Being called a fangirl

[malinbe]

I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I've been part of online fandoms for well over ten years now, and during my teenage years and even up until yesterday, I had never had any problems calling myself a fangirl. I'm a girl and I'm a fan of something. Of course, I had seen the term fangirl (and fanboy) in a negative context- "fangirls almost crushed Robert

Comments

[inverarity]

Short answer: you can't.

I think you're entirely correct that he's dismissing any opinion coming from a female as being a product of inferior girlbrains. And he'll strenuously deny any such accusation, and probably does not consider himself a sexist.

I know this guy. We all know That Guy.

Your "I'm going to set my dragons on you" comment he interpreted as you being cute and silly and responding the only way you could when reduced to flustered giggling by his devastating manly logic. He didn't realize you were actually angry and offended. But if you'd responded more strongly, then you'd have been irrational and emotional and obviously unable to handle his devastating manly logic.

Do you really want to fight this battle? Then just be direct, without sarcasm or insults or joking around. But realize you're addressing the audience, not him. Nothing you say is going to work on him. In his mind, he's right and you're a girl, period.

[malinbe]

You are right, of course, there is no clear way to win this. I ended up replying to somebody else's post, summarizing my opinion one last time, and then added a line at the end saying it was "uncool" to call me a fangirl and saying my opinion was less valid.

He replied telling me to not get upset, that it was only a joke. He also said he didn't need me to agree with him, as long as UserGuy #1 and UserGuy #2 were on his side. I left it at that- general conversation moved on without us, and I didn't feel the need to press the issue anymore.

Thanks for the advice.

[ladysugarquill]

The guy is a douche. A sexist one. I would call him exactly that. :/

[malinbe]

Thing is, I've been having fun chatting with all the others for the last few months. I didn't want to start a fight and ruin the fun. Anyway, I think it's over for now. Thanks.

[jesspallas]

I've been in a similar situation to this before. It sounds to me like he's hiding behind the word fangirl as an all-purpose dismissal to anyone who disagrees with him. To be honest, it's not only patronising, it's rude and think he should be pulled up politely but firmly before he really offends someone. The best way to deal with it is to prove you've risen above it. Don't let him box you off and dismiss you but don't snap at him. Your opinion is a valid as his. And be careful how you phrase it - what you write on the net and how people read it can be interpreted very differently.

Hope that helps. :)

[malinbe]

Yeah, I thought long and hard as to how to respond. I ended up saying it was "uncool" to call me a fangirl and dismiss my opinion as less valid. I thought it was quite a neutral word, without really assigning blame but making it clear it was not okay. He answered telling me not to get upset and that it was a joke. I left it at that, and I hope he will think twice next time.

Thank you!

[jesspallas]

Nicely done. Glad it's sorted. :)