Scuttlebutt Crack (or The Common Use and Abuse of Nautical Terms)
Author: mamazano
Title: Scuttlebutt Crack
Rating: R for raunchy
Characters: A little ditty about Jack and Pierre
Disclaimer: Disney owns them, I just play havoc with them
Warning: Crack. Slash. Porn. Abusive use of nautical terms.
Summary: What happens when a perfectly innocent story, a list of Nautical Terms in Common Usage, and boredom collide.
This is the list of terms (in italics), in the order I found them. I’ve merely taken a few, ahem, liberties with them.
A chapter taken out of my current story (for good reason). Unbeta-ed, this insanity is all my doing.
****
Scuttlebutt
When they were six days out from New Providence, As the Crow Flies, Jack Sparrow decided to allow his unexpected cabin mate, Pierre, some Leeway, in lieu of the Windfall promised when they reached Tortuga.
Truthfully, what Jack really desired was to see Pierre Over the Barrel, while Jack gave him a Dressing Down, for he was sure that Pierre would prove to have a First Rate Booby Hatch. His hunch proved to be correct and Jack had to tell Pierre more than once to Pipe Down during the Chock-a-Block.
Afterwards, the two shared a bottle of rum, which made the men Groggy, as they were both Pooped. Three Sheets to the Wind, Jack spirits were Buoyed Up with the knowledge that By and Large, he would no doubt Cut and Run, if a better prize were In the Offing, even though Pierre had told Jack he would stick by him to The Bitter End.
Not one to Toe the Line, Jack was willing to concede that Pierre was very adept at Back and Fill, always willing to be the one Overhauled, while begging Jack to Bear Down.
The following day found Jack Under the Weather, for although he had Gone By the Board, he had Overreached and now found himself Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.
Overwhelmed, Jack knew he’d have The Devil to Pay if the Son of a Gun Let the Cat Out of the Bag. Jack decided it was time to Take the Wind Out of his Sails, and Start Over with a Clean Slate as far as Pierre was concerned.
Taken Aback, Pierre was soon At Loggerheads with Jack, crushed by Jack’s Fly-by-Night attitude towards their affair. Pierre vowed that in the future he would Give a Wide Berth to Jack, no matter how attractive the Cut of His Jib was.
But when Pierre Garbled his goodbyes to Jack at the docks, he was pleasantly surprised when Jack whispered to him that even though it was Touch and Go now, that one day he might be willing to be Pressed Into Service again.
To prove that he was being Above Board, Jack had even given Pierre a new pirate name - Scuttlebutt.
Title: Scuttlebutt Crack
Rating: R for raunchy
Characters: A little ditty about Jack and Pierre
Disclaimer: Disney owns them, I just play havoc with them
Warning: Crack. Slash. Porn. Abusive use of nautical terms.
Summary: What happens when a perfectly innocent story, a list of Nautical Terms in Common Usage, and boredom collide.
This is the list of terms (in italics), in the order I found them. I’ve merely taken a few, ahem, liberties with them.
A chapter taken out of my current story (for good reason). Unbeta-ed, this insanity is all my doing.
****
Scuttlebutt
When they were six days out from New Providence, As the Crow Flies, Jack Sparrow decided to allow his unexpected cabin mate, Pierre, some Leeway, in lieu of the Windfall promised when they reached Tortuga.
Truthfully, what Jack really desired was to see Pierre Over the Barrel, while Jack gave him a Dressing Down, for he was sure that Pierre would prove to have a First Rate Booby Hatch. His hunch proved to be correct and Jack had to tell Pierre more than once to Pipe Down during the Chock-a-Block.
Afterwards, the two shared a bottle of rum, which made the men Groggy, as they were both Pooped. Three Sheets to the Wind, Jack spirits were Buoyed Up with the knowledge that By and Large, he would no doubt Cut and Run, if a better prize were In the Offing, even though Pierre had told Jack he would stick by him to The Bitter End.
Not one to Toe the Line, Jack was willing to concede that Pierre was very adept at Back and Fill, always willing to be the one Overhauled, while begging Jack to Bear Down.
The following day found Jack Under the Weather, for although he had Gone By the Board, he had Overreached and now found himself Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.
Overwhelmed, Jack knew he’d have The Devil to Pay if the Son of a Gun Let the Cat Out of the Bag. Jack decided it was time to Take the Wind Out of his Sails, and Start Over with a Clean Slate as far as Pierre was concerned.
Taken Aback, Pierre was soon At Loggerheads with Jack, crushed by Jack’s Fly-by-Night attitude towards their affair. Pierre vowed that in the future he would Give a Wide Berth to Jack, no matter how attractive the Cut of His Jib was.
But when Pierre Garbled his goodbyes to Jack at the docks, he was pleasantly surprised when Jack whispered to him that even though it was Touch and Go now, that one day he might be willing to be Pressed Into Service again.
To prove that he was being Above Board, Jack had even given Pierre a new pirate name - Scuttlebutt.