Fic: Kiss You Where It's Sore (3/3)
Part three.
“I know. I know,” was what Brittany told her when, shakily and on the verge of tears-because she was sure this was something that could ruin everything-she confessed what she had realized that morning.
That killed the tears instantly. “You know?” Santana yelled, flinging herself away from Brittany so fast she nearly slammed herself against the lockers.
“Santana, calm down. I know everything about you, that your favorite color is orange and your favorite ice cream flavor is cookies and cream and your favorite book is still Where the Wild Things Are. Why wouldn’t I know this?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I know you. You need to figure things out yourself. If I had told you, would you have believed me?”
“Of course not!” she snapped, and Brittany smiled.
“See?”
“Fuck,” Santana sighed and flopped onto a bench. “I just… What do I do, Britt?”
“What do you want to do, San?”
“I…don’t want to lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me,” Brittany insisted, bewildered.
“But…”
“Santana, don’t you know it’s possible to be in love with more than one person? I mean, Quinn’s in love with Rachel, but she’s been in love with you since middle school.”
“What… What?” Santana scowled, but that only made Brittany laugh and come sit with her. “You said Quinn’s been in love with Rachel since eighth grade! And me too?”
“Sure. Quinn’s very complicated.”
“And am I?”
“Of course you are. You are super complicated. But I met you when we were really little, so I’ve had a lot of practice figuring you out.” Brittany smiled beatifically, and Santana put her face in her hands. “You being in love with Quinn? Not going to make me go anywhere.” Brittany kissed her shoulder, and Santana lifted her head up.
“So, what, I can fool around with you and Quinn? Who is that fair to?”
“Well, as long as you let me join in sometimes, I think it’s fair to all three of us,” Brittany said sagely, and Santana turned and put her face in Brittany’s shoulder.
Thursday morning, Santana showed up at school by herself, Brittany having taken Rachel, and nervously approached Quinn at her locker. They hadn’t said much since they’d spent the night together. “Hi,” she said, feeling utterly lame.
“Hi,” Quinn replied neutrally.
“I was wondering, um… Are you… Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” she asked, trying not to sound hopeful.
“I don’t have any plans,” Quinn said, her tone still infuriatingly flat. “Why?”
“Er, maybe… You’d wanna go to Breadstix with me?” Santana asked, utterly loathing herself at that moment. She should be smoother than this for god’s sake. She was smoother than this when she’d asked Brittany out on a proper date for the first time-but just barely.
Quinn turned to her, frowning, but there was a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth, and Santana finally relaxed. “Santana Lopez. Are you asking me out on a date?” Quinn drawled.
“Yes,” Santana said staunchly, and Quinn’s face fell.
“You’re very sweet, Santana,” she said quietly, “but what about Brittany?”
“Brittany doesn’t mind,” Santana said hurriedly. “I talked to her.”
“Then, what is this, pity? I do not need your pity.”
“No! This isn’t pity. This is just… I like you, okay? The other night was… Really amazing.”
“Really?” Quinn asked, moving closer.
“Really,” Santana said sincerely, and Quinn carefully smoothed out a wrinkle in Santana’s uniform top.
“Okay. You can pick me up at eight,” Quinn decided, and Santana flashed a smile, which Quinn guardedly returned.
“How’d it go, how’d it go?” Brittany practically squealed, as Santana sat down with her in history.
“Britt, calm down. She said yes, okay?”
“Oh, good, good. Oh, Quinn needs to be happy, you know?”
“You really think I can make her happy?”
“Well. I think you might need my help sometimes, but yes.” Brittany nodded, and Santana grinned and nudged her friend’s shoulder.
“How’s Rachel?” she asked, suddenly concerned.
“Oh. She’s… Rachel. I think she’s kind of heartbroken, but she’s pretending she’s not, and I’ve just been letting her think I believe her. Maybe I should take her out on Friday!”
“As friends?” Santana asked warily.
“Oh, well, sure, if it would bother you…”
“Well, no, I just… Don’t you think this is getting kind of complicated? And aren’t we supposed to be getting Rachel and Quinn together?”
“Oh, we can still do that,” Brittany said, nodding. “But this is fun too. And you and Quinn are adorable.”
“Shhh,” Santana hissed, as the bell rang, and Brittany obediently snapped her mouth shut.
That afternoon, at glee rehearsal, Quinn actually smiled at Rachel, and Rachel practically fell into Santana. “Did you say something to her?” she asked, horrified, watching Quinn take a seat beside Mercedes.
“Not about you. I did figure out a way to calm her down, though,” Santana smirked.
“And how did you do that?” Rachel asked, and suddenly Santana realized just how caught in the middle of this she had become.
She and Brittany might not have a problem with sleeping with other people, but Santana knew Rachel was not so casual about these things. And that her sleeping with Quinn, especially after she’d taken Rachel’s virginity, was not something her new friend would take well.
“Oh, I got her drunk,” Santana said, winking at Rachel, who just rolled her eyes and went to sit with Kurt. “Smooth,” she muttered to herself, and went to sit with Brittany.
After rehearsal, Santana grabbed Brittany and marched her from the room. “We need to talk,” she said quietly, and Brittany just nodded and followed her out to the car.
“Are you all right, babe?” Brittany asked, smoothing Santana’s hair back from her forehead.
“Yes. Well… I think Rachel would be hurt if she found out about me and Quinn.”
“Why?” Brittany asked curiously.
“Because… Because she likes Quinn, right? And… I’m her friend now, and sleeping with the girl she likes isn’t something you should do to your friend.”
“But… Rachel slept with you already, and…” Brittany frowned. Santana sighed.
“Well, that’s another thing, too. I mean, I was Rachel’s first, and she takes that kind of thing seriously, and… Oh, god, I’ve been kind of afraid she’d start falling in love with me. When I woke up that morning, she was holding onto me like her life depended on it.”
“Rachel adores you, San. So does Quinn. So do I. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, is there?”
“No, not wrong… Just. Complicated.” Santana glanced across the car and smiled shyly at her best friend. “I adore you too, you know.”
“I know,” Brittany grinned, and she leaned over and kissed Santana softly. “And you’ve always adored Quinn, and you’re getting really bad at pretending you don’t like Rachel.”
Santana shook her head, but couldn’t deny it. “Well, I don’t want to hurt her. I mean, she likes Quinn.”
“She likes you too.”
“I’m starting to think you think all four of us should just…be…together,” Santana said, and Brittany nodded.
“Well, why not?”
“Because! First, oh my god, we’d kill each other.”
Brittany laughed and leaned over to kiss Santana again. “No, no. I wouldn’t let that happen,” she promised.
“You are too much,” Santana murmured affectionately. “Let’s go home and worry about all this later.”
“Okay,” Brittany agreed, and as Santana pulled out of the parking lot, she reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“I love you, you know,” Santana said quietly.
“I know. I love you too.”
Santana pulled into Quinn’s driveway at exactly eight o’clock, and for a brief moment, she wondered if she should actually go up to the door, but before she could move, Quinn came practically pelting outside. “Are you being chased?” Santana teased, once she was in the car.
“No,” Quinn muttered. “Can we just go?”
“What’s the matter?” Santana asked, even as she pulled out of the driveway.
“Nothing, I just… Wanted to get out.”
“Okay,” Santana said slowly, watching her friend out of the corner of her eye.
Quinn sighed, then turned to Santana and brightened slightly. “You look hot,” she said, and Santana grinned.
“I know,” she said casually, and Quinn laughed a little.
“I can always count on you to be humble.”
“Hey, if there’s anything I shouldn’t have to pretend isn’t true, it’s that I am hot,” Santana insisted, and Quinn smiled and briefly rested her head against Santana’s shoulder. “You look gorgeous,” she whispered, before Quinn settled back in her seat.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “Santana?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you love Breadstix, but do you think we could go somewhere…not in Lima?”
“Oh, um. Sure,” Santana frowned.
“I just… You know, I can’t be… I don’t want to have to pretend this isn’t a date,” Quinn fumbled, and Santana’s face began to burn.
“Right.” Santana nodded and focused on the road.
“I’m sorry, I just…”
“It’s all right. I mean, I get it. You tried to make Rachel’s life a living hell because you were too afraid to be gay.”
“I’m not-”
“Quinn, it doesn’t matter. You like girls. And there’s nothing wrong with it. But I get it-you don’t want all of Lima to know.”
“I…”
“I understand, believe me. We’ll go get sushi in Bluffton.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Good.”
Dinner was enjoyable, with only a few awkward silences-they had known each other since sixth grade, after all. As long as Santana didn’t think of this as a Date, she was fine, and she soon had put Quinn at her ease as well. The sushi restaurant she’d picked was traditional, so the girls sat on the floor in their socks, sharing tuna rolls and, thanks to Santana’s fake ID, a bottle of sake. By the end of the night, Quinn’s face was flushed, and she was trying to play footsie while Santana was trying to take care of the check.
“Q. Keep it in your pants for five more minutes,” she teased, once the waiter had taken her credit card.
Quinn just grinned slyly at her, but she withdrew her foot, and Santana laughed. “I do like this side of you, though.”
“I like this side of me, too,” Quinn decided, and all Santana could do was laugh, delighted.
“See? All you needed was to get laid. Properly,” she said, and Quinn rolled her eyes.
“Oh, yes. You’ve cured me of all my stick in the mud…ness.”
“Oh, not even close. But it’s a start.”
Quinn’s eyes flashed, and Santana reveled in the playful arguing, and she carefully brushed Quinn’s leg with her foot, and all the anger disappeared from her eyes. “I have missed you,” Quinn said softly.
“I know. Me too,” Santana said, as the waiter returned her credit card. “Come on,” she said, taking care of the tip. “Let’s go home.”
The drive back to Lima was comfortably quiet, Santana’s iPod on so it wouldn’t be silent, but neither girl felt the need to say anything. After a few minutes, Quinn reached for Santana’s hand, and Santana let her hold it the rest of the way home.
When they got to Quinn’s, Santana parked and followed Quinn up to the house, intending to kiss her goodnight and head home. “What are you doing?” Quinn asked, noticing her hanging back as she unlocked the door.
“Oh, well, I… I was hoping to get to kiss you,” she mumbled, feeling like a moron.
“If you come inside, I believe that can be arranged,” Quinn said. “And possibly more, if you’re interested.”
“But…your mom?”
“I’m sure she’s passed out by now. Come on.” Quinn held out her hand, Santana obediently took it, following her inside and upstairs to Quinn’s bedroom.
“Q, is it… I mean, are you okay, staying here?” Santana asked, but instead of answering, Quinn just pushed her toward the bed.
“Let’s not talk now,” she said, and Santana had no inclination to argue.
But later, as Quinn drowsed with her head pillowed just below Santana’s breasts, she couldn’t stop herself from asking if Quinn hated being back home. “I didn’t belong with Mercedes’ family,” Quinn muttered. “And at least my dad’s gone.”
“But your mom let him throw you out.”
“She’s never been able to stand up to him.” Quinn sighed. “I think she thought I’d come home and bring the baby, and she’d have…I don’t know, someone to take care of, a purpose again, but that didn’t happen. So she drinks.”
Santana sighed and tenderly smoothed Quinn’s hair. “Come home with me.”
“Santana, I love your family, but there are six of you in that house, and… If you and I were that close all the time, we would murder each other.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I know I am. You’re sweet, and I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be okay here until college.”
“Okay. Just promise me you’ll come over if it gets bad-or go to Britt’s. Her house isn’t as full as mine.”
“I promise,” Quinn said fondly.
“Should I go?” Santana asked cautiously. “I can’t imagine Judy would be thrilled to find us like this in the morning.”
“No,” Quinn said simply. “Don’t go.”
And that was good enough for Santana.
She woke up the next morning to her phone going off, and she groaned and struggled out from underneath Quinn to answer it-but only because she knew it was Brittany. “’Mornin’, babe,” she yawned, pulling on her jeans.
“Morning. Um, San?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I may have…messed up with Rachel.”
“Why, what happened?” Santana asked, smiling to herself. The idea of Brittany and Rachel spending time alone together would never cease to amuse her. There was no way either one would ever actually understand the other.
“I told her you slept with Quinn,” Brittany confessed, and Santana sighed and fell onto Quinn’s desk chair.
“Britt,” she groaned. “I thought I told you not to.”
“Well, no. You just said Rachel would be weird about it, but she kept asking me about you and Quinn and if you were close, and I thought she’d be turned on by it, like I am, but um… I guess you have betrayed her trust. Or something.”
“Perfect. Perfect.”
“I’m sorry,” Brittany said, and Santana could hear the tears in her voice.
“It’s all right, Britt,” she rushed to say. “I’m not mad at you, okay? I’ll…figure this out. Somehow.”
“Okay. How was your date?” she asked.
“Good. I’m still at Quinn’s. Can I talk to you later?”
“Oh! Yeah, of course.”
“Hey. I love you.”
“I love you too, San. Bye!”
“Bye, Britt.” Santana hung up her phone and pulled on her tank top, as Quinn stirred and slowly woke up.
“Who was that?” she asked groggily.
“Brittany.”
“Everything okay?”
“Uh. Not exactly,” Santana admitted, flopping back onto the bed.
“I thought you said she was okay with this!” Quinn said indignantly.
“She is! Q, she is. She’s fine. It’s just, um…” Santana took a breath, realizing she’d have to tell Quinn. “It’s Rachel. Brittany told Rachel I slept with you.”
“What? Why?” Quinn sat up, frantic, but Santana managed to keep her from leaping off the bed.
“Because… Oh, I don’t know. Sex isn’t-Britt doesn’t…” She shook her head. “She didn’t realize it would bother Rachel.”
“Wait. It…bothered her?” Quinn asked, and the barely concealed hope in her voice shattered Santana’s heart.
“Oh, god, you didn’t hear this from me, but for whatever godforsaken reason, Rachel totally likes you. In a big, gay way.”
Quinn’s eyes fluttered shut, and she rested her forehead on Santana’s shoulder. “How do you know?”
“She, er… Well, she more or less told me. I mean, she didn’t say your name, but it was pretty obvious she meant you.”
“We’d kill each other,” she muttered, and Santana laughed, beginning to stroke Quinn’s hair.
“Probably.”
“And what about this?” she asked, lifting shy eyes to meet Santana’s.
“Us?”
“This isn’t just sex. I mean, you asked me out on a date.”
“It isn’t just sex,” Santana agreed. “But, I mean, if you’d rather have Rachel, I won’t stand in your way.”
“And you? Wouldn’t you rather have Brittany?”
“I… Well, if… I told you Brittany doesn’t mind. But if you do, I…”
Quinn shook her head. “I don’t mind.”
“Quinn,” Santana said, swallowing hard. “I should tell you, I…slept with Rachel.”
“You… You what?” Quinn shouted, and then her hand connected with Santana’s cheek, and tears welled up in Santana’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“After I bawled in your arms and admitted that I liked her, you went and slept with her? And then you do this, with me, after she tells you she likes me? What kind of person are you?”
“A very confused one,” Santana muttered, and Quinn shoved her.
“Get out.”
“Quinn-”
“Get out, Santana. I don’t know why I ever thought I could trust you.”
“You can trust me,” Santana insisted, refusing to move.
“You slept with Rachel.”
“And you slept with me! I didn’t make you do that, Quinn. What were you doing, pretending I was Rachel?”
“Of course not!” And for several seconds, the two girls stared at each other.
“I was trying to be Rachel’s friend,” Santana muttered, dropping her eyes. Quinn snorted. “Fuck you, I was! She was upset, and she wanted to know what sex is like, and… She asked me.”
“And you never say no.”
“Well. I do have some standards,” Santana said stiffly, and Quinn rolled her eyes. “Look, I didn’t sleep with Rachel to hurt you, and I didn’t sleep with you to hurt Rachel, and I just…”
“Now what are you trying to tell me, that you’re into three people all at once?”
“Maybe,” Santana said defensively. “You’re into me and Rachel-why is that so weird?”
“Because! All it does is make things complicated-and people jealous.”
“You’re jealous of me and Rachel, but not me and Brittany?”
“You’ve been in love with Brittany since you were five. There’s no point in being jealous of that. But you and Rachel… I mean, you didn’t have to go there with her.”
“No. I didn’t,” Santana admitted. “And I…” She shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m starting to care about her, and it’s weird, because it’s Rachel Berry, and she’s still obnoxious, but... There’s a lot more to her that isn’t obnoxious, that we never bothered to see.”
Quinn looked at her, and Santana fell back against the pillows. “That I never bothered to see,” she amended.
“So you saw how upset she was when I told her you’d slept with Finn. How do you think she’s going to react to this?”
“It wasn’t that I’d slept with Finn,” Santana sighed. “It was that he’d lied to her about it.” Then realization hit her. “Fuck! I lied to her about sleeping with you.”
“What? How did you even have a chance to do that?”
“Well, you smiled at her in glee the other day, and she asked me why, and I told her I’d found a way to calm you down, and then I…couldn’t admit I’d slept with you.”
“Ugh. Santana.” Quinn shoved her. “You have the most amazing skill for making everything worse.”
“I know,” she muttered, drawing her knees up to her chest.
“I’m sorry. That’s not true. It’s not,” Quinn said, pulling Santana into her arms.
“This is what I get for caring about people,” Santana said, but she let Quinn hold her.
Rachel wouldn’t answer any of her calls or texts, so Santana decided to give her some time and spend her weekend with Quinn and Brittany. And, unfortunately, her brothers and Brittany’s sister. Joanna and Juan, who had been born two weeks apart when Santana and Brittany were eight, had the kind of love/hate relationship that reminded Santana of her friendship with Puck, and right now they were in the love phase, always at either Brittany’s or Santana’s and always causing a commotion.
The girls were trying to hide in the basement, but the younger siblings found them, attacked them, and demanded their attention. Used to this, Brittany and Santana merely wrestled them both to the ground and tickled them mercilessly. Quinn stood up and watched, vaguely disapproving. “Come on, didn’t Kristin torture you, Q?” Santana asked, grinning, as Juan shrieked and wriggled out of her arms.
“No,” Quinn said quietly, but Santana missed the sadness in her voice, because her brother was trying to sit on her head.
“Will you take us to the movies?” Joanna asked suddenly, and Juan grinned, nodding eagerly.
“Please, please, San? Dad says he’s too busy in the shop today, and Joanna’s parents aren’t fun like you and Britt are!”
“Well, who’s going to watch Gabo, hmm? He’s too little for a movie,” Santana pointed out, and Juan’s face fell.
“Oh, I could watch him,” Quinn offered, and both Brittany and Santana looked at her, surprised.
“You like kids, Quinn?” Brittany asked, and Quinn blushed.
Santana elbowed her, and Brittany had a brief moment of comprehension. “Well, anyway, no way. I can’t make you take care of Gabriel.”
“But your dad’s home, right? I’ll just be…helping.”
“Are you sure?” Santana asked uncertainly.
“Yes, yes, go on.” Quinn smiled, and Juan and Joanna clapped their hands gleefully and ran upstairs to get their jackets.
“You really don’t have to do this. We can put on Aladdin and make them popcorn, and they’ll hardly know the difference,” Santana said.
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Quinn insisted.
“We’ll make it up to you tonight,” Brittany promised, kissing her forehead, and Quinn blushed.
“Come on. Gabriel should be waking up from his nap soon,” Santana said, taking Quinn’s hand and tugging her upstairs.
“Daaaaad, San said she and Britt would take us to the movie!” Juan was yelling into the garage, and a minute later, Mr. Lopez was in the kitchen, safety goggles on his head, sawdust in his beard, and Santana automatically went to brush it out.
“I need someone to watch Gabriel while I finish things in here,” he said doubtfully.
“I can,” Quinn said shyly.
“Miss Quinn! Oh, no, no. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“I offered,” Quinn said, smiling. “I don’t mind, really.”
“Well. All right. If everyone’s okay with this arrangement.”
Juan and Joanna nodded eagerly, and Brittany and Santana smiled. Five minutes later, the four of them were gone, and Quinn was upstairs soothing a groggy Gabriel. He only barely remembered her, but when she started singing, “Here Comes the Sun,” which she knew he had to have heard from his sister or Brittany, he grinned and clung to her.
“There we go,” Quinn said, pleased, and she carried him downstairs.
They settled in the living room, and Gabriel spent a while showing her all his favorite toys, and Quinn couldn’t stop smiling. He was so sweet and so open, and even though every time he smiled at her, her heart ached a little, for the baby smiles she wasn’t getting to see, she was glad she was getting to spend this time with Santana’s youngest brother.
At some point, the doorbell rang, so Quinn collected the boy and went to see who it was, figuring it was one of Juan’s friends, looking for him and Joanna, but she got the shock of her life when she opened the door. “Rachel?” she asked incredulously, and Rachel’s eyes went wide and then lit with fury.
“Well, I am certainly sorry to have interrupted you and Santana playing house again,” she said, but then she saw Gabriel beaming at her, and she felt awful.
“Hi, Rache,” he said cheerfully, and Quinn’s heart flipped.
“Hola, Gabriel,” Rachel said pleasantly, and he giggled.
“Um, do you want to come inside? Santana’s not home-I’m just watching Gabriel.”
“Oh, well, um…”
“Rache!” Gabriel said again, and that made the decision for her.
Quinn led Rachel into the living room, where Gabriel could be kept occupied, and they sat awkwardly, side by side, on the floor. “So. You and Santana, huh?”
“There’s no me and Santana,” Rachel said, immediately on the defensive. “What about you and Santana?”
“I don’t know,” Quinn said honestly. “I have no idea why… I mean, she’s in love with Brittany.”
“She’s been in love with Brittany since kindergarten,” Rachel nodded. “I mean, I know that’s impossible, but… Brittany was the only one who could get Santana to speak English. And even when she didn’t, Brittany still understood her.”
“We really shouldn’t try to get in the middle of that,” Quinn said, closing her eyes.
“Do you love her?” Rachel asked, a clinical tone to her voice.
“I don’t know,” Quinn said helplessly. “I know that she’s important, and I’ve tried to pretend she isn’t. I know that you’re beautiful and amazing, and I’ve tried to pretend that you aren’t. I’ve tried to make you believe that you aren’t.”
“Quinn!” Gabriel called, and he pushed a train toward her, so she caught it and carefully pushed it back toward him. He grinned and went scooting around the floor with it himself.
“Did… Did you just say I was beautiful?” Rachel asked, her voice very small, and Quinn cringed.
“Yes,” she sighed, and she noticed Rachel tentatively moving closer to her, but she kept her gaze on the smallest Lopez, who was very enthusiastically conducting his toy train.
“Thank you,” Rachel said quietly.
“Oh. You’re welcome. I’m sorry. For everything,” Quinn said, still unable to look anywhere but at Gabriel.
“I know.”
“I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done anything I did to you, but I know I shouldn’t have told you about Santana and Finn.”
“Well. I suppose I am grateful that you did, in a way.”
“Why? Weren’t you…happy?”
“No. Not if I really asked myself if I was. Finn isn’t… He’s not a bad person, but he’s just not… There’s no way he could have lived up to my ideals.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone who can, Rachel.”
“Well, no,” Rachel allowed, and they both laughed, but Quinn still wouldn’t turn her head. “I just…would rather start a relationship without having all these expectations for the other person.”
“That sounds smart,” Quinn said thoughtfully.
“Brittany thinks you’ve…”
“I know what Brittany thinks,” Quinn interrupted, mortified. “She also thinks I’ve been in love with Santana since we were eleven. Brittany just wants everyone to love each other.”
“Oh,” Rachel said, nodding. “Yes, that sounds like Brittany.”
Quinn sighed. “I just know that… I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I never hated you. I haven’t been blameless in this rivalry of ours.”
“Well, you did try not to steal Finn from me at first,” Quinn said, smiling slowly. “He didn’t want to stay with me anyway.”
“Do you feel bad, about what you did to him?”
“Of course I do. I just… I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. He wasn’t the world’s best boyfriend or anything, and he is infuriatingly stupid sometimes, but he didn’t deserve what I put him through.”
“You didn’t deserve it either.”
“Rachel,” Quinn said, suddenly hating herself even more. “I never told you who I gave Beth to.”
“Oh, well, why would you?” Rachel asked, puzzled.
“Because,” Quinn said, taking a breath. “I gave her to Shelby Corcoran.”
“You… What?”
Quinn shook her head, trying to think of some explanation as to how she could have given her daughter away to the woman who’d nearly destroyed Rachel earlier that year. But Gabriel barreled into her lap, an airplane in his pudgy hands now, and there was no room for her to talk to Rachel. “I suppose I should be going,” Rachel said, pushing herself to her feet.
“No!” Quinn said, finally lifting her head and meeting those sad brown eyes. “I mean… Please. Santana and Brittany will be home soon, and I can-we can talk.”
“Quinn, I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. How could you… Shelby… I thought I wanted a mother; I thought she wanted daughter. I guess I just wasn’t the right daughter.”
Quinn grabbed Gabriel and set him on the couch, so she could stand up. “Shelby had no idea what she was doing with you. She wanted a baby, and you’re hardly a baby.”
“Yes, well, even when one is no longer a baby, one still appreciates a mother’s affection.”
“I know, Rachel. But what about your dads?”
“My dads are wonderful, but… There’s just… A mother is different. You know?”
“I know.”
“Quinn, I really… I really like you, but there’s just too much between us, isn’t there?”
“I don’t know,” Quinn said, hopeless. “Maybe.”
“And… I think you might love Santana,” Rachel told her.
“But she loves Brittany.”
“You know the two of them have never been exclusive.”
“I don’t think I could share her with someone else,” Quinn said, feeling defeated. She’d reached out, tried to connect with these people again, and now she was just going to end up alone.
Rachel nodded. “That does sound difficult.”
“Rachel, why do you like Santana?”
“She cares about things. A lot. But she’s too afraid to admit it, to herself or almost anyone else. And when she could have walked out on all of us at Sectionals and ended glee for good, probably earning herself the eternal praise of Sue Sylvester, she didn’t. I was a complete wreck until she admitted that glee was important to her.”
Quinn gaped. “Really?”
“Really,” Rachel nodded. “If glee could have that effect on Santana Lopez, then I had to keep it going. So I did. We did.”
“Oh, Sectionals was all you, Rachel,” Quinn said, and she was surprised to see the other girl blush. “We never would have… I mean…”
“Thank you, Quinn,” she said softly, and she offered Quinn a shy smile, which Quinn returned.
They stood there awkwardly, Rachel no longer eager to leave, but Quinn not sure what to say, until finally Santana, Brittany, and the twin terrors returned. “Oh! Rachel!” Brittany said happily, and she hugged her friend.
Santana stood behind them, wide-eyed, and then turned to look at Quinn. “She came over here for you,” was what Quinn said, and Santana sighed.
“I think maybe all four of us need to talk together.”
“How are we going to escape your siblings?” Quinn asked, as Gabriel rocketed at his sister’s legs.
“I don’t have any siblings,” Rachel volunteered. “And Saturday is my dads’ date night, and they usually don’t come home until one.”
“Perfect. We’ll see you at seven,” Santana said, and without really understanding why, she leaned over and kissed Rachel’s cheek. Rachel turned scarlet, and Quinn’s eyes blazed, while Brittany just laughed and let Joanna and Juan pull her into the kitchen.
“Okay. Seven,” Rachel nodded, and she said goodbye, before showing herself out.
“Do you actually think the four of us can have a conversation without murdering each other?” Quinn asked Santana.
“Yes,” Santana said, clenching her jaw. “The four of us fighting is pointless and, um, heartbreaking, and it would just be better if we could work out an understanding.”
“Yes,” Quinn found herself agreeing.
“Saaaan, Britt can’t find the peanut butter,” Juan whined, and Santana sighed and set Gabriel in Quinn’s arms, and so the rest of the afternoon was spent wrangling younger siblings.
Finally, at about six-thirty, Joanna and Juan were falling asleep on each other, and Gabriel was asleep in Santana’s lap, and the three girls were exhausted. “Maybe we can talk to Rachel tomorrow,” Santana yawned.
“No,” Brittany said sharply. “You can’t leave her out.”
“Right, right,” Santana agreed absently.
“We’ve hurt Rachel enough, you know?”
“I know.” Santana looked at Quinn, but Quinn just frowned in return. “Come on. Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Oh, no, no, you two can’t be fighting,” Brittany insisted. “We’re supposed to be fixing things with Rachel.”
“Fine,” Quinn muttered.
Finally, Santana’s dad came in from his woodshop and took over dealing with the sleepy children, and the girls went to clean themselves up before driving over to Rachel’s. When Rachel opened the door, Brittany nearly tackled her, and Quinn and Santana both reached out to steady them, and the three of them ended up laughing nervously, while Brittany merely bounced inside.
“So. What are we talking about?” Rachel asked, clearly apprehensive.
“I just don’t want anyone to be jealous,” Santana said.
“She also doesn’t want you to be mad at her,” Brittany put in, and Santana glared at her. Quinn and Rachel laughed.
“All right, Santana. I’m not mad at you,” Rachel said, putting her hand against Santana’s cheek. “I got tangled up in something that has been between you and Quinn for a long time.”
“I told you I wasn’t your right person,” Santana mumbled, but Rachel shook her head.
“You took care of me. What else could I ask for?”
Santana closed her eyes and wished Brittany would come hug her, because she felt rather unstable. But Brittany was with Quinn, and Rachel still had her hand on her cheek, and Santana momentarily lost her mind and moved in to carefully kiss Rachel. “What are you doing?” Quinn demanded.
“I don’t know,” Santana said, looking at Brittany.
“Well, I know you won’t listen to me, but I’m pretty sure all three of you are in love with each other,” she said placidly.
“And what about you, Britt?” Quinn asked, suddenly worried for her friend.
Brittany just smiled. “I love Santana. And both of you. And I know lots of ways to make you fall in love with me.”
Santana laughed and nodded, and Rachel and Quinn just blushed. “Are you…suggesting we try some sort of polyamorous situation?” Rachel asked uncertainly, and Santana cringed at the word.
“That sounds like a horrible idea,” Quinn said, but there was reluctance in her voice, as if she was only saying it because she thought she should.
“We don’t have force anything, or make a huge official statement or whatever, but there’s something between all of us,” Brittany said, perching on the kitchen counter. “I mean, Santana just kissed Rachel in front of us. You can’t pretend that wasn’t hot, Quinn.”
Quinn blushed, but didn’t protest. Brittany grinned triumphantly. Rachel fell against Santana. “Plus, San and I are really good at sex,” Brittany added, as an apparent afterthought, and that was exactly what was needed to break the tension.
“Well. Maybe you can teach us a thing or two,” Quinn flirted, and Brittany’s eyes lit up, but Santana just fell over laughing.
“Oh. Quinn,” was all she could get out, and then she was practically tackled to the floor, but Quinn was laughing too.
Brittany stood with Rachel, peering at them, giggling uncontrollably on the kitchen floor, and she and Rachel shared a look that turned into a kind of knowing smile. Maybe the four of them could actually be something. Provided Quinn and Santana ever got a hold of themselves again.
“I know. I know,” was what Brittany told her when, shakily and on the verge of tears-because she was sure this was something that could ruin everything-she confessed what she had realized that morning.
That killed the tears instantly. “You know?” Santana yelled, flinging herself away from Brittany so fast she nearly slammed herself against the lockers.
“Santana, calm down. I know everything about you, that your favorite color is orange and your favorite ice cream flavor is cookies and cream and your favorite book is still Where the Wild Things Are. Why wouldn’t I know this?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I know you. You need to figure things out yourself. If I had told you, would you have believed me?”
“Of course not!” she snapped, and Brittany smiled.
“See?”
“Fuck,” Santana sighed and flopped onto a bench. “I just… What do I do, Britt?”
“What do you want to do, San?”
“I…don’t want to lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me,” Brittany insisted, bewildered.
“But…”
“Santana, don’t you know it’s possible to be in love with more than one person? I mean, Quinn’s in love with Rachel, but she’s been in love with you since middle school.”
“What… What?” Santana scowled, but that only made Brittany laugh and come sit with her. “You said Quinn’s been in love with Rachel since eighth grade! And me too?”
“Sure. Quinn’s very complicated.”
“And am I?”
“Of course you are. You are super complicated. But I met you when we were really little, so I’ve had a lot of practice figuring you out.” Brittany smiled beatifically, and Santana put her face in her hands. “You being in love with Quinn? Not going to make me go anywhere.” Brittany kissed her shoulder, and Santana lifted her head up.
“So, what, I can fool around with you and Quinn? Who is that fair to?”
“Well, as long as you let me join in sometimes, I think it’s fair to all three of us,” Brittany said sagely, and Santana turned and put her face in Brittany’s shoulder.
Thursday morning, Santana showed up at school by herself, Brittany having taken Rachel, and nervously approached Quinn at her locker. They hadn’t said much since they’d spent the night together. “Hi,” she said, feeling utterly lame.
“Hi,” Quinn replied neutrally.
“I was wondering, um… Are you… Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” she asked, trying not to sound hopeful.
“I don’t have any plans,” Quinn said, her tone still infuriatingly flat. “Why?”
“Er, maybe… You’d wanna go to Breadstix with me?” Santana asked, utterly loathing herself at that moment. She should be smoother than this for god’s sake. She was smoother than this when she’d asked Brittany out on a proper date for the first time-but just barely.
Quinn turned to her, frowning, but there was a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth, and Santana finally relaxed. “Santana Lopez. Are you asking me out on a date?” Quinn drawled.
“Yes,” Santana said staunchly, and Quinn’s face fell.
“You’re very sweet, Santana,” she said quietly, “but what about Brittany?”
“Brittany doesn’t mind,” Santana said hurriedly. “I talked to her.”
“Then, what is this, pity? I do not need your pity.”
“No! This isn’t pity. This is just… I like you, okay? The other night was… Really amazing.”
“Really?” Quinn asked, moving closer.
“Really,” Santana said sincerely, and Quinn carefully smoothed out a wrinkle in Santana’s uniform top.
“Okay. You can pick me up at eight,” Quinn decided, and Santana flashed a smile, which Quinn guardedly returned.
“How’d it go, how’d it go?” Brittany practically squealed, as Santana sat down with her in history.
“Britt, calm down. She said yes, okay?”
“Oh, good, good. Oh, Quinn needs to be happy, you know?”
“You really think I can make her happy?”
“Well. I think you might need my help sometimes, but yes.” Brittany nodded, and Santana grinned and nudged her friend’s shoulder.
“How’s Rachel?” she asked, suddenly concerned.
“Oh. She’s… Rachel. I think she’s kind of heartbroken, but she’s pretending she’s not, and I’ve just been letting her think I believe her. Maybe I should take her out on Friday!”
“As friends?” Santana asked warily.
“Oh, well, sure, if it would bother you…”
“Well, no, I just… Don’t you think this is getting kind of complicated? And aren’t we supposed to be getting Rachel and Quinn together?”
“Oh, we can still do that,” Brittany said, nodding. “But this is fun too. And you and Quinn are adorable.”
“Shhh,” Santana hissed, as the bell rang, and Brittany obediently snapped her mouth shut.
That afternoon, at glee rehearsal, Quinn actually smiled at Rachel, and Rachel practically fell into Santana. “Did you say something to her?” she asked, horrified, watching Quinn take a seat beside Mercedes.
“Not about you. I did figure out a way to calm her down, though,” Santana smirked.
“And how did you do that?” Rachel asked, and suddenly Santana realized just how caught in the middle of this she had become.
She and Brittany might not have a problem with sleeping with other people, but Santana knew Rachel was not so casual about these things. And that her sleeping with Quinn, especially after she’d taken Rachel’s virginity, was not something her new friend would take well.
“Oh, I got her drunk,” Santana said, winking at Rachel, who just rolled her eyes and went to sit with Kurt. “Smooth,” she muttered to herself, and went to sit with Brittany.
After rehearsal, Santana grabbed Brittany and marched her from the room. “We need to talk,” she said quietly, and Brittany just nodded and followed her out to the car.
“Are you all right, babe?” Brittany asked, smoothing Santana’s hair back from her forehead.
“Yes. Well… I think Rachel would be hurt if she found out about me and Quinn.”
“Why?” Brittany asked curiously.
“Because… Because she likes Quinn, right? And… I’m her friend now, and sleeping with the girl she likes isn’t something you should do to your friend.”
“But… Rachel slept with you already, and…” Brittany frowned. Santana sighed.
“Well, that’s another thing, too. I mean, I was Rachel’s first, and she takes that kind of thing seriously, and… Oh, god, I’ve been kind of afraid she’d start falling in love with me. When I woke up that morning, she was holding onto me like her life depended on it.”
“Rachel adores you, San. So does Quinn. So do I. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, is there?”
“No, not wrong… Just. Complicated.” Santana glanced across the car and smiled shyly at her best friend. “I adore you too, you know.”
“I know,” Brittany grinned, and she leaned over and kissed Santana softly. “And you’ve always adored Quinn, and you’re getting really bad at pretending you don’t like Rachel.”
Santana shook her head, but couldn’t deny it. “Well, I don’t want to hurt her. I mean, she likes Quinn.”
“She likes you too.”
“I’m starting to think you think all four of us should just…be…together,” Santana said, and Brittany nodded.
“Well, why not?”
“Because! First, oh my god, we’d kill each other.”
Brittany laughed and leaned over to kiss Santana again. “No, no. I wouldn’t let that happen,” she promised.
“You are too much,” Santana murmured affectionately. “Let’s go home and worry about all this later.”
“Okay,” Brittany agreed, and as Santana pulled out of the parking lot, she reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“I love you, you know,” Santana said quietly.
“I know. I love you too.”
Santana pulled into Quinn’s driveway at exactly eight o’clock, and for a brief moment, she wondered if she should actually go up to the door, but before she could move, Quinn came practically pelting outside. “Are you being chased?” Santana teased, once she was in the car.
“No,” Quinn muttered. “Can we just go?”
“What’s the matter?” Santana asked, even as she pulled out of the driveway.
“Nothing, I just… Wanted to get out.”
“Okay,” Santana said slowly, watching her friend out of the corner of her eye.
Quinn sighed, then turned to Santana and brightened slightly. “You look hot,” she said, and Santana grinned.
“I know,” she said casually, and Quinn laughed a little.
“I can always count on you to be humble.”
“Hey, if there’s anything I shouldn’t have to pretend isn’t true, it’s that I am hot,” Santana insisted, and Quinn smiled and briefly rested her head against Santana’s shoulder. “You look gorgeous,” she whispered, before Quinn settled back in her seat.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “Santana?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you love Breadstix, but do you think we could go somewhere…not in Lima?”
“Oh, um. Sure,” Santana frowned.
“I just… You know, I can’t be… I don’t want to have to pretend this isn’t a date,” Quinn fumbled, and Santana’s face began to burn.
“Right.” Santana nodded and focused on the road.
“I’m sorry, I just…”
“It’s all right. I mean, I get it. You tried to make Rachel’s life a living hell because you were too afraid to be gay.”
“I’m not-”
“Quinn, it doesn’t matter. You like girls. And there’s nothing wrong with it. But I get it-you don’t want all of Lima to know.”
“I…”
“I understand, believe me. We’ll go get sushi in Bluffton.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Good.”
Dinner was enjoyable, with only a few awkward silences-they had known each other since sixth grade, after all. As long as Santana didn’t think of this as a Date, she was fine, and she soon had put Quinn at her ease as well. The sushi restaurant she’d picked was traditional, so the girls sat on the floor in their socks, sharing tuna rolls and, thanks to Santana’s fake ID, a bottle of sake. By the end of the night, Quinn’s face was flushed, and she was trying to play footsie while Santana was trying to take care of the check.
“Q. Keep it in your pants for five more minutes,” she teased, once the waiter had taken her credit card.
Quinn just grinned slyly at her, but she withdrew her foot, and Santana laughed. “I do like this side of you, though.”
“I like this side of me, too,” Quinn decided, and all Santana could do was laugh, delighted.
“See? All you needed was to get laid. Properly,” she said, and Quinn rolled her eyes.
“Oh, yes. You’ve cured me of all my stick in the mud…ness.”
“Oh, not even close. But it’s a start.”
Quinn’s eyes flashed, and Santana reveled in the playful arguing, and she carefully brushed Quinn’s leg with her foot, and all the anger disappeared from her eyes. “I have missed you,” Quinn said softly.
“I know. Me too,” Santana said, as the waiter returned her credit card. “Come on,” she said, taking care of the tip. “Let’s go home.”
The drive back to Lima was comfortably quiet, Santana’s iPod on so it wouldn’t be silent, but neither girl felt the need to say anything. After a few minutes, Quinn reached for Santana’s hand, and Santana let her hold it the rest of the way home.
When they got to Quinn’s, Santana parked and followed Quinn up to the house, intending to kiss her goodnight and head home. “What are you doing?” Quinn asked, noticing her hanging back as she unlocked the door.
“Oh, well, I… I was hoping to get to kiss you,” she mumbled, feeling like a moron.
“If you come inside, I believe that can be arranged,” Quinn said. “And possibly more, if you’re interested.”
“But…your mom?”
“I’m sure she’s passed out by now. Come on.” Quinn held out her hand, Santana obediently took it, following her inside and upstairs to Quinn’s bedroom.
“Q, is it… I mean, are you okay, staying here?” Santana asked, but instead of answering, Quinn just pushed her toward the bed.
“Let’s not talk now,” she said, and Santana had no inclination to argue.
But later, as Quinn drowsed with her head pillowed just below Santana’s breasts, she couldn’t stop herself from asking if Quinn hated being back home. “I didn’t belong with Mercedes’ family,” Quinn muttered. “And at least my dad’s gone.”
“But your mom let him throw you out.”
“She’s never been able to stand up to him.” Quinn sighed. “I think she thought I’d come home and bring the baby, and she’d have…I don’t know, someone to take care of, a purpose again, but that didn’t happen. So she drinks.”
Santana sighed and tenderly smoothed Quinn’s hair. “Come home with me.”
“Santana, I love your family, but there are six of you in that house, and… If you and I were that close all the time, we would murder each other.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I know I am. You’re sweet, and I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be okay here until college.”
“Okay. Just promise me you’ll come over if it gets bad-or go to Britt’s. Her house isn’t as full as mine.”
“I promise,” Quinn said fondly.
“Should I go?” Santana asked cautiously. “I can’t imagine Judy would be thrilled to find us like this in the morning.”
“No,” Quinn said simply. “Don’t go.”
And that was good enough for Santana.
She woke up the next morning to her phone going off, and she groaned and struggled out from underneath Quinn to answer it-but only because she knew it was Brittany. “’Mornin’, babe,” she yawned, pulling on her jeans.
“Morning. Um, San?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I may have…messed up with Rachel.”
“Why, what happened?” Santana asked, smiling to herself. The idea of Brittany and Rachel spending time alone together would never cease to amuse her. There was no way either one would ever actually understand the other.
“I told her you slept with Quinn,” Brittany confessed, and Santana sighed and fell onto Quinn’s desk chair.
“Britt,” she groaned. “I thought I told you not to.”
“Well, no. You just said Rachel would be weird about it, but she kept asking me about you and Quinn and if you were close, and I thought she’d be turned on by it, like I am, but um… I guess you have betrayed her trust. Or something.”
“Perfect. Perfect.”
“I’m sorry,” Brittany said, and Santana could hear the tears in her voice.
“It’s all right, Britt,” she rushed to say. “I’m not mad at you, okay? I’ll…figure this out. Somehow.”
“Okay. How was your date?” she asked.
“Good. I’m still at Quinn’s. Can I talk to you later?”
“Oh! Yeah, of course.”
“Hey. I love you.”
“I love you too, San. Bye!”
“Bye, Britt.” Santana hung up her phone and pulled on her tank top, as Quinn stirred and slowly woke up.
“Who was that?” she asked groggily.
“Brittany.”
“Everything okay?”
“Uh. Not exactly,” Santana admitted, flopping back onto the bed.
“I thought you said she was okay with this!” Quinn said indignantly.
“She is! Q, she is. She’s fine. It’s just, um…” Santana took a breath, realizing she’d have to tell Quinn. “It’s Rachel. Brittany told Rachel I slept with you.”
“What? Why?” Quinn sat up, frantic, but Santana managed to keep her from leaping off the bed.
“Because… Oh, I don’t know. Sex isn’t-Britt doesn’t…” She shook her head. “She didn’t realize it would bother Rachel.”
“Wait. It…bothered her?” Quinn asked, and the barely concealed hope in her voice shattered Santana’s heart.
“Oh, god, you didn’t hear this from me, but for whatever godforsaken reason, Rachel totally likes you. In a big, gay way.”
Quinn’s eyes fluttered shut, and she rested her forehead on Santana’s shoulder. “How do you know?”
“She, er… Well, she more or less told me. I mean, she didn’t say your name, but it was pretty obvious she meant you.”
“We’d kill each other,” she muttered, and Santana laughed, beginning to stroke Quinn’s hair.
“Probably.”
“And what about this?” she asked, lifting shy eyes to meet Santana’s.
“Us?”
“This isn’t just sex. I mean, you asked me out on a date.”
“It isn’t just sex,” Santana agreed. “But, I mean, if you’d rather have Rachel, I won’t stand in your way.”
“And you? Wouldn’t you rather have Brittany?”
“I… Well, if… I told you Brittany doesn’t mind. But if you do, I…”
Quinn shook her head. “I don’t mind.”
“Quinn,” Santana said, swallowing hard. “I should tell you, I…slept with Rachel.”
“You… You what?” Quinn shouted, and then her hand connected with Santana’s cheek, and tears welled up in Santana’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“After I bawled in your arms and admitted that I liked her, you went and slept with her? And then you do this, with me, after she tells you she likes me? What kind of person are you?”
“A very confused one,” Santana muttered, and Quinn shoved her.
“Get out.”
“Quinn-”
“Get out, Santana. I don’t know why I ever thought I could trust you.”
“You can trust me,” Santana insisted, refusing to move.
“You slept with Rachel.”
“And you slept with me! I didn’t make you do that, Quinn. What were you doing, pretending I was Rachel?”
“Of course not!” And for several seconds, the two girls stared at each other.
“I was trying to be Rachel’s friend,” Santana muttered, dropping her eyes. Quinn snorted. “Fuck you, I was! She was upset, and she wanted to know what sex is like, and… She asked me.”
“And you never say no.”
“Well. I do have some standards,” Santana said stiffly, and Quinn rolled her eyes. “Look, I didn’t sleep with Rachel to hurt you, and I didn’t sleep with you to hurt Rachel, and I just…”
“Now what are you trying to tell me, that you’re into three people all at once?”
“Maybe,” Santana said defensively. “You’re into me and Rachel-why is that so weird?”
“Because! All it does is make things complicated-and people jealous.”
“You’re jealous of me and Rachel, but not me and Brittany?”
“You’ve been in love with Brittany since you were five. There’s no point in being jealous of that. But you and Rachel… I mean, you didn’t have to go there with her.”
“No. I didn’t,” Santana admitted. “And I…” She shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m starting to care about her, and it’s weird, because it’s Rachel Berry, and she’s still obnoxious, but... There’s a lot more to her that isn’t obnoxious, that we never bothered to see.”
Quinn looked at her, and Santana fell back against the pillows. “That I never bothered to see,” she amended.
“So you saw how upset she was when I told her you’d slept with Finn. How do you think she’s going to react to this?”
“It wasn’t that I’d slept with Finn,” Santana sighed. “It was that he’d lied to her about it.” Then realization hit her. “Fuck! I lied to her about sleeping with you.”
“What? How did you even have a chance to do that?”
“Well, you smiled at her in glee the other day, and she asked me why, and I told her I’d found a way to calm you down, and then I…couldn’t admit I’d slept with you.”
“Ugh. Santana.” Quinn shoved her. “You have the most amazing skill for making everything worse.”
“I know,” she muttered, drawing her knees up to her chest.
“I’m sorry. That’s not true. It’s not,” Quinn said, pulling Santana into her arms.
“This is what I get for caring about people,” Santana said, but she let Quinn hold her.
Rachel wouldn’t answer any of her calls or texts, so Santana decided to give her some time and spend her weekend with Quinn and Brittany. And, unfortunately, her brothers and Brittany’s sister. Joanna and Juan, who had been born two weeks apart when Santana and Brittany were eight, had the kind of love/hate relationship that reminded Santana of her friendship with Puck, and right now they were in the love phase, always at either Brittany’s or Santana’s and always causing a commotion.
The girls were trying to hide in the basement, but the younger siblings found them, attacked them, and demanded their attention. Used to this, Brittany and Santana merely wrestled them both to the ground and tickled them mercilessly. Quinn stood up and watched, vaguely disapproving. “Come on, didn’t Kristin torture you, Q?” Santana asked, grinning, as Juan shrieked and wriggled out of her arms.
“No,” Quinn said quietly, but Santana missed the sadness in her voice, because her brother was trying to sit on her head.
“Will you take us to the movies?” Joanna asked suddenly, and Juan grinned, nodding eagerly.
“Please, please, San? Dad says he’s too busy in the shop today, and Joanna’s parents aren’t fun like you and Britt are!”
“Well, who’s going to watch Gabo, hmm? He’s too little for a movie,” Santana pointed out, and Juan’s face fell.
“Oh, I could watch him,” Quinn offered, and both Brittany and Santana looked at her, surprised.
“You like kids, Quinn?” Brittany asked, and Quinn blushed.
Santana elbowed her, and Brittany had a brief moment of comprehension. “Well, anyway, no way. I can’t make you take care of Gabriel.”
“But your dad’s home, right? I’ll just be…helping.”
“Are you sure?” Santana asked uncertainly.
“Yes, yes, go on.” Quinn smiled, and Juan and Joanna clapped their hands gleefully and ran upstairs to get their jackets.
“You really don’t have to do this. We can put on Aladdin and make them popcorn, and they’ll hardly know the difference,” Santana said.
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Quinn insisted.
“We’ll make it up to you tonight,” Brittany promised, kissing her forehead, and Quinn blushed.
“Come on. Gabriel should be waking up from his nap soon,” Santana said, taking Quinn’s hand and tugging her upstairs.
“Daaaaad, San said she and Britt would take us to the movie!” Juan was yelling into the garage, and a minute later, Mr. Lopez was in the kitchen, safety goggles on his head, sawdust in his beard, and Santana automatically went to brush it out.
“I need someone to watch Gabriel while I finish things in here,” he said doubtfully.
“I can,” Quinn said shyly.
“Miss Quinn! Oh, no, no. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“I offered,” Quinn said, smiling. “I don’t mind, really.”
“Well. All right. If everyone’s okay with this arrangement.”
Juan and Joanna nodded eagerly, and Brittany and Santana smiled. Five minutes later, the four of them were gone, and Quinn was upstairs soothing a groggy Gabriel. He only barely remembered her, but when she started singing, “Here Comes the Sun,” which she knew he had to have heard from his sister or Brittany, he grinned and clung to her.
“There we go,” Quinn said, pleased, and she carried him downstairs.
They settled in the living room, and Gabriel spent a while showing her all his favorite toys, and Quinn couldn’t stop smiling. He was so sweet and so open, and even though every time he smiled at her, her heart ached a little, for the baby smiles she wasn’t getting to see, she was glad she was getting to spend this time with Santana’s youngest brother.
At some point, the doorbell rang, so Quinn collected the boy and went to see who it was, figuring it was one of Juan’s friends, looking for him and Joanna, but she got the shock of her life when she opened the door. “Rachel?” she asked incredulously, and Rachel’s eyes went wide and then lit with fury.
“Well, I am certainly sorry to have interrupted you and Santana playing house again,” she said, but then she saw Gabriel beaming at her, and she felt awful.
“Hi, Rache,” he said cheerfully, and Quinn’s heart flipped.
“Hola, Gabriel,” Rachel said pleasantly, and he giggled.
“Um, do you want to come inside? Santana’s not home-I’m just watching Gabriel.”
“Oh, well, um…”
“Rache!” Gabriel said again, and that made the decision for her.
Quinn led Rachel into the living room, where Gabriel could be kept occupied, and they sat awkwardly, side by side, on the floor. “So. You and Santana, huh?”
“There’s no me and Santana,” Rachel said, immediately on the defensive. “What about you and Santana?”
“I don’t know,” Quinn said honestly. “I have no idea why… I mean, she’s in love with Brittany.”
“She’s been in love with Brittany since kindergarten,” Rachel nodded. “I mean, I know that’s impossible, but… Brittany was the only one who could get Santana to speak English. And even when she didn’t, Brittany still understood her.”
“We really shouldn’t try to get in the middle of that,” Quinn said, closing her eyes.
“Do you love her?” Rachel asked, a clinical tone to her voice.
“I don’t know,” Quinn said helplessly. “I know that she’s important, and I’ve tried to pretend she isn’t. I know that you’re beautiful and amazing, and I’ve tried to pretend that you aren’t. I’ve tried to make you believe that you aren’t.”
“Quinn!” Gabriel called, and he pushed a train toward her, so she caught it and carefully pushed it back toward him. He grinned and went scooting around the floor with it himself.
“Did… Did you just say I was beautiful?” Rachel asked, her voice very small, and Quinn cringed.
“Yes,” she sighed, and she noticed Rachel tentatively moving closer to her, but she kept her gaze on the smallest Lopez, who was very enthusiastically conducting his toy train.
“Thank you,” Rachel said quietly.
“Oh. You’re welcome. I’m sorry. For everything,” Quinn said, still unable to look anywhere but at Gabriel.
“I know.”
“I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done anything I did to you, but I know I shouldn’t have told you about Santana and Finn.”
“Well. I suppose I am grateful that you did, in a way.”
“Why? Weren’t you…happy?”
“No. Not if I really asked myself if I was. Finn isn’t… He’s not a bad person, but he’s just not… There’s no way he could have lived up to my ideals.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone who can, Rachel.”
“Well, no,” Rachel allowed, and they both laughed, but Quinn still wouldn’t turn her head. “I just…would rather start a relationship without having all these expectations for the other person.”
“That sounds smart,” Quinn said thoughtfully.
“Brittany thinks you’ve…”
“I know what Brittany thinks,” Quinn interrupted, mortified. “She also thinks I’ve been in love with Santana since we were eleven. Brittany just wants everyone to love each other.”
“Oh,” Rachel said, nodding. “Yes, that sounds like Brittany.”
Quinn sighed. “I just know that… I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I never hated you. I haven’t been blameless in this rivalry of ours.”
“Well, you did try not to steal Finn from me at first,” Quinn said, smiling slowly. “He didn’t want to stay with me anyway.”
“Do you feel bad, about what you did to him?”
“Of course I do. I just… I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. He wasn’t the world’s best boyfriend or anything, and he is infuriatingly stupid sometimes, but he didn’t deserve what I put him through.”
“You didn’t deserve it either.”
“Rachel,” Quinn said, suddenly hating herself even more. “I never told you who I gave Beth to.”
“Oh, well, why would you?” Rachel asked, puzzled.
“Because,” Quinn said, taking a breath. “I gave her to Shelby Corcoran.”
“You… What?”
Quinn shook her head, trying to think of some explanation as to how she could have given her daughter away to the woman who’d nearly destroyed Rachel earlier that year. But Gabriel barreled into her lap, an airplane in his pudgy hands now, and there was no room for her to talk to Rachel. “I suppose I should be going,” Rachel said, pushing herself to her feet.
“No!” Quinn said, finally lifting her head and meeting those sad brown eyes. “I mean… Please. Santana and Brittany will be home soon, and I can-we can talk.”
“Quinn, I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. How could you… Shelby… I thought I wanted a mother; I thought she wanted daughter. I guess I just wasn’t the right daughter.”
Quinn grabbed Gabriel and set him on the couch, so she could stand up. “Shelby had no idea what she was doing with you. She wanted a baby, and you’re hardly a baby.”
“Yes, well, even when one is no longer a baby, one still appreciates a mother’s affection.”
“I know, Rachel. But what about your dads?”
“My dads are wonderful, but… There’s just… A mother is different. You know?”
“I know.”
“Quinn, I really… I really like you, but there’s just too much between us, isn’t there?”
“I don’t know,” Quinn said, hopeless. “Maybe.”
“And… I think you might love Santana,” Rachel told her.
“But she loves Brittany.”
“You know the two of them have never been exclusive.”
“I don’t think I could share her with someone else,” Quinn said, feeling defeated. She’d reached out, tried to connect with these people again, and now she was just going to end up alone.
Rachel nodded. “That does sound difficult.”
“Rachel, why do you like Santana?”
“She cares about things. A lot. But she’s too afraid to admit it, to herself or almost anyone else. And when she could have walked out on all of us at Sectionals and ended glee for good, probably earning herself the eternal praise of Sue Sylvester, she didn’t. I was a complete wreck until she admitted that glee was important to her.”
Quinn gaped. “Really?”
“Really,” Rachel nodded. “If glee could have that effect on Santana Lopez, then I had to keep it going. So I did. We did.”
“Oh, Sectionals was all you, Rachel,” Quinn said, and she was surprised to see the other girl blush. “We never would have… I mean…”
“Thank you, Quinn,” she said softly, and she offered Quinn a shy smile, which Quinn returned.
They stood there awkwardly, Rachel no longer eager to leave, but Quinn not sure what to say, until finally Santana, Brittany, and the twin terrors returned. “Oh! Rachel!” Brittany said happily, and she hugged her friend.
Santana stood behind them, wide-eyed, and then turned to look at Quinn. “She came over here for you,” was what Quinn said, and Santana sighed.
“I think maybe all four of us need to talk together.”
“How are we going to escape your siblings?” Quinn asked, as Gabriel rocketed at his sister’s legs.
“I don’t have any siblings,” Rachel volunteered. “And Saturday is my dads’ date night, and they usually don’t come home until one.”
“Perfect. We’ll see you at seven,” Santana said, and without really understanding why, she leaned over and kissed Rachel’s cheek. Rachel turned scarlet, and Quinn’s eyes blazed, while Brittany just laughed and let Joanna and Juan pull her into the kitchen.
“Okay. Seven,” Rachel nodded, and she said goodbye, before showing herself out.
“Do you actually think the four of us can have a conversation without murdering each other?” Quinn asked Santana.
“Yes,” Santana said, clenching her jaw. “The four of us fighting is pointless and, um, heartbreaking, and it would just be better if we could work out an understanding.”
“Yes,” Quinn found herself agreeing.
“Saaaan, Britt can’t find the peanut butter,” Juan whined, and Santana sighed and set Gabriel in Quinn’s arms, and so the rest of the afternoon was spent wrangling younger siblings.
Finally, at about six-thirty, Joanna and Juan were falling asleep on each other, and Gabriel was asleep in Santana’s lap, and the three girls were exhausted. “Maybe we can talk to Rachel tomorrow,” Santana yawned.
“No,” Brittany said sharply. “You can’t leave her out.”
“Right, right,” Santana agreed absently.
“We’ve hurt Rachel enough, you know?”
“I know.” Santana looked at Quinn, but Quinn just frowned in return. “Come on. Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Oh, no, no, you two can’t be fighting,” Brittany insisted. “We’re supposed to be fixing things with Rachel.”
“Fine,” Quinn muttered.
Finally, Santana’s dad came in from his woodshop and took over dealing with the sleepy children, and the girls went to clean themselves up before driving over to Rachel’s. When Rachel opened the door, Brittany nearly tackled her, and Quinn and Santana both reached out to steady them, and the three of them ended up laughing nervously, while Brittany merely bounced inside.
“So. What are we talking about?” Rachel asked, clearly apprehensive.
“I just don’t want anyone to be jealous,” Santana said.
“She also doesn’t want you to be mad at her,” Brittany put in, and Santana glared at her. Quinn and Rachel laughed.
“All right, Santana. I’m not mad at you,” Rachel said, putting her hand against Santana’s cheek. “I got tangled up in something that has been between you and Quinn for a long time.”
“I told you I wasn’t your right person,” Santana mumbled, but Rachel shook her head.
“You took care of me. What else could I ask for?”
Santana closed her eyes and wished Brittany would come hug her, because she felt rather unstable. But Brittany was with Quinn, and Rachel still had her hand on her cheek, and Santana momentarily lost her mind and moved in to carefully kiss Rachel. “What are you doing?” Quinn demanded.
“I don’t know,” Santana said, looking at Brittany.
“Well, I know you won’t listen to me, but I’m pretty sure all three of you are in love with each other,” she said placidly.
“And what about you, Britt?” Quinn asked, suddenly worried for her friend.
Brittany just smiled. “I love Santana. And both of you. And I know lots of ways to make you fall in love with me.”
Santana laughed and nodded, and Rachel and Quinn just blushed. “Are you…suggesting we try some sort of polyamorous situation?” Rachel asked uncertainly, and Santana cringed at the word.
“That sounds like a horrible idea,” Quinn said, but there was reluctance in her voice, as if she was only saying it because she thought she should.
“We don’t have force anything, or make a huge official statement or whatever, but there’s something between all of us,” Brittany said, perching on the kitchen counter. “I mean, Santana just kissed Rachel in front of us. You can’t pretend that wasn’t hot, Quinn.”
Quinn blushed, but didn’t protest. Brittany grinned triumphantly. Rachel fell against Santana. “Plus, San and I are really good at sex,” Brittany added, as an apparent afterthought, and that was exactly what was needed to break the tension.
“Well. Maybe you can teach us a thing or two,” Quinn flirted, and Brittany’s eyes lit up, but Santana just fell over laughing.
“Oh. Quinn,” was all she could get out, and then she was practically tackled to the floor, but Quinn was laughing too.
Brittany stood with Rachel, peering at them, giggling uncontrollably on the kitchen floor, and she and Rachel shared a look that turned into a kind of knowing smile. Maybe the four of them could actually be something. Provided Quinn and Santana ever got a hold of themselves again.