Five Thoughts
1. Broadcast
(radio static)
PHIL MACPHAIL: You are listening to NPR. We are currently awaiting the Alex Wanna press conference which, uh, was sceduled to start about ten minutes ago. Apparently there's been some difficulty, so we are working to -
(radio static)
JAY HERNANDEZ: Welcome to a pivotal episode of AlexCentre! I'm host Jay Hernandez, joined as always by the great Drunk Bing Crosby!
DRUNK BING CROSBY: Sha boo ba doo doah dooah! Shambla dum dee duddle doo.
JAY HERNANDEZ: Right you are my friend! We are awaiting word of what this mysterious press confernce is going to be about. Experts close to Alex say this definitely involves his destination for the next school year. Do you have any thoughts, Bing?
DRUNK BING CROSBY: You will addresh me by my mutherfucking CHRISTIAN name you damb Sheik bastard.
JAY HERNANDEZ: Once again, Bing, I'm Hispanic.
DRUNK BING CROSBY: Whatever sand gook. Anyway, the kid's gonna screw it up again. He's gonna do something terribly inappropriate and wrong and it's gonna be a giant -
(radio static)
PHIL MACPHAIL: -word that the press conference has, indeed, started. We will now broadcast the live feed.
ALEX WANNA: *cough* I'm going back to Morris because who gives a shit anymore.
(silence)
(radio static)
DRUNK BING CROSBY: An aboshoolutely STELLAH performance by the young man tonight! Outstanding!
2. The State Fair
In the excess, it seems, we grab hold of our true base selves. We are attempting, of course, to hold on to a sprig of civility and use it to garnish our massive plates, but everyone can see that the green little whisp on the side of the plate isn't really affecting any change. In situations where everything is at our fingertips, all we can think to do in terms of remember who we are to the wide eyes of the world is hold up hopeless and old gestures. Handshakes, smiles to strangers - all trappings of a world where there are rules to how we act, so endlessly quaint in our current lawless state. These things were passing through my mind last Saturday as I sprinted through the throngs of eager consumers at this year's State Fair.
First, a little background. I was at the Fair because my college radio station (Radio K Where Music Matters Most aka Suck It, Mark Wheat) was broadcasting live from the stage designated for the University of Minnesota for two hours a day. I had giddly signed up two weeks prior, knowing that while it might just be me playing indie rock songs on all three of my college radio station's anemic signals, that did not change the fact that I would be playing indie rock songs at the State Fair, a place where every local radio man/woman I idolized as a child had performed. (One time I walked past Don Shelby doing the news at Channel 4's booth and I nearly had a conniption). As small as it might have been, it was still doing a live broadcast in front of possibly thousands of people. I guess it's sort of like performing the sound checks at Woodstock or designing the guest brochures at the Louvre - you might be a pissant but god damnit you're there.
The reason I was sprinting was because the show started at 4 PM, I was supposed to be at the stage by 3 PM, and I got off of the charter bus a 3:52 PM. This was the result of unfortunate planning, which was unfortunate because at the last minute I was talked into taking a charter bus instead of parking by the fair and paying my way like good working folk. Never do something good working folk wouldn't do, I should get a fucking tattoo of that on somewhere I'll see often. Maybe my junk. Anyway, I arrived for a bus at 3, didn't board a bus till 3:20, said bus did not leave until 3:30, and it arrived 20 minutes later, as the bus driver carelessly waited for children to cross the street and drivers to perform legal lane changes. The moment the bus stopped, I was running.
It is a bizarre experience to be racing through an area where hundreds of people are milling about. That is the perfect word for people at the Minnesota State Fair - they're milling. Not moving at any specifically fast pace - just sort of aimlessly wandering, stopping abruptly, not having any idea of there surroundings and being wholly unwilling to bend for a large man bobbing and weaving between them like Jason Bourne trying to catch a terrorist. Perhaps if I was Jason Bourne, they might have let me through.
I arrived one quick minute before the show was about to start. For those who don't know, the University of Minnesota building is garrishly and hilariously located. To the east of the booth was the KARE 11 health center, which was marked outside by the large butt of a cigarette. Directly west of the booth was the food building, featuring such great delights as potato pizza and, on the shared wall with the U of M building, the most neon beer signs I have ever seen collected in one area. In a way, it is a lot like the University itself - shoved smack dab in an area where it doesn't seem to belong, stuck off to the side and forgotten by most of the state, drawing crowds only because of the free stuff and because some of the people waiting in line for Pronto Pups were getting restless.
I took the stage after the show started and looked out on the fair fare in front of us - the aformentioned Pronto Pup cart, the Buffalo on a stick place. Directly in front of me about fifty feet was Love 105, the radio station where you will probably hear a Burt Bacharach song. No, you will definitely hear a Burt Bacharach song. As a sort of war cry in the middle of our set, me and my partner for the day Josh played "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond, which caused all the people to dance and (I assume) the Love 105 DJ to curse, knowing that his 5 o'clock hour was now screwed up.
After the set, my buddy Chris and I wandered about the fair, eating many pounds of food and drinking several beers on our way to the Midway, where we rode spinny things and I nearly vomited. As I left on a bus filled to the brim with tired and sweaty fairgoers, I was caught by a memory. The memory of how the State Fair used to feel when I was younger, how it was the harbenger of the end of the summer. How after the fair we would start to buy school supplies and figure out my class schedules and make sure everything was ready and get excited and scared for the new year. Most of that was absent after this summer, after this emergency transfer back to Morris. Walking the isles of a local Target on a search for notebooks and pens, I didn't get a bit excited to start again. After seeing stacks of boxes filled with foldable chairs, floor to ceiling mirrors and posters for movies that everyone has seen, I just felt tired. That's how I felt as I left the Fair, realizing I'd need to be up at 5 the next morning for one of my jobs. A group of high school boys stood in front of me, goofing with each other. My younger sister was now probably four years older than them.
In the excess, it seems, we grab hold of our true base selves. My self - remeniscent, thoughtful, worrisome - luckily got a break for one day. Thanks in no small part to Neil Diamond.
3. Fuck Irony
"Never Going Back Again" - Fleetwood Mac
She broke down and let me in
Made me see where Ive been
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
You dont know what it means to win
Come down and see me again
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
Plays before I left Morris: 0
Plays since I left Morris: 20
Amount of laughter from Alex: Zero
4. Player Card
Alex Wanna
Born: 1987
Hometown: St. Paul, Minnesota
Bats: Right
Writes: Right
Reads: Rarely
STRENGTHS
Human information
Name:Ally W
Birthday: February 9th, 1987
Hometown: Saint Paul, MN
Writes: Right
Reads: Rarely
Strengths
Friendship
Alex is, in general, a good friend. He can be absent minded at times (we'll get to that later), but at the end of the day he genuinely cares about all of his friends and will defend them infitely. Great listening skills allow for very personal advice to be asked for, and Alex delivers.
Decisiveness
Alex is a little too timid to take on any serious leadership roles, but when put in a situation where he needs to make a decision, he will make a strong one. Generally works better in smaller situations, such as hang-out opportunities. Will let you down in large life-changing situations.
Conversational Skill
Alex is a fine talker, and he uses his abilitiy to its fullest extent. Tends to have a real awareness for whom he's talking with and how to adapt to that specific person. Can be very funny or very serious at any moment. Will sometimes say the wrong thing, but that's generally made up for.
Weaknesses
Single-mindedness
Alex has been and probably always will be a very internalized person, keeping mostly to himself. This generally is fine, but this also can lead to lots of forgotten important events/people. Will spend most of the time thinking about himself.
Timidy and Lack of Confidence
Perhaps the largest problem Alex has is his inability to seem himself as worth anything. This leads to a myriad of other issues, like not believing that others care about him and assuming he is making the wrong decision at all times. This is a core problem and should be the immediate goal of anyone trying to turn this kid around.
Rating: 70
5. HOME
There is a home that I used to know.
Home lasting in the long run sunlight
like a manic child wild in the night.
There's a home that I used to know.
At the end of the road, there is a home.
There is a home that I used to know.
Lacqured pink fingers ramping through
a complete circumvention of the doors you knew.
There's a home that I used to know.
Before we know, there is no home.
There is a home that I used to know.
She's something far beyond the sky
and a lasting liner in the row.
There's a home that I used to know.
When I lose my sight, there is a home.
When I lost my tone, there is a home.
Where the Lord shuts down, there is a home.
(radio static)
PHIL MACPHAIL: You are listening to NPR. We are currently awaiting the Alex Wanna press conference which, uh, was sceduled to start about ten minutes ago. Apparently there's been some difficulty, so we are working to -
(radio static)
Click to viewJAY HERNANDEZ: Welcome to a pivotal episode of AlexCentre! I'm host Jay Hernandez, joined as always by the great Drunk Bing Crosby!
DRUNK BING CROSBY: Sha boo ba doo doah dooah! Shambla dum dee duddle doo.
JAY HERNANDEZ: Right you are my friend! We are awaiting word of what this mysterious press confernce is going to be about. Experts close to Alex say this definitely involves his destination for the next school year. Do you have any thoughts, Bing?
DRUNK BING CROSBY: You will addresh me by my mutherfucking CHRISTIAN name you damb Sheik bastard.
JAY HERNANDEZ: Once again, Bing, I'm Hispanic.
DRUNK BING CROSBY: Whatever sand gook. Anyway, the kid's gonna screw it up again. He's gonna do something terribly inappropriate and wrong and it's gonna be a giant -
(radio static)
PHIL MACPHAIL: -word that the press conference has, indeed, started. We will now broadcast the live feed.
ALEX WANNA: *cough* I'm going back to Morris because who gives a shit anymore.
(silence)
(radio static)
DRUNK BING CROSBY: An aboshoolutely STELLAH performance by the young man tonight! Outstanding!
2. The State Fair
In the excess, it seems, we grab hold of our true base selves. We are attempting, of course, to hold on to a sprig of civility and use it to garnish our massive plates, but everyone can see that the green little whisp on the side of the plate isn't really affecting any change. In situations where everything is at our fingertips, all we can think to do in terms of remember who we are to the wide eyes of the world is hold up hopeless and old gestures. Handshakes, smiles to strangers - all trappings of a world where there are rules to how we act, so endlessly quaint in our current lawless state. These things were passing through my mind last Saturday as I sprinted through the throngs of eager consumers at this year's State Fair.
First, a little background. I was at the Fair because my college radio station (Radio K Where Music Matters Most aka Suck It, Mark Wheat) was broadcasting live from the stage designated for the University of Minnesota for two hours a day. I had giddly signed up two weeks prior, knowing that while it might just be me playing indie rock songs on all three of my college radio station's anemic signals, that did not change the fact that I would be playing indie rock songs at the State Fair, a place where every local radio man/woman I idolized as a child had performed. (One time I walked past Don Shelby doing the news at Channel 4's booth and I nearly had a conniption). As small as it might have been, it was still doing a live broadcast in front of possibly thousands of people. I guess it's sort of like performing the sound checks at Woodstock or designing the guest brochures at the Louvre - you might be a pissant but god damnit you're there.
The reason I was sprinting was because the show started at 4 PM, I was supposed to be at the stage by 3 PM, and I got off of the charter bus a 3:52 PM. This was the result of unfortunate planning, which was unfortunate because at the last minute I was talked into taking a charter bus instead of parking by the fair and paying my way like good working folk. Never do something good working folk wouldn't do, I should get a fucking tattoo of that on somewhere I'll see often. Maybe my junk. Anyway, I arrived for a bus at 3, didn't board a bus till 3:20, said bus did not leave until 3:30, and it arrived 20 minutes later, as the bus driver carelessly waited for children to cross the street and drivers to perform legal lane changes. The moment the bus stopped, I was running.
It is a bizarre experience to be racing through an area where hundreds of people are milling about. That is the perfect word for people at the Minnesota State Fair - they're milling. Not moving at any specifically fast pace - just sort of aimlessly wandering, stopping abruptly, not having any idea of there surroundings and being wholly unwilling to bend for a large man bobbing and weaving between them like Jason Bourne trying to catch a terrorist. Perhaps if I was Jason Bourne, they might have let me through.
I arrived one quick minute before the show was about to start. For those who don't know, the University of Minnesota building is garrishly and hilariously located. To the east of the booth was the KARE 11 health center, which was marked outside by the large butt of a cigarette. Directly west of the booth was the food building, featuring such great delights as potato pizza and, on the shared wall with the U of M building, the most neon beer signs I have ever seen collected in one area. In a way, it is a lot like the University itself - shoved smack dab in an area where it doesn't seem to belong, stuck off to the side and forgotten by most of the state, drawing crowds only because of the free stuff and because some of the people waiting in line for Pronto Pups were getting restless.
I took the stage after the show started and looked out on the fair fare in front of us - the aformentioned Pronto Pup cart, the Buffalo on a stick place. Directly in front of me about fifty feet was Love 105, the radio station where you will probably hear a Burt Bacharach song. No, you will definitely hear a Burt Bacharach song. As a sort of war cry in the middle of our set, me and my partner for the day Josh played "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond, which caused all the people to dance and (I assume) the Love 105 DJ to curse, knowing that his 5 o'clock hour was now screwed up.
After the set, my buddy Chris and I wandered about the fair, eating many pounds of food and drinking several beers on our way to the Midway, where we rode spinny things and I nearly vomited. As I left on a bus filled to the brim with tired and sweaty fairgoers, I was caught by a memory. The memory of how the State Fair used to feel when I was younger, how it was the harbenger of the end of the summer. How after the fair we would start to buy school supplies and figure out my class schedules and make sure everything was ready and get excited and scared for the new year. Most of that was absent after this summer, after this emergency transfer back to Morris. Walking the isles of a local Target on a search for notebooks and pens, I didn't get a bit excited to start again. After seeing stacks of boxes filled with foldable chairs, floor to ceiling mirrors and posters for movies that everyone has seen, I just felt tired. That's how I felt as I left the Fair, realizing I'd need to be up at 5 the next morning for one of my jobs. A group of high school boys stood in front of me, goofing with each other. My younger sister was now probably four years older than them.
In the excess, it seems, we grab hold of our true base selves. My self - remeniscent, thoughtful, worrisome - luckily got a break for one day. Thanks in no small part to Neil Diamond.
3. Fuck Irony
"Never Going Back Again" - Fleetwood Mac
She broke down and let me in
Made me see where Ive been
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
You dont know what it means to win
Come down and see me again
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
Plays before I left Morris: 0
Plays since I left Morris: 20
Amount of laughter from Alex: Zero
4. Player Card
Alex Wanna
Born: 1987
Hometown: St. Paul, Minnesota
Bats: Right
Writes: Right
Reads: Rarely
STRENGTHS
Human information
Name:Ally W
Birthday: February 9th, 1987
Hometown: Saint Paul, MN
Writes: Right
Reads: Rarely
Strengths
Friendship
Alex is, in general, a good friend. He can be absent minded at times (we'll get to that later), but at the end of the day he genuinely cares about all of his friends and will defend them infitely. Great listening skills allow for very personal advice to be asked for, and Alex delivers.
Decisiveness
Alex is a little too timid to take on any serious leadership roles, but when put in a situation where he needs to make a decision, he will make a strong one. Generally works better in smaller situations, such as hang-out opportunities. Will let you down in large life-changing situations.
Conversational Skill
Alex is a fine talker, and he uses his abilitiy to its fullest extent. Tends to have a real awareness for whom he's talking with and how to adapt to that specific person. Can be very funny or very serious at any moment. Will sometimes say the wrong thing, but that's generally made up for.
Weaknesses
Single-mindedness
Alex has been and probably always will be a very internalized person, keeping mostly to himself. This generally is fine, but this also can lead to lots of forgotten important events/people. Will spend most of the time thinking about himself.
Timidy and Lack of Confidence
Perhaps the largest problem Alex has is his inability to seem himself as worth anything. This leads to a myriad of other issues, like not believing that others care about him and assuming he is making the wrong decision at all times. This is a core problem and should be the immediate goal of anyone trying to turn this kid around.
Rating: 70
5. HOME
There is a home that I used to know.
Home lasting in the long run sunlight
like a manic child wild in the night.
There's a home that I used to know.
At the end of the road, there is a home.
There is a home that I used to know.
Lacqured pink fingers ramping through
a complete circumvention of the doors you knew.
There's a home that I used to know.
Before we know, there is no home.
There is a home that I used to know.
She's something far beyond the sky
and a lasting liner in the row.
There's a home that I used to know.
When I lose my sight, there is a home.
When I lost my tone, there is a home.
Where the Lord shuts down, there is a home.