In The Beginning

[mamas_minion]

Chepi, Tala, and Fehed waited at the conference table of the meeting room they’d been directed to, trying not to seem either bored, nervous, or impatient, and striking an ineffective balance between all of those options.   They had been summoned there by Adagatiya Demothi of the Ndakinna Intelligence Agency.  Before too long, they all stood, as the

Comments

[i_17bingo]

“Why the heck do we need a Technomancer? They’re almost as bad as Americans!”

That means they're really, really bad.

“Crap, a wizard!” Ezra muttered, urgently.

They're more scared of you than you are of them, you realize.

The heist-style and action of this were riveting and awesome. You managed to introduce a lot of characters, but kept them straight--a particular challenge given how utterly alien most of their names are.

[mamas_minion]

Thank you, I was going for a heist style story when I first started writing this years ago. I tried with the character names to keep them within the culture the characters came from a lot of the strange words are Native American in nature.

[beeker121]

Everything there is computer whirlygigs and electronic doohickeys. This is a very accurate description of America. I can see why Fehad doesn't want to come here.

[mamas_minion]

Thank you, Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the amount of electronic device in our lives.

[eternal_ot]

Action packed and kept me on the edge of my seat..Enjoyed it! Some great dialogues there. :)

[mamas_minion]

Thank you.

[mallorys_camera]

I like the way that even a seemingly magical universe can be overrun with bureaucracy.

I do have to say -- gently -- that the odd formatting made it difficult for me to read the story. This has nothing to do with your actual writing, of course.

[mamas_minion]

Yeah red tape is always an issue. I had a little bit of an issue between open office and idol.

[roina_arwen]

Very action packed! Phew!

[mamas_minion]

Thank you.