Agony
I fear I am losing my Persiphone.
Last Saturday she started acting strangely. Tuesday I took her to the vet. Wednesday the tests came back negative. Thursday, she had a grand mal seizure. We took her back to the vet. She came home and had two more. Then, Friday, she had only petite mal seizures. Stare and drool. I thought she was doing better today until I came home from work tonight and found that her ability to recognize friends is diminishing. I think she's in a constant hallucinatory state. She sees me, but doesn't see who i AM. She hisses and growls, drooling, and tracking the movement of things that aren't in the material world.
I feel bad now for teasing her about "the fairies" for all that time, before she was sick.
We've wrapped her up and forced a whole phenobarbital pill down her throat. That was about 11pm-ish. It's 3:30 now, and if I had to judge her condition, I'd say at least no different -- if not worse.
I did more research on the internet. I've found something that seems to fit Pers' situation almost to a tee: Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome. The few things that worry me about this possible "diagnosis":
1) All the "Treatments" require a cat that is in the here-and-now, and Pers seems to be permanently in another dimension; though sometimes she may see back into ours, she isn't fully 'here' anymore.
2) She's already on anti-convulsant therapy, and yes, I haven't seen any grand mals since Thursday, and yes, the frequency of her seizures seems way down, but she is still hallucinating. (And I think her hallucinations are terrifying her.)
3) Anti-obsessional/Antidepressant Therapy says that "Typically nothing much is seen for the first three weeks." Poor Pers can't last three weeks like this. She's not eating tonight. She isn't drinking either. She's sitting in one spot, enduring episode after episode of something that is most likely terrifying her into near- or full-on seizures. I don't expect her to use the litterboxes in this state. If she manages that, I'd count it as a small miracle.
I am thinking of one more vet visit. More along the lines of a consultation. Ask what the *veterinarian* thinks. As far as I can forsee, if I choose to try antidepressant therapy, i'm not only going to have to force-pill her, I am going to have to force-feed and force-water her too. For up to 3 weeks, or more. For the hope that it *might* work. She'd need a sedative from the vet. She needs some sleep. Maybe, I think, her lack of sleep is contributing to the severity of her visions. What happens when she reawakens and goes right on back to not sleeping? Do I take her to the vet every other day or so to chemically knock her out?
Is it fair to make her live that way? Chemical induced sleep? Forced food, drink and medication? The indignity of missing the litterbox?
The more I think about it, the more I think that, if the vet agrees it would be unfair, I'll try a sedative to let her sleep, then see if she has "rebooted" when she wakes up. If she hasn't... well... I think then is the time to make The Decision.
Part of me is already mourning her. I look at my kitty, searching for some sign of recognition in her wide, dilated eyes, and see none. I hear her hiss and snarl at nothing, or at me, and my heart breaks each time.
--- I was interrupted there by the very thing I was talking about. She was outside my door hissing and snarling. When I opened the door, she made such a threatening noise that I actually became frightened enough to drape a towel between myself and her. I put it over her to try to calm her but instead she lost control of her bowels, and peed a little. I released her and went about cleaning up (after she moved away from it) but the whole time I felt like she was only a moment away from attacking me. Now she is in the litterbox in my room, growling. I am genuinely frightened of her.
This is not my cat! This is not the Persiphone I knew. Something has happened to her. Something has replaced her. Taken over. Possessed her. The more I tear myself apart over this, the closer I come to believing that the only humane option I have left is to put her down.
I don't want to. I want my old Pers back. The one I had a week ago. Even the drooling, seizing Pers would be fine with me. But I don't think that is going to happen.
Tomorrow (today, it's early morning now) I will see if I can find a vet that is open that can consult with me. I will take Pers with me. What happens then, will happen.
Please don't feel that you must comment here; this is mostly here for me. A way of sitting down and thinking things out. It is secondly here to update those who don't know what is going on. Comment if you want to, if you don't want to, then don't.
Last Saturday she started acting strangely. Tuesday I took her to the vet. Wednesday the tests came back negative. Thursday, she had a grand mal seizure. We took her back to the vet. She came home and had two more. Then, Friday, she had only petite mal seizures. Stare and drool. I thought she was doing better today until I came home from work tonight and found that her ability to recognize friends is diminishing. I think she's in a constant hallucinatory state. She sees me, but doesn't see who i AM. She hisses and growls, drooling, and tracking the movement of things that aren't in the material world.
I feel bad now for teasing her about "the fairies" for all that time, before she was sick.
We've wrapped her up and forced a whole phenobarbital pill down her throat. That was about 11pm-ish. It's 3:30 now, and if I had to judge her condition, I'd say at least no different -- if not worse.
I did more research on the internet. I've found something that seems to fit Pers' situation almost to a tee: Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome. The few things that worry me about this possible "diagnosis":
1) All the "Treatments" require a cat that is in the here-and-now, and Pers seems to be permanently in another dimension; though sometimes she may see back into ours, she isn't fully 'here' anymore.
2) She's already on anti-convulsant therapy, and yes, I haven't seen any grand mals since Thursday, and yes, the frequency of her seizures seems way down, but she is still hallucinating. (And I think her hallucinations are terrifying her.)
3) Anti-obsessional/Antidepressant Therapy says that "Typically nothing much is seen for the first three weeks." Poor Pers can't last three weeks like this. She's not eating tonight. She isn't drinking either. She's sitting in one spot, enduring episode after episode of something that is most likely terrifying her into near- or full-on seizures. I don't expect her to use the litterboxes in this state. If she manages that, I'd count it as a small miracle.
I am thinking of one more vet visit. More along the lines of a consultation. Ask what the *veterinarian* thinks. As far as I can forsee, if I choose to try antidepressant therapy, i'm not only going to have to force-pill her, I am going to have to force-feed and force-water her too. For up to 3 weeks, or more. For the hope that it *might* work. She'd need a sedative from the vet. She needs some sleep. Maybe, I think, her lack of sleep is contributing to the severity of her visions. What happens when she reawakens and goes right on back to not sleeping? Do I take her to the vet every other day or so to chemically knock her out?
Is it fair to make her live that way? Chemical induced sleep? Forced food, drink and medication? The indignity of missing the litterbox?
The more I think about it, the more I think that, if the vet agrees it would be unfair, I'll try a sedative to let her sleep, then see if she has "rebooted" when she wakes up. If she hasn't... well... I think then is the time to make The Decision.
Part of me is already mourning her. I look at my kitty, searching for some sign of recognition in her wide, dilated eyes, and see none. I hear her hiss and snarl at nothing, or at me, and my heart breaks each time.
--- I was interrupted there by the very thing I was talking about. She was outside my door hissing and snarling. When I opened the door, she made such a threatening noise that I actually became frightened enough to drape a towel between myself and her. I put it over her to try to calm her but instead she lost control of her bowels, and peed a little. I released her and went about cleaning up (after she moved away from it) but the whole time I felt like she was only a moment away from attacking me. Now she is in the litterbox in my room, growling. I am genuinely frightened of her.
This is not my cat! This is not the Persiphone I knew. Something has happened to her. Something has replaced her. Taken over. Possessed her. The more I tear myself apart over this, the closer I come to believing that the only humane option I have left is to put her down.
I don't want to. I want my old Pers back. The one I had a week ago. Even the drooling, seizing Pers would be fine with me. But I don't think that is going to happen.
Tomorrow (today, it's early morning now) I will see if I can find a vet that is open that can consult with me. I will take Pers with me. What happens then, will happen.
Please don't feel that you must comment here; this is mostly here for me. A way of sitting down and thinking things out. It is secondly here to update those who don't know what is going on. Comment if you want to, if you don't want to, then don't.