HUMAN SCARECROW FOR HIRE
I saw this post on Craigslist and couldn't stop laughing!
Do you have a problem with birds snatching your crops?
Do you hate it when bugs eat your flowers and leaves?
Do you have issues with the neighbor's dog or cat in your yard?
Hire me, your personal scarecrow. I don't do much during the day, but I have perfect vision and I love to yell. I'll personally guard your plants against bugs with a squirt gun, and thwart off birds on your crops/plants/yard/house by yelling bird obscenities and throwing karate punches. (not liable for killing bugs or birds with my lethal hand weapons)
I haven't figured out yet how much to charge. If I should charge per yell or by the hour, or area covered.
As part of my service, I'll wear clothing considered very offensive to bugs and birds. I may don a jaguar mask if my friend gives it back. Stupid Kevin, give back my jaguar mask! He's seriously had it for a year now.
"Trust Experience". I have guarded my parents house plants for hours, and let me tell you they are bug free. Thus, I know I can handle larger projects. If I need help, I have several trusted day laborers I could sub-contract with. I've also caught several birds with my bare hands. Only one pecked me until I bled. I was real close to catching a Pterodactyl, but I was sending my buddy a text message and couldn't capture the extinct raptor.
I can also help control unwanted birds from raiding your hummingbird feeder. Nothing more I hate than an ugly sparrow trying to suck your colorful sugar water from your hanging plastic feeder. I'm a marksman with a rubber band, which should deter and confuse offending air-based animals (birds).
I do require a 15 minute break every 12 hours to sit down and let my voice recharge. I may also need a dictionary (you must furnish) in order to find new words to yell at the birds and insects. It gets boring using the same words time after time. During these break times, I will hold up yellow balloons, which should do just as good a job as me yelling.
I'm serious on this. Don't contact me if you're a hooligan, a pirate or a politician. I know a faker when I hear one. I also have other unique services to provide:
1. unique shoelace tying (i use an underground boy scout technique, $11.50)
2. animal voodoo (if you want your neighbors dog to be stricken with disease, $22)
3. nicknames (send me a picture and I'll give you a nick name, $5)
4. nose picking (i'm not afraid of any ones nose, $2)
5. love advice (i can teach you sexiness, $43)
6. secret handshake creation (I'll help you develop your own, $9)
7. counting (need me to count to a really high number... I can! $15)
Here's the link if you're interested in contacting him for his "services". HAHA!!! ;-)
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/crs/212213464.html
Do you have a problem with birds snatching your crops?
Do you hate it when bugs eat your flowers and leaves?
Do you have issues with the neighbor's dog or cat in your yard?
Hire me, your personal scarecrow. I don't do much during the day, but I have perfect vision and I love to yell. I'll personally guard your plants against bugs with a squirt gun, and thwart off birds on your crops/plants/yard/house by yelling bird obscenities and throwing karate punches. (not liable for killing bugs or birds with my lethal hand weapons)
I haven't figured out yet how much to charge. If I should charge per yell or by the hour, or area covered.
As part of my service, I'll wear clothing considered very offensive to bugs and birds. I may don a jaguar mask if my friend gives it back. Stupid Kevin, give back my jaguar mask! He's seriously had it for a year now.
"Trust Experience". I have guarded my parents house plants for hours, and let me tell you they are bug free. Thus, I know I can handle larger projects. If I need help, I have several trusted day laborers I could sub-contract with. I've also caught several birds with my bare hands. Only one pecked me until I bled. I was real close to catching a Pterodactyl, but I was sending my buddy a text message and couldn't capture the extinct raptor.
I can also help control unwanted birds from raiding your hummingbird feeder. Nothing more I hate than an ugly sparrow trying to suck your colorful sugar water from your hanging plastic feeder. I'm a marksman with a rubber band, which should deter and confuse offending air-based animals (birds).
I do require a 15 minute break every 12 hours to sit down and let my voice recharge. I may also need a dictionary (you must furnish) in order to find new words to yell at the birds and insects. It gets boring using the same words time after time. During these break times, I will hold up yellow balloons, which should do just as good a job as me yelling.
I'm serious on this. Don't contact me if you're a hooligan, a pirate or a politician. I know a faker when I hear one. I also have other unique services to provide:
1. unique shoelace tying (i use an underground boy scout technique, $11.50)
2. animal voodoo (if you want your neighbors dog to be stricken with disease, $22)
3. nicknames (send me a picture and I'll give you a nick name, $5)
4. nose picking (i'm not afraid of any ones nose, $2)
5. love advice (i can teach you sexiness, $43)
6. secret handshake creation (I'll help you develop your own, $9)
7. counting (need me to count to a really high number... I can! $15)
Here's the link if you're interested in contacting him for his "services". HAHA!!! ;-)
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/crs/212213464.html