, would you be willing to make me one of the happiest bastards alive right now?"
You can't believe it really, you want to say yes, you want to laugh, you want to cry...it all wants to come out at once but all you manage is a weak 'what'.
"I want you to be more than my girlfriend, I want you to marry me O."
____________
You've never let small things get to you, and even though this was a huge thing...you hadn't been this nervous in a long time. You're aware of how badly your hands are shaking when you are talking to her and its hard to keep yourself together when you look at her and see the disbelief in her eyes at what you're implying. It's even harder when you can see all the emotions run through her eyes, for a few moments you believe that she'll say no...and you start to panic a bit though you are good at hiding it. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out so she nods at you but she also looks like she might cry, you aren't sure how to read her reaction so you lean in close to her so that only she can hear you.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes...to both of your questions..."
"Thank you..."
She doesn't answer but she puts her head against your shoulder and you put your arms around her tightly, she's overwhelmed and there isn't much you can do to help her right now. You can hear her parents in the background but you aren't sure what they're saying at first, you know that your dad is watching it all with that knowing smile on his face and Lilli is probably smiling broadly like she always was. When she calms down a bit you pull back and slide the ring on her finger, and its such a strange feeling to do it...it's not the same as putting a collar on her, or giving her a piece of jewelry to show your ownership...this was something entirely different yet entirely the same at the same time. This was the ultimate show of ownership in the vanilla world...she was agreeing to be your wife and that was something special on its own. You can hear her mom tearing up over the phone and it makes you want to laugh but you restrain yourself, instead you have the dumbest smile on your face but you are also so tired now...you'd been so nervous that now that it was done you had a let down of all that tension. You watch her take her phone back from Lilli and while she talks with her parents, you sit and continue to watch her quietly, you don't have to see your dad or Lilli to know they are both smiling...maybe your dad is a bit more but who knows. She's smiling, she's happy and excited and you are too but you manage to keep it to yourself.
It seems like the last day in Sweden goes by too quickly for your tastes, a good portion of your day is spent packing and helping O pack up as well, being there for a month saw all the areas in your room filled with clothes again and you can't help but sigh irritatedly when you have to go through it all again to pack it up. You still feel that strange feeling in your stomach when your eyes catch sight of the ring on her hand it just drives home pretty clearly that you're just as excited as she was...the only thing that would make this better or worse was finding out if she was knocked up or not...as far as you knew she was still without a period and it was going on a week late. It made you uneasy but not unhappy...mainly because you wanted to know for sure what was going on...you wanted to have your ducks in a row so to speak. You're sitting on your bed looking at your phone idly because you need a break from trying to shove everything that came out of the bag back into it, you go through your email, you check you social media, and then you go through your messages and you stop to admire the pictures you'd been sent yesterday while you'd been out with your dad. You weren't able to look at them with him standing next to you and when you actually look at them you're happy you hadn't. To say they were not safe for public was a bit of an exaggeration...but it wasn't too far off. You swipe through them slowly before you look up at her, her back is to you as she uses her weight to shove her things back into her bag, it's tempting to bring it up but you'd rather wait until you were back home so that you could give her a proper 'punishment'...you honestly weren't sure if you'd even punish her because damn did you actually appreciate the pictures. You sigh and decide that you'll make up your mind on the way back you suppose...after all there are plenty of places in an airport to have a good time if you tried hard enough...and layovers were always boring as shit.
When you both set foot back in the US it's such a strange feeling to you, you feel yourself missing Sweden already or rather missing your family and familiarity of it...you certainly had enough going on here that the states should feel like just as much of a home. One of the first things you manage to do is find a way back home via some sort of taxi willing to drive that far, you spend some time fucking with your phone until you can find the closest a ride will be and when you find one you take it and feel just a small amount of the irritation you feel disappear. You're pretty sure that for at least the first hour of the drive back you are both quite the picture being passed out in the backseat, probably snoring louder than you have in years from the way the driver's laughing quietly when you do start to come back to the world of the living. Thankfully you wake up well before your stop and while the thought is tempting to wake up O, you decide not to...it wasn't so much that she was a little gremlin when someone woke her but rather that she'd not had this good of a rest in a few days. Between the small fight you'd had and the out of nowhere proposal-which in hindsight hadn't been the best idea to do on the last day there after all...but hey, she'd said yes-she'd had some pretty fitful sleep. The idea of her saying yes actually still makes you smile like a moron but you don't really care anymore, you somehow feel different though you really aren't sure what it is, you aren't sure if its the knowledge that she is more than just that girlfriend now...who knew. You'd always meant everything you'd said and the fact that she'd fallen into this-whatever the fuck this was anymore-so easily and given recent events...it made you feel like it was supposed to happen, even if you didn't necessarily read into all that spiritual bullshit.
You could feel her head against your shoulder when she moves slightly and it brings you back to some semblance of reality, you had been getting lost in your thoughts a lot lately and sometimes it was nice to get brought back even if it was a small thread that connected you. You let out a long sigh and let you head fall back against the seat before you bring your arm around her and its like she literally melts. There is no denying that you feel different, the remainder of the school year no longer felt like a torture...as a matter of fact, you had your own idea about some of the things that were going to change. You hadn't forgotten about Gunner and Rob, and one of the things that had preoccupied you mind the whole trip was the matter of how to best deal with them. You certainly had the whole science department behind you on this, even Tobias-who normally stayed away from this kind of drama-had messaged you a few days into the break expressing a deep displeasure with the situation. You feel a small smile curl your mouth at the thought of Tobias being angry...he didn't look like he could do damage but everyone always underestimated him. You all had you're areas of expertise you supposed. Martin-who was essentially a big teddy bear-could probably rip a grown man in half if he was provoked to do it, Simon was-for lack of any other way to explain it-a bit sadistic and enjoyed a little pain himself after some of the fucked up things you'd seen from him in your years of knowing him. Aksel was quiet like Tobias...but he also was pretty creative...Tobias turned into a fucking demon and then there was you. You did more damage with your words a majority of the time, that wasn't to say though, that you couldn't beat a man half to death if you were pushed that far. You were also very creative and ever since he incident, you'd been thinking up ways to accomplish two things that needed to happen. 1) Gunner needed to disappear...or have the fear of god put into him like Rob did-and would again if you ever got him alone. From past experience, you'd knew it was only a matter of time before his aversion to you and more importantly to Ophelia would fade and he'd probably be dumb enough to try this kind of stunt again. That would be inexcusable on your part though, so you needed to make sure that he REALLY understood what assaulting another man's babygirl was going to mean for him. 2) Alex. You drew a blank on the subject of him though. That day had been the first time you'd ever seen Ophelia and Alex in the same room and there was no way that anyone with a functioning brain couldn't have seen, or felt for that matter, the tension when he spoke to her.
It made you wonder though, her aversion to certain aspects of play was due to an older guy pretty much taking the most advantage someone could of a person. Then there was the way she looked at him like she'd seen a ghost, like he was familiar in some way. Now you weren't stupid, you also didn't like jumping to conclusions either but you'd have to do some research into it...and unfortunately that mean having to get O to talk about it...which meant you had to loosen her up enough too talk about it. You feel her shift a little next to you and you look over at her as she opens her eyes slowly, it's obvious that she's still very sleepy and you fight another heavy sigh that wants to come out. She looks around like she doesn't remember getting into the car and when the memory comes back to her she leans her head back and puts her hands over her face before looking over at you.
"Where are we even..."
"Somewhere in the cornfield."
"Ha Ha funny guy."
"Check that attitude little one." You turn your head slightly and give her a slight smile, you let your eyes look forward to the driver who looked like he was in his own world before looking back at her. "If you think I won't put you over my knee in this car you're very wrong about that."
"I know Sir...maybe I was counting on that."
"You do not want to go there right now."
She doesn't answer you but she does give you a sly smile that indeed riles you up a little. She knew how and honestly you liked it anyway so you let it go a lot of the time, she listened about 90% of the time anyhow...and you were too tired to really follow through with it here anyway...you both knew that.
You're mind wandered back to how you'd get her relaxed enough to talk openly, there was always the go to: weed and booze had never failed you in telling the truth even if it was horrible afterwards....but she was smart and she'd learned her lesson before about doing shots with you. She wasn't going to go for that after-in her own words- you'd tried to kill her. The memory makes you laugh a little and when she looks at you with a curious expression you simply ask her.
"Do you remember that time that we did shots?"
"Never....again."
You both get home around late afternoon and after all your bags and the other various amounts of shit that you'd both brought back with you were inside you both had thrown your hands up and said to hell with it tonight. You'd both resumed your nightly ritual fairly quickly in that you both shared a shower and intended to go to bed, but tonight you felt like sitting outside and smoking because you weren't entirely sleepy yet. You can't not smile when she asks you if she can go to sleep in your bed and when you say she turns to go but you reach out and grab hold of her arm. When she stops and looks at you a bit confused you pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head...hell when she looks up at you, you go ahead and kiss her lips too.
"You can call it ours now...I'm glad you remembered to ask babygirl."
"Of course Sir." She smiles at you before you let her go and once she's inside you dig around in your pocket for a pretty rough looking pack of cigarettes.
You sit on the front steps of you and Simon's house for what feels like hours, a few random people pass by and some of them look at you or give you a small nod to which you return it out of kindness. You easily go through half of that pack turning your mind over and over again, trying to figure out how you're going to avenge this act...there are rules that you have to follow regardless because while you had told the other job that you wanted to wait until graduation to quit...they would fire you in a heartbeat if they were given something solid enough to can you. You were going to need help with this...you honestly still felt a little blinded by rage when you think of it or when you see the scar on her arm from where she'd been unlucky enough to get cut on equipment. Certainly in no position to be forming a sneaky plan that would either drive him insane or hurt him cruelly, you wished there was a way to do what he did to her but....it just wasn't feasible at that time. You look at the cigarette between your fingers for a long moment, watching the small amount of breeze make the end glow every now and then. You put the pack back in your pocket and pull your phone out before you put the smoke back in your mouth and start adding contacts from your phone to a group message. You were going to need all the help for this.
Rating: R
Notes: A/U, OFC
Warnings: Not terribly long this time I'm afraid :'(
Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Never happened, No money was made and certainly no disrespect meant to anyone mentioned. Love ya all.
You're angry, there is not other way to describe the feeling tha tyou have when you walk out with Lilli...you aren't entirely sure why you're so angry though. The more you think on it the more you start to come to the conclusion that it's because he'd not told you about this sooner and you felt a little angry that he'd just dropped it on you in front of his family. Maybe you were overreacting...you felt so much more hurt by it than you should have been and you aren't sure why. Lilli doesn't say anything to you really but she does give you a small smile and a gentle look before you see Linton's dad walk out and give you a similar smile.
"Go easy on him." He laughs a bit before he looks at Lilli and they both say their goodbyes, they head off in the direction of the house and you look around distractedly. You aren't entirely sure where you are and you sure as hell couldn't find your way on your own so you find a bench and sit down, putting your head in your hands. You should be surprised, maybe even a little annoyed but there was no reason to justify the absolute irritation you felt at the moment and when you looked up and saw him come outside you can't find it in yourself to smile too much and he picks up on it pretty quickly when he sees you sitting there. You can tell that he's cautious when he walks up close to you and when he offers a walk to clear both of your heads you don't turn him down, instead you stand up and let him lead the way. The more you walk the less and less people there are, it's getting late and most of them were at home in bed by now...but there you two were, walking around aimlessly not saying a word to each other. You watch him walk in silence and it hurts to see him look as down as he does...like always his face is pretty stoic but his eyes have never been able to lie to you and it's obvious that he's thinking about something very hard.
"When were you going to tell me...if you were."
"I was going to...I didn't know the right time though and when it got brought up..." You see him shrug a little. "I thought why not then."
"You could have given me some sort of heads up you know."
"I should've...but there isn't anything I can do about it now."
You don't answer him for a while, you keep walking with him in a tense silence that makes your shoulders hurt from how much you're keeping in.
"They are serious about this O...if I take this job...we don't have to worry about anything anymore."
"I know...wouldn't it be a conflict of interest for me to work for you though..."
He shakes his head and you look at him strangely because you know it would be. "No...we work together just fine...they've looked at the projects Ophelia....they know what kind of asset you'd be to them if you did say yes."
"What if I say no?"
'Then I turn down the job and we stay here."
You stop walking and just look at him for a long time, you aren't sure what to say to his nonchalant response. "You'd be dumb to turn it down Linton."
"There will always be jobs..."
"Not that come to you this easily..."
"I know..." He has stopped walking as well and has his hands in his pockets looking back at you with an expression you can't quite read. "I'm not about to loose something that makes me happier though."
"It's a long way to move though...and it's expensive..."
"It is...we'll be fine though."
"My parents?"
"We can always come and visit them O...it's not like I want to take you to California and chain you to a radiator."
It's out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. "Sounds kinky..."
He stares at you for the longest time with a blank face, and it's only when you think that you might apologize that you see the corner of his mouth turn up slightly and not long after that he starts to laugh. You feel yourself start to laugh as well, both of you are laughing much harder than you really should at it but it seems to take the tenseness away which helps you think a bit clearer.
"I do want you to think about it though..."
"I don't think I have to...It's a good opportunity no matter how you look at it..."
He nods.
"So after I graduate...what kind of timeline are we looking at?"
"We'll have a few months between graduation and moving...once we get out there we'll have to do a background check and all of that shit."
"Where are we going to live when we get there...I mean how are we going to live until we get paid or...however it works..."
He sighs a little before he puts his hands through his hair. "I'll have to start putting money back...I have a pretty good cushion to fall back on so getting there isn't an issue."
"I feel bad that I don't have much to contribute to this..." You can't help the frown that takes over your face and you suddenly feel pretty low that he's going to be responsible financially for getting both of you there.
"I'll figure it out babygirl...I told you at the beginning that I'd support you every way I could, that includes this."
"It's not fair to you though...I know you don't make that much and it's not fair to be wasting all of this on getting me to come with you..."
"It's worth it though. Even before all of this between us...I would've done anything for you to keep you...you are literally the only thing that got me out of bed some days O." He smiles at you and you can't help but give him a smile back especially with how horribly cliche his words were.
"I want to help though..."
"You do...in other ways..."
"Perv."
"You wouldn't like me as much if I wasn't though would you."
You want to argue but you can't so you stick your tongue out at him before crossing your arms over your chest. "Are we heading back or...?"
"Yeah...I don't know about you but I think I need a shower after tonight's exertions."
You almost hate that the thought of it makes you turn every so slightly pink but you do and he just gives you a grin before offering his hand, you take it and you both start the walk back to his dad's house much less tense than before.
The vacation goes by so quickly that you don't look forward to leaving...you enjoy his parents immensely as they treat you pretty much like you are part of the family already despite only being the girlfriend. His home town is beautiful, hell the whole country seems beautiful and as the last week starts to reach its halfway point you start to feel a bit depressed about going back. You distract yourself though, you take pictures, you try to learn some Swedish that doesn't sound horrid when you say it and most of all you pester Linton...because that was what babygirl's did to their Daddies. Try as you might he always managed to escape you at some point and you'd let him go for a bit, he'd been awfully secretive the last few days and while you knew it wasn't anything bad it had you curious what he could be up to. You knew damn well it wasn't work and if it was the new job he'd have shared it with you. You know something is going on but you can't put your finger on it and the most annoying part of it was that his dad seemed to be in on it too and he wasn't talking either. You were also distracted in part by the fact that once again you found yourself checking the calender on your phone and seeing that you were a few days late with your period, anymore it didn't phase you because within a few days it would start and you'd get your hopes up for nothing again, scares weren't really scares anymore you supposed. You were hesitant to say that either of you were actually trying, but it was obvious that no care was taken to avoid it and so anymore you made a mental note to yourself to keep an eye on it and go from there. When those few days pass and nothing happens you do feel a little uneasy and even more so when you bring it up with him, he never reacts the way you expect him to though...he's never happy or upset, just simply says that it is what it is and tries to give you reassurance. You even try tests at some point and you get less than convincing results because one comes out positive and one comes out negative, it makes you angry but you aren't entirely sure why.
It isn't until one night a few days before you both are supposed to leave that you realize why you've been so upset over it though. You had been laying in bed with him like you normally did, he has you pulled over him and like usual you didn't protest it, you enjoyed feeling him breath and being able to hear his heart when it was quiet enough. You enjoyed the closeness and when you were left to your own thoughts you always gravitated to what life would be like in the next few years. You'd always had this image in your head about being with a guy that adored you and having a family...in your thoughts, your family history didn't crush those hopes and as you lay there listening to how calm everything was, you find yourself thinking about Sara and her baby. You know that you're jealous...you're also happy for her because she is like a sister to you...but seeing her sometimes makes you feel like you die a little on the inside and it was always quiet times like this right now that it started to eat at you along with what you felt was your inability to even carry a child if you did happen to get lucky. Linton had said that he wouldn't mind a family but any time it was brought up he'd always referred to a few years in the future, you weren't sure you'd be able to a few years from now and the thought depresses you further. You bury your face into his shoulder and calm yourself a bit, you feel pathetic for placing that much importance on having a kid, you know that it would only mess things up if you were...this new job would no doubt fire you or lay you off if they found out...no company would want to hire someone just for them to have to take off a few months into their job. It would put a strain on almost every aspect of your lives and you weren't sure you were even up to the task of being able to raise another human being. You wish that you weren't so affected by this all but you can't help it, you know that part of the reason you want this so badly is because you do love him and you want that life with him...as much as you hate to admit it, you want that ideal life that everyone supposedly strives for. You wanted the house, the kids, the love...the whole damn storybook but it was all unrealistic, even when he said things like he wanted to take care of you...it made you feel uneasy but happy at the same time.
You feel him put his arms up around you and it makes you jump a little, but you relax into it pretty quickly.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up..."
"Mmm...."
You look up at him from where you're laying and you can see in the low amount of light in his room that he's half awake.
"You didn't wake me up...what's wrong?"
"Everything and nothing at once..."
"Is it because of..." You feel his hand slide over your side but it's a gesture towards your stomach.
You want to lie...but you don't. "Partly...I don't know why I feel like this Daddy..."
"Like what princess..." You can tell by his voice that he's starting to wake up more.
You shrug a little. "I don't know why this is so important to me...or why I'm jealous of Sara but feel like I wouldn't be able to do it at the same time. It's just everything at once it feels like." Once you start you feel like you can't stop. "I mean it would ruin any plans we've made so far..."
"What would possibly be ruined if you were?"
"Graduating...moving, the job...you and me..."
"Even if you are now...you'll be pregnant for graduation not incapacitated...as far as the move and the job go, it might just delay it a bit if anything. As far as you and I go...I know i'm not the most emotional on the subject but I'd be happy...scared shitless but happy."
"It's pathetic that this is affecting me so badly though...I mean a goal in life should not be having a kid."
"Says who?"
"A lot of people."
You hear him let out a short laugh but there isn't a lot of humor in it. "Fuck them. If your goal in life is to run a business, do it. If your goal in life is to be the best singer or dancer in the world...do it. If you goal in life is to have kids and be a housewife, then do it. If having a kid is something you want out of life then don't feel shitty about it because someone else says you should."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"What do you think about kids and all of that? I know what you told my mom but..."
"I'd like it...I feel like this job is the universe's way of saying that maybe its time....I don't know O...I've never had scares before with anyone else i've been with for a reason. I never let it be a possibility."
"What about what we do..."
"Well...we'll have to change some rules...make new ones...we don't have to stop or change it we just have to be a bit more cautious of little ears and eyes." He chuckles a little and it makes the corner of your mouth lift up slightly.
You both lay there in silence for what feels like hours but in reality would have only been a few minutes before you feel him shift slightly, you feel him roll onto his side so that you are not on him anymore and when you get comfortable in the new position you look at him and see that his face is a picture of calm. You can tell that he knows there are other things bothering you by the look he gives you but he doesn't say anything at first.
"Nervous about going back?"
"Yes Sir..."
"Don't be...I have a feeling things will be very different when we get back babygirl..." You feel him kiss the top of your head before he speaks again. "Now...you need to sleep princess...you'll need your rest."
You want to question him so badly on what he meant, or what he had planned that you'd need your rest but you suddenly feel a yawn force it's way out of your mouth and when it passes you find yourself having a hard time keeping your eyes open, so you give in to it and let yourself drift in and out of sleep for a bit before finally letting go and slipping off into your dreams completely.
When you wake up the next morning you are a little disappointed to find that you are alone in bed, though when you check your phone you see that he's messaged you what he wanted you to do that morning which felt a little more like normal, and when you put on the clothes he's told you to wear you make sure to send him a picture so that he knows you've done it...not that he doubted you of course. It reminds you of when you first started dating really...that one black skirt that was now a bit shorter on you than it had been three years ago, and one of the assortment of band shirts that you'd collected throughout your life. You always knew why he picked the skirt...there was literally no mystery with it, the thing was so short that it bordered on being indecent to wear in public, especially if it happened to be breezy. The shirts were always a surprise though, there had even been a few times that he'd forgone shirts that you owned and instead wanted you to wear his...which you were more than fine with. When you finally get yourself put together enough to head downstairs you do so carefully, you don't know who else is home or if they're even awake at the moment so you try your hardest to not make a lot of noise. When you get downstairs though the only life aside from yourself you see is Lilli and a younger boy in the kitchen eating and it makes you raise your brow for a few seconds because you'd not seen the little boy before. You stand sort of awkwardly in the doorway before Lilli notices you and gets a smile on her face telling you to sit and have some of whatever it was that they were eating...and from the way way she was smiling at you it was hard if not impossible to say no-not that you were going to...you were starving. When you sit down you can feel the boy looking at you and after a few moments of getting yourself something to eat you look over and cross your eyes at him, it makes him laugh before he goes back to eating and it makes you feel so strange but also so good that you smile.
You and Lilli talk some...you learn that Mauro and Linton are both gone though she won't tell you where or what they are doing, she even smiles a bit slyly when you let out a frustrated sound at not being able to be told what was going on.
"Oh my god...why won't anyone let me know what is going on?"
"Because it would ruin the surprise."
"You can't even give me a hint?"
She shakes her head. "Nope...it would give it away pretty easily."
You let your head hit the table with a thud and sigh heavily.
"It's a surprise that Linton can't pull off without his dad...is that an ok hint?"
You let out a laugh, the whole thing is actually quite funny though you don't really see it that way at the moment.
"So...are you planning to go with him?"
You nod. "Yes...even if I didn't want to...it's still the best option for both of us."
"You shouldn't go if you don't want to though..."
"I want to, I want to be with him and I mean it's kind of a plus that I'm getting the opportunity to work right out of school..."
"It is...how do you feel about him? Honestly."
You look at her with a bit of surprise, you don't know what brings on that question but you recover quickly and shrug. "I've been honest about everything. He makes me happy...happier than I've been with anyone else...though that hasn't been an impressive number." You laugh and Lilli even chuckles a bit before smiling at you warmly. The woman just seemed so nice and inviting, she put you at ease with no issue. "I only feel bad about not being able to help him out with the amount of money it's going to take to get us out there and survive until we get paid..."
"I wouldn't worry about it. He's got a plan."
"A plan?"
"Mhm...Let's just say that he's made a lot of plans over the past year...."
You look at her strangely and when it hits you that she's hinting at whatever Linton and his dad have been up to you tilt your head slightly. "All of you are going to kill me."
She just smiles sweetly and changes the subject.
You spend a majority of your day wandering around town carefully, keeping track of landmarks to help you get back because the chances of you reading things right was slim to none...all the while chatting back and forth with Linton when he decides to answer and your roommate who is strangely curious about the incident in the lab. She was a nice girl but she was off in her own world most of the time so somehow she was just now hearing about it and she wanted to make sure that you were ok and wanted to know every sordid detail of what happened. You'd given her the short version, there was no need to go into detail and you didn't feel like mentally reliving that day more than you needed to. You walk until you come across a cemetery and you can't help but wander into it, there was always a strange sense of calm about them that drew you in, even when you were younger. You walk slowly and take in the old stones carefully before finding the newer ones and admiring how nice they are, there are a few family plots and they are so beautiful that you have to resist the urge to take a small picture simply because you have a bit more respect than that. It's a lovely place really, there are some benches scattered around and when you find one that is empty you sit down and lean back against it...you bring your hand up to the your necklace and run your fingers over the snakes slowly letting your mind wander. Sometimes you really wonder how the hell you got into this type of relationship with someone...after all, the way you always thought couples worked didn't involve rules, collars, titles, or being told what to do and when to do it. By all means it was something you'd never have thought you'd be a part of...but here you were. Three years as a submissive and plenty of sexual exploits that would make a prostitute blush you were sure...and you were still here, most importantly though you were happy and wanted to keep doing it. You'd gotten so comfortable with him that you'd discovered a side of yourself that you never even knew existed...he was a safe place for you and even when you acted not so adult like-to the point that it would have been embarrassing-he would smile and go along with it, sometimes he'd be just as childlike and it made for some interesting times hanging out together. The man had legitimately colored with you one night and at the time you'd been a little anxious at first...but soon enough you were both just enjoying it-granted it was one of those 'adult' coloring books...that had a lot of curse words.
You honestly can't think about him and not smile, just like you did when you first started dating him...the difference was that it felt a lot less like a thrill now. When you'd started three years ago there was a bit of a thrill to it, it had to be a secret because you were a student and he was a teacher...despite being in college and both of you being well into adulthood. Now, almost everyone knew...a lot of the staff knew and most of the junior class knew along with the senior classes. You were still getting disgusted and even jealous looks from other girls in your classes as well as disapproval from staff members that knew...it was hard and stressful to be in school but there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you now. You're future looked so bright...even brighter with the ability to stay with him as his partner too...and the thought was both scary and happy to you...scary only because you didn't know what that future was going to look like. You notice some movement that is relatively close to you and it makes you look up and you drop your hands to the bench slowly, tilting your head. Linton and Mauro are a good distance away from where you're sitting, they don't seem to notice you so you watch them curiously. They're both looking down at at a tombstone and it looks like they are talking back and forth quietly, you watch them for a while until you see Mauro hand something to Linton before putting his hand on his son's back and giving him a few pats, gesturing off to the side indicating they should leave. You watch this whole exchange in silence and while you try to figure out what has happened you can't think of anything that would explain why they were there...unless of course they were visiting someone so out of sheer curiosity you get up and meander over to where they'd been standing. When you get there you stop and look around before letting your eyes drop down to the stone in front of you, you frown though when you see the names on it. They are Mauro's parents and you can tell both from the name and from the pictures that are etched onto the stone...it makes you sad to think that his parents are gone and it hits a little harder than it really should considering they aren't yours. You suddenly feel a bit awkward standing there so you find yourself apologizing quietly to no one before you head back the way you came, heading back to their house.
It's later when Linton and Mauro both come home and while you've spent the whole day texting on and off with him-as well as sending some pictures you knew you'd get in trouble for-it felt nice to see him for the first time that day. He looks tired and like he just wants to go to bed but he smiles at you and practically flops down on the couch next to you when he gets his shoes off. You can't help it when he gets semi comfortable and you lean against him like a pet that hasn't seen their owner in weeks, which was a pretty accurate analogy if you had been thinking. You feel him kiss your head before he asks what you've been up to all day, you tell him you wandered around mostly before asking him what he's been up to, he hesitates a bit and you sit up and look at him.
"Don't lie to me mister."
"You know I'd never, princess."
"What have you been up to?"
He doesn't answer you but he smiles slyly and you feel a pout crossing your face, you make no effort to hide it and you cross your arms over your chest at him. "You'll find out soon enough babygirl...just be patient a bit longer."
"I don't want to..."
You see him look behind the couch, seeing if anyone is there probably before he slides his hand down between your legs and grabs a hold of you tightly, it should hurt by all means but it doesn't, it surprises you and you let out a shaky breath. "What was that little one?"
"I...I don't want to Sir."
You feel his fingers dig into you in a delicious way. "You will be patient...patient little girls are good girls and good girls get what they want don't they?"
"Yes Sir..."
"Are you a good girl?"
"Yes..." You feel him squeeze you and you let out a sharp gasp.
"Yes.."
"Yes Sir..."
He pulls his hand away and rests it on your leg. "Will you be patient?"
"Yes Daddy...I'll be patient."
You feel him move closer to you and when he gives you a small kiss you feel like you can melt into him right there but you keep yourself in check somewhat. He seems anxious about something but you don't know what, you don't normally see him this way and it has you wanting so badly to know what could shake him like that. Even the thought of losing his job wasn't enough to make him seem like this....
You all get together and have dinner, which goes by uneventfully actually, you feel a mild bit left out because they fall into speaking Swedish pretty easily and as soon as they realize they are they apologize and start over in English again. You don't mind though, you simply sit there and watch them all with a small smile on your face, tomorrow would be spent packing and getting ready to leave...and you weren't looking forward to it. You wanted to stay but you understood that it was best for everyone that you both went back, the lives you both had were in the states and that was where your future was at the moment, there was no denying that. You notice that he keeps looking at you, everyone does and at first you didn't think much of it...but after an hour of it you start to feel a little uneasy and they pick up on it, Mauro looks at Linton and after what looks like a conversation held entirely by looks he sighs and turns to face you.
"Hey...can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah...what is it?"
"Can you get your phone out and get your mom on videocall?"
You look at him strangely. "You realize that it's midnight there right?"
"I do...trust me...call your mom."
You shrug and pull your phone out of your pocket and scroll through your contacts before you find you mom's number and wait for your phone to connect, when it does you call her and wait for her end to pick up. Linton looks uneasy but he gives you a small smile as you wait for her to pick up, when she does you are surprised to see your dad present in the picture too. You tell them hi and you want to question why they both look like they are awake and were waiting for this call but before you can you hear Linton ask if Lilli can hold your phone, you agree and hand it over to her and the curiosity gets to be too much for you.
"Ok...what is going on."
"I know that I've been sneaking around for a while...and i've not really told you a reason why. Well, part of it was the job...I am sorry that I didn't find a way to tell you before then, but this was a little harder to do."
"Ok....are you going to tell me what is going on though? Like why all of you have been in on this little secret?"
"Ophelia...it's been three years...we've been through a lot of bullshit in those three years though."
You nod, you aren't sure why he's bringing that up though.
"You are the only thing in my miserable life that I've loved this much..."
"Linton, what is going on with you?"
"I love you O...I love every single thing about you...and for a long time I wasn't sure how all of this would work out...I wasn't sure if we'd make it to this or not but..."
You frown, he's rambling and you can see in his eyes that he's uneasy and nervous, the way he's talking makes you start to think a million things at once though, and your thoughts are strongly pushing you towards a conclusion you don't want to get your hopes up for. He scoots his chair back a bit and turns so that he is facing you entirely before he pulls something out of his pocket and you can't rightly see what it is.
"I told you earlier that I felt like all of this was some grand scheme of things to tell me it was time for this...time to start thinking about some sort of future for myself and honestly Ophelia I really can't see a worthwhile future without you in it." He's holding a small bundle of fabric which he's turning around in his fingers nervously. "So I decided that this trip was the perfect time...so that I could do this in front of my parents and your parents...and I could also get this." He holds up the small bundle for a few seconds before he pulls the fabric away slowly, you can see his hands shaking just a little.
You're floored really, you can clearly see what he's holding but you believe that your eyes are tricking you.
"This is-was-my grandmother's...her husband gave it to her when they were 18 and she wore it up until she died...67 years they were together..."
When he looks up from it to you, you can feel your heart trying to burst out of your chest and you legitimately feel like you might pass out.
"We probably won't see 67 years, but I'd like to at least try to get there with you." You feel him take a hold of your hand and it only adds to how lightheaded you feel. "Ophelia, would you be willing to make me one of the happiest bastards alive right now?"
You can't believe it really, you want to say yes, you want to laugh, you want to cry...it all wants to come out at once but all you manage is a weak 'what'.
"I want you to be more than my girlfriend, I want you to marry me O."
____________
You've never let small things get to you, and even though this was a huge thing...you hadn't been this nervous in a long time. You're aware of how badly your hands are shaking when you are talking to her and its hard to keep yourself together when you look at her and see the disbelief in her eyes at what you're implying. It's even harder when you can see all the emotions run through her eyes, for a few moments you believe that she'll say no...and you start to panic a bit though you are good at hiding it. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out so she nods at you but she also looks like she might cry, you aren't sure how to read her reaction so you lean in close to her so that only she can hear you.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes...to both of your questions..."
"Thank you..."
She doesn't answer but she puts her head against your shoulder and you put your arms around her tightly, she's overwhelmed and there isn't much you can do to help her right now. You can hear her parents in the background but you aren't sure what they're saying at first, you know that your dad is watching it all with that knowing smile on his face and Lilli is probably smiling broadly like she always was. When she calms down a bit you pull back and slide the ring on her finger, and its such a strange feeling to do it...it's not the same as putting a collar on her, or giving her a piece of jewelry to show your ownership...this was something entirely different yet entirely the same at the same time. This was the ultimate show of ownership in the vanilla world...she was agreeing to be your wife and that was something special on its own. You can hear her mom tearing up over the phone and it makes you want to laugh but you restrain yourself, instead you have the dumbest smile on your face but you are also so tired now...you'd been so nervous that now that it was done you had a let down of all that tension. You watch her take her phone back from Lilli and while she talks with her parents, you sit and continue to watch her quietly, you don't have to see your dad or Lilli to know they are both smiling...maybe your dad is a bit more but who knows. She's smiling, she's happy and excited and you are too but you manage to keep it to yourself.
It seems like the last day in Sweden goes by too quickly for your tastes, a good portion of your day is spent packing and helping O pack up as well, being there for a month saw all the areas in your room filled with clothes again and you can't help but sigh irritatedly when you have to go through it all again to pack it up. You still feel that strange feeling in your stomach when your eyes catch sight of the ring on her hand it just drives home pretty clearly that you're just as excited as she was...the only thing that would make this better or worse was finding out if she was knocked up or not...as far as you knew she was still without a period and it was going on a week late. It made you uneasy but not unhappy...mainly because you wanted to know for sure what was going on...you wanted to have your ducks in a row so to speak. You're sitting on your bed looking at your phone idly because you need a break from trying to shove everything that came out of the bag back into it, you go through your email, you check you social media, and then you go through your messages and you stop to admire the pictures you'd been sent yesterday while you'd been out with your dad. You weren't able to look at them with him standing next to you and when you actually look at them you're happy you hadn't. To say they were not safe for public was a bit of an exaggeration...but it wasn't too far off. You swipe through them slowly before you look up at her, her back is to you as she uses her weight to shove her things back into her bag, it's tempting to bring it up but you'd rather wait until you were back home so that you could give her a proper 'punishment'...you honestly weren't sure if you'd even punish her because damn did you actually appreciate the pictures. You sigh and decide that you'll make up your mind on the way back you suppose...after all there are plenty of places in an airport to have a good time if you tried hard enough...and layovers were always boring as shit.
When you both set foot back in the US it's such a strange feeling to you, you feel yourself missing Sweden already or rather missing your family and familiarity of it...you certainly had enough going on here that the states should feel like just as much of a home. One of the first things you manage to do is find a way back home via some sort of taxi willing to drive that far, you spend some time fucking with your phone until you can find the closest a ride will be and when you find one you take it and feel just a small amount of the irritation you feel disappear. You're pretty sure that for at least the first hour of the drive back you are both quite the picture being passed out in the backseat, probably snoring louder than you have in years from the way the driver's laughing quietly when you do start to come back to the world of the living. Thankfully you wake up well before your stop and while the thought is tempting to wake up O, you decide not to...it wasn't so much that she was a little gremlin when someone woke her but rather that she'd not had this good of a rest in a few days. Between the small fight you'd had and the out of nowhere proposal-which in hindsight hadn't been the best idea to do on the last day there after all...but hey, she'd said yes-she'd had some pretty fitful sleep. The idea of her saying yes actually still makes you smile like a moron but you don't really care anymore, you somehow feel different though you really aren't sure what it is, you aren't sure if its the knowledge that she is more than just that girlfriend now...who knew. You'd always meant everything you'd said and the fact that she'd fallen into this-whatever the fuck this was anymore-so easily and given recent events...it made you feel like it was supposed to happen, even if you didn't necessarily read into all that spiritual bullshit.
You could feel her head against your shoulder when she moves slightly and it brings you back to some semblance of reality, you had been getting lost in your thoughts a lot lately and sometimes it was nice to get brought back even if it was a small thread that connected you. You let out a long sigh and let you head fall back against the seat before you bring your arm around her and its like she literally melts. There is no denying that you feel different, the remainder of the school year no longer felt like a torture...as a matter of fact, you had your own idea about some of the things that were going to change. You hadn't forgotten about Gunner and Rob, and one of the things that had preoccupied you mind the whole trip was the matter of how to best deal with them. You certainly had the whole science department behind you on this, even Tobias-who normally stayed away from this kind of drama-had messaged you a few days into the break expressing a deep displeasure with the situation. You feel a small smile curl your mouth at the thought of Tobias being angry...he didn't look like he could do damage but everyone always underestimated him. You all had you're areas of expertise you supposed. Martin-who was essentially a big teddy bear-could probably rip a grown man in half if he was provoked to do it, Simon was-for lack of any other way to explain it-a bit sadistic and enjoyed a little pain himself after some of the fucked up things you'd seen from him in your years of knowing him. Aksel was quiet like Tobias...but he also was pretty creative...Tobias turned into a fucking demon and then there was you. You did more damage with your words a majority of the time, that wasn't to say though, that you couldn't beat a man half to death if you were pushed that far. You were also very creative and ever since he incident, you'd been thinking up ways to accomplish two things that needed to happen. 1) Gunner needed to disappear...or have the fear of god put into him like Rob did-and would again if you ever got him alone. From past experience, you'd knew it was only a matter of time before his aversion to you and more importantly to Ophelia would fade and he'd probably be dumb enough to try this kind of stunt again. That would be inexcusable on your part though, so you needed to make sure that he REALLY understood what assaulting another man's babygirl was going to mean for him. 2) Alex. You drew a blank on the subject of him though. That day had been the first time you'd ever seen Ophelia and Alex in the same room and there was no way that anyone with a functioning brain couldn't have seen, or felt for that matter, the tension when he spoke to her.
It made you wonder though, her aversion to certain aspects of play was due to an older guy pretty much taking the most advantage someone could of a person. Then there was the way she looked at him like she'd seen a ghost, like he was familiar in some way. Now you weren't stupid, you also didn't like jumping to conclusions either but you'd have to do some research into it...and unfortunately that mean having to get O to talk about it...which meant you had to loosen her up enough too talk about it. You feel her shift a little next to you and you look over at her as she opens her eyes slowly, it's obvious that she's still very sleepy and you fight another heavy sigh that wants to come out. She looks around like she doesn't remember getting into the car and when the memory comes back to her she leans her head back and puts her hands over her face before looking over at you.
"Where are we even..."
"Somewhere in the cornfield."
"Ha Ha funny guy."
"Check that attitude little one." You turn your head slightly and give her a slight smile, you let your eyes look forward to the driver who looked like he was in his own world before looking back at her. "If you think I won't put you over my knee in this car you're very wrong about that."
"I know Sir...maybe I was counting on that."
"You do not want to go there right now."
She doesn't answer you but she does give you a sly smile that indeed riles you up a little. She knew how and honestly you liked it anyway so you let it go a lot of the time, she listened about 90% of the time anyhow...and you were too tired to really follow through with it here anyway...you both knew that.
You're mind wandered back to how you'd get her relaxed enough to talk openly, there was always the go to: weed and booze had never failed you in telling the truth even if it was horrible afterwards....but she was smart and she'd learned her lesson before about doing shots with you. She wasn't going to go for that after-in her own words- you'd tried to kill her. The memory makes you laugh a little and when she looks at you with a curious expression you simply ask her.
"Do you remember that time that we did shots?"
"Never....again."
You both get home around late afternoon and after all your bags and the other various amounts of shit that you'd both brought back with you were inside you both had thrown your hands up and said to hell with it tonight. You'd both resumed your nightly ritual fairly quickly in that you both shared a shower and intended to go to bed, but tonight you felt like sitting outside and smoking because you weren't entirely sleepy yet. You can't not smile when she asks you if she can go to sleep in your bed and when you say she turns to go but you reach out and grab hold of her arm. When she stops and looks at you a bit confused you pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head...hell when she looks up at you, you go ahead and kiss her lips too.
"You can call it ours now...I'm glad you remembered to ask babygirl."
"Of course Sir." She smiles at you before you let her go and once she's inside you dig around in your pocket for a pretty rough looking pack of cigarettes.
You sit on the front steps of you and Simon's house for what feels like hours, a few random people pass by and some of them look at you or give you a small nod to which you return it out of kindness. You easily go through half of that pack turning your mind over and over again, trying to figure out how you're going to avenge this act...there are rules that you have to follow regardless because while you had told the other job that you wanted to wait until graduation to quit...they would fire you in a heartbeat if they were given something solid enough to can you. You were going to need help with this...you honestly still felt a little blinded by rage when you think of it or when you see the scar on her arm from where she'd been unlucky enough to get cut on equipment. Certainly in no position to be forming a sneaky plan that would either drive him insane or hurt him cruelly, you wished there was a way to do what he did to her but....it just wasn't feasible at that time. You look at the cigarette between your fingers for a long moment, watching the small amount of breeze make the end glow every now and then. You put the pack back in your pocket and pull your phone out before you put the smoke back in your mouth and start adding contacts from your phone to a group message. You were going to need all the help for this.