(no subject)
For sake of a lack of somewhere better to post this.....
Compiled by Mallory, after living with Jennifer Marie Craig for a year.
“I love Jason Mraz. I’m gonna marry him. We’ll get high and make sweet love”
Jen: It's some formidable odor.
Betsy: Who taught you to say that?
Jen: ...Anchorman....
“Mallory, you have a stool?”
Jen: Is Kwanzaa a Jewish holiday?
Mallory:..............................................no......it's African.
Jen: Oh. It should be Jewish.
(At Kohl’s) “Hi, I have a buy one get one half off coupon. So I’d like to buy one….and get one….half off….”
“If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s ovulate”
“I’m sick of all this light. Can’t a girl just get some darkness?”
“I don’t really approve of this Ben character”
"Settle down, you crazy fucker!"
“Are you mad because I called you a fucker?”
“I have to analyze a weak point, and I’ve read this article three times! She’s got her shit straight!”
“People were moshing-MOSHING in Warwick Center Ballroom! They started playing my favorite song and some girl was fucking DROPPED on me.”
(doing Pilates)“Core is not stable! Core fucking HURTS!”
Mallory: You look like a Dr. Suess character.
Jen: Well maybe I am……BITCH
“She’s just one of those people you KNOW is a bitch. Like, every time I pass her she’s like………………………………………….a fucker.”
(eating moldy pie)“Well I’m hungry. Welcome to college. I’m just going to eat this piece. It’s okay if the mold isn’t touching it, right? Well just call me over when you find it. Until then, I’m going to eat moldy pie. I’ll just cover with whipped cream. These strawberries taste like butthole.”
“Okay…how do I dust?”
Mallory: Uuugh, I didn't go to the rec center today.
Jen: Yeah, me neither. But I bought a card from a deaf man...does that count?
“Except when I was kissing him….I tasted gin in my mouth! Like, G-I-N. Not Jen. I was like ‘We’re both tasting Jen!’ and he didn’t get it at first, and I was like ‘You suck’”
He's so fucking hot....I would totally DO him....after marriage, of course
"Um, you probably shouldn't be pooping on your towel"
Mallory: Next time Ben’s online, I’m going to talk to him
Jen: Be like “FUCKERRRRRRRR!!”
Mallory: No! I mean, I’ll just be like ‘What’s up.’ Totally not awkward.
Jen: No, you should just say “FUCKERRRRRRRR!!!”
Mallory: I think I'm gonna shower.
Jen: I think I'm gonna die. Which one should we do first? Shower or die?
“There once was a fish named doc. He found a weird weird rock. He tried to make it a clock. But it’s still a weird rock.” -Poem by Jen in first grade. With illustration.
“I’d make such a good transgendered person”
Mallory: I'm only going to sleep in my dorm room bed six more times
Jen: Did you just do that math?
Mallory: It's counting to six.
Jen......man, I hate counting.
“I look like sex. And smell like sweat”
“Mallory, I love getting naked with you”
Compiled by Mallory, after living with Jennifer Marie Craig for a year.
“I love Jason Mraz. I’m gonna marry him. We’ll get high and make sweet love”
Jen: It's some formidable odor.
Betsy: Who taught you to say that?
Jen: ...Anchorman....
“Mallory, you have a stool?”
Jen: Is Kwanzaa a Jewish holiday?
Mallory:..............................................no......it's African.
Jen: Oh. It should be Jewish.
(At Kohl’s) “Hi, I have a buy one get one half off coupon. So I’d like to buy one….and get one….half off….”
“If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s ovulate”
“I’m sick of all this light. Can’t a girl just get some darkness?”
“I don’t really approve of this Ben character”
"Settle down, you crazy fucker!"
“Are you mad because I called you a fucker?”
“I have to analyze a weak point, and I’ve read this article three times! She’s got her shit straight!”
“People were moshing-MOSHING in Warwick Center Ballroom! They started playing my favorite song and some girl was fucking DROPPED on me.”
(doing Pilates)“Core is not stable! Core fucking HURTS!”
Mallory: You look like a Dr. Suess character.
Jen: Well maybe I am……BITCH
“She’s just one of those people you KNOW is a bitch. Like, every time I pass her she’s like………………………………………….a fucker.”
(eating moldy pie)“Well I’m hungry. Welcome to college. I’m just going to eat this piece. It’s okay if the mold isn’t touching it, right? Well just call me over when you find it. Until then, I’m going to eat moldy pie. I’ll just cover with whipped cream. These strawberries taste like butthole.”
“Okay…how do I dust?”
Mallory: Uuugh, I didn't go to the rec center today.
Jen: Yeah, me neither. But I bought a card from a deaf man...does that count?
“Except when I was kissing him….I tasted gin in my mouth! Like, G-I-N. Not Jen. I was like ‘We’re both tasting Jen!’ and he didn’t get it at first, and I was like ‘You suck’”
He's so fucking hot....I would totally DO him....after marriage, of course
"Um, you probably shouldn't be pooping on your towel"
Mallory: Next time Ben’s online, I’m going to talk to him
Jen: Be like “FUCKERRRRRRRR!!”
Mallory: No! I mean, I’ll just be like ‘What’s up.’ Totally not awkward.
Jen: No, you should just say “FUCKERRRRRRRR!!!”
Mallory: I think I'm gonna shower.
Jen: I think I'm gonna die. Which one should we do first? Shower or die?
“There once was a fish named doc. He found a weird weird rock. He tried to make it a clock. But it’s still a weird rock.” -Poem by Jen in first grade. With illustration.
“I’d make such a good transgendered person”
Mallory: I'm only going to sleep in my dorm room bed six more times
Jen: Did you just do that math?
Mallory: It's counting to six.
Jen......man, I hate counting.
“I look like sex. And smell like sweat”
“Mallory, I love getting naked with you”