Stare at the icon, you know you want to...
I have become a queer mixture of the East and the West, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere. (-Nehru) Feeling of lost placement in the world is no stranger to most. Being one of descent and living in a place of another twirls your world upside down. No one can put their finger on exactly where things went wrong, but somewhere we got lost in translation. Some say it’s an identity crisis, but when it comes to checking the box, I proudly put my race down as Asian. Proudly? How? It doesn’t even begin to define me. If you look again, choices don’t even acknowledge me. Why should anyone? I’ll tell you why, because I decided, I can make a difference. Maybe just like everyone else, but who is like me? Who felt the loss of a grandmother and is reminded by it everyday with the halls filled with her pictures, in which she seems to never smile in? Who felt violated in a story that can’t be repeated? One can only sound so generic before we reach the core and see how I’m nothing like anyone else. I don’t think like everyone else, sometimes I believe I don’t think. Sometimes I’m an outsider in my own world. I stand in a crowd of Indians, suddenly, I’m not Indian. I raise myself for the pledge of allegiance; suddenly I wonder why I have allegiance to this country. Maybe something’s in the water? Either way I rise no matter what people think. The color of my skin doesn’t write the fate of my destiny.
Being who I am is not a circumstance, but it does create many. It binds me in feeling like I have to give more than I should take. I never thought anyone had ignorance until proven guilty. On September 11th, I remember teachers asking if I was Muslim and my brother receiving calls as to if he was okay on that day. It didn’t make any sense to me. Had we done something wrong? Did I say something that caused a chain reaction and it led to where we are today? Missing our twin towers? Speaking of ignorance, one day, after living in Boston for a few months, a boy got on the bus and told me I was Islamic and asked if I knew where Osama was hiding. If I knew, if I cared, why would I tell you? Alas, I don’t know, I don’t care. I have no affiliation with the Islamic religion except that, they shared homeland with my family; Kashmir. Of course, I could not tell you about that, I could never venture there. In all this confusion I feel I stand alone, not belonging here or there. Circumstances place me on the left or right, race questions put me in a category; intelligence is all I have of my own. No one can judge that. No one knows my potential. The color of my skin gives me no benefit, the insults can’t cut through the thick layers, and no one can steal my innocence. I’ll stand up to a challenge any day. Just let me keep facing life.
I hate carrying around my Spanish book! It gives people excuses to say stuff. Today some guy started talking to me and asking why I was taking Spanish. Then he asked me what I wanted to be and told me I was too beautiful to not know what I wanted to do when I got older. He's 21! Creepy older people seem to be everywhere. He told me what he does for a living and what he did last night. He's already got 2 kids with 2 different women! When I got off the bus for school he called my name(because I was stupid enough to tell it) and said to remember I'm the best. LOL My friend Lisa came over Saturday after we went to see First Daughter. Bleh. Not a new movie at all. We watched KHNH saturday night and Sunday morning we watched DDLJ! She going to see Veer-Zaara with me as well. Woot. She's upset no one kisses when they should though. I find that amusing. Well, everyone's been talking about concert going and let me just tell all of you something. YOU SUCK. Okay, not really, but I'm so excited for everyone, feels like I almost went! =P I just better get my chance and next year SRK better be on another tour or maybe in two years, this just better not be the last. School sucks people. Starting tomorrow I'm getting put in the seniors physics class and I don't know anyone and it's back to feeling uncomfortable. Well, that's it for me. Anyone else want to share anything? :)