Update on my life
My computer is super unhappy and so I've had to rebuild it from scratch. I have a bar mitzvah in Teaneck to attend this weekend and next week begins the really psycho cleaning for Passover.
While I seem to have avoided the worst of the cold I was exposed to in MA it has caused a relapse in my fatigue. A couple weeks ago I realized that being off dairy for about a year is probably helping my health. While I have not been giddy with energy, like I was december-march last year, I have been able to go out 2-4 times a week doing a bunch of running around (4-8 hours at a time). I've occasionally been making dinner and eating with llennhoff in the dining room on weekdays as well as regulary eating in the dining room for shabbos meals. I've also occasionally doing basic housecleaning and laundry as well as cleaning/organzing the kitchen. To anyone that does not have a chronic fatigue problem these may not seem like a big deal but to those with you can imagine how wonderful it was when I realized that I must be getting better although I still have a ways to go before I'm back to normal. Getting better requires continuing with diet changes, getting regular orthobionomy treatments, continuing to pace myself, and start up with a very gentle yoga and/or pilates program.
However, all of a sudden I am crashing and it could not have come at much of a worse time. I have a family bar mitzvah this weekend and is a requirement I attend which I know is going to knock a lot out of me. Then there is getting ready for passover which starts in less then 2 weeks. Immediately following Passover I have jury duty. So I'm not sure when I get to take the time to rest and recover from the last month. I'm also really feeling motivated to do a bunch of things but with the fatigue they all have to be put on hold and I'm afriad that by the time the fatigue starts lifting I will have lost the forward motion on them which unfortunately will lead to depression.
For the last couple years I've been actively trying to have a more positive attitude towards life and to stop expecting things to go badly. But it is hard to keep that positive attitude when the fatigue just keeps dragging me down. Most of my life I was an eeyore type personality. If asked if the glass is half full or half empty my response was always it is a glass with water what does it matter how much. Let me tell you that drives therapists crazy and does not help with getting proper therapy for various problems as I just do not fit the mold properly. I am suicidal while it is obvious I would never take the steps to actually kill myself. I have a lot of confidence in myself while at the same time knowing that I am lower than dirt. I have a number of phobias yet in times of crisis I ignore the phobias and wait until it is safe to freak out.
On the posititve side I do have a plan for getting ready for Passover and several freinds have agreed to help me. I've also gotten all the passover shopping except eggs and fresh produce done. I need to type up 3-4 new recipes that we are trying this year. I also have figured out how to do some reorganizing of the house, thanks to mom's visit last fall, that will let me set up a sewing/laptop room to work in with Debbie on sewing and online projects. She has a sewing machine but no place in her house to set it up so this works perfectly. It means that on a good day (or good hour) I can go into the sewing room to work on a project and she is able to come over and work anytime she wants and have company which helps both of us as we both work better while talking out thoughts out. It will take some work and help from a few strong people to rearrange so much furniture but I know it is doable. I've also figured out how to get our library room back to a library versus a library/computer/storage space that is not usable at this time as it is such a mess. I am also looking at getting back into professional writing (resumes, getting serious about my books, finding a way to make money off of things I've written/developed already for converts/BTs) as we could use the income. I should be able to work on them as they are time flexible and so will let me work around my fatigue. In additon, I have a bunch of ideas for taking my mom's photography and making it a possible profitable business although it will probably take us a year to come to agreement on what she can/should do and figuring out where to make her work available for sale.
For those of you that read through this long update thank you.
While I seem to have avoided the worst of the cold I was exposed to in MA it has caused a relapse in my fatigue. A couple weeks ago I realized that being off dairy for about a year is probably helping my health. While I have not been giddy with energy, like I was december-march last year, I have been able to go out 2-4 times a week doing a bunch of running around (4-8 hours at a time). I've occasionally been making dinner and eating with llennhoff in the dining room on weekdays as well as regulary eating in the dining room for shabbos meals. I've also occasionally doing basic housecleaning and laundry as well as cleaning/organzing the kitchen. To anyone that does not have a chronic fatigue problem these may not seem like a big deal but to those with you can imagine how wonderful it was when I realized that I must be getting better although I still have a ways to go before I'm back to normal. Getting better requires continuing with diet changes, getting regular orthobionomy treatments, continuing to pace myself, and start up with a very gentle yoga and/or pilates program.
However, all of a sudden I am crashing and it could not have come at much of a worse time. I have a family bar mitzvah this weekend and is a requirement I attend which I know is going to knock a lot out of me. Then there is getting ready for passover which starts in less then 2 weeks. Immediately following Passover I have jury duty. So I'm not sure when I get to take the time to rest and recover from the last month. I'm also really feeling motivated to do a bunch of things but with the fatigue they all have to be put on hold and I'm afriad that by the time the fatigue starts lifting I will have lost the forward motion on them which unfortunately will lead to depression.
For the last couple years I've been actively trying to have a more positive attitude towards life and to stop expecting things to go badly. But it is hard to keep that positive attitude when the fatigue just keeps dragging me down. Most of my life I was an eeyore type personality. If asked if the glass is half full or half empty my response was always it is a glass with water what does it matter how much. Let me tell you that drives therapists crazy and does not help with getting proper therapy for various problems as I just do not fit the mold properly. I am suicidal while it is obvious I would never take the steps to actually kill myself. I have a lot of confidence in myself while at the same time knowing that I am lower than dirt. I have a number of phobias yet in times of crisis I ignore the phobias and wait until it is safe to freak out.
On the posititve side I do have a plan for getting ready for Passover and several freinds have agreed to help me. I've also gotten all the passover shopping except eggs and fresh produce done. I need to type up 3-4 new recipes that we are trying this year. I also have figured out how to do some reorganizing of the house, thanks to mom's visit last fall, that will let me set up a sewing/laptop room to work in with Debbie on sewing and online projects. She has a sewing machine but no place in her house to set it up so this works perfectly. It means that on a good day (or good hour) I can go into the sewing room to work on a project and she is able to come over and work anytime she wants and have company which helps both of us as we both work better while talking out thoughts out. It will take some work and help from a few strong people to rearrange so much furniture but I know it is doable. I've also figured out how to get our library room back to a library versus a library/computer/storage space that is not usable at this time as it is such a mess. I am also looking at getting back into professional writing (resumes, getting serious about my books, finding a way to make money off of things I've written/developed already for converts/BTs) as we could use the income. I should be able to work on them as they are time flexible and so will let me work around my fatigue. In additon, I have a bunch of ideas for taking my mom's photography and making it a possible profitable business although it will probably take us a year to come to agreement on what she can/should do and figuring out where to make her work available for sale.
For those of you that read through this long update thank you.