The Theories of Kissing, Madness, And All That Which Is In Between (2/2)
Part One
"Always," Sunwoo says, edging around the cliff face, balancing precariously on a ledge. "Always you."
"I don't understand!" Junghwan tries to shout, but he's too far and too safely up the cliff, where the ledge has widened and thickened in stature. The wind carries his words in the wrong direction.
"I just don't want you to freak out," Sunwoo says, his words as clear and crisp as anything. The rock beneath Sunwoo crumbles, and there's a long, drawn out moment, wherein Junghwan's heart leaps to the region of his voice box and he lurches forward uselessly. He doesn't fall, but as he watches Sunwoo drop like -- like a rock falling from the sky, he feels himself succumb to his crushing ineptitude at being a friend, one that manages only to jump when his heart is concerned but not when he really, really should.
Sunwoo smashes into the rocks below, paints them a bright, horrible red.
"Hyung!"
Junghwan jerks awake. His brain takes a slurred moment to creak to a proper level of functioning, processing excited, jumbled words like, "What are you doing here!" and "Oh no, something did happen!" and "Did something happen to you and Sunwoo-hyung?", not necessarily in that order.
"Chansik," he groans, closing his eyes. "Go back to sleep."
"But hyung," Chansik says conspiratorially, in a tone that suggests that though he's acting playful, something actually serious might be going on, "Sunwoo-hyung is awake and drinking coffee like a normal person."
"Great, that's," Junghwan yawns. "Just great."
Then he bolts upright, nearly cracking his forehead against Chansik's nose. The nightmare has just started to seep in -- he has to make real, honest-to-goodness efforts to grasp the dream.
"Oh," he says. "Um."
Despite fully knowing that the best course of action is to pretend not to have had that ghastly dream at all, Junghwan's faulty brain to mouth connection goes and mucks everything up, as it is wont to do.
"Slept well?" he asks, flinging his body unceremoniously to the floor, where he misses Sunwoo's mug of coffee by an inch. "I hope you didn't, because I didn't." Then he belatedly remembers he's supposed to be mad at Sunwoo.
"Slept like a babe," Sunwoo says into his coffee. "Can't remember the last time I slept so well. Oh, wait, that's right, I remember now; it was when I didn't have to fight with you for the covers!"
"If you were aiming for convincing, you failed," Junghwan advises sagely. Staying mad at Sunwoo is almost as difficult as it is easy to flare up at him, probably because Junghwan suffers from a mental affliction. Obviously.
"Oh? What's your suggestion, wise one?"
"Try --" Junghwan picks the mug of coffee out of Sunwoo's fingers, "-- this." Leaping onto Sunwoo's person like a predator unleashed upon its prey after hours of waiting, he crushes Sunwoo's head to his neck with enough force to cause brain damage and hopes it comes across as a suitable apology. In retaliation, Sunwoo lets out an unattractive yell and tips Junghwan to the floor.
"Get a room," Dongwoo says calmly, from across the room. In the surprise of hearing Dongwoo intimate something less-than-squeaky-clean, both Junghwan and Sunwoo stop trying to wrestle each other to the floor and glance up. Junghwan suspects his jaw has been unhinged from all the gaping he's doing.
"Did I --" Sunwoo starts, in a wondering tone of voice.
"Yes. I think you did," Junghwan says, just as amazed. "Hyung! Are you giving us approval to stain the sheets with our filth?"
Sunwoo cackles.
Dongwoo slants them both The Evil Eyeball and escapes to the bathroom, Chansik hot on his heels.
Junghwan catches Sunwoo's eyes as they slide back to the task at hand, and they both crack up.
When their laughter eventually dies down, Junghwan props himself up on Sunwoo's shoulder in easy camaraderie. Sunwoo goes back to sipping his coffee. Fronted with daylight and a half-hearted, tentatively apologetic wrestling match, the nightmare is but a faded memory, and by the time Sunwoo says, "Let's lock Dongwoo-hyung and Chansik inside," it’s slipped completely from Junghwan's comprehension.
"Chair," Junghwan whispers. They drag a chair over and stick it beneath the door knob. Sunwoo sits on it, beckoning Junghwan to join him.
"Come on," Sunwoo hisses, when he hesitates in search of space on the chair.
"There's no space to sit," Junghwan says.
Sunwoo pats his lap with an expectant look on his face.
Junghwan stares at him. A week ago he would have settled on Sunwoo's thighs without a second thought, but now -- now thoughts of impropriety and erotic images fill his head unbidden.
"Move over," Junghwan says eventually, moving to Sunwoo's side. Obligingly, he shifts to the left, and Junghwan slides into the chair, just in time for the rattle of the door knob.
It turns, and stops confusedly.
"It's not opening," Dongwoo says, voice muffled through the door.
Sunwoo snickers into his hands, leaning back and bracing his legs against the floor in preparation for the ensuing battle, and battle it is they engage in for the next minute.
"Steady," Sunwoo snorts. Junghwan grips the underside of the chair, leaning back with all his weight as the door pushes forward.
"Maybe if you'd stop giggling," Junghwan grunts, but his follow-up never sees the light of the day when Chansik yells at them to open the door or Things Will Be Done.
"I'm so scared, I pissed my pants!" Sunwoo yells back, laughing outright now. It is hardly easy bearing the weight of two men's efforts with one's ass half dangling off a chair, Junghwan realises with consternation. Beside him, Sunwoo is too busy laughing his ass off to provide any substantial assistance.
In his annoyance, Junghwan notices two things. One, Sunwoo is the only person making noise. Two, the bathroom is oddly quiet.
"Sunwoo," Junghwan says loudly. "Sunwoo!"
"What?" Sunwoo asks, gasping and flapping his hands about in a manner not unlike that of a flightless bird.
"Listen."
Sunwoo quiets, frowning. "I don't hear anything -- oh. Hm."
Hm, indeed.
"Do you think they managed to escape?" Sunwoo whispers.
"They can't have," Junghwan whispers back. "I would know if there were any secret passageways in there, and since I don't, I can safely say they're still in --"
He doesn't finish his sentence, mostly due to the loud moan that eats the rest of his words.
"Oh, hyung!" They hear Chansik breathe, skipping a good two octaves. "Don't stop!"
Dongwoo's answering groan shocks the both of them out of their stunned silence.
"What the --" Sunwoo says.
"They're not --"
"Are they --"
"They are," Junghwan gasps. "Dongwoo-hyung?"
"I'm out of here," Sunwoo groans, covering his ears. "I can't hear this. My poor ears!"
"Is everyone around here gay?" Junghwan squeaks, and follows Sunwoo's example of hightailing it out of the room.
"I don't believe it," Sunwoo declares, once the bedroom door is safely locked and bolted with another chair. "I -- Dongwoo-hyung? And Chansik? What would Jinyoung-hyung say?"
"I imagine he'll be too busy screaming to say anything," Junghwan says wryly.
"Point," Sunwoo says, "But seriously?"
Their conversation follows primarily on this tangent, until Junghwan points out that Chansik isn't gay and would have told everyone if he was, anyway, and so --
"They were having us on?" Sunwoo thunders. "And we fell for it?"
"You're a disgrace!" Junghwan says, jumping to his feet. "How could you!"
"Me?" Sunwoo looks affronted. "What about you!"
"I couldn't have held the both of them in on my own, could I?" Junghwan reasons sensibly.
"Shut up," Sunwoo says, looking furious. "We're the pranksters, Junghwan. Do you know what that means? It means we don't get pranked, we do the pranking! This is -- this is absurd! Blasphemous!"
"Bring upon us the lightning and thunder, for punishment it is we deserve!" Junghwan fills in, when Sunwoo pauses dramatically and looks to Junghwan for back-up.
"Revenge is what we desire," Sunwoo announces to the beds. "And revenge it is we will have."
This is how Junghwan ends up in Sunwoo's bed, minutes before Chansik's prospective bedtime.
"Sunwoo," Junghwan begins.
Said person cuts him off with a sharp, "We need to fight fire with fire."
"What if we're wrong and they really were -- uh, doing unspeakable things in the bathroom?"
"Then we get a good laugh out of it," Sunwoo says. "Remember, when Chansik comes in, you --"
"Roll on you and pretend to neck you."
"Don't pretend."
"Right." Junghwan shifts imperceptibly. At least he likes to think he shifts imperceptibly; in actuality he shoves Sunwoo a bit in the ribs with a stray elbow and squishes his nose against Sunwoo's shoulder. "I think your bed is smaller than mine."
"Strange; that's how I feel about yours too."
"Why do you sleep in it, then?"
Sunwoo lifts a shoulder, jabbing Junghwan quite painfully in the chin. "Don't know. I'm not allowed in my own room, am I?"
"I'm surprised you're listening to Jinyoung-hyung's demands," Junghwan comments. "Most of the time you ignore what he says."
Oddly enough, Sunwoo doesn’t say anything in response to that. Silence reigns for a while, and then the door opens and without any warning he yanks Junghwan on top of him. "Quick," he hisses.
"Uh," Junghwan says into Sunwoo's neck, feeling horribly exposed, even though last he checked he was still fully clothed.
Sunwoo gives a terrifyingly convincing moan, and Junghwan spares a thought to wonder when Sunwoo took acting classes in sexual relations before Sunwoo places a hand on his ass.
"What are you doing?" Junghwan hisses into the junction between Sunwoo's shoulder and neck. "That's my butt you have your hand on!"
"Shut up and -- oh. Oh." Sunwoo makes the last oh loud, tilting his head back and arching into Junghwan and this is all really, really, awfully bad.
Junghwan nips a tiny patch of skin and swipes his tongue quickly over it, breathing deeply. Sunwoo smells like Sunwoo. It's a scent so intimately Sunwoo it has a name all of its own -- the Sunwoo scent.
Junghwan is aware that the situation is costing him his intellectual capacity. He is also aware of the growing arousal between his thighs.
"Hyung!" Chansik squeaks, sounding scandalised.
"What?" Sunwoo snaps, managing to make his aggravation sound credible even while clutching Junghwan firmly in place, via his butt. Junghwan stares intently at a patch of stubble Sunwoo had missed in the morning, working hard to keep his grin dimmed to its lowest. He doesn’t shift away, for fear of Sunwoo discovering his erection.
"I -- um. I was just -- getting something. Uh." Chansik scurries in and retrieves a textbook from his bed. "I'll just -- leave you to it, then."
"Preferably before tomorrow," Sunwoo says.
"Ahaha," Chansik forces, and flees.
They take a moment to revel in the triumph of a successful prank.
"Did you see the look on his face?" Sunwoo bursts, cracking up. "Damn, you didn't, did you? It was -- it was priceless!"
"I heard him, though," Junghwan offers. "Did you hear the way his voice cracked? I thought he'd broken his voice box."
"Should've -- should've recorded it," Sunwoo gasps, wiping a tear from his eyes. "We need to prank Dongwoo-hyung too, see how he likes it."
"Oh, god," Junghwan snorts, "He'll insist on sanitising us and then give us a lecture on the basics of keeping our saliva to ourselves for the sake of -- of hygiene."
"What should our next move be?" Sunwoo wonders. "Something involving a copious amount of saliva?"
"That's the plan," Junghwan says, propping himself up on his elbows. It is then that, in a moment of breathtaking realisation, he fully processes something hard digging into his thigh. The blood in his veins all seem to come to a general consensus to head south.
"Your hand," he tells Sunwoo, who inhales sharply, "Is on my butt."
"And what a firm butt it is too," Sunwoo leers, giving it a tight slap. "Mm, very good."
"I told you," Junghwan says, with all the dignity of a mouse facing a hungry cat, meaning none at all whatsoever, "Nothing below the belt!"
"I thought that was limited only to," Sunwoo grabs Junghwan's ass with both hands, leaning up, "This?" He grinds their hips together, and Junghwan takes a moment to indulge in the searing pleasure of it --
"Sunwoo!" Junghwan squawks, rolling off of him faster than he can finish the last syllable. His exclamation ends with a pathetic sounding oof! as his bottom meets the floor in violent acquaintance.
"Stop being such a wet blanket," Sunwoo informs him.
"A wet blanket!" Junghwan echoes in disbelief. "If I were one I wouldn't have agreed to this -- this!" He gestures between his mouth and Sunwoo's neck for lack of a particular talent in articulation. Expressing their current situation would be beyond even those with a magnificent flair for eloquence.
"It was as much your idea as it was mine," Sunwoo says reprovingly, peering over the edge of his bed.
"Shut up," Junghwan says, which is convenient, really, because that's when Jinyoung storms the door down.
"You," he tells Sunwoo, pointing to the door. "I told you to settle things before stepping foot in here, not during. Poor Chansik doesn't think he can sleep in here anymore!"
"I'm sorry, your technicalities were lost on me after you started on the shouting bit," Sunwoo says.
"Out," Jinyoung seethes, and stabs the air with his index finger. "You too, Junghwan."
"What, me?" Junghwan asks, dumbfounded. "I did nothing!"
"You’re to blame too," Jinyoung tells him.
"What are you two even arguing about, anyway?" Junghwan demands.
"You haven't told him yet?" Jinyoung asks loudly, turning on Sunwoo. "After so long?"
"Hey, it's not my fault --" Sunwoo says, waving his hands about uselessly. For what it's worth, Sunwoo is usually only partly to blame for anything he denies his participation in. Ordinarily, Junghwan belongs to the other part of the whole, except this time he hasn't a shadow of an idea what the hell is going on.
"Sunwoo," he says over Sunwoo's protests. "Let's go."
"What?" Sunwoo turns to him. "You're not standing up for me?"
"I would if I knew what I was standing up for!" Junghwan says, exasperated. On the plus side, he knows to pick his fights, and this is one fight he will never want a part in.
"You are the worst," Sunwoo tells him. "Truly."
"I'd like to hear you say that when the both of you finally get your heads out of your respective asses," Jinyoung adds unnecessarily. "Also, out."
Taking this as his cue to bundle Sunwoo out of the room, Junghwan grabs Sunwoo's wrist, drags him out of bed, and conveniently trips over his own feet. It’s downright humiliating how Junghwan's patented clumsiness can ruin the effect of an otherwise perfectly executed dramatic exit. Catching him by the hand, Sunwoo snorts out a laugh that does not appeal to Junghwan's pride at all, and Jinyoung speeds things up by literally kicking them out of the door.
"So," Junghwan says, as Sunwoo stomps up to his bunk bed in a huff, "What's this all about then?"
"What's what all about?" Sunwoo grumps.
"This," Junghwan explains. "This -- you and Jinyoung-hyung and not sleeping in your own room. At first I thought Jinyoung-hyung was only being a homophobic dick, but. What is it you have to settle? What have you not told me? Isn't it a Best Friend Rule, or -- or something, I don't know, to Tell Them Everything, Including But Not Limited to Secrets?"
Sunwoo looks scornfully down at Junghwan. "No, that's Girl Code, you complete girl."
"I'm not the girl here, sexually," Junghwan points out. "And stop it -- stop changing the subject and answer my question."
"I am not a girl, sexually or otherwise," Sunwoo says hotly. Junghwan thinks he might have hit a sensitive spot, and gives himself a self-satisfied mental pat on the back.
"Why did Jinyoung-hyung kick you out?"
"It's nothing."
"I'm not going to bed until you tell me why."
"I don't want you in my bed anyway," Sunwoo says insolently.
"In case you've forgotten, that’s my bed."
"I don't want to sleep with you, then. I --" Sunwoo breaks off. He glares at Junghwan. "You asked for it."
"Yes. I did."
"You can't blame me for it," Sunwoo warns. "You're insisting I make it official. Real. Between us. No more -- no more floating in between. No more easy. It's either this or nothing."
"I don’t know what you're talking about," Junghwan says, cricking his neck and trying to ease the kinks of tilting his head up for such a long time, "But alright."
Sunwoo starts looking a little ill at ease, his face turning shades of green Junghwan never thought was humanly possible. Junghwan wonders if he should offer to bring a bucket over before Sunwoo's case of food poisoning decides to make a comeback.
Sunwoo mutters something incomprehensible.
"What?" Junghwan asks.
"I said," Sunwoo says, with great annoyance, "I want to sleep with you."
Junghwan stares at him. When nothing else from Sunwoo seems forthcoming, he says, "And?"
"And? And?" Sunwoo echoes. "Are you really this obtuse or is this another game opposite of the one you're always so keen on playing?"
"I -- what?" Game? What?
"I want to sleep sleep with you," Sunwoo repeats, looking away. "In an I'm-a-girl-sexually way."
"You what?" Junghwan croaks.
"Have you never been propositioned before?" Sunwoo asks the ceiling. "Christ! Come up here." He pats the mattress.
A little belatedly, Junghwan wonders if this is a verbal form of the game Sunwoo had mentioned, the one wherein they suggest all manner of filthy things with their body language until one of them backs off. He wonders if he should play along.
Instinctively, however, courtesy of years spent following Sunwoo's demands, Junghwan's legs mindlessly propel themselves forwards. He climbs up to his bed, where Sunwoo is sat upon, and plops in front of him, Indian-style. His toes twitch against Sunwoo's foot.
Sunwoo stares at him, eyes slightly glazed over.
"You sure your stomach isn't giving you any more problems?" Junghwan asks lamely, and who is he to blame when it's done only to break the silence that has been stretching on and on like the limitless expanse of the horizon?
"What?" Sunwoo blinks rapidly. "Oh. No. No." An expression flitters over his face, starting out uncertain and ending determined. Unrelated to the situation, Junghwan thinks of the Sunwoo from the past, moments from perfecting the last bit of a prank, before things had started getting all weird and sexually inappropriate and wonderfully horrible.
Sunwoo places a hand on Junghwan's left shoulder and another on his right thigh.
"Is this a prank?" Junghwan asks.
"I should hope not," Sunwoo replies. He edges himself nearer to Junghwan, inconspicuous shifty little movements that only serve to make him look more conspicuously demented than ever.
"Are you sure you're not going to puke into my face?" Junghwan asks concernedly. "I'm not quite as absorbent as Jinyoung-hyung's shirt."
"No! I mean yes, I'm sure! Christ," Sunwoo exclaims, and Junghwan's right in the middle of a very intellectual thought about how this is the second time he's heard Sunwoo swear like that in just as many minutes when Sunwoo rises a little on his haunches and looms perilously close, his gaze dropping from Junghwan's eyes. Sunwoo plants a kiss on his nose.
"Whoops," he hears Sunwoo murmur throatily, "It's the nerves," and then Sunwoo's mouth is on his, closed lips and all.
Everything in Junghwan goes so rigid he almost hears his nerves crack from the strain, like a block of ice dunked into a body of hot water. He doesn't move away, but that may be due to his current state of frozen limbs. Interest pools in the base of his spine; Junghwan can’t quite bring himself to move away, like he knows he should.
Sunwoo pulls away after a couple of seconds, eyes dark. "Right," Junghwan registers him saying through the mad clamouring of his brain, which seems to have morphed into a pile of hormonal teenagers, "That's that. Nothing else. We can pretend this never happened, or you can hate me forever and --" Sunwoo breaks off, sounding pained. "That'll be that."
He removes his hands from Junghwan, raising them cautiously, and jumps down from the bunk bed. His door opens and closes. Faintly, Junghwan hears Sunwoo snap something indiscernible at Jinyoung, and then Sunwoo's door closes too.
Junghwan blinks once, twice. Reluctantly dragging his gaze from the wall, he flops down upon his mattress in manful resistance of the urge to touch his lips like a complete girl, which he is not, regardless of what input Sunwoo might have on the matter. He licks them instead, tasting, and attempts the impossible task of wrapping his massive train wreck of a brain around Sunwoo's actions, which predictably ends in a plethora of confusion and the odd iota of arguable logic here and there, such as:
1. Sunwoo is gay.
2. Therefore, Sunwoo likes kissing boys.
3. Junghwan is a boy.
4. Therefore, Sunwoo likes kissing Junghwan. (Junghwan possibly likes kissing Sunwoo too.)
5. Sunwoo picked Junghwan out of the infinite, and more than willing, pool of choices because
And that's when the meagre amount of logic stops making sense.
What a proper scientist would do, Junghwan thinks decisively, is procure a list of hypotheses from the depths of his bottomless pit of a brain, and commence experiments to prove them wrong until only one conclusion can be made.
The Theories of Kissing, Madness, And All That Which is In Between
1. Junghwan is Sunwoo's best friend, and therefore convenient.
2. The king of all pranks is to prank your fellow prankster, and this is some sort of complex, incomprehensible joke.
3. Junghwan is more attractive than everyone else.
4. Junghwan is safe.
5. Junghwan is
Junghwan is confused beyond logic and thoroughly convinced that making lists is not his strong suit.
Groaning, he draws the covers up to his face and wishes the manager would let him turn the heating up as his front line of defence in the battle of the draft.
When Sunwoo said 'we can pretend this never happened', it wasn't in Junghwan's admittedly limited perception to read 'the silent treatment' from it. This is precisely how he finds himself resting his head against the juddering window of the company van, in the hopes that his persistence will kick the glass pane a few notches up the comfort meter.
Sunwoo, on the other hand, is napping comfortably in the little neck rest he must have excavated from the growing mountain of fan gifts in their living room, which is fine -- really, neck rests are great -- except for the really inconvenient fact that it is, in actuality, not fine at all. Junghwan cricks his neck.
"You can always sleep on my shoulder," Chansik offers. "I have nice shoulders."
Junghwan scrutinises Chansik's shoulders. At least they aren't cold and hard and unyielding, he tells himself. At least they don't drool on his hair whenever they see fit.
"Thanks," he says, and shifts to lean his head against Chansik's bony, pointy shoulders. Although it isn't a leap of comfort, his brain isn't rattling around in his skull anymore, and that's probably all the comfort Junghwan can hope to have while Sunwoo's shoulder remains cold.
Speaking of whom, Sunwoo turns in his seat, apparently not enjoying some shut-eye as Junghwan had assumed. He squints at them both. "Careful," Sunwoo says, "He drools."
"I -- what?"Junghwan protests, when Chansik turns wide, reproachful eyes on him. "No. No, I don't!"
"It's like having a sponge of saliva on your shoulder," Sunwoo continues, undeterred. "I can't even begin to count the number of shirts that have been ruined by him."
"Lies," Junghwan says vehemently. "All of it. Don't listen to the devil, Chansik."
"The devil?" Sunwoo shoots back, "Really?"
"What, would you rather be something else?" Junghwan retaliates. "An angel? Not with your sexuality."
Chansik is frozen stiff by Junghwan's side. Junghwan can almost feel his eyes darting from him to Sunwoo, Sunwoo to him, tiny little cringes and winces at every word.
"I never," Sunwoo grits out tersely, "Never struck you as a homophobe. Guess I'm wrong on that count."
"You are. Absolutely. I --" Junghwan grapples for something cutting to say, something that'll leave Sunwoo speechless and give him the last word. As all pathetic things go, Junghwan has never been particularly well-versed in the verbal attacking department, and it is as he's struggling to find a suitably offensive remark that Sunwoo interrupts.
"Look, let's not. Please?"
Junghwan's so shocked by the reversal of surrender -- on any ordinary day, it's him pleading for Sunwoo to shut up, shut up please -- that he pauses mid-syllable, mouth hanging clear off his face.
"What?" Sunwoo snaps at the vehicle in general, in which all the members have turned to them with owlish gazes. Not waiting for a reply, Sunwoo turns back around and sinks into his seat, huffing like an incensed train engine.
"What's going on?" Chansik whispers.
Junghwan purses his lips, frowns, and shakes his head in the universal language of I don't want to talk about it. Stony silence fills the van, as though a mute button has been activated; it emanates almost palpably from the back of Sunwoo's seat.
They don't quite talk about it. Contrary to Sunwoo's words, which Junghwan knows to be a knee-jerk reflex to offence rather than a real accusation, he doesn't actually have any qualms about sitting with those of... less common tastes, or talking with them, or eating with them. He doesn't have qualms about Sunwoo making moves on him either, but that’s a little tough to get across, what with Sunwoo avoiding him like the plague.
Sunwoo remains infallible as ever behind his jokester self, as though hiding in the shirt sleeves of his impressively huge personality. Sometimes he trips Junghwan by the feet (or the equivalent of it, in other cases) and makes a good laugh at his expense, such as:
"Junghwan's glasses are so thick they could make a window pane and no one would be any wiser," Sunwoo announces to Chansik, who snorts unbecomingly and later turns a shade redder when he notices Junghwan watching them both.
Sunwoo smiles unapologetically, and a tremor of chills vibrates up Junghwan's spine.
And:
"I don't think Junghwan has ever kissed a girl before," Sunwoo proclaims to the company van in general, nudging Junghwan an elbow too hard in the ribs. "Have you, Junghwan?"
Opening his mouth to deny Sunwoo's preposterous statement, Junghwan finds himself, through a stroke of misfortune or something as equally stupid as that, speechless. He has not had the privilege of experiencing any female admiration over the course of his childhood, being slightly overweight as it was. It only serves to spite him now that though he's thin and fit and passably attractive, he is bound by the management's, and the public's, chains of intense scrutiny.
Perhaps he understands a little how suffocated Sunwoo must feel, being the type to pick and drop girls -- well, boys, but he was supposedly popular with the girls back in his school days -- left, right and centre, and how that suffocation must have driven him to extremities such as kissing one's fellow group member. Junghwan is safe, after all; he doesn't have the guts to scream bloody murder at Sunwoo, nor has he the balls to demand an explanation from him.
"Does kissing one of the trainees on the cheek count?" Junghwan offers, choosing not to rise to the bait.
"No, of course not," Sunwoo scoffs. "What are you? Five?"
Junghwan shrugs, delighting in the knowledge that his lack of an angry response will only make Sunwoo edgier. "She was nice to me."
"All girls are nice to you," Sunwoo points out, somewhat coolly. It's true -- girls seem to like taking big, cuddly boys under their wings to whip them up as friends, not their prospective boyfriends. Sunwoo, on the other hand, is famous for the latter. "I hope you don't go around kissing them all on their cheeks."
"Jealous?" Jinyoung pipes up from the back.
Sunwoo's face closes up, an impenetrable barrier sliding over his eyes and making them steely. Junghwan feels something in his chest jolt. "No. Merely pointing out the preposterousness of Junghwan's inexperience."
Junghwan chooses to remain silent, and Sunwoo vibrates with poorly hidden annoyance for the rest of the ride.
Another instance:
"Whoops!" Sunwoo says, right before he purposefully barrages into Junghwan, who has made the mistake of scrupulously collecting every sock and underwear of questionable cleanliness from his bedroom floor while the members are still in. It isn't his idea; he's doing it under duress, with Inro threatening a night of no heating. Junghwan loathes him sometimes, for his freedom and lack of public attention.
"You did that on purpose," Junghwan says in indignation.
"And you stink," Sunwoo replies brightly. "Oh, wait, no -- that's the smell of your stupidity."
Over the course of the last two weeks, Sunwoo's jokes have grown less funny and more hurtful. Their friendship often plays along the lines of Junghwan as the puppet and Sunwoo as the puppeteer, but lately Sunwoo has taken to jerking the strings too tightly and laughing, not along with Junghwan, but at him.
Sunwoo must see the hurt dawning clear on Junghwan's face, for his eyes soften and though his actions remain as brash as ever, he squats down first to pick the dirty clothes from the floor. "Well?" Sunwoo says to a pair of yellow boxers, "We haven't got all day."
Junghwan almost topples to the floor with relief, because this -- this is the Sunwoo from before, who kicks and pokes fun at him but stays behind after the curtains close to nurse his puncture holes.
Then there are the really, tremendously weird moments, such as:
"Junghwan," Sunwoo's voice says, startling Junghwan, who was happily minding his own business with his dick and the urinal until Sunwoo thought to interrupt him. "Oh -- sorry, wow, I'll just -- out, now."
"No, it's okay," Junghwan hears his voice say, and feels a bit betrayed by his voice's desperation. Sunwoo wanting to leave by itself is strange -- there are never too many times one can walk in on someone else, as Sunwoo is so fond of saying. "I'm almost done." Junghwan emphasises his words by flushing the loo and pulling his pants back up.
Always the man of action, Sunwoo takes his foot from the threshold of the door and closes it shut behind him. "I was thinking," he starts, as Junghwan goes about his morning routine of brushing the stink out of his mouth. Sunwoo trails off.
"You? Thinking?" Junghwan mumbles through a mouthful of toothpaste and the remnants of whatever creature had chosen his mouth for its grave. "It’s a miracle!"
Sunwoo's eyebrows draw together, clearly saying shut up in eyebrow language.
"I was thinking," Sunwoo repeats slowly, "Are you -- have you ever, you know, before me. I hope so, because if not -- man. That is, that thing, with me, was that your first, um. Time?"
Junghwan stares at him and wonders if he had somehow missed the notice announcing today Speak Backwards Day.
"That is," Sunwoo says haltingly, when Junghwan continues staring himself cross-eyed, silently willing Sunwoo's babble to appeal to the small, but existent, part of his brain that specialises in interpretation and rationalisation. "I'm going to be doing a song with Min. From miss A."
Finally, something Junghwan understands. "For the new album?" he asks, spitting into the sink shortly thereafter. "That's -- wow. Chansik must be so jealous."
"Yes, well." Sunwoo leans against the door. "It's not like anything can happen."
"I never -- oh."
"Yeah. Because I'm not. You know. I -- you -- only you."
"Um," Junghwan says, with all the eloquence in the world. "Right. I'm going to take a shower now."
"Right, yeah," Sunwoo says, looking relieved and slightly ashen with something inexplicable. "I'll -- I'll see you. Later."
"Yes, that's. We live together and everything, after all, ahaha --"
The door clicks shut.
Or, for instance:
Sunwoo bursts into Junghwan's room like everything outside is on fire, stalks over to where Junghwan has just tugged his old cotton t-shirt on in a hurry, and yanks said shirt by the collar, fabric stretching to the point of making agonised tearing noises, as though pleading mercy against the unexpected violence afflicted upon it.
"You," Sunwoo says, through gritted teeth, and manhandles Junghwan to the closest flat surface, which happens to be the wardrobe door, "This is absurd."
"I," Junghwan stutters, "Ow?" Upon contact with the wardrobe door, he realises that they have very uncomfortable grooves, which are also digging very uncomfortably against his back.
Without regard for Junghwan's discomfort, Sunwoo shakes him a couple times by the shoulders. "Stop pretending like nothing happened," he orders.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Junghwan says. He really doesn't. His brain appears to have taken a vacation from the cold and claustrophobic recesses of his skull.
"Stop it," Sunwoo says, hands warm and tight on Junghwan's shoulders. "You're supposed to be the sensitive one."
"I -- what?"
"You know, feelings." Sunwoo ducks in to squint into Junghwan's eyes, doing that thing that looks very much like he's trying to stab Junghwan's soul with his pupils. Which are dilated, Junghwan realises upon closer inspection, and now it dawns on him that Sunwoo is trying to initiate a talk about That Night and doing a mightily horrid job at it.
"Feelings," Junghwan repeats. "Didn't you say to pretend it never happened?"
"You could at least -- I don't know." Sunwoo leans away, thinks better of it, and crowds Junghwan up against the wall. "Push me away."
"Um, okay," Junghwan says, and shoves Sunwoo off by the shoulders.
"Oof," Sunwoo gasps, stumbling back and doing a fine impression of a blundering rhino, "Not that hard!"
"You didn't specify," Junghwan says, a grin nudging his lips by the corners.
"I'll show you specificity," Sunwoo growls, and flies at Junghwan, tackling him against the door with uncomfortable grooves.
"You make no sense," Junghwan informs him, wriggling futilely against the arms enclosed around him.
"Thanks," Sunwoo says. He doesn't move from his position, awkward though it is. He's got one hand on Junghwan's shoulder and another by his head.
"You're in my breathing space," Junghwan says, for lack of anything better.
"You're sending me mixed signals," Sunwoo says, and tilts in. "If you really had a problem with me and -- you -- you'd have run the moment I pushed you against -- this."
"Oh?" Junghwan tries to say casually. He thinks about how easy it will be to move his head just a bit to the right, to the front. He tries to keep his eyes from dropping from Sunwoo’s. "You have lots of experience with hitting on straight men?"
Sunwoo's eyes narrow. He takes a step back. "I can't help who I am."
"You can't," Junghwan agrees.
"I can't help what I feel," Sunwoo says. "Am I feeling the right thing?"
"Um," Junghwan says, which is the best he can do right now, given he doesn't have a grain of an idea what Sunwoo is feeling. "I don't know?"
"You don't know," Sunwoo repeats slowly. All of a sudden, he slams his hand against the door by Junghwan's head and scowls fiercely. "Why is it always so difficult to get a straight answer out of you?"
"Well, I --"
"It's rhetorical," Sunwoo snaps. "You're supposed to be the feelings person."
Making a sound of deep discontent, Sunwoo storms out of the room, leaving Junghwan to rub his back and wonder what the hell that was all about.
As well as:
"Black or grey?"
"What?" Junghwan looks up from where he's puzzling over the notes in his song sheet. His solo song sheet.
Brandishing two shirts like a weapon of sorts, Sunwoo frowns at him. "Black or grey?" he repeats.
"I'd say black," Junghwan says, comprehending. "It matches well with the look on your face."
"Shut up," Sunwoo says, and enters Junghwan's room, closing the door behind him. Making quick work of his ratty yellow shirt, he pulls on the grey shirt, and does a small, awkward twisting of his torso. "Do I look presentable?"
"Nope," Junghwan says instinctively. "Wait, why?"
"Why what?" Sunwoo asks vaguely, leaning over Junghwan to peer at his sheets. "Another ballad? Boooring."
"Hey," Junghwan admonishes. "It's how I express myself."
"Really," Sunwoo says, although the way he utters it, he might as well have said what nonsense and meant the same thing.
"Don't tell me you have a date."
"And what if I do?"
"What if you -- but I thought -- what if someone sees you? On a date with... with -- who's the poor girl?"
"Lee Minyoung," Sunwoo says. Junghwan can almost feel him puffing up with pride. "From miss A."
"I know she's from miss A," Junghwan snaps, feeling volatile for no apparent reason at all, except perhaps Sunwoo's big, annoying head.
Clearly having had his fill of bothering Junghwan, Sunwoo draws away. Almost immediately, Junghwan feels the cold draft all down the line of his back, and has to make a concentrated effort not to wheel back on his chair to seek out Sunwoo's warmth again.
"Yes, well," Sunwoo says. "It's miss A."
"So that's it, then?" Junghwan says sharply, turning around. "You're dating her only because she's from miss A?
"No!" Sunwoo says, looking agape at him. "She's a -- she's cool. She's great. Fantastic singer and all."
Catching his treacherous tongue before he can ask who the better singer is between them both, Junghwan tilts his head in assent, fully prepared to let Sunwoo do whatever he wishes to. He gallantly ignores the boiling cauldron in his belly.
Sunwoo hangs about a while more, moving things around and nudging Junghwan from time to time, saying things like "How's the emotional process going?" and "You sure you're doing any practising there? I was under the impression that singing requires a lot more... noise." until Junghwan realises something, albeit very belatedly.
"Sunwoo," he says slowly, turning around again. "Aren't you gay?"
"Yeah," Sunwoo replies, squinting at a photo frame of Junghwan and his family.
"You're gay and dating a woman."
"There are," Sunwoo pauses, looking thoughtful. "There are exceptions."
"She doesn't have any manly parts on her."
"I never said I wanted to have sex with her," Sunwoo says. "Does she seem like the type to put out that quickly?"
Yes, Junghwan's brain thinks, Yes, I think she does. Outwardly, he asks, "Why are you dating her, then?"
"What, you mean I'm not allowed to?" Sunwoo asks, grinning wickedly. "Junghwan, are you jealous?"
If it were possible for Junghwan to feel any warmer, he'd be a bonfire. "No," Junghwan blusters. "'course not, that's ridiculous, that -- I'm only curious, see --"
"If you are, it's wasted," Sunwoo interrupts. "I told you before, and I'll tell you again."
Junghwan manfully stands firm against the urge to burst out in a horrible parody of Wonder Girls' Tell Me.
"You," Sunwoo says slowly, "Are the most obtuse person I've ever had the fortune to meet."
"You mean misfortune," Junghwan says, running on autopilot. "Wait. Why?"
"Fortune," Sunwoo repeats stubbornly. He walks over to Junghwan and his trusty chair, hovers a little, and decides eventually on sitting on Inro's bed. "Look, Junghwan. This is killing me. We're best friends, right?"
"Right," Junghwan says, unsure of what course of verbal action to take.
"And I like you -- I like you a lot. I'd say 'love' but that's too girly. Min and I have nothing going on, Christ, I'm wearing this shirt for you, not some stupid girl -- not that Min is stupid, I didn't say that -- but Junghwan. You can't keep leading me on. You know me. I -- I can't stop unless someone forcefully hits me on the head or I hit a wall. Remember that time I refused to listen to you and ran head first into a glass door?" Sunwoo pauses to laugh a little, rubbing his forehead. "You can't expect me to -- to go back to being best friends with you after I've confessed, what, a gazillion times, knowing that you don't -- you don't. It's either this, or nothing. Do you -- you understand, don't you?"
It sort of feels like Junghwan's brain has been scraped out by a number of unprofessional surgeons with spoons and then pieced back together using masking tape.
"For me?" Junghwan squeaks.
Sunwoo blinks slowly. "What?"
"You wore that shirt -- that's for me?"
Sunwoo throws his hands up in the air in obvious despair. "No, Junghwan, it's for your bedroom walls!"
"There’s no need to get angry," Junghwan says. "I was just surprised. That's all."
"This is the part where you're supposed to throw me out of the room," Sunwoo groans.
"Why?" Junghwan asks incredulously. "I'm still your best friend, even though I --" He chokes on his words.
"Don't like me that way?" Sunwoo supplies, looking tragically upset.
"I don’t know," Junghwan says, very quietly.
"You never do," Sunwoo says, sounding resigned. He acts the part of heartsick and devastated fool very well, Junghwan notes.
"Sunwoo," he blurts, when Sunwoo rises from the bed. He doesn't know what first drives him to do it, though all suspicion lies in the area of Junghwan’s desire to make Sunwoo look less disappointed. "I don't know yet. I'm not sure about my. My feelings. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or -- or the group --"
"It's fine, Junghwan," Sunwoo says, attempting a smile. "Don't tempt me. You know how I am when faced with the evils of temptation."
"Look, I need you," Junghwan says quickly, before he loses his balls. "Even if it's for naps in the van. Hell, my morning naps are really important, I think, so that makes you really important by association. And you're my -- my bed warmer. Did you know it gets really drafty at night? Don't know how you do it, but it was -- sleeping with you was fine. More than fine. Fantastic, actually. Please, at least, can't we remain best friends?"
"Junghwan," Sunwoo says, sighing a little. "I may never get over you."
"This feels like a horribly romantic play," Junghwan jokes. "Don't be stupid, Sunwoo. I'm just -- me. I'm nothing."
Sunwoo's eyes blaze. "Junghwan. Jinyoung-hyung's only just forced me to do something about -- this -- and I'm nowhere near getting over you and moving on than I was two years ago. Alright? You're my best friend, my -- whatever it is, you're not nothing. You could never be nothing. Not to me."
Junghwan's brain stumbles on a rock in its pursuit of intelligence.
"Two years," he squeaks. "Really?"
"Like I said," Sunwoo says, "Thick as cardboard." He gets to his feet. "I've said what I have to say."
"Wait, Sunwoo," Junghwan croaks, hastily running to the door, leaning back against it. "I'm not done yet."
"I don't need you to soften the blow," Sunwoo says. "I told you. Running into walls is the only way for me to understand that you don’t. You don’t."
"Sunwoo," Junghwan repeats, taking him by the shoulders. If made to choose between risking everything with Sunwoo and nothing, he would rather have Sunwoo. He’s too selfish to choose otherwise. Sunwoo stares at the door behind him, jaw working. "Let's give it a chance."
"You're straight," Sunwoo reminds him.
"There are," Junghwan pauses, wondering if Sunwoo would appreciate having his words thrown back in his face. "There are exceptions."
And that's when the door decides to open.
Junghwan is thrown right into Sunwoo, who gives an impressive oof! and stumbles, trips over a sock, and collapses with little ceremony to the floor. Junghwan just happens to be pulled along for the ride.
"Sunwoo, how many times do I have to tell you to --" Dongwoo peers in and promptly shuts up.
"It's not what it looks like," Junghwan says uselessly into Sunwoo's collar, sprawled all over the floor like an exceptionally wrinkled mat.
"Junghwan," Dongwoo says, sounding scary. Hell hath no fury like a scorned clean freak. "What did I tell you about laundry baskets?"
"Uh," Junghwan attempts, trying to wriggle free from Sunwoo's embrace. He fails magnificently. "They're meant for dirty clothes?"
"That's right," Dongwoo says. "So why do I see your shirt on the floor?"
"Oh, no," Sunwoo says, above Junghwan's head. "That's mine."
Junghwan cringes. "It's really not what it sounds like, either."
"Sunwoo, shoes. Bathroom. And your shirt," Dongwoo says, and closes the door none-too-gently.
"So." Sunwoo settles his hands on Junghwan's waist. "Where were we?"
"Uh," Junghwan flounders, "No idea."
"You were saying something about... About being exceptional, was it?"
Sunwoo leans up, closing in. It takes a stupendous amount of effort to keep his eyes on Sunwoo's, which are alternating between staring blatantly at his own lips, and sweeping appreciatively down his body. Junghwan licks his lips nervously.
"I don't know," he says, just for the kick of it. "Was I?"
"You tell me," Sunwoo breathes. It's an opening, Junghwan realises. It's his turn. No more chickening out.
He pitches forward, halting just shy of Sunwoo's lips. If he does this -- when he does this -- his entire friendship with Sunwoo will be placed like succulent fruit on a chopping board. It's only a matter of time before they’re subjected to the tortures of the fruit knife and things start falling apart. Maybe. Perhaps.
"I don't have girl bits, you realise," Sunwoo says, his breath blowing against Junghwan's lips. "All I've got to offer is one very large asset and two smaller assets."
"Thanks for completely ruining the moment," Junghwan scowls, strangely comfortable with Sunwoo's mouth right below his.
"There was going to be a moment," Sunwoo crows. "Tell me, was I really your first kiss?"
"No," Junghwan says faintly. "I didn't kiss the trainee on the cheek. I only said so because I didn't want to play along."
Sunwoo leans up and gives Junghwan a peck. Taking a deep breath, he says, "How many kisses have you had since we debuted?"
"Um," Junghwan falters, urging his brain to think, "Two?"
"Both of them between you and me?"
"Yeah," Junghwan says. He angles his chin down, dropping a small, hesitant kiss on Sunwoo's lips. "Maybe you could, you know. Stop talking for a bit."
Grinning like he's seen a miracle, Sunwoo rolls Junghwan over, pressing his mouth against the corner of his lips. Junghwan tilts his head just so to kiss Sunwoo properly, hands tingling with the urge to... to...
Junghwan flips them over again, delighting in the hard lines of Sunwoo's body beneath his, ensconcing him in a delicious warmth he has only just begun to associate with Sunwoo’s presence. "I'm going to kiss you properly now," he says stupidly.
"Preferably before tomorrow," Sunwoo replies hoarsely, reaching up with a hand to comb his fingers through Junghwan's hair, grabbing purchase, like he's afraid Junghwan will leave. Junghwan lets himself be pulled down, parting his lips to sneak a taste of Sunwoo's mouth. He tastes like bananas.
"Have you been eating bananas?" Junghwan mumbles a minute later, when the need for oxygen overpowers that for another round of tongue gymnastics.
"Couldn't shit," Sunwoo explains. "My mother always said that bananas --"
"Shut up," Junghwan says fondly, and kisses him again.
Some time (a long time) later, Sunwoo pulls away half-heartedly. "You were saying something about needing a bed warmer? I think I know the man for the job."
"Yeah?" Junghwan murmurs, chasing Sunwoo's lips. Sliding a hand up under Sunwoo's shirt, he rests his fingers lightly against the warm skin of Sunwoo's abdomen, admiring the smooth hardness of it.
"Yeah," Sunwoo says, returning a kiss. "He doesn't come free, though."
"There's always something."
"His price is regular sex."
Junghwan pulls away, flushing. "Sunwoo, I don't know --"
Sunwoo looks at him with dancing eyes and a heinous quirk to his lips, and it dawns on Junghwan then that he's only pulling his leg. "You monster," Junghwan says, whacking him over the head.
"I don't know," Sunwoo says, after a series of yow! and what was that for?, "Something tells me you'll be the monster in bed."
"Really?" Junghwan says, swelling a little.
"Why don't you use that pretty mouth of yours for something other than my middle finger and let me be the judge?"
Junghwan feels his neck prickle with heat and slight embarrassment. It’s absurd.
"I'm just playing with you," Sunwoo says, and kisses him again. This Junghwan can do. It's intoxicating, the way Sunwoo presses hard against him and uses the same ferocity he usually saves for pranks to kiss him. Him.
Ages later, Sunwoo pulls away again to mumble thickly, "I am serious, you know. About the -- you, and me, and the bed. Sometime later, perhaps."
"Oh," Junghwan says, swallowing. It's not like he hasn't thought about it, in quick snatches of fevered fantasy while getting off in the shower. "I -- I'd like that."
"That's good," Sunwoo says, and rolls him over to kiss him again.
END
"Always," Sunwoo says, edging around the cliff face, balancing precariously on a ledge. "Always you."
"I don't understand!" Junghwan tries to shout, but he's too far and too safely up the cliff, where the ledge has widened and thickened in stature. The wind carries his words in the wrong direction.
"I just don't want you to freak out," Sunwoo says, his words as clear and crisp as anything. The rock beneath Sunwoo crumbles, and there's a long, drawn out moment, wherein Junghwan's heart leaps to the region of his voice box and he lurches forward uselessly. He doesn't fall, but as he watches Sunwoo drop like -- like a rock falling from the sky, he feels himself succumb to his crushing ineptitude at being a friend, one that manages only to jump when his heart is concerned but not when he really, really should.
Sunwoo smashes into the rocks below, paints them a bright, horrible red.
"Hyung!"
Junghwan jerks awake. His brain takes a slurred moment to creak to a proper level of functioning, processing excited, jumbled words like, "What are you doing here!" and "Oh no, something did happen!" and "Did something happen to you and Sunwoo-hyung?", not necessarily in that order.
"Chansik," he groans, closing his eyes. "Go back to sleep."
"But hyung," Chansik says conspiratorially, in a tone that suggests that though he's acting playful, something actually serious might be going on, "Sunwoo-hyung is awake and drinking coffee like a normal person."
"Great, that's," Junghwan yawns. "Just great."
Then he bolts upright, nearly cracking his forehead against Chansik's nose. The nightmare has just started to seep in -- he has to make real, honest-to-goodness efforts to grasp the dream.
"Oh," he says. "Um."
Despite fully knowing that the best course of action is to pretend not to have had that ghastly dream at all, Junghwan's faulty brain to mouth connection goes and mucks everything up, as it is wont to do.
"Slept well?" he asks, flinging his body unceremoniously to the floor, where he misses Sunwoo's mug of coffee by an inch. "I hope you didn't, because I didn't." Then he belatedly remembers he's supposed to be mad at Sunwoo.
"Slept like a babe," Sunwoo says into his coffee. "Can't remember the last time I slept so well. Oh, wait, that's right, I remember now; it was when I didn't have to fight with you for the covers!"
"If you were aiming for convincing, you failed," Junghwan advises sagely. Staying mad at Sunwoo is almost as difficult as it is easy to flare up at him, probably because Junghwan suffers from a mental affliction. Obviously.
"Oh? What's your suggestion, wise one?"
"Try --" Junghwan picks the mug of coffee out of Sunwoo's fingers, "-- this." Leaping onto Sunwoo's person like a predator unleashed upon its prey after hours of waiting, he crushes Sunwoo's head to his neck with enough force to cause brain damage and hopes it comes across as a suitable apology. In retaliation, Sunwoo lets out an unattractive yell and tips Junghwan to the floor.
"Get a room," Dongwoo says calmly, from across the room. In the surprise of hearing Dongwoo intimate something less-than-squeaky-clean, both Junghwan and Sunwoo stop trying to wrestle each other to the floor and glance up. Junghwan suspects his jaw has been unhinged from all the gaping he's doing.
"Did I --" Sunwoo starts, in a wondering tone of voice.
"Yes. I think you did," Junghwan says, just as amazed. "Hyung! Are you giving us approval to stain the sheets with our filth?"
Sunwoo cackles.
Dongwoo slants them both The Evil Eyeball and escapes to the bathroom, Chansik hot on his heels.
Junghwan catches Sunwoo's eyes as they slide back to the task at hand, and they both crack up.
When their laughter eventually dies down, Junghwan props himself up on Sunwoo's shoulder in easy camaraderie. Sunwoo goes back to sipping his coffee. Fronted with daylight and a half-hearted, tentatively apologetic wrestling match, the nightmare is but a faded memory, and by the time Sunwoo says, "Let's lock Dongwoo-hyung and Chansik inside," it’s slipped completely from Junghwan's comprehension.
"Chair," Junghwan whispers. They drag a chair over and stick it beneath the door knob. Sunwoo sits on it, beckoning Junghwan to join him.
"Come on," Sunwoo hisses, when he hesitates in search of space on the chair.
"There's no space to sit," Junghwan says.
Sunwoo pats his lap with an expectant look on his face.
Junghwan stares at him. A week ago he would have settled on Sunwoo's thighs without a second thought, but now -- now thoughts of impropriety and erotic images fill his head unbidden.
"Move over," Junghwan says eventually, moving to Sunwoo's side. Obligingly, he shifts to the left, and Junghwan slides into the chair, just in time for the rattle of the door knob.
It turns, and stops confusedly.
"It's not opening," Dongwoo says, voice muffled through the door.
Sunwoo snickers into his hands, leaning back and bracing his legs against the floor in preparation for the ensuing battle, and battle it is they engage in for the next minute.
"Steady," Sunwoo snorts. Junghwan grips the underside of the chair, leaning back with all his weight as the door pushes forward.
"Maybe if you'd stop giggling," Junghwan grunts, but his follow-up never sees the light of the day when Chansik yells at them to open the door or Things Will Be Done.
"I'm so scared, I pissed my pants!" Sunwoo yells back, laughing outright now. It is hardly easy bearing the weight of two men's efforts with one's ass half dangling off a chair, Junghwan realises with consternation. Beside him, Sunwoo is too busy laughing his ass off to provide any substantial assistance.
In his annoyance, Junghwan notices two things. One, Sunwoo is the only person making noise. Two, the bathroom is oddly quiet.
"Sunwoo," Junghwan says loudly. "Sunwoo!"
"What?" Sunwoo asks, gasping and flapping his hands about in a manner not unlike that of a flightless bird.
"Listen."
Sunwoo quiets, frowning. "I don't hear anything -- oh. Hm."
Hm, indeed.
"Do you think they managed to escape?" Sunwoo whispers.
"They can't have," Junghwan whispers back. "I would know if there were any secret passageways in there, and since I don't, I can safely say they're still in --"
He doesn't finish his sentence, mostly due to the loud moan that eats the rest of his words.
"Oh, hyung!" They hear Chansik breathe, skipping a good two octaves. "Don't stop!"
Dongwoo's answering groan shocks the both of them out of their stunned silence.
"What the --" Sunwoo says.
"They're not --"
"Are they --"
"They are," Junghwan gasps. "Dongwoo-hyung?"
"I'm out of here," Sunwoo groans, covering his ears. "I can't hear this. My poor ears!"
"Is everyone around here gay?" Junghwan squeaks, and follows Sunwoo's example of hightailing it out of the room.
"I don't believe it," Sunwoo declares, once the bedroom door is safely locked and bolted with another chair. "I -- Dongwoo-hyung? And Chansik? What would Jinyoung-hyung say?"
"I imagine he'll be too busy screaming to say anything," Junghwan says wryly.
"Point," Sunwoo says, "But seriously?"
Their conversation follows primarily on this tangent, until Junghwan points out that Chansik isn't gay and would have told everyone if he was, anyway, and so --
"They were having us on?" Sunwoo thunders. "And we fell for it?"
"You're a disgrace!" Junghwan says, jumping to his feet. "How could you!"
"Me?" Sunwoo looks affronted. "What about you!"
"I couldn't have held the both of them in on my own, could I?" Junghwan reasons sensibly.
"Shut up," Sunwoo says, looking furious. "We're the pranksters, Junghwan. Do you know what that means? It means we don't get pranked, we do the pranking! This is -- this is absurd! Blasphemous!"
"Bring upon us the lightning and thunder, for punishment it is we deserve!" Junghwan fills in, when Sunwoo pauses dramatically and looks to Junghwan for back-up.
"Revenge is what we desire," Sunwoo announces to the beds. "And revenge it is we will have."
This is how Junghwan ends up in Sunwoo's bed, minutes before Chansik's prospective bedtime.
"Sunwoo," Junghwan begins.
Said person cuts him off with a sharp, "We need to fight fire with fire."
"What if we're wrong and they really were -- uh, doing unspeakable things in the bathroom?"
"Then we get a good laugh out of it," Sunwoo says. "Remember, when Chansik comes in, you --"
"Roll on you and pretend to neck you."
"Don't pretend."
"Right." Junghwan shifts imperceptibly. At least he likes to think he shifts imperceptibly; in actuality he shoves Sunwoo a bit in the ribs with a stray elbow and squishes his nose against Sunwoo's shoulder. "I think your bed is smaller than mine."
"Strange; that's how I feel about yours too."
"Why do you sleep in it, then?"
Sunwoo lifts a shoulder, jabbing Junghwan quite painfully in the chin. "Don't know. I'm not allowed in my own room, am I?"
"I'm surprised you're listening to Jinyoung-hyung's demands," Junghwan comments. "Most of the time you ignore what he says."
Oddly enough, Sunwoo doesn’t say anything in response to that. Silence reigns for a while, and then the door opens and without any warning he yanks Junghwan on top of him. "Quick," he hisses.
"Uh," Junghwan says into Sunwoo's neck, feeling horribly exposed, even though last he checked he was still fully clothed.
Sunwoo gives a terrifyingly convincing moan, and Junghwan spares a thought to wonder when Sunwoo took acting classes in sexual relations before Sunwoo places a hand on his ass.
"What are you doing?" Junghwan hisses into the junction between Sunwoo's shoulder and neck. "That's my butt you have your hand on!"
"Shut up and -- oh. Oh." Sunwoo makes the last oh loud, tilting his head back and arching into Junghwan and this is all really, really, awfully bad.
Junghwan nips a tiny patch of skin and swipes his tongue quickly over it, breathing deeply. Sunwoo smells like Sunwoo. It's a scent so intimately Sunwoo it has a name all of its own -- the Sunwoo scent.
Junghwan is aware that the situation is costing him his intellectual capacity. He is also aware of the growing arousal between his thighs.
"Hyung!" Chansik squeaks, sounding scandalised.
"What?" Sunwoo snaps, managing to make his aggravation sound credible even while clutching Junghwan firmly in place, via his butt. Junghwan stares intently at a patch of stubble Sunwoo had missed in the morning, working hard to keep his grin dimmed to its lowest. He doesn’t shift away, for fear of Sunwoo discovering his erection.
"I -- um. I was just -- getting something. Uh." Chansik scurries in and retrieves a textbook from his bed. "I'll just -- leave you to it, then."
"Preferably before tomorrow," Sunwoo says.
"Ahaha," Chansik forces, and flees.
They take a moment to revel in the triumph of a successful prank.
"Did you see the look on his face?" Sunwoo bursts, cracking up. "Damn, you didn't, did you? It was -- it was priceless!"
"I heard him, though," Junghwan offers. "Did you hear the way his voice cracked? I thought he'd broken his voice box."
"Should've -- should've recorded it," Sunwoo gasps, wiping a tear from his eyes. "We need to prank Dongwoo-hyung too, see how he likes it."
"Oh, god," Junghwan snorts, "He'll insist on sanitising us and then give us a lecture on the basics of keeping our saliva to ourselves for the sake of -- of hygiene."
"What should our next move be?" Sunwoo wonders. "Something involving a copious amount of saliva?"
"That's the plan," Junghwan says, propping himself up on his elbows. It is then that, in a moment of breathtaking realisation, he fully processes something hard digging into his thigh. The blood in his veins all seem to come to a general consensus to head south.
"Your hand," he tells Sunwoo, who inhales sharply, "Is on my butt."
"And what a firm butt it is too," Sunwoo leers, giving it a tight slap. "Mm, very good."
"I told you," Junghwan says, with all the dignity of a mouse facing a hungry cat, meaning none at all whatsoever, "Nothing below the belt!"
"I thought that was limited only to," Sunwoo grabs Junghwan's ass with both hands, leaning up, "This?" He grinds their hips together, and Junghwan takes a moment to indulge in the searing pleasure of it --
"Sunwoo!" Junghwan squawks, rolling off of him faster than he can finish the last syllable. His exclamation ends with a pathetic sounding oof! as his bottom meets the floor in violent acquaintance.
"Stop being such a wet blanket," Sunwoo informs him.
"A wet blanket!" Junghwan echoes in disbelief. "If I were one I wouldn't have agreed to this -- this!" He gestures between his mouth and Sunwoo's neck for lack of a particular talent in articulation. Expressing their current situation would be beyond even those with a magnificent flair for eloquence.
"It was as much your idea as it was mine," Sunwoo says reprovingly, peering over the edge of his bed.
"Shut up," Junghwan says, which is convenient, really, because that's when Jinyoung storms the door down.
"You," he tells Sunwoo, pointing to the door. "I told you to settle things before stepping foot in here, not during. Poor Chansik doesn't think he can sleep in here anymore!"
"I'm sorry, your technicalities were lost on me after you started on the shouting bit," Sunwoo says.
"Out," Jinyoung seethes, and stabs the air with his index finger. "You too, Junghwan."
"What, me?" Junghwan asks, dumbfounded. "I did nothing!"
"You’re to blame too," Jinyoung tells him.
"What are you two even arguing about, anyway?" Junghwan demands.
"You haven't told him yet?" Jinyoung asks loudly, turning on Sunwoo. "After so long?"
"Hey, it's not my fault --" Sunwoo says, waving his hands about uselessly. For what it's worth, Sunwoo is usually only partly to blame for anything he denies his participation in. Ordinarily, Junghwan belongs to the other part of the whole, except this time he hasn't a shadow of an idea what the hell is going on.
"Sunwoo," he says over Sunwoo's protests. "Let's go."
"What?" Sunwoo turns to him. "You're not standing up for me?"
"I would if I knew what I was standing up for!" Junghwan says, exasperated. On the plus side, he knows to pick his fights, and this is one fight he will never want a part in.
"You are the worst," Sunwoo tells him. "Truly."
"I'd like to hear you say that when the both of you finally get your heads out of your respective asses," Jinyoung adds unnecessarily. "Also, out."
Taking this as his cue to bundle Sunwoo out of the room, Junghwan grabs Sunwoo's wrist, drags him out of bed, and conveniently trips over his own feet. It’s downright humiliating how Junghwan's patented clumsiness can ruin the effect of an otherwise perfectly executed dramatic exit. Catching him by the hand, Sunwoo snorts out a laugh that does not appeal to Junghwan's pride at all, and Jinyoung speeds things up by literally kicking them out of the door.
"So," Junghwan says, as Sunwoo stomps up to his bunk bed in a huff, "What's this all about then?"
"What's what all about?" Sunwoo grumps.
"This," Junghwan explains. "This -- you and Jinyoung-hyung and not sleeping in your own room. At first I thought Jinyoung-hyung was only being a homophobic dick, but. What is it you have to settle? What have you not told me? Isn't it a Best Friend Rule, or -- or something, I don't know, to Tell Them Everything, Including But Not Limited to Secrets?"
Sunwoo looks scornfully down at Junghwan. "No, that's Girl Code, you complete girl."
"I'm not the girl here, sexually," Junghwan points out. "And stop it -- stop changing the subject and answer my question."
"I am not a girl, sexually or otherwise," Sunwoo says hotly. Junghwan thinks he might have hit a sensitive spot, and gives himself a self-satisfied mental pat on the back.
"Why did Jinyoung-hyung kick you out?"
"It's nothing."
"I'm not going to bed until you tell me why."
"I don't want you in my bed anyway," Sunwoo says insolently.
"In case you've forgotten, that’s my bed."
"I don't want to sleep with you, then. I --" Sunwoo breaks off. He glares at Junghwan. "You asked for it."
"Yes. I did."
"You can't blame me for it," Sunwoo warns. "You're insisting I make it official. Real. Between us. No more -- no more floating in between. No more easy. It's either this or nothing."
"I don’t know what you're talking about," Junghwan says, cricking his neck and trying to ease the kinks of tilting his head up for such a long time, "But alright."
Sunwoo starts looking a little ill at ease, his face turning shades of green Junghwan never thought was humanly possible. Junghwan wonders if he should offer to bring a bucket over before Sunwoo's case of food poisoning decides to make a comeback.
Sunwoo mutters something incomprehensible.
"What?" Junghwan asks.
"I said," Sunwoo says, with great annoyance, "I want to sleep with you."
Junghwan stares at him. When nothing else from Sunwoo seems forthcoming, he says, "And?"
"And? And?" Sunwoo echoes. "Are you really this obtuse or is this another game opposite of the one you're always so keen on playing?"
"I -- what?" Game? What?
"I want to sleep sleep with you," Sunwoo repeats, looking away. "In an I'm-a-girl-sexually way."
"You what?" Junghwan croaks.
"Have you never been propositioned before?" Sunwoo asks the ceiling. "Christ! Come up here." He pats the mattress.
A little belatedly, Junghwan wonders if this is a verbal form of the game Sunwoo had mentioned, the one wherein they suggest all manner of filthy things with their body language until one of them backs off. He wonders if he should play along.
Instinctively, however, courtesy of years spent following Sunwoo's demands, Junghwan's legs mindlessly propel themselves forwards. He climbs up to his bed, where Sunwoo is sat upon, and plops in front of him, Indian-style. His toes twitch against Sunwoo's foot.
Sunwoo stares at him, eyes slightly glazed over.
"You sure your stomach isn't giving you any more problems?" Junghwan asks lamely, and who is he to blame when it's done only to break the silence that has been stretching on and on like the limitless expanse of the horizon?
"What?" Sunwoo blinks rapidly. "Oh. No. No." An expression flitters over his face, starting out uncertain and ending determined. Unrelated to the situation, Junghwan thinks of the Sunwoo from the past, moments from perfecting the last bit of a prank, before things had started getting all weird and sexually inappropriate and wonderfully horrible.
Sunwoo places a hand on Junghwan's left shoulder and another on his right thigh.
"Is this a prank?" Junghwan asks.
"I should hope not," Sunwoo replies. He edges himself nearer to Junghwan, inconspicuous shifty little movements that only serve to make him look more conspicuously demented than ever.
"Are you sure you're not going to puke into my face?" Junghwan asks concernedly. "I'm not quite as absorbent as Jinyoung-hyung's shirt."
"No! I mean yes, I'm sure! Christ," Sunwoo exclaims, and Junghwan's right in the middle of a very intellectual thought about how this is the second time he's heard Sunwoo swear like that in just as many minutes when Sunwoo rises a little on his haunches and looms perilously close, his gaze dropping from Junghwan's eyes. Sunwoo plants a kiss on his nose.
"Whoops," he hears Sunwoo murmur throatily, "It's the nerves," and then Sunwoo's mouth is on his, closed lips and all.
Everything in Junghwan goes so rigid he almost hears his nerves crack from the strain, like a block of ice dunked into a body of hot water. He doesn't move away, but that may be due to his current state of frozen limbs. Interest pools in the base of his spine; Junghwan can’t quite bring himself to move away, like he knows he should.
Sunwoo pulls away after a couple of seconds, eyes dark. "Right," Junghwan registers him saying through the mad clamouring of his brain, which seems to have morphed into a pile of hormonal teenagers, "That's that. Nothing else. We can pretend this never happened, or you can hate me forever and --" Sunwoo breaks off, sounding pained. "That'll be that."
He removes his hands from Junghwan, raising them cautiously, and jumps down from the bunk bed. His door opens and closes. Faintly, Junghwan hears Sunwoo snap something indiscernible at Jinyoung, and then Sunwoo's door closes too.
Junghwan blinks once, twice. Reluctantly dragging his gaze from the wall, he flops down upon his mattress in manful resistance of the urge to touch his lips like a complete girl, which he is not, regardless of what input Sunwoo might have on the matter. He licks them instead, tasting, and attempts the impossible task of wrapping his massive train wreck of a brain around Sunwoo's actions, which predictably ends in a plethora of confusion and the odd iota of arguable logic here and there, such as:
1. Sunwoo is gay.
2. Therefore, Sunwoo likes kissing boys.
3. Junghwan is a boy.
4. Therefore, Sunwoo likes kissing Junghwan. (Junghwan possibly likes kissing Sunwoo too.)
5. Sunwoo picked Junghwan out of the infinite, and more than willing, pool of choices because
And that's when the meagre amount of logic stops making sense.
What a proper scientist would do, Junghwan thinks decisively, is procure a list of hypotheses from the depths of his bottomless pit of a brain, and commence experiments to prove them wrong until only one conclusion can be made.
The Theories of Kissing, Madness, And All That Which is In Between
1. Junghwan is Sunwoo's best friend, and therefore convenient.
2. The king of all pranks is to prank your fellow prankster, and this is some sort of complex, incomprehensible joke.
3. Junghwan is more attractive than everyone else.
4. Junghwan is safe.
5. Junghwan is
Junghwan is confused beyond logic and thoroughly convinced that making lists is not his strong suit.
Groaning, he draws the covers up to his face and wishes the manager would let him turn the heating up as his front line of defence in the battle of the draft.
When Sunwoo said 'we can pretend this never happened', it wasn't in Junghwan's admittedly limited perception to read 'the silent treatment' from it. This is precisely how he finds himself resting his head against the juddering window of the company van, in the hopes that his persistence will kick the glass pane a few notches up the comfort meter.
Sunwoo, on the other hand, is napping comfortably in the little neck rest he must have excavated from the growing mountain of fan gifts in their living room, which is fine -- really, neck rests are great -- except for the really inconvenient fact that it is, in actuality, not fine at all. Junghwan cricks his neck.
"You can always sleep on my shoulder," Chansik offers. "I have nice shoulders."
Junghwan scrutinises Chansik's shoulders. At least they aren't cold and hard and unyielding, he tells himself. At least they don't drool on his hair whenever they see fit.
"Thanks," he says, and shifts to lean his head against Chansik's bony, pointy shoulders. Although it isn't a leap of comfort, his brain isn't rattling around in his skull anymore, and that's probably all the comfort Junghwan can hope to have while Sunwoo's shoulder remains cold.
Speaking of whom, Sunwoo turns in his seat, apparently not enjoying some shut-eye as Junghwan had assumed. He squints at them both. "Careful," Sunwoo says, "He drools."
"I -- what?"Junghwan protests, when Chansik turns wide, reproachful eyes on him. "No. No, I don't!"
"It's like having a sponge of saliva on your shoulder," Sunwoo continues, undeterred. "I can't even begin to count the number of shirts that have been ruined by him."
"Lies," Junghwan says vehemently. "All of it. Don't listen to the devil, Chansik."
"The devil?" Sunwoo shoots back, "Really?"
"What, would you rather be something else?" Junghwan retaliates. "An angel? Not with your sexuality."
Chansik is frozen stiff by Junghwan's side. Junghwan can almost feel his eyes darting from him to Sunwoo, Sunwoo to him, tiny little cringes and winces at every word.
"I never," Sunwoo grits out tersely, "Never struck you as a homophobe. Guess I'm wrong on that count."
"You are. Absolutely. I --" Junghwan grapples for something cutting to say, something that'll leave Sunwoo speechless and give him the last word. As all pathetic things go, Junghwan has never been particularly well-versed in the verbal attacking department, and it is as he's struggling to find a suitably offensive remark that Sunwoo interrupts.
"Look, let's not. Please?"
Junghwan's so shocked by the reversal of surrender -- on any ordinary day, it's him pleading for Sunwoo to shut up, shut up please -- that he pauses mid-syllable, mouth hanging clear off his face.
"What?" Sunwoo snaps at the vehicle in general, in which all the members have turned to them with owlish gazes. Not waiting for a reply, Sunwoo turns back around and sinks into his seat, huffing like an incensed train engine.
"What's going on?" Chansik whispers.
Junghwan purses his lips, frowns, and shakes his head in the universal language of I don't want to talk about it. Stony silence fills the van, as though a mute button has been activated; it emanates almost palpably from the back of Sunwoo's seat.
They don't quite talk about it. Contrary to Sunwoo's words, which Junghwan knows to be a knee-jerk reflex to offence rather than a real accusation, he doesn't actually have any qualms about sitting with those of... less common tastes, or talking with them, or eating with them. He doesn't have qualms about Sunwoo making moves on him either, but that’s a little tough to get across, what with Sunwoo avoiding him like the plague.
Sunwoo remains infallible as ever behind his jokester self, as though hiding in the shirt sleeves of his impressively huge personality. Sometimes he trips Junghwan by the feet (or the equivalent of it, in other cases) and makes a good laugh at his expense, such as:
"Junghwan's glasses are so thick they could make a window pane and no one would be any wiser," Sunwoo announces to Chansik, who snorts unbecomingly and later turns a shade redder when he notices Junghwan watching them both.
Sunwoo smiles unapologetically, and a tremor of chills vibrates up Junghwan's spine.
And:
"I don't think Junghwan has ever kissed a girl before," Sunwoo proclaims to the company van in general, nudging Junghwan an elbow too hard in the ribs. "Have you, Junghwan?"
Opening his mouth to deny Sunwoo's preposterous statement, Junghwan finds himself, through a stroke of misfortune or something as equally stupid as that, speechless. He has not had the privilege of experiencing any female admiration over the course of his childhood, being slightly overweight as it was. It only serves to spite him now that though he's thin and fit and passably attractive, he is bound by the management's, and the public's, chains of intense scrutiny.
Perhaps he understands a little how suffocated Sunwoo must feel, being the type to pick and drop girls -- well, boys, but he was supposedly popular with the girls back in his school days -- left, right and centre, and how that suffocation must have driven him to extremities such as kissing one's fellow group member. Junghwan is safe, after all; he doesn't have the guts to scream bloody murder at Sunwoo, nor has he the balls to demand an explanation from him.
"Does kissing one of the trainees on the cheek count?" Junghwan offers, choosing not to rise to the bait.
"No, of course not," Sunwoo scoffs. "What are you? Five?"
Junghwan shrugs, delighting in the knowledge that his lack of an angry response will only make Sunwoo edgier. "She was nice to me."
"All girls are nice to you," Sunwoo points out, somewhat coolly. It's true -- girls seem to like taking big, cuddly boys under their wings to whip them up as friends, not their prospective boyfriends. Sunwoo, on the other hand, is famous for the latter. "I hope you don't go around kissing them all on their cheeks."
"Jealous?" Jinyoung pipes up from the back.
Sunwoo's face closes up, an impenetrable barrier sliding over his eyes and making them steely. Junghwan feels something in his chest jolt. "No. Merely pointing out the preposterousness of Junghwan's inexperience."
Junghwan chooses to remain silent, and Sunwoo vibrates with poorly hidden annoyance for the rest of the ride.
Another instance:
"Whoops!" Sunwoo says, right before he purposefully barrages into Junghwan, who has made the mistake of scrupulously collecting every sock and underwear of questionable cleanliness from his bedroom floor while the members are still in. It isn't his idea; he's doing it under duress, with Inro threatening a night of no heating. Junghwan loathes him sometimes, for his freedom and lack of public attention.
"You did that on purpose," Junghwan says in indignation.
"And you stink," Sunwoo replies brightly. "Oh, wait, no -- that's the smell of your stupidity."
Over the course of the last two weeks, Sunwoo's jokes have grown less funny and more hurtful. Their friendship often plays along the lines of Junghwan as the puppet and Sunwoo as the puppeteer, but lately Sunwoo has taken to jerking the strings too tightly and laughing, not along with Junghwan, but at him.
Sunwoo must see the hurt dawning clear on Junghwan's face, for his eyes soften and though his actions remain as brash as ever, he squats down first to pick the dirty clothes from the floor. "Well?" Sunwoo says to a pair of yellow boxers, "We haven't got all day."
Junghwan almost topples to the floor with relief, because this -- this is the Sunwoo from before, who kicks and pokes fun at him but stays behind after the curtains close to nurse his puncture holes.
Then there are the really, tremendously weird moments, such as:
"Junghwan," Sunwoo's voice says, startling Junghwan, who was happily minding his own business with his dick and the urinal until Sunwoo thought to interrupt him. "Oh -- sorry, wow, I'll just -- out, now."
"No, it's okay," Junghwan hears his voice say, and feels a bit betrayed by his voice's desperation. Sunwoo wanting to leave by itself is strange -- there are never too many times one can walk in on someone else, as Sunwoo is so fond of saying. "I'm almost done." Junghwan emphasises his words by flushing the loo and pulling his pants back up.
Always the man of action, Sunwoo takes his foot from the threshold of the door and closes it shut behind him. "I was thinking," he starts, as Junghwan goes about his morning routine of brushing the stink out of his mouth. Sunwoo trails off.
"You? Thinking?" Junghwan mumbles through a mouthful of toothpaste and the remnants of whatever creature had chosen his mouth for its grave. "It’s a miracle!"
Sunwoo's eyebrows draw together, clearly saying shut up in eyebrow language.
"I was thinking," Sunwoo repeats slowly, "Are you -- have you ever, you know, before me. I hope so, because if not -- man. That is, that thing, with me, was that your first, um. Time?"
Junghwan stares at him and wonders if he had somehow missed the notice announcing today Speak Backwards Day.
"That is," Sunwoo says haltingly, when Junghwan continues staring himself cross-eyed, silently willing Sunwoo's babble to appeal to the small, but existent, part of his brain that specialises in interpretation and rationalisation. "I'm going to be doing a song with Min. From miss A."
Finally, something Junghwan understands. "For the new album?" he asks, spitting into the sink shortly thereafter. "That's -- wow. Chansik must be so jealous."
"Yes, well." Sunwoo leans against the door. "It's not like anything can happen."
"I never -- oh."
"Yeah. Because I'm not. You know. I -- you -- only you."
"Um," Junghwan says, with all the eloquence in the world. "Right. I'm going to take a shower now."
"Right, yeah," Sunwoo says, looking relieved and slightly ashen with something inexplicable. "I'll -- I'll see you. Later."
"Yes, that's. We live together and everything, after all, ahaha --"
The door clicks shut.
Or, for instance:
Sunwoo bursts into Junghwan's room like everything outside is on fire, stalks over to where Junghwan has just tugged his old cotton t-shirt on in a hurry, and yanks said shirt by the collar, fabric stretching to the point of making agonised tearing noises, as though pleading mercy against the unexpected violence afflicted upon it.
"You," Sunwoo says, through gritted teeth, and manhandles Junghwan to the closest flat surface, which happens to be the wardrobe door, "This is absurd."
"I," Junghwan stutters, "Ow?" Upon contact with the wardrobe door, he realises that they have very uncomfortable grooves, which are also digging very uncomfortably against his back.
Without regard for Junghwan's discomfort, Sunwoo shakes him a couple times by the shoulders. "Stop pretending like nothing happened," he orders.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Junghwan says. He really doesn't. His brain appears to have taken a vacation from the cold and claustrophobic recesses of his skull.
"Stop it," Sunwoo says, hands warm and tight on Junghwan's shoulders. "You're supposed to be the sensitive one."
"I -- what?"
"You know, feelings." Sunwoo ducks in to squint into Junghwan's eyes, doing that thing that looks very much like he's trying to stab Junghwan's soul with his pupils. Which are dilated, Junghwan realises upon closer inspection, and now it dawns on him that Sunwoo is trying to initiate a talk about That Night and doing a mightily horrid job at it.
"Feelings," Junghwan repeats. "Didn't you say to pretend it never happened?"
"You could at least -- I don't know." Sunwoo leans away, thinks better of it, and crowds Junghwan up against the wall. "Push me away."
"Um, okay," Junghwan says, and shoves Sunwoo off by the shoulders.
"Oof," Sunwoo gasps, stumbling back and doing a fine impression of a blundering rhino, "Not that hard!"
"You didn't specify," Junghwan says, a grin nudging his lips by the corners.
"I'll show you specificity," Sunwoo growls, and flies at Junghwan, tackling him against the door with uncomfortable grooves.
"You make no sense," Junghwan informs him, wriggling futilely against the arms enclosed around him.
"Thanks," Sunwoo says. He doesn't move from his position, awkward though it is. He's got one hand on Junghwan's shoulder and another by his head.
"You're in my breathing space," Junghwan says, for lack of anything better.
"You're sending me mixed signals," Sunwoo says, and tilts in. "If you really had a problem with me and -- you -- you'd have run the moment I pushed you against -- this."
"Oh?" Junghwan tries to say casually. He thinks about how easy it will be to move his head just a bit to the right, to the front. He tries to keep his eyes from dropping from Sunwoo’s. "You have lots of experience with hitting on straight men?"
Sunwoo's eyes narrow. He takes a step back. "I can't help who I am."
"You can't," Junghwan agrees.
"I can't help what I feel," Sunwoo says. "Am I feeling the right thing?"
"Um," Junghwan says, which is the best he can do right now, given he doesn't have a grain of an idea what Sunwoo is feeling. "I don't know?"
"You don't know," Sunwoo repeats slowly. All of a sudden, he slams his hand against the door by Junghwan's head and scowls fiercely. "Why is it always so difficult to get a straight answer out of you?"
"Well, I --"
"It's rhetorical," Sunwoo snaps. "You're supposed to be the feelings person."
Making a sound of deep discontent, Sunwoo storms out of the room, leaving Junghwan to rub his back and wonder what the hell that was all about.
As well as:
"Black or grey?"
"What?" Junghwan looks up from where he's puzzling over the notes in his song sheet. His solo song sheet.
Brandishing two shirts like a weapon of sorts, Sunwoo frowns at him. "Black or grey?" he repeats.
"I'd say black," Junghwan says, comprehending. "It matches well with the look on your face."
"Shut up," Sunwoo says, and enters Junghwan's room, closing the door behind him. Making quick work of his ratty yellow shirt, he pulls on the grey shirt, and does a small, awkward twisting of his torso. "Do I look presentable?"
"Nope," Junghwan says instinctively. "Wait, why?"
"Why what?" Sunwoo asks vaguely, leaning over Junghwan to peer at his sheets. "Another ballad? Boooring."
"Hey," Junghwan admonishes. "It's how I express myself."
"Really," Sunwoo says, although the way he utters it, he might as well have said what nonsense and meant the same thing.
"Don't tell me you have a date."
"And what if I do?"
"What if you -- but I thought -- what if someone sees you? On a date with... with -- who's the poor girl?"
"Lee Minyoung," Sunwoo says. Junghwan can almost feel him puffing up with pride. "From miss A."
"I know she's from miss A," Junghwan snaps, feeling volatile for no apparent reason at all, except perhaps Sunwoo's big, annoying head.
Clearly having had his fill of bothering Junghwan, Sunwoo draws away. Almost immediately, Junghwan feels the cold draft all down the line of his back, and has to make a concentrated effort not to wheel back on his chair to seek out Sunwoo's warmth again.
"Yes, well," Sunwoo says. "It's miss A."
"So that's it, then?" Junghwan says sharply, turning around. "You're dating her only because she's from miss A?
"No!" Sunwoo says, looking agape at him. "She's a -- she's cool. She's great. Fantastic singer and all."
Catching his treacherous tongue before he can ask who the better singer is between them both, Junghwan tilts his head in assent, fully prepared to let Sunwoo do whatever he wishes to. He gallantly ignores the boiling cauldron in his belly.
Sunwoo hangs about a while more, moving things around and nudging Junghwan from time to time, saying things like "How's the emotional process going?" and "You sure you're doing any practising there? I was under the impression that singing requires a lot more... noise." until Junghwan realises something, albeit very belatedly.
"Sunwoo," he says slowly, turning around again. "Aren't you gay?"
"Yeah," Sunwoo replies, squinting at a photo frame of Junghwan and his family.
"You're gay and dating a woman."
"There are," Sunwoo pauses, looking thoughtful. "There are exceptions."
"She doesn't have any manly parts on her."
"I never said I wanted to have sex with her," Sunwoo says. "Does she seem like the type to put out that quickly?"
Yes, Junghwan's brain thinks, Yes, I think she does. Outwardly, he asks, "Why are you dating her, then?"
"What, you mean I'm not allowed to?" Sunwoo asks, grinning wickedly. "Junghwan, are you jealous?"
If it were possible for Junghwan to feel any warmer, he'd be a bonfire. "No," Junghwan blusters. "'course not, that's ridiculous, that -- I'm only curious, see --"
"If you are, it's wasted," Sunwoo interrupts. "I told you before, and I'll tell you again."
Junghwan manfully stands firm against the urge to burst out in a horrible parody of Wonder Girls' Tell Me.
"You," Sunwoo says slowly, "Are the most obtuse person I've ever had the fortune to meet."
"You mean misfortune," Junghwan says, running on autopilot. "Wait. Why?"
"Fortune," Sunwoo repeats stubbornly. He walks over to Junghwan and his trusty chair, hovers a little, and decides eventually on sitting on Inro's bed. "Look, Junghwan. This is killing me. We're best friends, right?"
"Right," Junghwan says, unsure of what course of verbal action to take.
"And I like you -- I like you a lot. I'd say 'love' but that's too girly. Min and I have nothing going on, Christ, I'm wearing this shirt for you, not some stupid girl -- not that Min is stupid, I didn't say that -- but Junghwan. You can't keep leading me on. You know me. I -- I can't stop unless someone forcefully hits me on the head or I hit a wall. Remember that time I refused to listen to you and ran head first into a glass door?" Sunwoo pauses to laugh a little, rubbing his forehead. "You can't expect me to -- to go back to being best friends with you after I've confessed, what, a gazillion times, knowing that you don't -- you don't. It's either this, or nothing. Do you -- you understand, don't you?"
It sort of feels like Junghwan's brain has been scraped out by a number of unprofessional surgeons with spoons and then pieced back together using masking tape.
"For me?" Junghwan squeaks.
Sunwoo blinks slowly. "What?"
"You wore that shirt -- that's for me?"
Sunwoo throws his hands up in the air in obvious despair. "No, Junghwan, it's for your bedroom walls!"
"There’s no need to get angry," Junghwan says. "I was just surprised. That's all."
"This is the part where you're supposed to throw me out of the room," Sunwoo groans.
"Why?" Junghwan asks incredulously. "I'm still your best friend, even though I --" He chokes on his words.
"Don't like me that way?" Sunwoo supplies, looking tragically upset.
"I don’t know," Junghwan says, very quietly.
"You never do," Sunwoo says, sounding resigned. He acts the part of heartsick and devastated fool very well, Junghwan notes.
"Sunwoo," he blurts, when Sunwoo rises from the bed. He doesn't know what first drives him to do it, though all suspicion lies in the area of Junghwan’s desire to make Sunwoo look less disappointed. "I don't know yet. I'm not sure about my. My feelings. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or -- or the group --"
"It's fine, Junghwan," Sunwoo says, attempting a smile. "Don't tempt me. You know how I am when faced with the evils of temptation."
"Look, I need you," Junghwan says quickly, before he loses his balls. "Even if it's for naps in the van. Hell, my morning naps are really important, I think, so that makes you really important by association. And you're my -- my bed warmer. Did you know it gets really drafty at night? Don't know how you do it, but it was -- sleeping with you was fine. More than fine. Fantastic, actually. Please, at least, can't we remain best friends?"
"Junghwan," Sunwoo says, sighing a little. "I may never get over you."
"This feels like a horribly romantic play," Junghwan jokes. "Don't be stupid, Sunwoo. I'm just -- me. I'm nothing."
Sunwoo's eyes blaze. "Junghwan. Jinyoung-hyung's only just forced me to do something about -- this -- and I'm nowhere near getting over you and moving on than I was two years ago. Alright? You're my best friend, my -- whatever it is, you're not nothing. You could never be nothing. Not to me."
Junghwan's brain stumbles on a rock in its pursuit of intelligence.
"Two years," he squeaks. "Really?"
"Like I said," Sunwoo says, "Thick as cardboard." He gets to his feet. "I've said what I have to say."
"Wait, Sunwoo," Junghwan croaks, hastily running to the door, leaning back against it. "I'm not done yet."
"I don't need you to soften the blow," Sunwoo says. "I told you. Running into walls is the only way for me to understand that you don’t. You don’t."
"Sunwoo," Junghwan repeats, taking him by the shoulders. If made to choose between risking everything with Sunwoo and nothing, he would rather have Sunwoo. He’s too selfish to choose otherwise. Sunwoo stares at the door behind him, jaw working. "Let's give it a chance."
"You're straight," Sunwoo reminds him.
"There are," Junghwan pauses, wondering if Sunwoo would appreciate having his words thrown back in his face. "There are exceptions."
And that's when the door decides to open.
Junghwan is thrown right into Sunwoo, who gives an impressive oof! and stumbles, trips over a sock, and collapses with little ceremony to the floor. Junghwan just happens to be pulled along for the ride.
"Sunwoo, how many times do I have to tell you to --" Dongwoo peers in and promptly shuts up.
"It's not what it looks like," Junghwan says uselessly into Sunwoo's collar, sprawled all over the floor like an exceptionally wrinkled mat.
"Junghwan," Dongwoo says, sounding scary. Hell hath no fury like a scorned clean freak. "What did I tell you about laundry baskets?"
"Uh," Junghwan attempts, trying to wriggle free from Sunwoo's embrace. He fails magnificently. "They're meant for dirty clothes?"
"That's right," Dongwoo says. "So why do I see your shirt on the floor?"
"Oh, no," Sunwoo says, above Junghwan's head. "That's mine."
Junghwan cringes. "It's really not what it sounds like, either."
"Sunwoo, shoes. Bathroom. And your shirt," Dongwoo says, and closes the door none-too-gently.
"So." Sunwoo settles his hands on Junghwan's waist. "Where were we?"
"Uh," Junghwan flounders, "No idea."
"You were saying something about... About being exceptional, was it?"
Sunwoo leans up, closing in. It takes a stupendous amount of effort to keep his eyes on Sunwoo's, which are alternating between staring blatantly at his own lips, and sweeping appreciatively down his body. Junghwan licks his lips nervously.
"I don't know," he says, just for the kick of it. "Was I?"
"You tell me," Sunwoo breathes. It's an opening, Junghwan realises. It's his turn. No more chickening out.
He pitches forward, halting just shy of Sunwoo's lips. If he does this -- when he does this -- his entire friendship with Sunwoo will be placed like succulent fruit on a chopping board. It's only a matter of time before they’re subjected to the tortures of the fruit knife and things start falling apart. Maybe. Perhaps.
"I don't have girl bits, you realise," Sunwoo says, his breath blowing against Junghwan's lips. "All I've got to offer is one very large asset and two smaller assets."
"Thanks for completely ruining the moment," Junghwan scowls, strangely comfortable with Sunwoo's mouth right below his.
"There was going to be a moment," Sunwoo crows. "Tell me, was I really your first kiss?"
"No," Junghwan says faintly. "I didn't kiss the trainee on the cheek. I only said so because I didn't want to play along."
Sunwoo leans up and gives Junghwan a peck. Taking a deep breath, he says, "How many kisses have you had since we debuted?"
"Um," Junghwan falters, urging his brain to think, "Two?"
"Both of them between you and me?"
"Yeah," Junghwan says. He angles his chin down, dropping a small, hesitant kiss on Sunwoo's lips. "Maybe you could, you know. Stop talking for a bit."
Grinning like he's seen a miracle, Sunwoo rolls Junghwan over, pressing his mouth against the corner of his lips. Junghwan tilts his head just so to kiss Sunwoo properly, hands tingling with the urge to... to...
Junghwan flips them over again, delighting in the hard lines of Sunwoo's body beneath his, ensconcing him in a delicious warmth he has only just begun to associate with Sunwoo’s presence. "I'm going to kiss you properly now," he says stupidly.
"Preferably before tomorrow," Sunwoo replies hoarsely, reaching up with a hand to comb his fingers through Junghwan's hair, grabbing purchase, like he's afraid Junghwan will leave. Junghwan lets himself be pulled down, parting his lips to sneak a taste of Sunwoo's mouth. He tastes like bananas.
"Have you been eating bananas?" Junghwan mumbles a minute later, when the need for oxygen overpowers that for another round of tongue gymnastics.
"Couldn't shit," Sunwoo explains. "My mother always said that bananas --"
"Shut up," Junghwan says fondly, and kisses him again.
Some time (a long time) later, Sunwoo pulls away half-heartedly. "You were saying something about needing a bed warmer? I think I know the man for the job."
"Yeah?" Junghwan murmurs, chasing Sunwoo's lips. Sliding a hand up under Sunwoo's shirt, he rests his fingers lightly against the warm skin of Sunwoo's abdomen, admiring the smooth hardness of it.
"Yeah," Sunwoo says, returning a kiss. "He doesn't come free, though."
"There's always something."
"His price is regular sex."
Junghwan pulls away, flushing. "Sunwoo, I don't know --"
Sunwoo looks at him with dancing eyes and a heinous quirk to his lips, and it dawns on Junghwan then that he's only pulling his leg. "You monster," Junghwan says, whacking him over the head.
"I don't know," Sunwoo says, after a series of yow! and what was that for?, "Something tells me you'll be the monster in bed."
"Really?" Junghwan says, swelling a little.
"Why don't you use that pretty mouth of yours for something other than my middle finger and let me be the judge?"
Junghwan feels his neck prickle with heat and slight embarrassment. It’s absurd.
"I'm just playing with you," Sunwoo says, and kisses him again. This Junghwan can do. It's intoxicating, the way Sunwoo presses hard against him and uses the same ferocity he usually saves for pranks to kiss him. Him.
Ages later, Sunwoo pulls away again to mumble thickly, "I am serious, you know. About the -- you, and me, and the bed. Sometime later, perhaps."
"Oh," Junghwan says, swallowing. It's not like he hasn't thought about it, in quick snatches of fevered fantasy while getting off in the shower. "I -- I'd like that."
"That's good," Sunwoo says, and rolls him over to kiss him again.
END