Help Me,Jack
Broken
Day after day,
Night after night,
I try to convey to you how much you mean to me.
Through words and actions,
I try to show you that you're all I have.
One smile from you,
One kiss
Erases all the tears and pain you caused today.
But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't last.
I mean nothing to you.
I am a single drop of water in the ocean.
I am a single blade of grass in the forrest.
I am a single grain of sand on the beach.
I mean nothing to you.
And yet I still try,
Over and over again.
Through lonely tears,
And ignored words,
I try to tell you you're it.
The thought of you is what gets me by.
But you don't care.
I mean nothing to you.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU??
Nothing.
Not a fucking thing to deserve to be treated like this.
To have my heart broken
Over and over again.
Because I am too much of a fucking idiot to just say no.
To just leave.
I don't need this.
I don't want this.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS!
But I do.
Over and over again.
Because you can't stop how your heart feels.
You're my drug.
You're bad for me,
And I know it.
You hurt me,
And I know it.
And you know it.
But I won't stop.
I won't give up hope
That someday I'll mean something to you,
That someday you'll give a shit.
Does my mind believe it will happen?
No.
Does my body believe it will happen?
No.
Deep down
I don't think my heart even believes it will happen.
Yet, that is what won't let me let go.
My heart.
My stupid fucking heart.
The one that won't give up the fight
Even when it knows it is futile.
Because love is blind.
NO.
Fuck love.
It's done nothing for me.
And neither have you.
Neither have I, for that matter.
You do this to me,
But I let you
I LET YOU!
Because I am a fuckin idiot.
A child.
With a broken heart,
A tear-stained pillow
And a shattered vision of what could have been,
What should have been
What might have been
If you had only cared.
But you don't.
I mean nothing to you.
You think it's ok,
But it's not.
This is NOT ok.
What you do to me day after day
Is NOT ok.
It is not how you treat someone who cares about you.
Someone who would
And Does
Anything and everything for you.
But like I said,
I am a child to you.
To anyone and everyone.
Unwise in the ways of the world,
I suppose.
But not a person with feelings.
I never hurt
Or cry
Or care
Or love.
Not a person with thoughts
I don't think
Or plan
Or have ideas
Or questions.
And least of all
A person with more love
And compassion
And joy
And life
Inside of her than you deserve,
But she still offers.
And certainly
She could never be a light,
A beacon,
Welcoming all lost and broken souls
With open arms,
Beckoning to all in need,
No matter how
Scared
Or confused
She is herself.
A light
Which grows dimmer
With each cold word,
Harsh action,
Or careless, loveless encounter.
No,
I must not be any of these.
Because if I was
I would
HURT
When you do what you do to me.
I would
CRY
When you do what you do to me.
I would be
CRUSHED
If I were a child.
If I had feelings.
If I gave a shit.
But I must not.
I am unfeeling and uncaring.
I
am
BROKEN.